A balmy morning- nay a barmy morning. I didn't want to do it, but I did.
John and I + Tommy set off to Therfield cross country- the scenic route. I pictured Therfield just beyond Walkern, but approaching it realised I was picturing Weston. Oh well Therfield is somewhere around here, over to the left somewhere. No map, no sat-nav just instinct, helped by the solar position on this glorious morning and we proceeded. Round in a huge, magnificient circle, Clothall, Cottered, Throcking (redundant church), Buntingford, Sandon then Therfield. many phonecalls- where the fuck are you? In my head, it's great in here! Taught Tommy about the validity of the white lie- the tyre went and you and I had to change it with the magic wand. We arrived. Sorry! Alistair wondered why we didna give the kit to someone else. Well there's hindsight for you, if we knew we would take so long we would have- please drop it sorry!
I felt bad. John and I became subs anyway, the practical punishment, well at least for John, yet it wasn't his fault. John was in high spirits, he normally is, it's a great day.
The match commenced with a heavy dew on the surface which slowed ground passes appreciably. Yet we didn't cotton on. How many flicks and fanny passes went astray for the first hour. Those who are guilty know!
Minutes into the game their full back lurched forward, only to collide with an invisible blanket of dark matter which propelled him off his feet- fuck me how I laughed, had to stuff the flag doon me gullet, nae guid, a shat meslf instead. Surreal. This is gonna be some game.
No disrepect to Therfield, they can beat us IF WE LET THEM, but this was a game where if we played properly we'd slaughter them or if came down to their level of athleticism and know how we would achieve a result too close to call. The latter obtained. Players look at an opposition, start doing individual, personal things and before you can say mine's a pint of shite, find themselves struggling to do owt right. Hey a wiz just watching, that's worra saw in that's worra think. Object if you will!
Teamwork gans oot thi winda as people start ti express themselves individually.
This will probably be the worst opposition we face all season, and we won, despite local factors and whinges, 2-1. Last week against Saints, a hugely different proposition, we nearly battered them! Moral? Return game let's play together, play to our strengths and give them a lesson. Winning yesterday was a pyrrhic victory.
The game. The ref was crap, but he was a canny lad.
We hit woodwork or was that aluminium?
They never threatened in the first half, except from a couple of nicely flighted corners, we dealt with competently. How's your head Dave?
We took the lead when Dave made a run and glanced a neat header into the corner- it must have been a Bully cross ? Was it?
Second half they brought on the infant messiah. I'd already emphasised that Therfield are a village team NOT a vets team. In this context we should never bleat about age. But boys will be boys and a certain amount of niggle set in around this precocious youth. I actually liked him cos he knew I used to be a teacher- before becoming a geriatric paper boy and kept calling me Sir. As it happened our youngest vet Chris Wilson was more than his master. An altercation, which I only partly perceived, in Arsene fashion, saw John and the referee practising F-words at each other from 5 paces. Fuck off- no you fuck off- no you fucking fuck off, fucking hell geroff. John was taken off for the safety of Tommy's upbringing. A second goal came after an incredible ping pong session in their six yard box was ended by Gerry lashing home emphatically. 2-0. We were comfortably playing out the game when we gave them one. Well we gave them the ball and dared them to score one. They did.
We never felt or looked like losing but 2-1's a funny old score line Saint!
The showers were freezing. The pub was fine, the St Edmunds Ale was great, why can't the Station get that- it's Green King and we all went yem for Sunday lunch- mine were toast and marmalade- eeh the high life.
Goodbye Sir Ronald
Quack quack
Monday 25 October 2010
Monday 18 October 2010
Knobs 2 Saints 2
Wye worra result ind it shoulda been a win fer the bonny lads o Knebwarth.
Frettin aal week as ti who wiz ganna replace the maestro, gone golfin in Teneriffy a neednt ha bothered. Wid thi few available be up ti thi task o tekkin on the Saints, we hanna droppt i point aal season a wondered, speshally efter thi seasins "do" at Ye Ould Station in Friday neet.
Short of personnel a debut woz given ti Chris fron Walkern and he played up front wi Methuselah. Trevor dropped out , groined out, on Saturday, but he turned up and ran thi line bringin alang two Icelandic pals as subs, G and Runni, pronoonced Rooney. Easy one that. John, the mighty Twigg, took the goalies jersey and splendid he looked, splutter, cough, splutter. We welcomed back for an occasional game Dave's mate, Dave Fish, ironic considering we had two Icelanders on the line.
There were nae goalposts up, another chore, and them little white things for the nets are like goaldust these days. Anyway we set up and off under the firm and fair referee,
Gouty Gavin. We kicked up in first half against a fit and tasty team. Despite comments to the contrary, I and others thought we played well. Some good moves, some pleasant holding up of the ball by us and yet for all their firm, silky movements they had hardly a shot on target, we defended so well. Unfortunately a soft bobbly one was deflected past John and a second goal came through a penalty, heavily disputed by the perpetrator of the push, burger man, but by few others. We had some moments in their area, a good move leading to a past the post header by the highly motivated John and a shot that hit the bar and went over from Dave. Their 22 year old goalkeeper was very commanding in his area. I can spot em, these frauds! I went off and brought on Runni, Brendan was spotted limping and I immediately came back on. Brendan's knees are knackered , we will need to bring the gun to his next game.
Second half and after an early sterile quarter of an hour they started to wilt gannin uphill. They divvint like it up em or gannin uphill it seems.. Millsy had gone at half time to play for Ashwell in the noon and the other norseman came on. The last 15 minutes saw only one likely winner. Their second half keeper, a vet!, kept them in the game with a series of saves from point blank range. A couple of very good ones from John piledrivers. At last one went in from new
boy Chris, who persisted throughout. A penalty, screamed for by many, noone more loudly than Richard, was denied us by the very neutral Gavin (bastard).
Chris scored a second from a right wing cross, volleying in neatly. Hey and we almost won it but were denied by the keeper.
I thought, on a hottish morning, with several players not even on first name terms, with a threadbare squad- you could hardly call 11 of us and two of Trevor's mates a squad actually, I thought we did wonderfully, wonderfully, even wonderfully well. As man of last season Mr Griffiths is wont to say, "we stuuffed those wallies"- well almost.
Mind you league rules drawn up by Saints, Andy, the League's organiser, and agreed by all of us, says you cannot play a player under 30 or you forfeit the game. Their angelic keeper first half ? Three points for the Knobs?
A pleasant few pints in the Station where Dave heroically served the cause selling domino cards and we all went happily home. Everyone friends.
Great!!!!!
Frettin aal week as ti who wiz ganna replace the maestro, gone golfin in Teneriffy a neednt ha bothered. Wid thi few available be up ti thi task o tekkin on the Saints, we hanna droppt i point aal season a wondered, speshally efter thi seasins "do" at Ye Ould Station in Friday neet.
Short of personnel a debut woz given ti Chris fron Walkern and he played up front wi Methuselah. Trevor dropped out , groined out, on Saturday, but he turned up and ran thi line bringin alang two Icelandic pals as subs, G and Runni, pronoonced Rooney. Easy one that. John, the mighty Twigg, took the goalies jersey and splendid he looked, splutter, cough, splutter. We welcomed back for an occasional game Dave's mate, Dave Fish, ironic considering we had two Icelanders on the line.
There were nae goalposts up, another chore, and them little white things for the nets are like goaldust these days. Anyway we set up and off under the firm and fair referee,
Gouty Gavin. We kicked up in first half against a fit and tasty team. Despite comments to the contrary, I and others thought we played well. Some good moves, some pleasant holding up of the ball by us and yet for all their firm, silky movements they had hardly a shot on target, we defended so well. Unfortunately a soft bobbly one was deflected past John and a second goal came through a penalty, heavily disputed by the perpetrator of the push, burger man, but by few others. We had some moments in their area, a good move leading to a past the post header by the highly motivated John and a shot that hit the bar and went over from Dave. Their 22 year old goalkeeper was very commanding in his area. I can spot em, these frauds! I went off and brought on Runni, Brendan was spotted limping and I immediately came back on. Brendan's knees are knackered , we will need to bring the gun to his next game.
Second half and after an early sterile quarter of an hour they started to wilt gannin uphill. They divvint like it up em or gannin uphill it seems.. Millsy had gone at half time to play for Ashwell in the noon and the other norseman came on. The last 15 minutes saw only one likely winner. Their second half keeper, a vet!, kept them in the game with a series of saves from point blank range. A couple of very good ones from John piledrivers. At last one went in from new
boy Chris, who persisted throughout. A penalty, screamed for by many, noone more loudly than Richard, was denied us by the very neutral Gavin (bastard).
Chris scored a second from a right wing cross, volleying in neatly. Hey and we almost won it but were denied by the keeper.
I thought, on a hottish morning, with several players not even on first name terms, with a threadbare squad- you could hardly call 11 of us and two of Trevor's mates a squad actually, I thought we did wonderfully, wonderfully, even wonderfully well. As man of last season Mr Griffiths is wont to say, "we stuuffed those wallies"- well almost.
Mind you league rules drawn up by Saints, Andy, the League's organiser, and agreed by all of us, says you cannot play a player under 30 or you forfeit the game. Their angelic keeper first half ? Three points for the Knobs?
A pleasant few pints in the Station where Dave heroically served the cause selling domino cards and we all went happily home. Everyone friends.
Great!!!!!
Sunday 10 October 2010
Harpenden 3 Knobs 0
The achievement of the day seemed to be getting to the ground- albeit 10 minutes after kick off time. Whenever this happens a team starts in disarray and inevitably gets worse and loses. This time proved no different but we battled hard against a better, more inventive and fitter side so there was a slight positive. If we'd been cued in from the start, if we'd had any luck and if they'd been cursed we might have got something from this game but it wasn't to be.
The referee was a star- a starfucker but a star. He'd announced his credentials pre game by informing us that he'd sent off someone last week for calling him a twat. Old Owens goalie, I think, early in the game. So we were warned. He insisted on delaying the late kick off even further with a performance Ann Widdecombe would have been proud of and we bullied off.
True to his word he picked up every curse going and was a bit of a pain, though fairly competent if a bit of a twat!
They proved dangerous on the break with two fast, skilful forwards proving a handful for Chris and Brendan. Full backs needed to tuck in more for cover yet we got to half time, kicking uphill, only the one goal behind, a good shot, tipped onto the post by Trevor, but slotted home by their man who proved the most alert. They were quite dangerous at sniffing out, contesting and picking up the second balls as we stood back admiring some challenge or the other at the first one. Andy was played through and a rasping drive turned over by a very competent keeper. We had lots of corners, nicely delivered, but proved less than interested in really attacking them. They were fairly committed in the middle at the back. One powerful header clear before half time came after their centre half had clattered through Richard. A definite penalty, not given. They were denied one at the other end shortly afterwards and they hit the bar with the ball probably crossing the line but a combination of no Russian linesman and no goal mouth technology got us off the hook. I think I was embarrassed but only for a minute. An eventful first half.
Full of confidence during the half time chat we immediately conceded a poor second goal when play re started when twice they were hungrier for the loose ball than we were. Lots of people said it was Brendan's fault, I'm not too sure. They were really stretching us now. If we supported in attack we proved too light at the back during their speedy counterattacks, if we didn't support going forwards, what little attacking enterprise we showed was down to individual bursts. Players were outnumbered and isolated. Darren H was played in and was tackled hard and fairly by the centre half. It was an excellent tackle saving an certain goal. Richard was clattered for a penalty but the referee (Mrs Twat) consulted their linesman, a substitute, who surprisingly said the foul was outside the area. Idowu couldn't have launched himself that far man. Anyway we were 3-0 down by that time having earlier conceded a header from a corner.
Well done chaps- we'll beat them at home.
If you have not contributed a few bob towards my anti bear farming campaign- 75 miles walked last week- please take heart and do so.
Cheques to "WSPA" or donate to www.justgiving.com/Ronald-Crennell. Come on I just cannot believe you think this is not a worthy cause!
I will never surrender.
Presentation night next Friday at The Station, Knebworth with Fanny Jordan on barbecue duty.
Next Sunday another tough game v Saints. Ron was linesman for the whole game today, everyone was playing so well. He will be back.
"Flag up his arse most of the time and comforting it was" wrote this dirge.
The referee was a star- a starfucker but a star. He'd announced his credentials pre game by informing us that he'd sent off someone last week for calling him a twat. Old Owens goalie, I think, early in the game. So we were warned. He insisted on delaying the late kick off even further with a performance Ann Widdecombe would have been proud of and we bullied off.
True to his word he picked up every curse going and was a bit of a pain, though fairly competent if a bit of a twat!
They proved dangerous on the break with two fast, skilful forwards proving a handful for Chris and Brendan. Full backs needed to tuck in more for cover yet we got to half time, kicking uphill, only the one goal behind, a good shot, tipped onto the post by Trevor, but slotted home by their man who proved the most alert. They were quite dangerous at sniffing out, contesting and picking up the second balls as we stood back admiring some challenge or the other at the first one. Andy was played through and a rasping drive turned over by a very competent keeper. We had lots of corners, nicely delivered, but proved less than interested in really attacking them. They were fairly committed in the middle at the back. One powerful header clear before half time came after their centre half had clattered through Richard. A definite penalty, not given. They were denied one at the other end shortly afterwards and they hit the bar with the ball probably crossing the line but a combination of no Russian linesman and no goal mouth technology got us off the hook. I think I was embarrassed but only for a minute. An eventful first half.
Full of confidence during the half time chat we immediately conceded a poor second goal when play re started when twice they were hungrier for the loose ball than we were. Lots of people said it was Brendan's fault, I'm not too sure. They were really stretching us now. If we supported in attack we proved too light at the back during their speedy counterattacks, if we didn't support going forwards, what little attacking enterprise we showed was down to individual bursts. Players were outnumbered and isolated. Darren H was played in and was tackled hard and fairly by the centre half. It was an excellent tackle saving an certain goal. Richard was clattered for a penalty but the referee (Mrs Twat) consulted their linesman, a substitute, who surprisingly said the foul was outside the area. Idowu couldn't have launched himself that far man. Anyway we were 3-0 down by that time having earlier conceded a header from a corner.
Well done chaps- we'll beat them at home.
If you have not contributed a few bob towards my anti bear farming campaign- 75 miles walked last week- please take heart and do so.
Cheques to "WSPA" or donate to www.justgiving.com/Ronald-Crennell. Come on I just cannot believe you think this is not a worthy cause!
I will never surrender.
Presentation night next Friday at The Station, Knebworth with Fanny Jordan on barbecue duty.
Next Sunday another tough game v Saints. Ron was linesman for the whole game today, everyone was playing so well. He will be back.
"Flag up his arse most of the time and comforting it was" wrote this dirge.
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