Faraway Sir Ronald

It's been on and off for years but finally the time has come for Sir Ronald to be put out to pasture in Pembrokeshire and become Faraway Sir Ronald. Plenty of gardening to be done and the drink is already a distant memory. The KNOBS, who are they?

Goodbye Sir Ronald

Goodbye Sir Ronald
Quack quack

Monday 27 April 2015

Knobs 3 Goldings 0

On the back of 5 straight wins and playing a team we beat 2-0 away earlier in the season confidence was high amongst the team.

The hat-trick heroes from the previous 2 games were away together on a narrow boat holiday so we were an inform striker and a Banksy light but such is the depth of the squad and attacking players this season that we could field strong replacements so the management were not concerned.  We felt the only thing that could beat us was our own complacency.

Goldings have 1 tactic.  The hoof!  They have 1 decent player who Ron, every time we played them over the past 5 years, used to tell us was 29. He still looks the youngest in the team, plays up front and is the recipient of each hoof up pitch.  It didn’t take too long at the weekly management meeting for the management to come up with a plan to nullify this tactic by giving James the job of marking him supported by Richard.

We kicked off and Goldings proceeded to lump the ball up pitch on every occasion. In response, either James or Richard headed it back and when Peter Pan pulled out to our left the self-declared “Roberto Carlos” (Lee) did the same thing.  Other than a rugby tackle on James, Peter Pan did very little and ended up asking to play in midfield half way through the 2nd half.  He didn’t get many touches in there either and with no big lump to aim at up front Goldings run out of ideas.

With the 1 and only threat cancelled out Tony C remained pretty much a spectator throughout.  He had the odd goal kick, ran off his line a few times, shouted some abuse and that was it.  The back 4 played as a unit, supported each other throughout with Tony K and Lee raiding down the flanks at will.  A great platform for the team to play from.

On the odd occasion Goldings tried to play through the middle Bully and Darren simply took the ball off them with ease and launched further attacks.  Gerry and Greg on the wings were getting on the ball and causing problems and preventing Goldings’ wingers getting the ball.  Total midfield domination throughout.

There was lots of possession and lots of great passing football with every single player involved.  Paul and Jonno up front showed great movement, held the ball up for the midfielders to join the attacks and terrorised the Golding back 4 all game.

It was about 15 minutes in that we scored our first.  A pass out of defence up to Jonno’s feet was flicked wide for the on running Darren.  Darren’s cross from near the right corner flag was met by a thundering header from Jonno, leaving the keeper with no chance.  It was the least we deserved even at that early stage having had a few half chances and shots saved.

We continued to dominate for the rest of the half but no further goals followed. 

Dave was happy at half time and brought himself on at left back and Gavin on at right midfield.

We were even more dominant in the 2nd half but best of all passed the ball with confidence.  It was no wonder Golding tired as they spent most of the game chasing the ball.  When they did get it, we won it straight back.

Paul got his deserved goal early in the second half.  He picked the ball up 10 yards out and sent a rocket into the top right of the Goldings goal.  Again, no chance for the keeper who was clearly tired from hoofing the ball up the pitch every few minutes.

The 3rd goal came when Roberto Carlos, back at left back after a breather, collected a ball at the byline just inside the Goldings box on the left, cut the ball back to the on running Darren who slid the ball in from inside the 6 yard box despite Jonno stamping on his foot.

And there you have it.  6 straight wins!

We scored 3 probably had 70% possession and every player played well.  You couldn’t ask for more.

Next week we have a league game against new boys Rickmansworth town.  Dare we dream of making it 7 straight wins?

Saturday 25 April 2015

Sandridge Rovers 0 Knobs 5

With the Knobs enjoying a 4 game winning streak, there was a confident and jovial mood in the dressing room pre-match. We had a brief visit from one of the Sandridge players advising us that we had a young ref who was 'learning his trade' and 'might do things by the letter of the law'. We had to take it easy on him he said, unfortunately half our team had already headed out to the pitch so didn't hear the briefing!

Fair play to anyone willing to get in their black kit and try to referee 22 players over 35. Especially if you dont look a day over 17 and are about 5 ft 6. Luckily for him, Dave J was starting in his role as calm manager instead of feisty midfielder, Tony was going to keep his hands for pushing the ball away instead of opposition players. Of our two big lads who find the opposition get wound up in their vicinity, often for no good reason, James wasn't playing and Jono was starting as linesman. Let's hope the young referee would have a nice easy game then with no tricky decisions!!

The pitch was extremely hard, the weather extremely overcast. The kit, (Dave M had actually used his wife to wash it instead of the washing machine, she still has the bruises), was extremely orange, could the Knobs make the opposition look like lemons??

We started well, playing some neat short passes and switching play across the field. The referee stamped his authority on the game, blowing his whistle to get the Sandridge player to hurry up with his throw on (he was clearly time wasting after 10 mins at 0-0!) As the half went on Sandridge began to play better, dominating possession at times, playing some good football but without really looking threatening. It was during this spell, midway through the half that we scored on the counter attack, breaking down the left with pace,  Banksy played in Dave M who slotted the ball home with his weaker right foot under the oncoming keeper.

The rest of the half ebbed and flowed, Sandridge hit the post and Tony made a fine save diving low to his right. Apart from that, the back 4 looked well organised and Paul and Bully were beginning to dominate the centre of the park as the half drew to a close. At one point Paul shouted 'Pauls up' so loud as he went to head one of their goal kicks that their midfielder did a bit of wee, and some small children in the playground adjacent to the pitch began to cry! We had a few chances but our shots were troubling the trees behind the goal more than the opposition keeper. We went in at half time with a 1-0 lead.

The half time team talk was inspirational as always. Dave M suggested we were doing some things well and some things badly (without explaining what). Tony congratulated Greg on a great finish for his goal that was actually scored by his brother. Others talked of having more time on the ball, passing to feet, and splitting the defence with through balls, etc etc. Dave J suggested we spread the ball out wide, stating that Greg was always there waiting for it. However he wouldn't actually be on the pitch for the first 20 mins of the 2nd half as moments later he substituted Greg for himself! Banksy was also replaced by Jono. Greg let Dave J know that he had his shorts on inside out (its an over 50 thing) and we went back on ready to turn the halftime master plan into action.

The teams were all set to go, but the referee wasn't anywhere to be seen. A few minutes passed and he still wasn't there. We began to think that after a fair few complaints about decisions from both teams in the first half, he might of called it day with refereeing and gone back to his paper round instead. Maybe he'd got himself locked in the toilet, maybe they'd refused to serve him at the bar? Maybe he was reading his referees manual? No one will ever know but eventually he reappeared to ironic cheers.

We started the second half brightly, camped in the Sandridge half. 10 minutes in, Bully whipped in a corner, Paul found himself free at the back stick and sent a powerful header towards goal. There was a great save on the line, but it was a defender not the keeper who had got their hands to it. It was a clear penalty and by the letter of the law, a sending off too. The ref blew his whistle, marched over, digging in his pockets for his cards. He was going to give his first red card of a glittering career in football officiating, it was exciting, his heart was pumping, this was the moment...............or was it?!? As Bully picked up the ball for the penalty, the linesman, perhaps predicting his team would soon be 2 nil down and a man down, declared the ball had in fact crossed the line already, attempting to limit the punishment. After a few moments of confusion, the ref awarded the goal that probably wasn't and somewhat disappointedly branded just a yellow card to the offending defender.

Not soon after this the ref was faced with another contentious decision when their goalkeeper picked up a back pass. He awarded the free kick inside the Sandridge box but the wall did its job and nothing came of it.

With a 2-0 buffer, the Knobs were playing with more confidence and were dominating the game. After 20 mins Greg and Banksy were back on in place of Phil and Lee who had both had solid games, and would be available on the flanks as per the half time team talk! Surprising enough, the ball actually did find its way to Greg on the flank as per the half time team talk, now Greg was under pressure to do something with it. He drove in towards the 18 yard line, with Dave M pulling the defender out with a run to the right, a couple of touches, he shaped for a shot, head down, with the outside of his right boot aiming to curl it into the top left corner. It nestled beautifully in the bottom right corner instead with the keeper bamboozled and rooted to the spot! No one would ever know and he had his Harry Kane moment!! 3-0.

Shortly after and again the ball was loose on the right, with the Sandridge defender hesitating just inside his own half, Greg battled past him and laid the ball off to Dave M. Greg went for the one two in space on the right, Bully called for it just to his left, but Dave had other ideas, and as they were about to curse him for not passing, he curled the ball left footed into the spot in the top left corner his brother had aimed for moments earlier. A goal of the season contender! 4-0.

This was glorious stuff, Sandridge were deflated, Knobs were on fire! With ten minutes left, Jono picked up the ball on the left and delivered a great cross field ball into the area. Dave M was there to meet it and headed it over the keeper back across the goal. It looped in under the bar and over the line, he'd completed his perfect hat trick! Right foot (rarely happens), left foot (often happens) and a header (never happens!) Well done Dave, you can now retire from football as this is probably as good as it will get!! 5-0.

As the game entered the final minutes, Sandridge searched for consultation, there was a goalmouth scramble, a penalty appeal, a couple of potshots, but the Knobs defence held firm and the clean sheet kept. Dave M had a chance to make it 6 with the last kick of the game but it wasn't to be, this time the shot from just outside the box sailed just over the bar.

The referee blew his whistle, he'd had a testing game, he'd got the big decisions right, made a couple of shockers, it had been a learning experience. He probably won't be back for more!!

Half the team went for beer and a sausage sandwich after the match. Dave J was tempted to join the other SAGA members in the adjoining function room, but controlled the urge to be amongst his own, and instead sat and enjoyed the banter about refereeing decisions, clinical goalscoring and managerial decision making with the under 50's.

A cracking second half display particularly, 5th straight win, 2nd consecutive hat trick, let's hope the Knobs can keep their feet on the ground, keep working hard and continue this winning run. Well played everyone.

Tuesday 14 April 2015

Knobs 4 Walkern 1

This was a good performance by the team, with an outstanding contribution by Banksy (Steve Banks), who scored a hat-trick, and possibly all four of our goals.

The ground was hard, the ball bobbled, and the wind blew – not great conditions, but we passed the ball around slickly at times. Everyone did well, but I thought that Bully had one of his best games. The other star of the first half was Katie Boyle, fetching the ball on her electric scooter… We went ahead after about 15 minutes with a scrappy goal following a corner (more of that later). Running the team in the absence of our esteemed joint managers, I changed the formation after about 25 minutes, but we were not so effective in the second quarter (I can’t work out why!), so I reverted back to Dazza’s outline formation at half time.

Second half: I was worried that playing into the wind would be much harder – it was for Good Tony’s goal kicks – but otherwise we coped well, and we were lifted by Gavin coming on to do his amazing, dribbling runs with the ball stuck to his feet. We scored again when Banksy was left unmarked to head in a corner (Was there some pushing in the box? From the half way line, I couldn’t see it).

After a tussle between Tony K and their forward, Tony C then had a rush of blood to the head and ‘vigorously pushed’ the Walkern player. Handbags followed, naturally. The ball had still been live, so, when all had calmed down, Les correctly blew for a penalty, which was tucked right into the corner.

I had very nearly substituted Tony C for his excessive reaction, but I was glad that I didn’t when he then made two quite superb saves to keep us in the lead, and redeem his earlier error, I suppose. At the other end, Banksy then pounced on a loose ball in their defence, went around the keeper and scored again: 3-1 to us.

Finally, a good move (starting with my tackle at the back) saw us move the ball forward to Gavin. After dribbling superbly past about three of their players, he slipped the ball to someone who can finish, and Banksy hit an amazing first-time lob over the keeper into the far corner. 4-1 to us: exactly the same score as when we played them in early September.

I reminded Walkern that we would be supplying food at The Station. ‘We hate playing you’, they said, but, to their great credit, a good number of them joined us for some semi-cooked sausages.

The final conundrum: our first goal. Banksy hit his shot: it hit their man on the goal-line, then rebounded off their ‘keeper into the net. An own goal, or four for Banksy? At professional level, that’s an OG, but at our level? I decided that the fairest thing was to ask our opposition. After some debate, the verdict: ‘Strictly, it’s an OG, but, what the hell, give it to ‘im.’ So, well done, Banksy, let the records show that you scored all four – and when was the last time that happened? As I have always said, he’s an improbable-looking star player, but the boy knows how to find the back of the net.

Best wishes to all.

Chairman Al.

Wednesday 1 April 2015

Harpenden Rovers 0 Knobs 4

Our Joint Manager looked surprisingly unaffected by his party excesses, and was determined to celebrate his major milestone by coming off the bench in this vital league match. First omens didn’t look great: Dazza and Tony C took a decidedly scenic route to Harpenden, and the rain was lashing down sideways. We were all bamboozled by the Gaelic when Jonno asked if anyone had taaaaaape (to tie his socks up).

The beginning of the match was tight, and not much happened, except that the wind was so strong that the ball spent most of the time out of play, over the right (downwind) touchline. After 10 minutes, however, a punt upfield by Tony C was flicked on to Jonno. He beat the disorganised defence, teed up the shot perfectly on his left foot – and promptly swapped feet and finished with his right. Their poor keeper had no chance. A few minutes later, Dave M produced a classy finish for another breakaway goal.

Dave K’s muscles must be outgrowing his socks, because he keeps getting sprains. It’s tough, and happens to the best, as Daniel Sturridge and Liverpool know too well. Having just recovered from the previous sprain, poor Dave K had to jog off after 15 minutes, to be ably replaced by the indomitable Chris C.

For our third, Harpenden cleared a corner. Chris C passed it back to me, the last man, on the half way line. In the blustery conditions, Dazza was convinced that I would simply hoof it upfield. When I passed it wide to him, however, he overcame the shock to slip Dave M in on goal. The keeper saved Dave’s shot, but it fell at the feet of Tony K, on the left side of the box, for a tap-in. Goodness knows why he was still up there – he was playing right full back – but he wasn’t going to miss. Our fourth was another effort by our Irish thoroughbred, who looked very dangerous every time that he got possession.

4-0 at half time! It couldn’t get any better, could it? Well, no. Unless you count a battling defensive performance, as the rain made the conditions much trickier. Dave J brightened up the second half when he brought himself on for Jonno. Dave was clearly determined to make his mark on the game - and he soon did this on their right back. It looked painful from 50 yards away. After the predictable (and childish) handbags, nobody got sent off, but it was like having Ron back – playing on the edge: a human hand grenade, liable to explode at any minute.

Dave J nearly scored, but was so upset to drag his shot tamely wide. Paul managed to hit two shots straight at their keeper when it looked easier to score – he had the strange experience of leaving the pitch at the end, having won 4-0, but feeling disappointed! Never mind, both of you, your times will come again.

Everyone played well: lots of superb running and tackling from all of the midfielders, and we were solid at the back. A special mention, however, must go to Tony C in goal – I thought that he was superb. He made some good saves; his kicking was excellent, but he made the defence’s game so much easier with good early calls and sprints off his line to clear or claim the ball. He was absolutely fearless, charging in for balls which he had no right to reach, and connecting with the ball every time. Woe betide any forward who got in his way!

After such a good result, it was a pity that only three of us made the short trip to the Carpenters Arms. I trod on a small dog on the way in (well, it did look like an untidy doormat); the ale was excellent, and Dave J, Dave K and I were noble enough to eat the sausage sandwiches on behalf of the rest of the side.

With both Joint Managers away, I will be entrusted with running the side for our next game, so mind what you write on that blog!

Best wishes to all. Chairman.

Team: Tony C; Tony K, Richard, Chairman Al, Dave K (Chris C); Paul; Dazza, Bully, Greg; Dave M, Joon (Dave J).