St Helens 1 Knobs 5

A canny little result against the team presumed the league leaders.
Worra day, wind, rain and the sloping mudheap that is Westminster Lodge pitch 1. A quiet start as we awaited the slow arrival of the opposition. We lounged round in the rain as they prevaricated but eventually some semblance of a match was commenced 25 minutes late as they arrived in dribs and invariably drabs. We were getting really cauld an it werra a bit ov a piss take really.
We started as we finished, playing all the football and attacking incessantly, the pitch being the only reason that we didn't reach double figures. Oh yes that and a number of misses and misfortunes. A lead from a penalty, for a handball , converted by M. Bull was more than we deserved. An entertaining striptease took place on the sidelines where three geriatrics seemed to be helbent on exchanging various articles of their clothing, revealing some disgusting bits of ageing anatomy in the process, so that they could equip one of their number with the necessary kit to come on as sub. Henceforth Gavin was faced with a dead ringer of Del Boy's Uncle Albert facing him. They equalised following in a freekick to hammer in from close range.
Then a fine run by Gavin saw the ball fall to the unerring Mark Mills who fired high into the net from 22 yards. 2-1.
Second half could have seen us score loads, we managed three. Old Ron, yes he was playing, Chris had a virus and Mike Lisle dropped out on the day, that's why, anyway a well worked move out left saw Phil send a soaring cross to the far post where it was duly butted home, it felt fuckin grand! 3-1.
Crap followed, a dive by pom pom head saw their referee give a penalty. It was said Trev, many of us disagreed, but all agreed whatever contact there was nae need for the somersault and double pike with 60 degrees of difficulty. After the feuding had died down, they hit the bar and our appeals for encroaching were quickly muffled as we broke away.
Number 4 was a slow motion advance through the mud to where Gavin re-arranging his feet twice squeezed the ball in. The fifth was an excellent move from the left, a cross to the far post where Gavin smashed home from a tight angle. 5-1.
One or two little brouhahas developed from time to time, but disappointingly the handbag contest outside the dressing room between our Steve, 6 foot 1, and their Paddy, 1 foot 6, was postponed due to either inclement weather or amnesia. Well we gained revenge for our unfortunate 3-2 defeat to this young side earlier in the season.
We adjourned to a sausageless Station where we thoughtfully watched a reformed John Boyle drink orange juice and lemonade. Is this the end of an era?
It was nice seeing all those who turned out at the previous Friday's crawl, sorry Dave a hope yi not bitter. Me faither aalwiz said yi nivvor torn doon vinegar wi yer chips. Aal yi needed were some chips really. I'll make it up to you, somehow........

Cheers

Plonker