Knobs 1 Old Minchendenians 3

Give them a home game, a reasonably strong team and an extra hour in bed and look what happens! They fuck it up.
In fairness to the Old Minchies they played well, they were energetic and they played for each other.
We were simply too individualistic, nice in parts of course but all too spasmodic. I felt also they were much grittier and much better at closing down.
I said at half time we, too many of us, want to hit killer balls and sure enough this trait continued into the second half to absolutely no good effect for us that is . We needed to mix things up a bit, vary it, play a few shorter and safer balls. We were all too ready to give the ball away which we were very effective at doing. Get it down, wait for support and play it a bit. It's vets' football you have more time!
The game's major incident came off the field when the crowd , Steve Bull, got into an altercation with their manager, running the line, my old mate as it happens. In an exquisite reversal of the Arsene Wenger position , as referee I claimed not to have seen or heard anything! Which indeed I hadn't.
The crowd refused to kiss and make up but the situation did not deteriorate.
Gavin went close twice in his first outing as skipper before out of the blue they scored. Alistair clearing his lines unopposed smashed it against a neighbouring body and it bounced up to their midfielder who volleyed home neatly.
Second half saw them nod in from close range from a poorly defended corner. Poorly defended in that there were three decent opportunities to clear, none taken, and they were pressing in numbers. I felt they were dangerous from all their many corners throughout the game whereas our corners, though enticing, were spurned. Must do better in this department.
We eventually got one back through Gavin advancing into the area and letting fly with an unstoppable rasper. 2-1. Plenty time with all to play for, but were we running out of steam?  Yes we were. Mark Mills, made a good break, onside from their linesman, but failed to capitalise. That could have been the turning point.
They were certain to notch with their centre forward through with only Debby to beat. He got that bit right but the ball flew off the pesky post and he dribbled it over for a goalkick. My stalwart linesman Brendan took some stick from the swelling crowd, now augmented by Joel and Vinnie,  for his non use of his flag on this occasion. But no damage done.
They scored a soft third with minutes left , when with all danger gone Mark inexplicably moved out of the way of a ball coming across which fell to their unmarked and surprised centre half who happened to be loitering and he wasn't going to miss. he didn't!
A jolly spread at the Lytton, properly served, indoors, was enjoyed by all, but sadly too few of us.
next week, chance to make amends at home to Ware Strollers.
Quiz questions , "do we miss Steve Bull?"
"Are referees and linesmen the only people who don't cheat?"

Therfield 9 Knobs 4

Close game.
Lots of chuckles in dressing room as news of the chocolates from Alistair to Brendan did the rounds. I thought it was nice. Chrysanthemums for me this week to assuage the pain of the damaged ligaments.
Tom Martin made his season's debut only hours before the imminent arrival of number two child.
Commitment! A true veteran in the making. He played very well on a heavy pitch against a rustic Therfield side.
A tight fifteen minutes was followed by a swift unravelling. We defended , won the ball , I glanced away and somehow we gave them the ball and in the moment it took me to hockle, twas in the net.
Piss poor! Two goals swiftly followed, the googly and the one that went straight on with the arm. Nought for three. Oh before this we'd effectively gone down to 10 when I succumbed to a little snap in the knee. (Lateral ligament diagnosed this morning, that's it, had a good run).
We pulled one back when a terrific cross from the Debby man reached Mark Mills who glanced in with head, shoulder or larynx. They scored again, a proper goal this time. 4-1 half time.
Oh but earlier in the contest, their man, you know the one, got involved with his rancid mouth and threatened to obliterate such bonhomie as was doing the rounds. I suppose he can't help it, some form of Tourettes syndrome but lacking any humour or intelligence. He left a nasty mark through Debbie's fishnets mind.
The tackle of Debbie and their bloke was six and two threes an "f" and two "c's", except in Alistair's eyes who considered our lass was the perpetrator.. Not in my eyes. Both go for ball both have feet off ground and crash! Noone hurt thankfully but affords an excuse for Banana Brain to have his two pennorth of crap. What constitutes a humour transplant?
Two aliens bedecked in lycra, pinks and turquoises and other less subdued colours arrived to watch a bit. Twere the injured Chris G and Bill on their bikes. Lovely they looked.
Second half with Richard pushing forward saw us create chances and we were soon back to 4-3 with goals from Richard and Chris Cox.
They scored a few more by which time Richard had hobbled homewards with a calf strain. Our nine still managed one more from a rampaging Brendan, finding the roof of the net from an Alistair cut back. John Twigg got very angry after a hard tackle, very two footed in his tackles, from Fat Shite- No Humour-  Smelly Bot Boy. It was marginally legal but John apologised for calling him a "cunt". Naturally he can't handle apologies. An unpleasant oik.
Thank you Dave for deputising in goal, at last minute and thanks to Tom.
Not an easy week to get a side out. But who cares? I do or used to.
I see Old Owens have failed to get a side out now for three league games. Hmm!
Next week we're at home, if we can find our way there, to Old Minchendenians. Bring your brollies to the Lytton for the enjoyment of your dampburgers.

Harpenden Rovers 3 Knobs 5 - report by John Dory

It’s the eternal debate – the answer to the economic problem of scarce resources and infinite wants.  Command vs. Free Market – equity vs. efficiency.  What is it to be?  It was the key debate after the game and it took away some of the attention from Dave’s magnificent 4 goal haul, the return of Trevor and the way we nearly snatched defeat from certain victory.  But what is it to be?  A league game where we desperately wanted to win but no man creates victory and no man creates defeat.  Equity vs. Efficiency.  A tough question and one no government has answered but can we answer it at Vets football.  We need to check the constitution.

We were outstanding in the first half.  We should have been six or seven up.  There was some beautiful football being played with some great inter-linking between Ali, Darren, Joel in the centre of the park, Dave (the fulcrum up front) and Richard and Gavin on the wings.  We had plenty of chances but only two were taken by half time – Dave slotted in at the back post after their keeper failed to collect and Gavin banged it in off the cross bar after Ali had teased their defence in the penalty box.  We let in a sloppy goal but it was hard to blame Trevor with the sun streaming in his eyes.  Dave blamed Tony for giving the free-kick away in the first place.  Unity is strength.  As Blair used to say ‘We’re all in this Together’ or was that Cameron?  You can barely tell them apart.  So at half-time we were 2-1 up and cruising.  Defensively we looked solid with Twiggy playing well at left back and Chris Wilson sweeping behind Tony.  Chairman Al wasn’t doing too badly either at right back and all was hunky-dory.

Substitutions (it was argued) changed the game but some could argue it was their change of formation and personnel.  Harpenden put away their passing game (they know they couldn’t compete) and started to lump it forward.  And it worked.  We looked a bit more hurried despite scoring a third with Dave sweeping in a lovely second.  This is not Dave Jordan by the way.   He came on huffing and puffing on the left flank and it was his throw on that led to the fifth goal.  This is new boy Dave who looks a very composed finisher.  We certainly need one of those!  Brendan came on and off and was only the man in the team to be part of a clean sheet.  Everyone else let in two more goals.  Both from bouncing balls and crosses in the box.  It was hectic stuff and Trevor saved our bacon with a save from a free-kick that he tipped on to the post.  At 3-3 more substitutions were made and eventually we won the game with two more goals from Dave.  One was set up by Joel with a lovely cross from the wing and the other was set up by Ali with a bit of help from Chris Cox, I think.

And that’s how it ended.  5-3.  Race for top scorer is on.  Andy must be looking over his shoulder.  There is a new man in town and he’s called Dave.  But not Jordan.  And he doesn’t have red boots.  Showers were warm, the pub was lovely, the bacon butties were great and it was all rather convivial as you would expect when visiting Harpenden.  No doubt the debate will rage on about equity vs. efficiency but for the time being we’ve concretised our position at the top end of the table and long may this continue.

Walkern 1 Knobs 1

A well fought friendly sort of game, indifferently refereed where we also had far the better chances and missed them. They led for a good portion of the game from a well struck, long range effort that Debbee could only watch and admire.
It looked as though we were never going to score when a good move featuring X,Y and Z smuggled the ball to Gaven who lashed home unstoppably. Well done.
New boy Dave showed great industry and class. Nice little cameo from Mark Mills. Tony commanding at back. Gavin and Andy lively up front.
Steve was there watching and offering astute tactical and strategic advice.
John B was there, he might play next week- read my tealeaves.
A packed pub, good turnout.
Harpenden away in league next week. Thirteen willing players needed. If you are not selected you will be first on the sheet for the away game at Therfield, the following week.
Mr Minimalism.  

Welwyn 2 Knobs 1

Watched most of game quietly from my car, my sickbed.
It was 1-0 when I arrived to see an arrangement of a team that I did not recognise. It turned out that Joel did not show- injured apparently. Jamie on sidelines with flag- achilles injury, Steve hobbling around gamefully, now out for rest of year, then Vinnie collapsing dramtically with a turned ankle which should see him unavailable for a time. Bad luck!
They weren't that great and the closeness of the final score showed that. We had the vast majority of chances that were not taken, especially second half. Andy did convert one from a slick through pass from a struggling Bully. They hardly pressed from my viewpoint.
Can't remember much memorable, good pitch, difficult wind- hard lines chaps. Perhaps Gavin can add something memorable to this terse report.