Datchworth 5 (yes five) Knobs 5

The key to this game (ho ho private joke) was that though we defended well injdividually we didn't defend well together! Brendan was so deep in the first half I thought he wanted to play in goal. As a result, honest , the 2 goals we conceded in the first half, from only 4 'attacks' from them was simply because we allowed them to be in our box to start with! They would never have got there legitimately by energy and skill. As a result they scored in the mud lottery that was the penalty area.
Having said that how many chances did we make/ were given and spurned in that first half? Standing on the line (great!) I ran out of fingers of toes and gave up the count. Mind you their keeper pulled off some blinding saves- their only real player.
Matt got one back and we were only 2-1 down at half time. (Bill's coat was great by the way0.
They incredibly went 3-1 up before we got back to equality 3-3. 4-3 to them 4-4, 5-4 to them then incredibly we got to 5-5 with a towering John Twigg header from a Steve corner.
Just as well John he had been hunting a goal on one of our attacks which broke down and had led them to the 5-4 lead from his position which he'd left somewhat unattended. Ask Bill.
Matt scored a hattrick (therefore man of the match), Bill scored with an astute toe poke after a careful fruitful advance by John put him in and John finished the scoring which only goes to show there's vim and vigour in some of us old dogs!
Ron came on for Mark for 15 minutes, wished he hadn't bothered. Score went from 3-3 to 5-5. Matt scored a goal from an angle as tight as a gnat's snatch, even Matty didn't see it go in!We adjourned to the social club for leftovers from the rugby match but the beer was OK.Some of you know I went off with the dressing room key- amusing in itself but a symptom I'm afraid of a once prodigious memory going to seed. Two weeks ago I lost my home front doorkey only to find it the following week hanging up with the rest of the dressing room keys in our pavilion. Sad really.Finally news of our once star winger Mark the Miller. He had a good first half Sunday, all agreed, even though not as deadly in front of goal as he once was. He plays 90 minutes this Sunday even with a broken leg and he has played 3 times recently for another vet's side and scored 5 goals! Always said he was a matchwinner (Grovel O'Grovel).Gavin is unavailable for three weeks. Richard too (maternity)

League (cough, splutter) Knobs 4 Goldings 2

Sunday afternoon, post afternoon dog walk, told off by a farmer (my day?) I report a comprehensive win against a team with at least four 20 year olds in their side. So well done you knobbies. It's their older lads who you have to watch, however. Ne'er has so much swearing ricocheted from the rafters of leafy Knebworth! What can yi dae?
Early on a perceptive through ball from Steve, he knows you know, saw Gavin sprinting onto it, taking it in stride, into the penalty area then slotting home with ease. Pick the bones out of that Ben Gunn! They should have been shitting bricks and probably were. Well on top, playing some lovely stuff and missing quite a few from a combination of bad luck and bad finishing. Their chance came from Paul's pick up of a back pass, the lad's learning though, those booming clearances- well done. (And a terrific low save in the second half). A second goal came after Gavin tore through the 'heart' of their defence and was crudely hacked down from behind before he could slip it home. The 'young' perpetrator would have had no complaints if he'd been dismissed, having earlier stopped another goalscoring chance by a superb double handed save. He argued the toss, "not dangerous!", despair all ye proponents of Corinthian play. Still it's Vets football we divvint send people off, not just yet anyway. Unstoppable powerful penalty from Steve- 2-0. Their linesman was having a blinder and I had to go with him. I know he was at fault but what can you do? Like the offside he gave against Mike who was walking away from their half and the ball was retrieved by their full back, noone near him for 40 yards. Martin chased up to him and took the ball from him and their linesman and their little dwarf (number 4) wanted an offside against Mike 2 hours earlier! Well pardon me if I'm a makkem prat but I don't think so. And so the abuse went on, still goes on and will go on. As well Phil Wells wasn't reffing. We are an incredibly childish species are we not?
We lost both Chris G and Roy to injuries and early in the second half our lead was cut by a soft one and doubts started to occur. These took the form of continued imaginative football, promiscuous waste of chances created and an increasing tendency to bicker among each other and criticise each other's shortcomings- "I'm not passing to you you always miss", " you can talk Stevie Wonder" and "what's that growin out o yer foot yer nob?". Had Big Bob insidiously crawled into tiny minds? Togetherness was reinstated and superiority assured.
Fortunately we scored a peach of a goal from Monsieur Boyle. A deft flick finish with not a little courage. Gavin was back on with his bad back upand bristling, dribbling through their defences at will- ole, ole ole- quoth Debbie-here-to-stir-the-urn. They break and score but Gavin chips/centres in our fourth from wide left. All that remained was for their little and getting littler number 4 to get sent off for nutting the referee. (I was that referee). He does it all the time they said in mitigation , "like that every week"! Yes, well he was the one who tried to nut Bill when he was referee two seasons ago! The boy's got form. No style, precious in the way of style, native humour and wit, pathetically peabrained but a certain kind of form and consistency. I was quietly incensed. "You, you, you.....premature ejaculator you, clear up your droppings and leave the field." He went, trudging slowly away, bellowing "cheats", "fucking cheats" and "fucking fucking cheats" for the next 10 minutes.
No class. What a tosspot! Midget syndrome?
A feel aafilly better noo. A wiz ounly tryin ti be canny ti each side like. But wi some folk yi canna dae owt ti please them.

I must report an open goal miss of extraordinary glaringness by Matty first half, spotted by a Mr Steve Bull founder member of Stevenage's Spot the Glaring Miss Club.
Thanks to Bill and Dave for the tea. A little more tea in the tea next time lads!
One member of opposition hit the Fox- many of them were under age I suppose, where the beer and Matty's chilli sandwiches were just the ticket.
See you all soon.


Another recidivist (but not like the number 4).

Knobs 7 Old Pretenders 0

Easy game after the first 10 minutes.
Well easy if your lungs and parts of your feet are working.
Paul deputised for an absent Trevor and kept a clean driveway- please note.
We created many chances and when in possession looked the part. What part is that ?
Just the part that's all!
We missed a few, combination of ill fortune and over zealousness. Relax, Frankie said.
Ron, playing his last game in his 62nd year got us off the mark, sweeping home from a Matty assist. Matt likes to assist- I wish he'd come help wipe my arse in me old age, wor lass refuses.
Goals came regularly thereafter. Penetration down the right by Boyle and Simpson, feeding on M. Bull's perceptive passing was causing mayhem against a youthful, energetic yet largely clueless opposition. Yoofs!!!!
Gavin was my man of the match , until he spelled Paul in goal toward the end- still is just.
Mike scored 2, Matt scored 2 and JB scored 2, one an eye of the needle affair into an open goal .
Phil refereed, he's on his way back from where to and from where who knows?
Not much unpleasantness. No memorable idiosyncratic moments, except for my boot problems- my god am I suffering?
The pitch is now, forthwith officially heavy, nay, crap but nevertheless flat.
Poor turnout at pub, by us not them and several of them were underage! Chris wasted more coke and then we went yem.
Birthday spoiled by a Newcastle defeat- are Spurs still bottom?

Knobs 3 Birchanger 1

Here we are again. Good competitive win, enjoyable game, cosy in the pub, till we had to leave and go our separate ways!
After a sluggish opening 10 minutes or so every one was up to this scrap on a conducive slippery pitch.
They fared better, downhill, in the first half but were ultimately restricted to long range shooting
all handled very capably, thank you very much, by Trevor.
Once we started to verbally encourage each other the mindset for the game was set in stone.
They led 1-0 at half time thanks to a near post corner, headed on via two of our defenders, the last being a valiant John Boyle, up into the top of the net and out again. Those new fucking clips- useless. We had chances in the first half but noone seemed capable of heading in the sumptious crosses- plug plug!
Ron was reffing, another valiant effort in stocking feet.
No concern since our two latecomers, Chris W and Gavin were about to be unleashed for the second half. Chris replaced Roy slightly earlier as the latter took a real nasty backward nut to the cheekbone. Softy.
We kicked off and within a minute or so Chris W broke, served Gavin on the left who hared off 60 yards like a Boit in no box , left all in his wake, before equalising with a cool, low finish. As JB said Gavin is devastating in mini seconds. He repeated this run several times when he was availed of the ball which probably wasn't all that much. Once he was crudely hacked down from behind and another time he evaded the foul by retaining his feet and crossing. Steve would rather have had the penalty but he should have fallen over.
Our second was due to their trying to work their way from the goalline under pressure with the final pass arriving at Steve's feet, a few feet out, and he slid it home. He doesn't miss from there!
Well actually he does, Old Owens away last season, sorry Steve you top scorer you.
Chances came and went until our third arrived, Boyle assist?, through which Matt smashed a rocket into the top corner.
They could have had a penalty, which was rightly turned down, Brendan agrees, and from the resulting freekick on the edge, Trevor completed a phenomenal tip over save.
Lovely game hope you all enjoyed it. Quite a pace too!
Bill made tea for everyone, thank you Bill, a lovely touch. Remember you lot take your cups back to the kitchen. Alistair swept out all the dressing rooms. oh did anyone let him out? I'd better pop over and see or his Sunday dinner will be really dried up!
The boots that caused the lip with a little help from the mental lubrication have now caused two enormous heel blisters. They're cursed I tell you, currrsed! Will they recover for next week's stroll? The boots that is.
Injured players Bill, Dave and Phil turned up to game and pub. Good stuff they'll soon be back.
Was Mark M spotted furtively beneath an oak tree early on? We do not know. He is also struggling on the injury front but didn't make the Fox.

Newcastle are currently bottom, but nihil desperandum is our motto or is it divvint worry yi fackin cunts will soon be fuckin climbin high. (JK). Who are you laughing at you cunt!

Ref Ron

Match report from Birchanger - in before Ron's (again!)

Match Report for 02/11/08
Knebworth v Birchanger
Birchanger lost 3-1

Caretaker manager Gavin Tooke had an embarassment of riches with 16 players available and a decent surface in spite of heavey overnight rain. After a pre match chat about previous slow starts, Birchanger looked solid and determined not to give away anything too cheaply and so it proved in the first half. Unfortunately, it wasn't to last and a comedy of errors in front of their own goal in the second period saw them concede the lead and from then on struggle to get back into the game.

In spite of playing the better football for much of the first half, Birchanger could easily have found themselves behind. On one occasion, but for a brilliant intervention by Ian Winter, the home side would surely have taken the lead. However, neither side looked particularly likely to break the deadlock as the half came to a close until Birchanger won a corner down their left. The visitors, always strong from set pieces, caused havoc in the 18 yard box. Bob Beckwith got a head to it and his header was flicked in by a home team's defender to give Birchanger a 1-0 half time lead.

Their lead didn't last long, as shortly after the break the home side broke down their left, beat the Birchanger defence for pace, and a good finish into the bottom corner made it 1-1. Most of the play centred in the midfield, for a time, before a series of howlers in the visitors box. In spite of the pre match call to cut out conceding soft goals, too much football in front of their own goal ended up with Birchanger passing the ball to an astonished striker who just sidefooted it home to take the lead.

Further damage was soon to come when, this time, an attempted clearance was sliced and fell fortuitously to a Knebworth striker, who pulled the ball back inside the 18 yard box, to another black shirt, who finished well to make it 3-1.

Birchanger fought hard to get back into the game, with Mark Booker and Andy Gilbey going close. They even thought they had grabbed a late penalty when Ian Hollamby was upended, but the referee insisted the foul was just outside the box. The resulting free kick from Steve Luxford was brilliantly tipped over and that was the last Birchanger chance as the game finished 3-1.
This was a disappointing defeat and questions were asked about how the game was lost in the dressing room, but once again Birchanger had given their opponents a helping hand.

PS the ref was a knob head