Knobs 1 Dads and Coaches and.... 1

Another festive season passes by and on a cloying gluetop a competitve game took place.
We were latish to show and once out were astonished to see the opposition disappear to the dressing rooms for 10 minutes as we froze our nadgers off. They looked strong, well they looked young and that's a form of strength. Pigeons were sent forth to recruit Danny and Tom but whilst Danny soon appeared Tom slept on.
We hardly started as they outfought and outplayed us for 15 minutes. What's happening here?Fortunately their efforts were repelled, kept to long range or were threatening only from some nice corners from Phil. Gavin, once he stopped laughing soon got into some sort of stride. One lung bursting run on the left saw him find Ron two yards out who hoofed over the bar- rustiness obviously (how'd a fuckin miss that?). Ron continued to be pivotal to the game's status hoofing a tame shot off off M. Boyle's toe (he wouldn't have got it anyway) then cleverly heading a goal bound Gavin shot narrowly wide (a foot and anyway the shot was losing steam with every inch). We were competing a bit now. A prolonged philosophical debate between Steve and himself led to the referee getting the hump, then blow me down with a peashooter, as Steve reached the climax of his verbal dissertation the referee lightened the gathering gloom with the brandishing of a red card! Well a sort of orange, luminous card and off Steve went. A subtle introduction of Mark restored numerical parity until half time arrived. Steve went to confession at half time and humbly returned to the field of play for the second half. There seemd to be some 15 minute hiatus at half time when they all disappeared again. Viagra injections I suppose.
Close calls occurred for us at the right end as we bossed the second half. Bill went to make the tea, John went to warm his balls and seemingly Tom slept on. Twenty minutes to go and an accurate freekick beat Trevor's juju spell and nestled in the top corner. If only Dave had been allowed to be on the line. Then a sweet move saw us equalise in a back to front sweeping move. From keeper to John then to Danny who squared from the by line for Gavin to trundle home. Howzat!
Gavin hit the hardest shot of the game only for their keeper to make an excellent save. Chances came and went for us . I enjoyed some comical happenings , Steve's hilarious 'shoulder' charge on the full back, an elephant squashing a fly- Phil's 'shoulder' push on Phil which saw a significant register on the Richter Scale. They nearly scored at the death but were thwarted by a terrific Trevor save, followed by a superbly brave Chris clearance. My man of the match by the way - Chris Griffiths.
Tom didn't show- what they putting in his cocoa?
A goodly turn out at the Station, increasing their custom by 10,000%. Food was slow in coming but it was worth the wait, despite some ignorant chants of "Fox Fox...."
Alistair hobbled by on his way to the Church Of Redemption by the looks of it. Home we all went happy little teddy bears!

Old Owens 2 Knobs 3

A return to winning ways- just!
A strong side against a weakish team that only got weaker, as they succumbed to frailties and old age, proved an overall disappointment on the day. A thin line exists between self confidence and complacency. It is important to play the team game on the pitch not the fantasy game in the mind. A tight pitch- it doesn't change- and a gluey surface contributed to difficulties but really we should have been out of sight long before the end. The result was far too close. We made chances, loads, it's a pity Mike wasn't available he'd have revelled in this game.
Ron was asked to referee. "it'll be an honour" he cursed. End of his comeback.
Minutes in, Debby, after an initial piece of overguarding, decided to follow this up by a terrific leg removal job. penalty- comfortably converted. She was playing with energy and verve despite this lapse- pity. Strangely they were playing better for a while whereas we were debating whether or not to start. Some goalmouth scrimmages for us, the usual catalogue of two yard misses, some bad luck, a cute header by Matt, tipped over, then an equaliser. Matt executed a really mesmerising turn, flummoxing his marker before finding the corner easily. Their skilful forward, Del, succumbed to injury after half an hour and by half time rigor mortis had set in. I have to say I've never seen a corpse play better during the rest of the game. He nearly scored in the last minute. Imagine the headlines, "Knobs Stuffed by Stiff's Stump" or summat (Alternative choices on a postcard).
Second half, only one "team" in it. Yet still the floodgates failed to open. A penalty, awarded for a trip on Alistair, he said it was a push, shows you what I see! Disputed by them, "where's your glasses?" Moot point, they were in the dressing room, fat lot of use there. Steve converted, usual spot, normal pace.
A ball was then hoofed out high to beyond their penalty area for Matt to unerringly smash an unstoppable volley high into the net- 3-1. We attacked in hordes but could add no more. They could - with a scramble leading to a tap over the line. He was probably off side, receiving the ball with only one player between him and goal, Trevor being elsewhere upfield. Am I right? Too late I gave a goal- I had to.
Some good individual moments lost in a poor team effort. Humour was high though!
John Boyle, playing like Susan, showed he badly needed a game but bugger me he's away again next week! Gavin made some excellent runs and Richard fizzed around to some good effect.
A merry little scene in the clubhouse. Debby was notably absent no doubt hurtling Knebworthwards to check the off license prices of certain Italian wines. They are two bottles for a fiver! How much did I win D?
Next week away to Ashwell, probably on astroturf, play in rubbers. (Boots that is).
Pity the "B" team couldn't raise themselves for the Standon game, I called it off early to give them a chance to re-arrange something.

If you want the lowdown on sulphites- ask me.

Ron

Knobs 1 Wilbury Wanderers 2

Many inspections led to the view the pitch was playable. Wet yes, gluey certainly, up for purists possibly not. Nevertheless a somewhat later kick off led to an absorbing game on a hauntingly empty Rec. A well fought game was only settled 6 minutes from time by their rather bizarre winner. What impressed me about them was that they were fit, hard working and , shiver me timbers, gentlemanly! Both to us and between themselves. You never heard them disparaging each other just encouraging. Well that's one way of playing.
I hope everyone enjoyed the game on such a stamina sapping surface it looked absorbing from my position- off the pace as usual. Hey no, I was knackered afterwards 'sprinting' up and down to keep up with play. Lots of players contributed well, and were awarded high marks for ENDEAVOUR- Chris Wilson was our man of the match by a high street mile (in my opinion).
If you think back they hardly, if at all, created a chance but they did work their socks off all over the field and never gave up trying to play and compete. We, on the other hand, missed at least 7 one on one with the keeper chances and their keeper, a little guy resembling a beardless Ben Gunn, saving several others. Give him the Cheddar. There were distinct culprits who will remain nameless so close to Christmas. Needless to say back in the forties , my forties, I would have worn me burka for a week if I'd had spurned so many! Yet that was so long ago. (When was that by the way?- so long ago I said).
Half time said 0-0 after a hard fought first half of easy chances for us yet pressure by them. Defensively as a team we must take credit.
They took the lead from a looping header in from an indirect free kick in , by the elusive black guy who Alistair and I thought rather crafty and good. (He actually volunteered to put the nets up before the game! Worra gent- picking his spot probably.) At last we equalised when the real Gavin opened his legs and showed his class. Swooping northwards he slalomed past defenders before slamming home a high unstoppable equaliser (so gleeful- he took the kit home).
Noone seemed to congratulate him until he returned to the half way line- probably stupefied by such grace and skill. Many returns Gavin. Probably relieved we were back in it! It was not the end. With 6 minutes to go, or was that 16 or was it minus 6 - I don't know, I was using Maggie's dinky watch, could hardly see it and lost count- she hadn't put it back an hour in October which hardly helped. Also explains why I dared not go to the pub afterwards I was still sailing through summertime! Their equaliser was somewhat weird and yes, lucky, coming from a tricky Gary Owen under the crossbar, semi dealt with by Trevor but hoofed high into the net by the one player following it in. He happened to be theirs! So it ended. Kelvin and Mark Mills singlehandely took down the top nets whilst others were already showered! Dave hid the ground keys and went deaf for half an hour. We lost all three balls, one up a tree and two in cadger's garden and we went home. Hope you enjoyed the rest of your Sunday- I don't think I did. I can't remember. Two games next Sunday- if you have a mate or a wife who fancies a game, contact me. If you have a mate or a wife who fancies............... what am I on about....... climbing up a tree to retrieve a ball....... Bye bye......

Ron

Knobs 4 Ashwell 4

Thanks to Mark Mills helping out to arrange a fixture last week, an event he must be glowing over. Just got it in before the cancellation season starts. A good game during which we were under par in terms of energy, interest (it seemed) and desire to mix any effort with a bit of football.
Still that's the story of life and Christmas is so close.
They played with Mark M in midfield and gave a debut to a raucous young filly called Debby Grunt Grunt who on this occasion was strong from the stalls and stayed the distance well. Not one for the National however, she has a split fetlock which may take time to heal if she wants to compete with the big boys and girls once again.
We took the lead within a minute with a superb FOOTBALLING move which I tried to commit to memory but have failed. Sufficient to say it went from midfield to fullback to midfield (Phil?) to wing into middle where Matt assisted the ball to the far post where Chris Wilson met it with a sweeping half volley to register our first of many, I thought.
Things got a bit bogged down till Alistair, making one of several of his mornings forays down the right, hoofed to the far post where an arriving Twigg just failed in his running effort to score, butting just wide and fortunately missing contact with that rusty iron goal post.
They equalised with a comical own goal, where our keeper Mark, disdaining his unintelligible "away away" cry (unintelligible to Brendan that is ) chose the cry " keeper" and was obliged by Steve H, chesting it past him into the goal, noone else closer than planet X!
Closecalls followed until Matt hurtled through robustly, slipped past their dying defender and netted firmly. They equalised from a scrambled goalmouth scrimmage until one of Alstiar's better crosses found the top far corner, 3-2 to us at half time. Matt went to watch Arsenal thus missing the second half during which his anonymity was noted. Did I upset Steve at half time? Didn't intend to. Two points of little consequence I suppose. I expect Steve always to be calling for the ball, he is invariably an excellent out as we seek to build play from defence to attack. Even if marked he is unafraid to receive the ball, control it and find measured passes, long or short. This asset is recognised by many of his teammates who thus seek him out. Great so far!
However there are many occasions, during the course of the game, where Steve is just one option of two or more and it is down to the player on the ball which option he chooses. Often another option is worthy, many times not, particularly some hopeless lump anywhere. And sometimes the player in possession feels the best option is to get rid, fearing their own competence in playing football through the midfield. In whatever event we stick together and regroup that is all I was trying to say. But the emotion of the occasion, cold freezing your voicebox or the translation from Geordie to some form of English perhaps intervenes!
Second half, kicking downhill, we lost 2-1 thus drew 4-4.
They equalised through a pretty, yet unchallenged move up the middle, at the end of which Mark Mills blasted an unstoppable twenty odd yarder high into our net. They continued well. Debby was comfortable, quickly recalling the names of all his teammates, an inbred incestuous family called "Ashwell" it would appear.
Mike returned from USA and from the start demonstrated a fine line in jet lag before finally running clear and putting us 4-3 in front. We hung onto that till late in the game when their lively forward miscentred from wide right and it drifted into the net for an unlikely equaliser.
The return will be on December 20th at either Ashwell (good pubs and Betjeman's favourite village) or Knebworth , noone's favourite village, or perhaps John Boyle's when the Station re-opens. Adjourned to Fox for potatoes, the Irish famine is officially over it seems. I left after two (pints that is) and hope noone had to breathe into the dreaded bag among those that remained.
Newcastle top of league 1 in case you have not noticed and Middlesborough have failed to win under over-hyped under sized Gordon Strachan.

Good luck to Roy with his operation hope he gets a surgeon this time not Mr Trussell.

Ron

Blunham ex-Sandy 5 Knobs 3

Would you Adam and Eve it? Yes! Ok you are right, shit happens.
To the credit of both sides of mainly 'vets', to play so well and enthusiastically on a huge claggy pitch in such testing elements- wind, some sun, torrential rain but nae snow was a testament to a life after death mentality. Well done all. Nae games on the computers or Christmas shopping for these ould stalwarts.
Started with Chris Griffiths up front, perhaps a mistake kicking against the wind and sweeping rain in the first half, uphill to boot. Yet by the time I switched it midway through the half we had only conceded one goal from a corner kick scrimmage. They had a couple of distant and close shots and a corner headed off the line by the redoubtable Alistair and that was that.

I warned it wasn't going to be easy against this lot, second half, kicking down but with effort and the wind and rain at our backs we should prevail. The wind dropped, the rain stopped, the sun came out and they battled. They hit a post, semi- Trevor save (Trevor had pulled off two excellent saves from long rangers in the first half) and we fought on.
A long looping centre from the right found Darren beyond the far post and he equalised from an excellent firm header. They went ahead virtually from the kick off. 2-1, not altogether convincing defending eventually torn to bits by a neat finish. Ron on for John T, fucking linesman is a cauld position. Running clear in the box, the erstwhile linesman was found by a good cross from Kelwyn, why he didn't head? I don't know and instead his sidefoot crept wide with the target at his mercy. A compressed effort, shutting down their defence saw a ball wellied skywards out of their defence and it was met distance out by Alistair whose header looped long and teasingly beyond the keeper's reach. 2-2. Come on, now we press. But we didn't press enough, I felt we conceded too much ground backpedalling and allowing them to remain an attacking force.
They scored a third, I don't remember much about it, except pissedoffedness. Who was to blame?
Their fourth was crap. With no real challenge Trevor and Alistair tangled in front of a ball that was ours to clear, the ball trickled to a disinterested forward who tapped it into an open goal.
A pleasurable move saw us bring it back to 4-3. Ali to Ron, Ron to Steve on the right, then an exquisite cross to Matt at the far side of the penalty area, who headed home with some competence. Their 5th with minutes to go was a choker. A cross from the left which wouldn't have happened if we were merely defending and not attacking for an equaliser, arrived in the box where their bloke headed a smasher, albeit unchallenged. 5-3 final score. Well done the ref by the way.
Showers were hot and we adjourned to the usual Blunham pub for an excellent and deserved spread. We outnumbered them there. But luck was out and we even lost the dominoe card.
Home to savour the Stoke- Portsmouth game. Yi must be fookin jokin.
The lads did their best - remember people are always non available throughout the year at this level of football. SO- no excuses please.

R

Knobs 6 MBDA 2

Good game- it was the ref that won it!!!! All the usual emotional twaddle, I thought the ref had a good game, up with the play and gave what he saw with his usual blend of honesty and myopia. Howay lads give respect a chance or nae fucka will want to blaa thi whistle. "Mistakes av ad a few", but players want to see the mistakes they make and hear thi shite they talk- the wankers!
Anyway a still think it was an entertaining, enjoyable vets' football match on a good pitch on a lovely day. What more could you want in your dotage.
MBDA proved a much different side from last season, younger than us I would have thought and in the first half seemingly fitter, more energetic and better motivated. Thought they played some really good stuff and were unlucky to be only 1-0 up at the break. They were kicking uphill mind when controlled approach play seems somewhat easier on our pitch. They also had an essential benefit of playing well ie. they were keen to play and were ENJOYING themselves.
Mark pulled off one world class save first half, but could do nothing to prevent their well worked opener. Individually, elsewhere in the first half, execution of passes was not very good and workrate diminished in the general depression. Our back 4 (average age 52- a worked it oot) was under severe pressure.
Second half was ultimately a different story, though still well fought.
Playing better uphill, playing to strengths, with some luck and with great improvement individually, enjoyment returned and 'mares' were banished. Eventually we equalised with the front runners eager to exploit space behind the back 4 and Steve finding his passing range, Gavin raced away and smashed in an unstoppable shot from the right. Enjoyment was shortlived as they scored again direct from a free kick that's only virtue was that it was on target. Was it a free kick or did the boy dive. Well it was Roy who lunged but was the ref fooled? 2-1.
Shortly after came what they might regard the turning point a handball by their centre half leading to a penalty that Steve bobbled into his favourite place. Sorry Peter but my vision said you played the ball in surprise, with a deliberate thrust of your arm as it bounced on you. 2-2.
Still loads of time left for either side to win the game.
Brendan had exited for a golf tournament at half time to be replaced by John Boyle and now after another world class save Mark went off with a 'pinged' calf. John Twigg deputised. Were we up against it? Ye of little faith- John stopped a couple dead with different anatomical parts before producing a genuine save tipping a fierce shot round the post.
More goals came for us, two from 'assister' Matt, the header from a break and instant high cross from Gavin was particularly pleasing. Our best and probably only accurate cross of the season.
Steve banged in a free kick, from some distance, high into the top corner after Gavin , sprinting through was hauled back and Phil scored possibly our best constructed goal from 10 yards after sweet, unselfish play from Mark Mills and Matt. Mark M, on as a sub, played well and foraged hard. Phil hit the post from distance and the game finished. Hacker commits too many unnecessary fouls but he has a reputation to safeguard.
A disappointing turnout at the pub, when none of the opposition showed and we were punished with an extra tray of suasge and potatoes. Is salt free or something by the way?
Next week Blunham aka Sandy away at Moggerhanger - sounds enticing.

Ron- nearly 65

Old Minchendenians 1 Knobs 4 - Report by Dave Jordan

Met late at 9.35 on a cold damp morning. Chris G nursing a hangover, Phil looking his evervescent self after his bout of Swine flu and Royston bringing both of his knees! Plenty of time to think about what lay ahead as we travelled over the border in to Londinium. We were met by what looked like some of the characters out of Lock Stock and 2 smoking barrels. The only thing missing were the "SHOOTERS" Bully was in a good mood surprisingly as he was sat next to Chairman Al in the changing room. We were told that we were playing 442 and that chairman Al would be making the changes. The pitch was a bit boggy, but flat which helped our supreme passing game. First 20 minutes we had all the game mentally and physically and our passing was sublime and they were chasing shadows and getting frustrated. Although their midfield was their strenght.They got their first on 30 minutes which was against the run of play. It was a long ranger which "swerved and dipped all over the place" so said Mark. Richard was playing like 2 men attacking at every opportunity and also having time to hold the ball up to make some good lay offs. Definitely my man of the match. He had a little skirmish with one of their defenders which ended up with a swollen eye the size of a golf ball.So they ended up with 10 men for the majority of the game which was their downfall having no subs to call upon. 10 minutes before half time Chris W finds himself in the box with the ball at his feet and calmly picks his spot to slot home the equaliser between two defenders and the goalie. Which was the least we deserved. A good constructive half time talk should have kick started the 2nd half, but they were playing some good football which made Mark work hard on the line. A great 2 legged save saw the ball go over the bar and some brave defending from Royston and Chris G saw off the oppositions attacks. Good contributions from Darren working well with Phil and John B combining well with Alistair saw some good attacking play down the flanks. No goals yet, but it was coming.The stand in manager made a double substitution with Dave and Brendan coming on for Richard and Darren. They found an 11th man from some where to fill in the back 4. We made a great run down the right with Alistair crossing the ball which ended up on the far side for Phil to chip it back for Matt to shoot, their goalie to save and John B to rifle the ball home at short range which gave us the upper hand. Ten minutes later Matty found the strength to nod on a lovely pass which found Dave motoring pass their back line to cooly slot the ball pass the keepers finger tips and off the post. They hadn't given up and were still playing some good football. We were standing as one resolute, concentrated and hungry to finish them off. Again we broke down one of their passing moves for Matty to play a through ball to Dave who bamboozled their defence to find himself on side in front of the keeper with 20 yards between him and the goal only to lob a perfect ball in to the back of the net. HE'S NOT A CENTRE FORWARD YOU KNOW. It was good night Vienna and no way back for the opposition. A long awaited win which puts us back on track for the league title. Everyone enjoyed the banter in the changing rooms as Alistair was threatening to "pull everyone off" not least of all their eleventh man who was towelling his scrotum only inches away!! A beer and some well presented sandwiches were consumed and we all drove back over the border to carry on the day. Dave went home for a wank (well deserved in my book) Then ended up on a drinking session with John B talking about their goals constantly. Next week MBNAZWYQTS. Enjoy your week ahead bonny lads.

Hugs and Kisses

Knobs 0 Ware 2

First league defeat, three more games on the trot to define our league season- either we win them and go on to geriatric glory or we play for memories. Howay the lads. Which reminds me of the first goal conceded against Ware after 30 minutes yesterday. Does the cry from the keeper, "Away, away, away," suggest he is a sad Newcastle supporter who has lost his way yem or is it an entreaty to a defender to kick the fucking ball anywhere but somewhere? Answers on the end of your knobs please, the most fertile answer receiving grandstand ticketsto a rousing event of their choice- answers on a postcard please as to what entails a most pleasing arousing event. Dirty answers only- we are lads after all!
All agreed neither side deserved to lose. How satisfying.
It stood 1-0 until their second with 9 minutes to go-a clear shot from a corner that finished the contest. We never got such clear cut chances, despite our superior attacking play. Do we over egg the pudding in the final third. I've always tended to think so. Yet it has to be said that their defence was hard, together and committed so probably that cancels out our attacking flair. A couple of goalline skirmishes defied belief and probably summed up our lack of luck on the day. Perhaps Gavin should have had a penalty late on, I've thought about it a bit and perhaps I'm a little bit too unbiassed. Did he get the ball first before being assassinated by the goalie's attack? Probably. I think the modern law interpretation says penalty! All so quick, sorry Gavin, sorry lads, that would have been 2-1 with time to go but there you are, well played everyone. It was generally a very pacy game on a very slick surface with the rain falling incessantly from start to louse. I froze and am expecting the transplant by the end of the week from a baboon, now we're talking.
Roy was back as if he'd never been away. We played 4-3-3 somewhat successfully but lacked killer instinct in the box. A combination of no luck, poor poaching and often crap crosses after the hard work had been done. As I said their defence was very sound if unspectacular.
Darren had a tete a tete with the winger who is still lurking in Knebworth back streets looking for revenge. " He's been kicking me all game" he mutters to no noticeable effect. Just ignore him if you see him, I think he's harmless if a little deranged.
The margarine crust at The Fox really took the biscuit- pity it wasn't one - a dog biscuit that is, I might have ate it. But it looked better when decorated with litter and a crumpled fag packet.
Howay Fox, rationing's been over for 60 years!
John Boyle- don't be disheartened life is a learning curve. Ask Ledley.

Therfield 3 Knobs 0

Lovely day- wind too strong, bare 11 of those signed on available and a bit of a defeat.
Individually many struggled in the wind and numerous filled in rabbit holes. We actually only conceded the second goal with 15 minutes left and then all spirit- such as it was- evaporated.
We could have scored a few but didn't. Hit the bar in first minute (my gammy leg though I caught it too well). One terrific move saw a cross- at last- by John, square to Steve who hit a sweet shot low which was well saved by their keeper. The latter played well. A run of 60 yards by Chris Wilson was a highlight and it ended with a raking shot just wide.
Our crossing was either non existent (over playing with extra touches) or lamentable. That means utter shite.
On the positive side, players who rarely get a sniff of a run out never mind a whole 90 minutes were afforded a chance to graft and craft. I realise that football for all our members is the rationale of the club- so this somewhat abated my disquiet at the performance and the result.
First time I've ever kicked off to the accompaniment of a referee smoking a fag. There's a first. I thought the ref was pleasant but one sided and altogether quite crap. But there you are, Sir Alex would have gone red, peuce and black before spontaneously combusting. "It was only a shove!"
Must remember that rule.
Rumour mill.
One member, unavailable for work reasons, was in Manchester closetly watching something called "Pink"!
One member's family commitments seems to require him to drink all afternoon in The Roebuck, deigning the opportunity to drink a social pint with the oppo after the game.
A poor turn out in Therfield's re-opened pub after the game, but a content if contentious turn out. Realise everyone has a view, must remember that.
Four league games on the trot now, enjoy it may be the end.
Bring back Roy- even Big Bob got a mention yesterday but then Therfield was the scene of his oratorical fame. "Call yourself a camel"!

Aunty Social

Knobs 2 Saints 2

Good point in the end and on the whole an enjoyable, competitive game played in good spirit.

A little bit of tactics before the game- 4-3-3! (or rather 4-3-1-2- with Steve B the more withdrawn of the front 3 pulling a few strings).

This ultimately means clamping the middle of the field, relinquishing some of the width, so that we defend somewhat narrowly and unfortunately, unless the full backs are charging forward into the vacant wide spaces, attacking by playing through a narrower, somewhat congested middle of the pitch. This was working to an extent in the first half, though feelings develop among defenders that too much space is been given out wide when they attack. Central midfielders start to feel uneasy and want to drift out to combat the threats wide and often get caught half and half. The answer is hold your nerve- give them that space and defend inside of it by sheer energy and extra weight of numbers. Another downside is that things can get a bit cramped through the middle, people getting in each others' way, sometimes an inability to make passes through a crowd, and the frustration of trying to run with the ball in such congestion.

This can be alleviated by practice at the system, having the fullbacks regularly attacking down the wide spaces of the wings (and having the guts and some sort of fitness to get back again quickly if a move breaks down), and having the front two making arcing runs out into the width anticipating occasional balls knocked into spaces there. After we woke up and realised the game had started this is what happened on a few occasions and Matt and Gavin's speed proved hot to handle. I thought we would at least score a sackful with our attacking against their not too robust defence!

We took a 2-0 lead- hey this is easy. First an inadequate goalkeeping clearance was taken up by Gavin who slid across for Matt to coolly slot home from 10 yards. Shortly afterwards a nice move saw the ball arrive to Matt who lashed goalwards, the ball ricocheting to Chris W at the far post, who netted easily. They got in a few times but squandered their chances before pulling one back from a goalmouth melee just before half time.

While I was removing a dog turd from the pitch at half time an active debate was taking place about systems. Please stick with the one we're using and we did. However let's not forget they are a useful, pretty fit side who were unbeaten and up for it. Perhaps it was their play and their fitness that in the end accounted for more than any particular system we adopted (I'm sure it was- please disagree) and they duly achieved an equaliser- an excellent finish and missed a hatful. I don't know what everyone thinks about the way the game unfolded but I reckon there is a general lack of belief in each other as individuals within the system and the fitness of each other leading to people fretting about teammates ability to do a job rather than concentrating on their own performances positively, that was and is the main drawback. Believe young men believe!

One incident of note. We defended and attacked, leaving an opponent "injured" in the wake. We knock ball out. They give us the ball back via one of their blokes (someone called cunt) who hits a rather too hard too wide ball at our goal- Trevor, in goal, is evaded and the ball trickles home for a goal. Their passer throws up his arms in elation- as I said, cunt. I as referee reluctantly blow for their goal. To their credit they refuse it. I don't know- getting too old for this modern morality. OK- we play on and am accosted by their captain , no it's a goal and then we'll let you kick off and run down and score. Is tis an actual rule or some bliddy extra complication devised from this daft etiquette grey area that has developed in the game? I don't know- oh just play on 2-2, and that's how it ended.

Huge turn out by both sides in THE FOX. Them in the pub and us in the 'garden'. Sandwiches were a scuptural masterpiece- how can nutrition be squeezed into something so exquisitively thin? That fat guy from Ipswich would struggle on this diet! The sliced cucumber tasted nice! Congratulations to Bill and Paul- twenty four hours late- I gather Danny Griffiths had announced the event to come under Knebworth 1st teams's 'fact of the week' the day before.

Knobs 'fact of the week'- John Boyle commits to family- misses game to go to Southend to watch a game with brothers, Ray and Rob. AAH there's nice boyo!

Harpenden Rovers 1 Knobs 1

First the game. A fairly fought innocuous sort of affair, I thought, from my position as linesman throughout. Apart from some blatant hacks on Gavin and a slap in the face by Phil, for which he was booked, it was a torpid affair. Some may see it as a good result in hindsight- I thought, with our personnel we should have wiped them out. There you are- opinions. Their keeper saved five times brilliantly and denied us certain goals. They rarely threatened. With a distinct advantage, second half, downslope and a burgeoning wind behind them their sole tactic seemed to be their own goalkicks. Their fleet footed forward stood 30 yards beyond our back four awaiting a titanic launch which rarely came and when it did Trevor simply teased it from his toecaps in the area. Well I suppose they had a tactic. Did we? Gavin, first half on the left was breathtakingly fast, leading to keeper saves and a hack down for a penalty from which Steve missed- it bobbled with goalie going wrong way and trickled past the post! We made some changes with Dave deputising at centre forward, right back, centre half and left back, the boy was all over the place and hacked noone. Chris Wilson had an outstanding game and John Boyle proved to be an excellent right back when placed there. We took the lead when Matt charged down a goalie's clearance with the ball falling invitingly to Mike- he doesn't miss those- often. They equalised with a soft one- admittedly- but apart from a a couple of saves from Trevor and a head off the line from John they hardly threatened. Man of the match? Their goalkeeper.
We retired for excellent snacks and bottles of beer to their clubhouse where MFI furniture is having a renaissance, then went home. Just as I was approaching my front door I was accosted by John and Phil and we adjourned to the Station for a couple. Same clientele, perhaps a little fatter and it still stinks, more so without the fragrant masking of tobacco fumes.

Tactics. It's vets football so you have try hard but also be aware of the limitations nowadays of your teammates. Like slowing down a bit and not being available. Understood!
In Gavin we have a resource not likely to be matched by oppositions. Agreed? Now Gavin might want to be a bit more involved in footballing build up play of a purist sort but above all else he is a Billy Whizz awaiting the welly up and over or around or anywhere in the last third. I'm sure some will not agree, well they are wrong.
Somehow, even though we are unbeaten in the last five games, we are not playing as well as last season and it's not due to individual foibles. I recognise that Steve is not the Martin, Richard or Phil type of midfielder but who else passes short or long with such zip and accuracy? Noone.
Playing Steve as one of two forwards, on the other hand reduces his effectiveness markedly. So what to be done.
In a 4-4-2 the two wide midfielders have to tuck in far more and support and rule the middle. Give them the space out wide, most teams don't know what to do with it. We want a compact centre and if they progress down the wings we will have enough players in the middle, behind the ball to move over and cover or in the ulikely event of them creating a crossing opportunity wide, we will have numbers in the middle to deal with any threat.
Another method, 4-4-3. Again we would depend on personnel. This would have Steve lurking behind the front two with 3 midfielders behind him. This would be fine if the two fullbacks were fit and eager enough to keep filling the wide spaces up AND back again. See who is available.
Then there is the diamond. Fabio said to me........ perhaps we should forgo this.
The best tactical set up would probably be 1-4-4- 3 but we don't cheat but it's worth a thought when playing underage sides.
Fair wind to your arses.

Ron

Knobs 2 Birchanger 1

The rain has arrived thus ending dessicated, bouncy pitches the likes of which we played on yesterday- until some other climatic excuse arises!
Four wins in a row, is that right, and we haven't played remotely well as a team yet!
Next week a league tester away to Harpenden Rovers and a number of absentees already announced.
After Friday's team meet and tashin session those that attended emerged fit and rashless.
A couple of lads carrying injuries on the day made subbing a little easier but not much.
The first 15 minutes most of the players were individually poor and 'playing' at walking pace thus as a team we were not there.
Things improved so much so that by the end of the game I noticed players bursting guts with pace and effort and it made you wonder what triggers this effort that wasn't there 'early doors' (don't you hate that phrase).
We were very much in control for a large part of the game and when we did play simple football from front to back, there was so much space and control it looked easy. Steve Bull is there for a reason keep using him or he'll take root and turn into a very pretty tree.
A reasonable move saw the ball present itself to Alistair, a few yards out, he desisted from the first time lash with the right and after a series of contortions in and and around his left foot he let fly and netted comfortably , to his intense pleasure.
The second arrived mid second half when from a Bully corner, Dave 'hacker' Jordan sidefooted home before hobbling back to the half way line, boot in hand!!!!
They scored direct, more or less, perhaps less, from a corner, with 10 minutes left. We were left with the unedifying sight of a handbags exchange between bristling Dave and their non bristling full back. The final whistle went in lieu of the first bell but everyone went home. Pub poorly attended in the last of the summer sun.

Recent games 2009

Garston 7-1, men and boys. A bit of strategy and some self awareness might have narrowed the gap. Got to mention Brendan's fabulous 25 yard goal. He caught the ball perfectly as he was leaning backwards getting just the right leverage and elevation to lob the keeper.

League v Old Owens- We win 4-1. Comfortable win. Well reffed I thought. JB opened his account, Matty got a couple and our new centre forward Paul scored the other. Glue hands Mark kept goal- find of the season?
Our new centre forward left us with 10 minutes left and will not be returning. I believe Steve Bull is his agent.
Steve was taken off briefly and took it like a man. Cough, cough splutter. He knew it made sense.

Knobs 3 Old Pretenders 0. Was away to the barren north for a funeral. An own goal was one of the scorers. The others?

Computer now fixed, ta JB.
Knobs 2 Goldcheats 0.
Scorers John Boyle, a fine strike from a narrow angle and Martin following up a sweeping move neatly finished off at the far post leaving their youthful midfielders admiring him from the half way line!
The game would have been a forfeit on account of their superfluity of young non-talent and I have learned today that is indeed to count as a forfeit and the result is now 1-0 to us. I believe 4 of the first 6 league fixtures have been forfeits. A fucking parlour game not football. Best forfeit?
Sandy 9 Ware 2 now reads Sandy 0 Ware 1! Who will win this league? Why the one who can spot the under 30 year old in the opposition ranks. We could qualify for Europe? Keep up the old corinthian spirit eh wot!
Alistair got kicked up the bracket, eliciting much sympathy and not a little blood. Yours truly got a shouting at for not having a bottle of water concealed in his jock strap. Alistair helped himself to a bottle from a bag and raised the ire of one Steve B. "It's not water, it's medicine". Alistair sluiced on undeterred. ( heard today that Alistair's face has fallen off but he has one or two working parts left).
Everyone played well. Defence good, particularly Chris G and Simmo. Trevor dislocated a pinkie which Alistair reset and he played on.
All good in the late summer world.
Toodle pip.

Knobs 1 Garston 7

August 23 Knobs 2 Walkern 0- serious blog for Steve

No - your eyes do not deceive you, the threadbare Knobs (bare 11) took on the mighty Walkern with their superfluity of on -off subs on a baking hot day and won!
This game had cancellation written all over it until Wednesday, when Steve's assistance helped me make up the numbers. There was a very poor player availability for this attractive, longstanding fixture.
On the day I wished I'd called it off when we were hit by Chris G's withdawal with back spasms- at least he turned up and watched, but his new boots went unused. Steve's no show was my fault I should have emphatically said come but I didn't. Darren didn't show?
So I had to ask their bloke to ref, play meself with the unmended arthritic knee and in Brendan's trainers. We had Andy in goal and Des centre forward, both thanks to Steve and Kel at right back thanks to Brendan.
I felt chosing to kick uphill first half was a clever ploy in damage limitation but fuck me with a nasty big nail we outplayed them and beat them. We had more chances, more shots and ultimately thanks to Des, (Des again in a way- unselfish square ball) and myself two more goals than them at the final whistle.
Andy was very sound, handling with aplomb throughout but the back four were well organised and excellent.
Kel at right back, Roy and Simmo in the centre and Twiggy left back tackled, positioned themselves and cleared their lines all day long. Everyone worked well to cover gaps and pressurise them on the ball so that they were inevitably reduced to mispassing or wellying over a number of hopeful crosses.
Nae danger.
Mark Mills worked like a Trojan as did Brendan, right midfield. Pity after Brendan has made a run into their penalty area he can't do a bit of a Bolt back to our area to defend. Steve would be so happy! Excellent Martin and Steve, in the centre, controlling the game with tackles, interceptions and incisive passing (Steve flattened 3 times by their number 2- I would have said nothing, he looked a real mean Mr Mustardseed). Des and Ron had their share of joy upfront. So pleased to hit the Fox at the finish, where the ham rolls proved altogether..............well proved our catering manager has not had the quiet word yet!!!! Howay Dave!
Next game will be a tough one at home to Garston. Their best team. A selection conundrum?
Don't forget the golf on Friday and the cricket tournament on Sunday- contact Bill.

Ron

PS The goals- number 1- a good move from our keepers' hands, via some passes out to Mark Mills then a lovely diagonal ball drawing a well timed run by Des saw him enter the area and sidefoot home. Never offside- it was their linesman as well who was adamant it was onside.
Number 2- another back to front passing move saw Des running in on goal from the left, a square ball to Ron saw him complicatedly tap home via the goalie's lunging leg. Who the fuck likes simple anyway. You've got to be on the spot though.

Pre Season Training

Pre season training is taking place at the Knebworth recreation ground every Tuesday evening. Currently training is starting at 7pm and Phil Wells is in charge of the sessions which have so far been very good if lacking a few of the squad!

Ronald is making notes for the new season so come along to these excellent sessions, get fit and impress the manager to book your place in the starting line-up for the first game of the season. As you know certain players always get selected but there are still places up for grabs!

Go safely now, enjoy the summer and remember if worried there is always help available at www.40over40.com. It's never too late to get in shape.

John

Presentation Evening Friday 5th June

It was raining, the cricket match was called off and Elvis never showed but a fine evening was still had at the cricket club.

The BBQ was still on and Dave who was looking for a fur burger had to make do with a Trussells burger instead!

The following awards were given out –

Most appearances made - Bully (played all 32 games)
Goal of the season - Chris Wilson v Datchworth on 15 March 09
Golden boot - Matt Peacock (27 goals in 29 games)
Managers player of the season - Bully
Players player of the season - John Boyle

Trevor also accepted a knobheads T-shirt on behalf of the team that played at Crawley Green.

So there you have it, ale was consumed and a lot got soaked on the long walk home. Special mention must be given to Paul who finally managed to crawl up the stairs to his bed about 8 hours after getting in!

Colin

Presentation Night on Friday 5th June

Fellow Knobs,

The team meeting and presentation will now take place at Knebworth Park Cricket Club, Old Knebworth Lane.

The fun, games and drinking will commence at 6.00 with a Twenty Over Knobs vs Knebworth Park Social XI cricket match. Please let me know if you want to play so that I can organise the team. Those not wanting to play can watch and barrack from the veranda and supply the team with refreshments throughout the match.

The presentation will take part after the cricket and there will also be entertainment in the form of a tribute to Elvis and Newcastle and also a BBQ.

If you are going early evening and need help with transport please let John B know and he may be able to assist.

For those who have not been to the park before it is a fantastic setting and (some may not like this) would be safe to bring partners and children.

Other diary dates :-
• 4th July – KNOBS BBQ – Venue Bill’s House
• 7th August – KNOBs vs KPCC Social the rematch

Cheers
Bill – Unsocial Secretary
John – Communications Director

Season Stats

We played a total of 32 games this season, winning 18, drawing 4 and losing 10. We scored a total of 115 goals and conceded 77.

Players who made 10 appearances (including coming on as sub) or more were as follows:

32 – Steve Bull
29 – Matt Peacock
28 – John Boyle
26 – Brendan Wren
22 – Chris Wilson
21 – Alastair Moye
21 – Chris Griffiths
21 – Roy Oakley
20 – Phil Wells
19 – Gavin Simpson
17 – John Twigg
17 – Trevor Hyatt
16 – Mike Lisle
15 – Martin Byron-Grange
15 – Paul Crosby
14 – Mark Mills
14 – Ron Crennell
13 – Dave Jordan

Other players who made appearances were:

9 – Bill Martin, 8 – Steve Hammond, 7 – Richard Curzon, 6 – Darren Harman, 2 – Kenny Hogg, 2 – Robin Wells, 2 – Tony Evans, 1 –Andy Simpson, 1 –Paul Berry, 1 – Uncle Tom Cobley

Bully was the only ever present player for the second season in a row which is a great feat so well done to him.

The 115 goals were scored by:

27 - Matt Peacock
17 – John Boyle
16 – Steve Bull
15 – Gavin Simpson
13 – Mike Lisle
5 – Chris Wilson
5 – Mark Mills
5 – Ron Crennell
3 – John Twigg
2 – Phil Wells
2 – Martin Byron-Grange
1 – Brendan Wren
1 – Alastair Moye
1 – Dave Jordan
1 – Bill Martin
1 – Darren Harman

Did you know that Bully scored all 6 penalties that he took placing the ball into the same corner of the respective goal each time and giving the keeper no chance?

The Fair Play League

No one yet knows who won the league but I guess it was or will be Sandy. Maybe Ron will have an update.

You may say who cares about the league but one interesting fact is that Gavin scored in every league game that he played – 12 goals in 7 games.

Peace to all.

John

Knobs 5 Potters Bar 2

The end of a very long season, not many cancellations either. I hope you are all satiated and looking forward to a rest. Next game not until tail end of August by God, if some of us live that long. Where's me tablets?
John Boyle, who has worked tirelessly in the administrative department admitted that he had really enjoyed the season I hope others have been similarly affected.
Yesterday's game against Kevin Patrick's all stars was a success in many ways. They tried , we tried, we all I hope enjoyed, regardless of the result. Sorry I didn't tell David about sandwiches but a cosy group in an uninhabited pub enjoyed two hastily cooked plates of chips and Dave Jordan's sausages from the night before- hope you all got to work this morning.
The game itself was tighter than the score suggests.
I thought we started well and it would be a matter of time before goals started raining in against a side not entirely used to playing together in an 11 a side. I was in goal, not by choice, Dave was referee , certainly not by choice!
A slip let Kevin in and a misjudgement, difficult thing keeping, meant I had to rugby tackle him, the ball fell dead, so almost did I. Dave didn't give the penalty but I did. What have I become, a fair minded Alistair without the humour? Despite loud protests from Knobs the penalty was rightly awarded. I knew I'd save it- I didn't, curiously, but engineeered where it would go and missed it by millimetres, despite all those would be keepers loudly advising me to stand here, over a bit, back a bit, up a bit, adjust your bra a bit etc. I knew we'd come back back and score a few so fairs fair. After a while I wasn't so sure as miss followed miss. I wondered if Darren's encouragement was getting to us a little bit, but I kept my peace smouldering about the iniquities of existence, until suddenly a move led to an outstanding finish from distance by Chris Wilson, a good distance out, top corner. By the way it pissed down all first half, personally I was freezing. Their keeper then miskicked a goalkick at Matt who simply passed it back into an open goal. Not much intricate play there then! Steve then tried one of his longish potshots, he should do it more often, and this one straight at the keeper and not with a lot of fizz bent his hands back and it went in. I always avoid wanking before I take up the gloves.
I missed the half time team talk in order to go and change. All half time team talks should simply say. Attack with width, defend narrowly, when you lose the ball strive to get back behind it immediately. Energy and never say die. Marking men, tactics, strategies, shut yer gob.
Second half saw them rejuvenated and as injuries to our lot seemed to be mounting they started to boss the game. Aye aye I thought aye aye! I didn't think much further than that mind, it hurts yer head.
They scored with a long distance shot pathetically let in. 3-2 and it stayed like that for a while. We gonna struggle here and noone will come to the pub afterwards and noone will want to play next season and the world will end not with a bang but with a whimper.
I took over as ref, brought Dave on and Brendan took over the gloves. Nowt much changed but Phil and I were highly amused at one Brendan 'save'. Falling to the earth and scooping the ball away for a corner. All in slow motion, wonderful, he should have been carrying a shovel.
Dave succumbed to a strain or was it alien amputation of a leg he weren't using? He went off to tend himself, hours later it seemed after unswaddling himself he came back on in goal. Oh in the meanwhile time caught up with the midfield maestro, who succumbed to the whistle with me replacing him. Hope that last sumptious pass before he retired does not prove to be his last.
It was left for us to take some sort of intitiative with people playing all over the shop. Except for Mark who stopped playing, turned out he had severe buttock strain all second half. Not many people know that but now you do. Try laxatives but not on the pitch.
I did a Kevin Nolan, who?, Kevin Nolan, you know the ponderous plodder who strives to cause damage in his opponent's box at Newcastle but can't make it due to the impediment of carrying an iron lung in his jock strap. Anyway I made it. The anticipation I was pleased with, the finish a purposeful toe end from 20 yards into the top corner, well.... I was kinda pleased with also.
This meant pressure off, and in the 135th minute a lashing long distance volley from Matt, from out by the touchline put the icing on the cake.
Steve did offer to punch someone- well he was referee he's allowed to assert his authority. Phil had a bit of handbags and gladrags with Phil- hey Kev what kind of punch was that?
We took down the posts, literally to end another season. God bless you all.
Presentation evening in the Fox, June 5, see you all there.
Has Big Bob been reincarnated? Watch this space..........

CRAWLEY GREEN 12 (lost count) KNEBWORTH 0 (no count) - match report by Mark Mills

It is difficult to find a starting point on where it all went wrong!
We turned up on time and felt confident and organized in the changing room having beaten them last season. Some of us even warmed up with some dynamic stretching (stretching on the move) and started fairly well although we failed to hold on to the ball and keep possession in the early stages.
The artificial pitch seemed to favour their style and they passed the ball around well and found their players with ease. We created very little around their goal and had to resort to some stout defending until we conceded the first goal. This gave them further impetus to pile on the pressure and score a second from a corner to go two up at half time.

We re-grouped in the afternoon heat and discussed where we were going wrong and came up with plan B.
We went back out thinking we had a trick up our selves and would play a holding game to stifle their play but all we succeeded in doing was to open up and provide an access route to goal which they duly obliged and carved us apart every five minutes!

We huffed and puffed and produced one or two good moves and carved out a couple of half chances but in truth we lacked the application, the innovation and determination to change things around, although it was not down to lack of effort by everyone.
I t was a hot day, it was in the afternoon and it was the penultimate game of a very good season up to then, but in truth they were fitter, more organized, showed greater movement and clearly knew each other’s game. They also had the advantage of playing regularly on the artificial pitch.

What lessons can we learn from this performance? We seemed to drop our heads too early having conceded only two goals and our will to compete evaporated in the afternoon heat. . It did not seem a proper game on this pitch and I feel we did not adjust accordingly or play our usual game of getting down the flanks as we normally do well. They were a good footballing side but perhaps if it had been a league game played on grass and we had a larger squad to keep things fresh, the outcome may have been different?

That game has now gone and we must now focus on the next one against Kevin’s team from Potters Bar.The game on Sunday was never going to have a bearing on our season so we move on and upwards. I sound like a Premiership manager, perhaps I should be on the telly!

Mark

Knobs 2 Welwyn Pegasus 2

We should have won.
We should have won.
We did not because of lack of nous (self belief) and even so because we missed masses of opportunities which were there. Bad luck? Always a factor but something you can hardly do much about.
They were out of breath before the start. A bare 11 men bleating for 40 minutes each way and even 40 minutes the whole match.
What happens? We start off as slowly as I've seen us in a while. Even then after 20 minutes when we have started to warm up it's still only 0-0 so that's OK. They are, and were, no mugs, some strong players in their midst, supplemented by the return of Adrian a powerful centre back presence. We were tentative, disjointed and out of tune with each other. OK, I thought, familiarity will creep back in and we'll stuff them. Didn't happen and by the end we scraped a draw with a penalty with minutes to go.
Sure we're all friendly, sociable and perfectly together in the pub- we are after all not just a group of oldish guys for whom the football is the be all and the end all of the Sunday outing- but lately I think that as individuals and as a team enterprise we've let things slip a wee tad.
In my opinion we have some terrific vets' players but we really have to expect these players to really play to their worth both in terms of energy and guile.
Otherwise a game like today could go the way of the three previous games- defeat. A rut, difficult to get out of. We drew, but despite having by far the better chances and loads of corners we must consider ourselves very fortunate.
They scored in the first half via a toe poke over the line with several players trying to keenly watch better than each other. We eventually equalise direct from a corner thrillingly diverted into the net by their keeper. ( Steve's goal). Free kick on the half way line (late whistle) gave them a chance to launch the ball forward- tip on by big rangy midfielder to a wholly unattended mate made it 2-1.
Crucially they missed a sitter for 3-1, allowing us to sniff again, when with minutes to go Gavin made a desperate effort to claw a ball back from going out before being hacked down by their robust full back. Immediate penalty- vehement protests, makes you wonder, was I right?
Corse I was, even if Gavin would not have regained the ball, certainly the full back wouldn't
so what was the guy doing carving him down from the back. Well he was actually ensuring that neither of them would get to the ball! Also you can cripple someone from such tackles from behind. After the afternoon had elapsed, with Newcastle slumping to inevitable defeat and Barton slinking to an inevitable early bath, I am sure the decision was right. Steve converted unerringly.
Showers cold again. Nice to see Richard back- a marathon effort.
We must marry team work with a bit more individuality next week- a bit of selfish dribbling, certainly in the final third will not be frowned upon.
BBQ on cup final day discussed. Watch this black hole.
Swine flu? As I thought it's a case of hype and media shite. Mind you Twiggy's pork scatchings were not readily consumed!

Knobs v distant Kempston

They pulled out on Saturday night.
Steve's unbroken run continues!

Walkern 3 KNOBS 2

A game played in good spirits on a lovely spring morning in Stevenage. Walkern are a good footballing side and the games against them are always enjoyable.

Ronald was back from his romantic break on Saturday and with a bottle of beer and onion bhaji in hand laid out the team on one of Tommy’s prized drawings. Ronald would not be able to make the start of the game as he had to make breakfast in bed for Maggie, clean the pillow case drawer and go shopping in Waitrose first.

I couldn’t remember the tactics or team talk for the game so informed Chris G he was captain and told everyone to ‘run around a bit’. Run around a bit we did and before long we were 2-0 down.

Walkern went ahead after a cleared corner was played back into the box and their forward scored with a neat touch past Trevor. Their second goal came after another set-piece that somehow dropped nicely and they couldn’t miss from a few yards out. We had started a little slowly as usual but we seemed to have a lot more energy and pace throughout and we also played some nice football.

2-0 it was at half time so we decided to run around a bit more and the half was pretty much one way traffic with more nice football played and a few chances created. The score was soon 2-1 after a super defence splitting pass from Bully picked out yours truly to finish off left footed past the keeper. Not long after and we were level with a bullet header from Gorgeous Gavin from a Bully set-piece delivery.

The winning goal came from a break down their left with the Walkern player racing away to finish past Trevor at the near post. And that was it for the scoring as Walkern dropped deeper, defended well and we could not break them down. In the end if they hadn't scored any goals, we would've won! Ronald finally turned up late in the game but unless I am mistaken he appeared to be watching the MBDA v Saints game.

A cold shower after the game and then we were off to the Fat Cow pub to sit in the sun and eat sausage and chips coated in red vinegar, yum yum. As Brian Clough once said when told that Elton John was waiting to meet him "Tell the fat poof I'll be out in a minute".

John

Dads and coaches5 Knobs 2

Well beaten in the end. Mark scored then Tom Martin scored. We were outmuscled in the fun game. Missing several regulars against this team. Thank you to Charlie and Tom for standing in at late notice. No subs taken, JB declares it a fun game not official. This is the worst report yet. I have a buggered knee and a split mouth you see and am busy gardening.
Next week big game v Walkern make sure you are available.

Knobs 1 Standon 2

A glorious day, a pitch bouncy and bumpy, signs of grass growing and we lost.
A competitive game, which was good but disappointing in that we failed to put away the many chances we had. They had hardly any at all yet probably looked to be the more competitive side.
an illusion- they had to my mind the advantage of only having 11 men. We had two subs and therein lies, in my opinion, our weakness on the day. On and off, on and off and disruption.
Starting with Roy on the bench proved a bit of a disaster but he was struggling with injury, but you wouldn't have known it when he came on at 2-0 down. Things were tighter thereafter and it was only a question of clawing our way back into ther game. Chances came and went yet when a lovely header from Mike, at the end of a patient move (Steve Bull cross) brought us to 2-1 we still had time to knacker them but we didn't.
Poor challenging or rather no challenging for both their headed goals was no discredit to Paul who performed solidly in goal.
Gavin just didn't have luck with him on the day, one surge through took him past the keeper for an open goal and he bliddy well slipped. Some cheating homer refs might have given a penalty but not ours.
By the way we started slowly, very slowly, to the point of not starting at all. The first 20 minutes was all theirs on grounds of application, attitude and effort. We were poor. We improved and got better without being totally fluent- they competed to the end, they're not bad. Next game arrive on time, talk to each other before the game, about the game and what you're gonna do on the pitch then gan doon The Fox afterwards and talk as much as you want about anything else.
We shouldn't have to be told.
Matty had new boots. Very nice but they're not hitting the ball as hard as the old ones yet.
Nice to see Martin back and Richard in consecutive weeks.
Happy Easter- next Sunday we play The Dads and Coaches if we can raise 11!?

Knobs 3 Ashwell 0

Easy game, in other words we weren't trying hard enough. Perhaps it was the pre-match preambles. "This is an easy opposition go easy on them", considering I turned out for them it was a wise strategy. Comfortable win but more than a hint that it wasn't that enjoyable. Well there was a lack of togetherness, teamwork overall methinks. Won on spasms of individuality. OK for this game!
It has to be said that Ashwell were a team of gentlemen, resplendent in their outrageous Sunderland kit. Do I look good in this? Nah I don't think so.
Anyway it was a close first half refereed by a neutral or should that be neutered Dave Jordan. Ashwell failed to score on the opportunities made and presented and Knobs went one up with probably their only salient 'attack'. Ball falls into area to feet of deadly John who nonchalently bobbles it home. The second was a bit iffy. I wasn't the only one to silently wonder about the penalty decision as Matt (another assist) was bundled over by a body that could hardly defy gravity by getting out of his way. Steve, after regaling us on his penalty prowess on Friday night, proved his point by finding the bottom corner, with perhaps even more power than usual.
Half time 2-0.
A carefully re-jigged set up in the second half saw Roy with the flag and Phil 's brother Robin on in his place. To no avail. Ashwell's passing deteriorated in the second half as tiredness set in and they were no match. Though a stupendous blocked save by Gavin prevented embarrassment.
A Gary Owen unchallenged by Mark Mills, playing for them, found its way to the edge of the area where Matt shot home unerringly via a post. A neat finish I thought. That's the way it ended.
What else can one say except next week's opposition will be a different option.
Chris W had risen from his sick bed to get drunk the previous night before turning out and playing well within himself. Steve ambled to good effect- not getting enough of the ball.
Bill the bastard couldn't resist fouling Mark Mills- Dave missed it or was it play on advantage?
John Boyle was so starved of service he declared himself bored. He had to have cheese rolls before going to the Fox- honest. Gavin was faultless in goal, handling so sure. He's up front next week mind. Richard returned- he will be back- he needs to be.
Dave was surprised at the table manners of Ashwell, excuse me was that a foul, please referee surely that's our throw in, shiver me timbers surely no pen!
At this stage of the season no doubt minds will be pondering "man of the season", I know I'm sleepless with the worry. Keep pondering. It's an open race.
Most of the oppo came to the Fox, except don't think Mark was there, no he weren't. He took some ribbing- they wont ask him back in a hurry. Are we or are we not bastards, yes I am- only fun.
Our social arrangements keep collapsing- the French tour, the Stevenage-Wembley trip, the races, the summer cricket team. Thank God for the pub crawl. I like the pub bit, it's the crawl that's a drag. That fire in the Fox was so enticing
The latest is the Quiz- innit?
Where's Dave's tenner?

MBDNAAAAA1 Knobs 4

A languid performance on a warm spring day culminating in the only acceptable result. Perhaps it was the mayhem at the start, who's coming, how many do they have, who's reffing, is this the world in an oyster shell? I dunno.
I thought they tried hard and competed with a couple of twenty year olds, perhaps it was the post winter baked, bouncy pitch but they shouldn't have been in the game for so long. Perhaps the pitch was our main opponent, probably. When we did attempt a passing move it resulted in a Steve cross unerringly onto the head of M. Boyle who caressed it with height and loop inside the post. Lovely. 1-1. I came off then with a complicated case of knee-fuckitis. They had led from a corner in a rare 'attack' when in a case of after you Claude politeness, the ball arrived to the the unfortunate Brendan thence into the goal. I blame Trevor and Alistair. Alistair was the one to clear and Trev's call of Alistair was therefore unecessary. That's what it seemed to me from some distance in Never Never Land.
We took a 2-1 lead from a rifled Phil shot from an astute, 'get on the end of that' pass from Steve. Matt smashed a couple more in- he should go for power next time, test those nets make sure they're up properly while he's lacing his boots.
Injuries galore, though most peope stayed the course, groins and hamstrings. I winced each time Roy approached the ball and he retired to give my fucked knee one last try out at centre half.
This was Bill's old school by the way. Why didn't he cry?
We adjourned to the Mallard an old fashioned pub where after many crisps they served us with a platter of cheeses and bits and pieces, very nice too! John Boyle is a gherkin fiend, I only got one.
Season approaching the close, lassitude abounds. A Knobs Friday night cicket team is mooted, over to you Bill.
Next week we are at home to Ashwell, who Mark assures me are a really weak though enthusiastic team. So bear that in mind when invited to partake.
I wonder if Paul has the paint off the new carpet yet? Next time get Tom to do the painting. That Tom! Watch what you say.

Knobs 4 Datchworth 0

Funny old game- thank you Greavsie- funny old game.
We had15 and Gavin watching and me reffing. They eventually had 7, we gave them 4, Gav still watched and I still reffed ....just.
Paul surely was their man of the match- in goal- nuff said.
Mark , Dave and Bill started for them - the midfield! They did well- don't you agree? We carved them to bits in the first half but partly due to a couple of smart saves from Paul and mainly due to some rather snatched finishing the half time score stood at 0-0. Can we lose this ? Surely not. Dave and Mark were replaced by two of their late arrivals Rip van Winkle and his mate Dozy the dwarf. Bill continued for 90 minutes for them and easily enough to suggest today was hardly his swan song. He yapped and dissented throughout and will play again.
Eventually in the second half after more alarming misses Mark 'beat' the offside trap and slid home. No linesmen at this moment so play on young bucks.
Paul mishit a goal kick to the half way line onto the swiping volley of Chris W, who found the net from 50 yards- top corner, quite astonishing. 2-0.
A proper goal arrived as Steve picked up a ball beat a man, steadied himself and shot home nicely from distance. One goal remained, a typical Mark cross, possibly creeping in the far post, was bravely headed home by a diving M. Boyle. A brilliant John effort but was Mark denied?
A little bit of handbags between Dave and Olly, came to nowt, expertly reffed, and the game fizzled out in the heat. Chris G tore a muscle, Roy took a bump (and a lump of his opponent, who was stifled by Roy's agonising scream). Roy does distress really well, Hollywood beckons.
Both teams attended the Fox, in the garden and Sunday drizzled to an end..........

Next MBDNABHFGRTYUI or something at Barclay School Stevenage. I play.
John T played target man very well, first half today by the way.

Love you all.

Goldings 1 KNOBS 2 - match report by John B

This was a hard fought and deserved victory in our final league game of the season. From the 10 league games we won 7, drew 1 and lost 2 which is great but we’ll have to wait and see if it will be enough to finish top ahead of Sandy.

Ron could not make the game due to injury so gave me the starting 11 and subs on the back of his usual fag packet. Speed machine Gavin was not available so Ron chose to partner the ever young Twiggy with Matt up front. Chairman Al asked me before the game who was going to be in charge of substitutions. I pretended not to hear so the Chairman himself took on the thankless task of captain.

We had the wind against us in the first half and Goldings had a lot of possession without creating any real danger. We managed to play some decent football at times and created a couple of chances and went ahead near the end of the half when one of their players handled and Bully tucked away the penalty with his usual ease.

Captain Chairman Al decided to make changes at half time and brought on Steve H for Phil and Paul C for Twiggy. There was a bit of unrest among the natives (including me) about the decisions but the Chairman was in charge and stuck to his guns moving Dave up front to partner Matt.

The second half went along the same lines as the first with no great rhythm to the game from either side and even the wind appeared to be changing direction in Goldings favour. Midway through the half Captain Chairman Al decided that further changes needed to be made, the number 4 was raised and Big Bad Bully was off to run the line. Before Dave could even think about trying to understand the magnitude of the Chairman’s decision the number 16 was raised and he was off to play with his ball bag on the side.

Back to the game and we earned a corner. With no Big Bad Bully on the pitch I looked around thinking who was going to take the corner when Phil fresh from the sidelines stepped forward to deliver a great corner which was met by Twiggy rising above the centre halfs at the far post and powering a header past the helpless keeper. We went to congratulate him but he was off, shirt was off and finally a triple somersault, well something like that!

Bully and Dave were back on before the end and the otherwise excellent Dave managed to give away a penalty which was converted by Ron’s mate butter to leave a tense finish to the game.

Goldings had quite a bit of possession throughout the game but I felt they never really threatened even when the ref gave them a few free kicks fairly close to our penalty box near the end of the game. The game was played in a good spirit and Ron’s mate butter managed to control himself apart from the odd argument with his own teammates. Our defence was on top throughout and Matt worked tirelessly up front without much reward. Well done to all.

Some of us managed to get in the showers which were taps of scalding water but I could not face the thought of scrubbing my balls and instead helped Dave to rinse down. What team spirit and togetherness . Unusually for the Goldings away game a few of us then had the pleasure of joining them at the Golden Griffin pub where food was laid on and ale consumed.

John

Birchanger 1 KNOBS 1 - match report by Chairman Al

It was an inauspicious start on the morning of Stevie Hammond’s home game. We already knew that the Secretary would be on his way to watch a game of a little more significance in West London. Just as in Northern Ireland, during the Troubles, people who were summoned for punishments such as ‘Knee-capping’ used to prepare for the pain by getting themselves paralytically drunk, the secretary was just embarking on his preparation for his own torture-session as we met at 9.30am. Bad luck with those penalties, John.

The manager was another casualty, having lost an argument with a Pyracantha bush the previous afternoon; he turned up with a septic finger, which he said was so painful that he would have to go to Accident and Emergency (did he – my arse!). The team-sheet was handed to the Chairman who, besides running the team, was captain for the first time.

With five senior Knobs all away skiing (I don’t think they should be allowed to go together, unless they’re injured), we scraped a team together. Kenny came out of retirement, young buck Darren was given a start, and Mark Mills plucked a goalkeeper out of thin air in the nick of time (nice effort, Millsy – but I think this confirms what I have said for years, namely that, even if we think our overall squad is big enough, we need to identify a reserve goalkeeper who can be an authentic replacement when Trevor is unavailable).

We got over to Birchanger without any mishaps or Vasey-style chundering en route, and Paul looked every inch a goalkeeper with his green top stretched tight over his pectorals. Imagine the disappointment, however, when he said that he’s really an outfield player, and he hadn’t kept goal for eight years…

The pitch was pretty good, although bobbly, and we made a good start. Steve Bull was demanding the ball in centre-field, and spraying it around effectively. We took the lead when he played a beautifully-judged through-ball to Mattie, who beat the offside trap, rounded the keeper and finished tidily.

That was the high point, however. Whilst there were good performances all over the pitch, we gradually ceded possession and territory, and played more on the break as the match continued. Roy was carrying an injury, and Chris Griffiths also looked a yard slower than usual. With our back four lying deep, there were midfield spaces for the opposition to exploit. Birchanger had several attempts on goal, but mostly off-target, and Paul didn’t have a difficult save to make: half-time 1-0.

In the second half we changed the team around. I brought Steve Hammond on for Kenny, and Steve Bull moved to play up front, with Mark Mills moving to left wing, where he appears more comfortable. I was struggling on the right wing, and brought myself off. Birchanger scored a scruffy goal, and, whilst we had some opportunities to score again, we were probably the happier team to come away with a draw.

Paul was excellent in goal, and made one first-class save towards the end of the game, when their forward was bearing down on goal: Paul spread himself, and saved with his leg. I hope that he will be available again. There were many other good performances: Steve H and Kenny were solid; Dave is back to his all-action best; Chris W was tireless, and I thought that Darren did really well, considering how few full games he has played recently. I predict that he’ll soon be a regular in our team.

Despite vowing that he never would, Dave even forgot his principles, and did a passing impression of a linesman for the last 10 minutes! Full-time 1-1.

The showers were warm – what luxury! Most of us stayed for some quality beers in their social club. The sausages were plentiful and the onion rings were great – although you would have to go a long way to find a less attractive and more grumpy barmaid….

We sped back to Knobsworth in Chris W’s sleek new speedster. As he dropped us off at the Station pub, who should appear but the manager! Had he been to A & E? Not bloody likely, of course…. His beloved Newcassle were on live, so he was using alcohol to numb the pain from his hand, and the four-hour queue at the hospital would have to wait for another day…

Ally

Birchanger 1 KNOBS 1 - match report from Birchanger

After all the interruptions for bad weather, this was the third week running Birchanger had played, and it showed. Some good passing, terrific individual performacnes, particularly from Gary Colson, and Steve Foster in his last game for the club this season, was only let down by some wastefulness in front of goal, in fact it was like watching Arsenal at the Emirates. Birchanger came away with a draw, from a game they dominated aside from the first ten minutes, and for the second week running they could and probably should have won.

Knebworth were the quicker out of the blocks, looked the more dangerous in the opening exchanges and were ahead on ten minutes. A ball over the top put through a pacy striker, while the Birchanger defence claimed offisde. The flag stayed down, and keeper Kev Robserson was beaten on the 18 yard line, and Knebworth slid home the opener to lead 1-0.

Birchanger almost replied immediately when Mark Booker struck a screamer from the outside of the box, but his effort was always rising, and flew over. It was Mark Booker who had the home side's best chances, mostly with his head, one from a dangerous inswinging corner which just went wide, and another he took off Steve Luxford's head, when Luxford may have been better positioned. The home side continued to press without reward, but didn't allow their heads to drop and were very unlucky to go in at half time behind.

Andy Gilbey was replaced at the break and made his way to Wembley, hoping Spurs had a better idea where the goal was than Birchanger. He was to miss more of the same, as Kev Roberson became a virtual spectator, and the visitor's camped in their own half.

At last the home side got some reward, when an intricate move involving Ian Winter, Bob Beckwith and the outstanding Gary Colson found Steve Luxford in the box. His turn, and shot, beat two defenders and the keeper to draw the scores level. Birchanger should have gone on to win the match, and this time the best chances fell to Kev Booker. Firstly, when inside the 6 yard box, he went for power rather than pass the ball in, and his effort flew over the bar. Then he saw a good header fly just inches wide. More chances were to come and go, and in the end it was left to Steve "Fozzy" Foster to have the last word, when Knebworth broke into their opponents half right at the end of the game, leaving the imperious Foster to intervene with a match saving tackle.

Some long Birchanger faces were soon cheered up in the bar afterwards, when somebody should have confiscated Ricky Pearson's mobile phone to prevent him getting caught by the police on it while driving again, as he did after last weeks game!

Knobs 3 Saints1

Very well played all of you.
If you didn't enjoy that in your dotage then you should give up. Togetherness, some really great attempts at slick moves- not all come off naturally- and some sterling individual efforts by each and every one of you- honest. I really enjoyed reffing it- lying bastard- no I actually did, mind I'd rather have played, mind I'd rather have played 'Lawrence of Arabia', all that sand and them camels- you don't want to get an ugly one!
A hard played first half where a combination of their fat goalie- wasn't he slow? Hey I always stop the watch so divvint fret Steve and Debbie, and some less than accurate finishing had the game at 0-0. (By the way I always stop the watch when Debbie wastes time- you think I'm daft? Perhaps.)
We went three in front in the second half, thanks to a Gavin second attempt which would have evaded any keeper, a scintillating run from Gavin, played on by their fullback, their linesman was honest, and a superb slotted finish, then a glorious move from which John Boyle, ever alert to a good call found Ditch at the edge of the area from which he smashed home emphatically.
They got a messy goal back but that was that.
Phil deputised in goal for the absent Trevor, on the Guinness in Ireland, as was nuptial Mike, and apart from a nut in the face rarely had much to deal with.
The togetherness was very important, I felt, much absent in the Sandy debacle, so well done yi bonny lads!
I think we're top, well I know we are, but have played more games than Sandy. They lose one more and we beat Goldcheats and we're league winners on goal difference I reckon. But it's each individual game that counts.
How about that neat interchange between John Twigg and Brendan which even had M. Bull applauding?
The Fox was well peopled and is offering cut price lunches for the over-60's, only I am eligible but Brendan, Chris G, Bill and Twiggy are catching up! .
Idid so enjoy the game, especially my duty of clearing the dog shit off the pitch pre-start.
HANDBALL- a contentious area of all football. My understanding has always been there has to be intent. But it is more sophisticated than that it appears. SO- when the ball is blasted at Brendan who instinctively turns his back to block and the missile hits his arm which is down by his side I construe that as certainly not intentional. No free kick. When Roy flying into one of his kamikaze challenges ends up with his body vertical and his hand knocking the ball away to the disadvantage of the attacking side, whether intentional or not I gave a free kick. Intentional? I dunno. When Steve under pressure is applying his silky skills to controlling the ball and it bounces up and is controlled by his elbow? I instinctively, knowing him and his game, feel that it's not intentional but has afforded him an advantage through armwork, I gave a free kick against him! This rule is almost not a rule but a matter of instinct and take your pick!
Dave's handball was just that a fucking handball- straight, intentional and honest!
Just a thought.

Ron Wagon

Knobs 11 (sorry) 1 Sandy 7

The calm before the snowstorm.
How did that happen? Easy.
It's dead easy to lose, there are innumerable strategies. Winning? Usually requires a minimum of hard application, teamwork, individuals up for it and a smidgeon of good fortune.
We had, what I consider, apart from the overnight withdrawal of Martin with travel sickness, sorry sickness , a strong set of players out there. We played some eye pleasing stuff, some good individual moments but we were not as together as a team as we usually are. Perhaps I overhyped with 'win this and win the league' stuff. Anyway we started slowly with each individual error and some things not even errors being met with no little frustration being expressed between our players. There was far too much verbal stick being offered as a solution. They waltzed through for 2 nicely taken goals, straight down the middle with anything remotely resembling a tackle or a challenge sadly lacking. Remember our efforts during this spell , some will forget, but we forged our chances but didn't take them. They were wilting, we were coming on strong and we missed a golden chance to reduce the arrears when they started to bleat about half time. How long are you playing ref. 45 minutes quoth I. But the league rules are only 40 minutes each way! Emphatecially no they aren't. We play 45 each way. .A bet, sealed with a handshake not a kiss, was undertaken between referee and their manager and we proceeded to play 45. They were obviously suffering a bit and it was a matter of time. I then gave a soft penalty for a push by Chris- fuck you Ron could you not let it go? They score 3-0, halftime. A bridge too far?
Roy rallied the troops at half time, 3 at the back and let's go for it.
Fair enough. I have long wondered at vets level about such a system but it so much depends on the personnel available. With Brendan due an entry from the bench this was gonna be a problem, no disrespect to Brendan but I don't think that system was gonna suit him as one of the back three. For the first part of the second half it was working with Roy, Chris G and a very fast, into fray Alistair the back three. Chances we were conjuring however we were missing. Perhaps the 4th goal was the killer. They were troubling us with good centres, long throw ins and accurate corners so it was no surprise that one melee saw a scrambled goal. Trevor adamant he was fouled, I (from the dinosaur school of challenging- headmaster Peter McParland) saw nothing amiss. Roy said he himself had been obstructed by an arm- pots and kettles and black comes to mind! No way back noo hinnies bring on the snow and the makkems.
We gave them a penalty, Alistair the adamant linesman- aren't we bliddy fair? They scored another couple of scrappy ones when we were running forward harder than any time in the match and Gavin replied with our consolation.
Their linesman got some stick from them. A couple of us were told we are too nice- is that a euphemism for fair? If it had been closer..... it could have been jolly unpleasant so well done lads.
This was our home game, forced to swap because of the knackered state of our home pitch. I really believe we would have won if we'd been at home- greater room to use our pace and energy and also I feel they wouldn't have had such a strong side to make the long, wintry trek to Knebworth.
Anyway I'm glad we had a game and c'est la vie- we stuffed them up there earlier and no doubt we'll beat them again in the future.
Their central midfield lad was very good on the ball, on which he spent far too much time. Next time Roy should be earmarked to play up against him if he plays. I was thinking that throughout the game- my fault, I thought our strengths would come to the fore and simply cancel theirs out!
A shower, a shit and a shoeshine then a goodly turnout at the Three Horseshoes- a bit like the Station but with palatable food, quoffable beer, open log fires and staff who were pretty, welcoming and altogether human. I could have stayed up there all day but had to get the chicken bits back to the dogs.
AM SO SORRY we didn't win but also that we didn't do ourselves justice. I used to hate getting beat but 7-1 is a birrova choker.
Oh yes I, of course, was correct about the agreed league rules but I let Clive off with the tenner. Am so fucking nice.

Sad Ron

Knobs 3 Therfield 2

Everyone enjoyed this battle in the mud, pitch fucked now by the way.
I anticipated an easy game, before we all saw a multitude of strangers in their midst before the game- perhaps this might be different? It was, mind you I thought the pitch was a great leveller.
We played some lovely stuff, in the conditions, our finishing proved less magnificient. Their positives proved a marvellous strike to equalise our opener and a penalty, cheatingly given by the most honest ref in the business- give what you see and let 90 minutes equalise all faults- yi canna offer mair sagacity than that.
They turned up with Mongol hordes we had 14. It was ganna be one of those stop -start games of change, stop, start after you Clarence and are your studs razor sharp- but it didn't turn out quite like that.
We opened with a Gavin lungburster down the right with a cross reaching the far post where a rejuvenated Phil (fittish that means) rammed home. They eventually equalised from the aforementioned 30 yard drive which, rarely, did not meet Trev's clarion call of "over".
I turn down a blatant handball for our penalty, hey lads it's Galileo with this whistle- did you know he ended up blind- just an historical footnote. I then gave us a penalty for a soft one- a blatant two handed shove in Alistair's back. No danger, but such an obvious foul right in front of my fading eyes! What an outcry ensued! He pushed him two handed in the back !!!! I contemplated giving up football then such shite did I hear. Let's have a vote next time then we'll knaa what referees really have to put up with in this beautiful game which simply cannot be self policed - unfortunately. The fullback said he had to push him cos he stood on his toe. Sorry but I missed that anatomical assault. Galileo's eyes yi see. The furore went on for minutes into further play but nothing nasty occurred. We all survived. Have I ?
Steve Bull converted the penalty as per usual.
They'd brought on a man mountain up front who must have last obtained exercise running up Everest, not sufficiently quick that Roy couldn't butcher him into terra firma. The second butchering unfortunately took place close to the penalty area from which a penalty was awarded from which they equalised. Who's cheating now yi fuckers?
The news, from their one player who came to The Fox post match, was that he was a semi pro from Borehamwood who most of their side didn't know and who was only 23, this ameliorated, at least, my annoyance at his energetic physical bulk and prowess and his big gob. Old Chris Wilson had a blinder against him.
We didn't score enough first half when the pitch was playable so second half with the pitch the deciding factor there was only gonna be one star man. Arise Sir Clarts!
I thought we played really well with some sensible eye catching football in the conditions. We scored the winner after an hour. Another lung bursting surge by Gavin, why don't his lungs surge quite so much running back defensively- too critical Ron, too critical. The ball came to the ever willing supportive John Boyle at the far post who sensibly headed back into the danger zone where Mike swept home. Well done chaps. Big 23 had a shot from distance scrape the bar- "over" cried the confident keeper much to 23's disdain and we were home but not so dry. All enjoyed a dirty, cold shower before the Fox. I've had bellyache ever since anyone else? The pickled onions?

Knobs 8 Old Owens 0

A bit of a foxpot. We turn out with a strongish side for a league game, they show last minute with 8 men! A game took place with us giving them the extra. We claim the league points we have no spare games on our calendar and fuck the league, every game's a 'league' game at our age.
Steve Hammond and Mark turned out for them first half, Dave wouldn't, he's too partisan by nature. I would have played for them but Dave was unwilling to take up refereeing duties. He's too partisan by nature viz. he's a cheating bastard. So first half was their 8 plus our two against our 11 with me referee and Dave admiring the universe.
They had some good players and played some neat stuff, Mark Mills prominent among this but there was no holding back our our well oiled, balanced machine, coached to the point of a pencil.
After 10 minutes Gavin picked the ball up on the half way line and said fuck this for a soiled nappy and ran at pace through the middle of their team and scored beautifully in the corner. He then spent the next 10 minutes vomitting quietly in some quiet cranny so I am told!
Martin and Steve were prodding, pulling, prompting and piercing in midfield and it was no surprise when goals started flowing. John B added 3 before half time, one via the despairing nutt of Steve Hammond- John's or Steve's? Matty, the metronomic assistant, added one of his own- yes he was miles onside. Alisair was purring up and and down the line, crosses somewhat a lottery, Chris W was back reacqainting himself with the nuances of Vets' football and everyone was at one with the world. Martin was 45 years young. The oppo weren't happy though and asked for a reduction of time, 10 minutes each way, 40 minutes each way, let's fuck off now and I compromised at 35 each way , dunno why just felt sorry for everyone.
Second half more of the same but less coherence in our play as everyone wanted to be Martin and Steve Bull and a certain amount of shape went all gy. Dave was on now, for us, he's a homer, and Alistair was turning out for them , cursed by three blades of grass. Alistair was having a blinder on the right, largely due to John Twigg being awol trying to score goals. But the pitch didn't favour him!
Dave promptly scored on the end of a flowing move (offside?) I wouldn't know I was only reffing. A lovely move ended with Chris W sidefooting home, then John added his cruel fourth, blasting in from the narrowest of angles. Steve and Mark played well for them as did the less fortunate Alistair, when will the grass be cut and rolled to match our finesse and artistry?
Mark could have notched, when through, but was foiled by a neat scissor leg save by Gavin deputising for Phil in goal in the second half. Well done all, sorry for the brevity it seemed a long morning to me!
Phil went to Darlington to see Luton the day before. 4-0 down after half and hour- that's the sort of dogged vet we need!
To the Fox- the oppo 8 were still there drinking when we left- Martin 45 didn't show and Bella and Willie, mes chiens, thought the sausages were simply wonderful.
Cheerio folks.

Sunday v Royston

Called off Friday- deep southern freeze- balmy weather really.
League game home next Sunday- all usual culprits to attend except a working-away- Roy.

Ciaou

Ware 2 Knobs 10

I've struggled to get up and running, John's fault- I think.
This was a league game and it was a farce- I think. But we got 3 points and are top of the league- I believe.
I don't think I'm very keen on this team so I'm glad we won handsomely. We turned up to play on an unplayable pitch. Endless shall we or won't we was ended when I left it to their boastful referee- he of 15 years standing- remember? I do, to rule on the safety of the pitch. They all but one wanted to play so he ruled we should start and see how things went. We did and after the said 10 minutes we were3-1 up. So what could we do ? We continued and stuffed them and noone was hurt. Good!
We went ahead after a minute Mike tapping home from a drop by their gigantic and on the day hopeless keeper. They immediately equalised from a balletically frozen Chris tottering to keep balance and unable to keep out a crap equaliser. Chris adjusted to the farce magnificiently, they unfortunately didn't. Matt, Mike, John Boyle and most of all the fleet footed Gavin tore them to shreads. Their big blokes simply couldn't cope with the surface- they were fucked. Does Gavin ski?
Matt, from an Ali toe poke, toe poked a finish in the top corner from 20 yards and we were on our way. Mike completed a hattrick before half time, poaching nicely then so did Matt, his movement and glancing header being memorable. Half time 6-1 up.
Another 4 in the second half then a late reply gave us an unusual victory. Gavin ran through and smashed one in, JB sauntered forward and picked 19 different spots before bladdering home, Mike got his fourth (forgotten it) and Darren coming on late welted a half volley home.
Our crosses this week were so so much better than last week and our energy level was inspiring.
I remember one break in the first half when Matty elected to shoot when three of our players better placed had burst guts to get into the 6 yard box. Such be the difference. Oh yes Matty missed a close one (for Steve's benefit). He leathered it.
Steve and Phil were solid as fuck in midfield making the ball do the work on that treacherous surface. Back four good and Trevor simply the best vets goalie we come across.
Dave made a cameo appearance for final 10 minutes and escaped unscathed and I simply stood on the line for 90 minutes with a flag for comfort.
Pleasant in the pub weren't those rolls simple and nutricious?
Steve completed 50 consecutive vets' games for us. Some feat and also a plaudit for the full and competitive fixture list that we have constructed.
Unfortunately not all chaps are happy with this list and some chaps will not turn out against Royston this weekend. Hope this is a pleasant one and that we win handsomely.