The unbeaten run continues. An exciting game, fairly played on a dull and cold February noon.
First pitch too wet, second pitch too lumpy, the third pitch just right and little Goldilocks blew her whistle and the diddy men were off and running. Alistair expected a modicum of respect to be shown to the female referee but then went a little apoplectic when she played in the same colours as us. His entreaties for her to change her shirt went unheeded, she wasn't getting them off for these lads. After Steve's accurate pass to her feet she deigned to put on a green top after 15 minutes and on we went again.
Paul performed heroically in goal if somewhat in unorthodox style. A poor goalkick straight to their man was lobbed back in with aplomb. 1-0 down. Immdeiately we hit back but Mike "I was stuck in the mud" failed to react to a goalline chance. In fairness it came to him sharply.
They missed a couple before halftime as we enjoyed donating them the ball from the back. Our play lacked a certain reassurance and a distinct frustration was setting in when John Boyle replaced rusty Ron on the left. Could Darren have scored in a six yard box scrimmage and could he have laid it back to the hovering and screaming Chris Wilson? Dunno but he didn't. Someone had a header blocked on the line- own up if you want credit.
Second half Brendan replaced John Twigg and proceeded to have a blinder. Made every tackle, every interception, passed accurately and got forward to telling effect. Chris Cox was in the wide awake club hurling himself round in the mud and things weere looking better, though they continued to look dangerous. Steve Bull was enjoying some possession and was passing well and he set John Boyle away on the left, he found Chris C. making a diagonal run- he swivelled and netted well. 1-1. This is where age lets me down did we take the lead or them? A canna remember! I think it was us but it could have been them.....I think it was them but it could have been us.... I think... anyway both teams scored. Our goal came from a fortuitous penalty so I was told- I was in Wenger mode. Steve hit an unstoppable beauty. Another poor clearance fell straight to their forward who lobbed home unstoppably from 25 yards. We had a perfectly legitimate goal disallowed for offside when Mike put in John who missed but the ball fellfrom two of their players into Brendan's path- he was behind the ball- and he scored. Had to be a goal!
Then we should have got a third when Brendan again hurtled through the middle and was in on goal before being felled by a desperate hack from behind. Adjudged to have been an inch outside the area. The ensuing free kick from Steve from 45 or 20 yards- ask around- hit the bar with the goalie static. Nae luck as they hacked clear.
I enjoyed being linesman and was kept warm flagging their centreforward offside the entire second half. In 50 years plus I've never seen anyone so inept at staying onside, was he blind or finding the gravitational magnetic pull of the goalposts impossible to counteract? Almost our best player second half so many of their attacks did he spoil.
After a refreshing freezing shower and several circuits of an estate we arrived at the Pelican public house where all the beer was chilled but there was a hot beef stew-did anyone not vegetarian survive?
No game next Sunday due to demise of Birchanger but perhaps Steve or Tony might arrange a Hatfield game.
Am away.
Ron
Goodbye Sir Ronald
Quack quack
Tuesday 22 February 2011
Monday 14 February 2011
Ware 1 Knobs 5 - Report by Gavin Simpson
Like me, you are probably wondering what Scott Parker said in the changing room at half-time to the West Ham boys. Well, luckily I have managed to get a hold of the transcript of that rousing speech – ‘Boys! You’re shit. I’m pissing off if we can’t beat these. Now let’s go out and fuck up these mother fucking Brummie bastards! And whoever gets the winner can have a crack at Brady.’ – as you can see, it is clear why it brought a tear to Carlton Cole’s eyes. Now…after the slight disappointment of dropping points against Albans last week, who was the man who could inspire KNOBS with those kind of Churchillian-like words? Not Ron…Not Al…it was…’The Dawn of the Dave’ – back from football obscurity to manage the mighty KNOBS and make those difficult decisions. Welcome back to the team Bully…your starting place is guaranteed.
It’s amazing really…3 away LEAGUE games and we’ve got 7 points from 9. Terrific stuff. This is what happens when you get quality coming back into the team but more of that later. When we turned up, we were all raring to go and after a yomp to the pitches, we soon realised we were playing at the home ground of Lilliput FC, with bunny holes a plenty. Dave had gone for the radical decision of starting with no forwards in the team…still, that did not stop KNOBS early pressure, with Gavin curling one over from a corner and Richard having some half-opportunities. Our first goal came from a Bully cross which the fox in the box Twiggy SMASHED it home. I say smashed, ‘caressed’ might be the more appropriate term for Valentine’s Day. For the remainder of the half, nothing of note happened…I don’t think…can’t remember to be honest…too busy taking instructions from Mr Tommy Boyle on the sideline. He’s a hard task master.
In the second half Ware fought their way back into it and after a spell of pressure, the ball whizzed in only to be tucked away by John Boyle…a big OG. It’s okay though…Tommy wasn’t looking. We told him Daddy had scored a goal…I know the ‘devil is in the details’ but come on…
So? What would happen next? Would we crumble, as has so often happened in the past or would we show new found resilience. Of course…it was the latter. You can see by the scoreline. We were all over them like Jordan on heat. Pressure, pressure, pressure. It was great to see from the sidelines. Brendan was having a stormer at the back man-marking their key forward. There was plenty of passing and movement…Hansen would have been impressed. Our second goal came after an excellent save from their keeper from a great half-volley from Chris Cox. As the corner came in, there was a bit of a kerfuffle and the ball was punched over the line by their man mountain of a keeper. 2-1. After that…it was all about one man. When I talk about bringing quality back into the team, there can be no surprise that this little run of games has coincided with the return of Mike. Yes…he might not start some games but to be honest, he’s like our own David Fairclough. Two assists and a goal this week, which had been preceded by another goal two weeks back. If there was a North Herts Vets League Fantasy Football competition, you would have put him in your team for the bargain price of a packet of polos and some penny sweets and he would be racking up the points. Was it Mike who tumbled in the box for the penalty? If not…he was around there somewhere. Bully duly dispatched the spot kick in to the top corner. The fourth was a beauty, starting with a DAVE clearing header. The ball pinged between our players, with Mike setting up Martin to bury it. A great team move and showed the KNOBS at their passing best. The final goal was yet again down to Mike. He pressurised their defence into making a mistake and soon he showed the old soft shoe shuffle to the keeper and despite trying his best to miss, buried it via the post. 5-1. Game over. Another excellent result. Again, much praise must be given to Chris G at the back. Will it be another ‘Player of the Year’ award this year? Darren moved seamlessly to right back and was always a willing runner from that position, Richard performed superbly wherever he is put (even left-back at the end) and Martin was as efficient as ever in midfield.
That’s it. Not only can Dave win the toss, he can also manage the football team. Is there no beginning to this man’s talents? ‘Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, I’ve got a wonderful feeling, that everything’s going our way!’ – Wilbury Wanderers next week. Let’s have it!
It’s amazing really…3 away LEAGUE games and we’ve got 7 points from 9. Terrific stuff. This is what happens when you get quality coming back into the team but more of that later. When we turned up, we were all raring to go and after a yomp to the pitches, we soon realised we were playing at the home ground of Lilliput FC, with bunny holes a plenty. Dave had gone for the radical decision of starting with no forwards in the team…still, that did not stop KNOBS early pressure, with Gavin curling one over from a corner and Richard having some half-opportunities. Our first goal came from a Bully cross which the fox in the box Twiggy SMASHED it home. I say smashed, ‘caressed’ might be the more appropriate term for Valentine’s Day. For the remainder of the half, nothing of note happened…I don’t think…can’t remember to be honest…too busy taking instructions from Mr Tommy Boyle on the sideline. He’s a hard task master.
In the second half Ware fought their way back into it and after a spell of pressure, the ball whizzed in only to be tucked away by John Boyle…a big OG. It’s okay though…Tommy wasn’t looking. We told him Daddy had scored a goal…I know the ‘devil is in the details’ but come on…
So? What would happen next? Would we crumble, as has so often happened in the past or would we show new found resilience. Of course…it was the latter. You can see by the scoreline. We were all over them like Jordan on heat. Pressure, pressure, pressure. It was great to see from the sidelines. Brendan was having a stormer at the back man-marking their key forward. There was plenty of passing and movement…Hansen would have been impressed. Our second goal came after an excellent save from their keeper from a great half-volley from Chris Cox. As the corner came in, there was a bit of a kerfuffle and the ball was punched over the line by their man mountain of a keeper. 2-1. After that…it was all about one man. When I talk about bringing quality back into the team, there can be no surprise that this little run of games has coincided with the return of Mike. Yes…he might not start some games but to be honest, he’s like our own David Fairclough. Two assists and a goal this week, which had been preceded by another goal two weeks back. If there was a North Herts Vets League Fantasy Football competition, you would have put him in your team for the bargain price of a packet of polos and some penny sweets and he would be racking up the points. Was it Mike who tumbled in the box for the penalty? If not…he was around there somewhere. Bully duly dispatched the spot kick in to the top corner. The fourth was a beauty, starting with a DAVE clearing header. The ball pinged between our players, with Mike setting up Martin to bury it. A great team move and showed the KNOBS at their passing best. The final goal was yet again down to Mike. He pressurised their defence into making a mistake and soon he showed the old soft shoe shuffle to the keeper and despite trying his best to miss, buried it via the post. 5-1. Game over. Another excellent result. Again, much praise must be given to Chris G at the back. Will it be another ‘Player of the Year’ award this year? Darren moved seamlessly to right back and was always a willing runner from that position, Richard performed superbly wherever he is put (even left-back at the end) and Martin was as efficient as ever in midfield.
That’s it. Not only can Dave win the toss, he can also manage the football team. Is there no beginning to this man’s talents? ‘Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, I’ve got a wonderful feeling, that everything’s going our way!’ – Wilbury Wanderers next week. Let’s have it!
Monday 7 February 2011
Saints 1 Knobs 1 - Report by Gavin Simpson
My colleague often says ‘If your Aunt had balls, she’d be your Uncle’, I’m never entirely sure what that means but I think it is somehow relevant to this game. Anyway, this was a match where all the action happened in the 10 minutes before the start of the game and the last 10 minutes of the actual match.
The big news was that Bully and Dave were back but who would start and where, particularly after the last game thrashing of MBDA? It took a man of huge character to make that decision, hence Ron stayed at home. Cometh the hour, cometh the Chairman, who promptly told Bully that he would have to warm the bench alongside Brendan. BIG, CONTROVERSIAL DECISION. But as my colleague often says ‘In the valley of the blind, the one-eyed man is King’ and maybe that’s relevant here…or more than likely to the referee later on in the 2nd half!
Chris G won the toss and kicking against the wind, we were soon playing some nice football. We created some chances, Gavin blasted a volley wide, Chris C got a couple of chances trapped under his feet and Mike had one well saved. Dave even had an overhead kick opportunity but alas it went over. My colleague sometimes tells me that at school ‘We are killing them with our kindness’ and to some degree, we were doing that with the Saints. Then, for a long time, it all went rather quiet. Not much really happened. Bully had come on, half-time came and went and neither team were creating much. In fact Trevor was hardly involved for most of the game. We looked sound defensively both when Dave was on in the first half and Brendan had come on in the second. Chris G and Tony looked rarely threatened and once again Darren and Richard were showing fantastic energy and commitment in the middle of the park.
And then it all changed. With 10 minutes to go we scored an excellent goal. Richard found Gavin with a lovely pass, who then roasted the left back and cut the ball back to John who calmly slotted home. 1-0. Marvellous stuff. Could we hold on? Alas…it wasn’t to be. Having turned down a penalty appeal at one end, their referee gave a penalty against Dave, who had only recently come on for Chairman Al. Another BIG decision. Was it a penalty? Probably. The 4th or 5th this season? Who’s counting? As my colleague reminds me at school ‘If you’ve got no socks, you can’t pull them up.’, is that relevant here? Maybe but then again, maybe not. The funny thing is, Dave nearly did it again a few minutes later. Ho-hum. Anyway, their left midfielder promptly smashed the subsequent penalty home and that was it. 1-1. We were then given a masterclass of how not to be a linesman in the modern era, which frankly, depressed us all except for the referee, who thought it was all rather splendid. Still…‘Ifs and ands and pots and pans’ – that’s another one of my colleagues.
Dave got a lot of stick in the changing rooms afterwards but hey…it’s all zen isn’t it? The ying of his energy and enthusiasm is sometimes consumed by the yang of giving away needless penalties and free-kicks. Would we want it any other way? Ok…the not giving away penalties bit but come on…it’s Dave. Don’t we just love him!?! And he’s got a new phone, with GPS and everything.
Apart from Brendan and Chris G, we skipped the food at the Albans pavilion to discuss the encounter at the King William. It’s always pleasing to see everyone enjoying a pint together (or a Café Mocha (if you’re that way inclined)) in the pub afterwards. As Bill Shankley once famously said ‘Some people think football is a matter of life and death but I can assure you, it’s much more serious than that’ but what the fuck did he know? It’s about 13 ageing blokes taking the piss, huffing and puffing on a Sunday morning and having a drink afterwards. Chin! Chin!
Ware next week. WARE? WARE!!!!
The big news was that Bully and Dave were back but who would start and where, particularly after the last game thrashing of MBDA? It took a man of huge character to make that decision, hence Ron stayed at home. Cometh the hour, cometh the Chairman, who promptly told Bully that he would have to warm the bench alongside Brendan. BIG, CONTROVERSIAL DECISION. But as my colleague often says ‘In the valley of the blind, the one-eyed man is King’ and maybe that’s relevant here…or more than likely to the referee later on in the 2nd half!
Chris G won the toss and kicking against the wind, we were soon playing some nice football. We created some chances, Gavin blasted a volley wide, Chris C got a couple of chances trapped under his feet and Mike had one well saved. Dave even had an overhead kick opportunity but alas it went over. My colleague sometimes tells me that at school ‘We are killing them with our kindness’ and to some degree, we were doing that with the Saints. Then, for a long time, it all went rather quiet. Not much really happened. Bully had come on, half-time came and went and neither team were creating much. In fact Trevor was hardly involved for most of the game. We looked sound defensively both when Dave was on in the first half and Brendan had come on in the second. Chris G and Tony looked rarely threatened and once again Darren and Richard were showing fantastic energy and commitment in the middle of the park.
And then it all changed. With 10 minutes to go we scored an excellent goal. Richard found Gavin with a lovely pass, who then roasted the left back and cut the ball back to John who calmly slotted home. 1-0. Marvellous stuff. Could we hold on? Alas…it wasn’t to be. Having turned down a penalty appeal at one end, their referee gave a penalty against Dave, who had only recently come on for Chairman Al. Another BIG decision. Was it a penalty? Probably. The 4th or 5th this season? Who’s counting? As my colleague reminds me at school ‘If you’ve got no socks, you can’t pull them up.’, is that relevant here? Maybe but then again, maybe not. The funny thing is, Dave nearly did it again a few minutes later. Ho-hum. Anyway, their left midfielder promptly smashed the subsequent penalty home and that was it. 1-1. We were then given a masterclass of how not to be a linesman in the modern era, which frankly, depressed us all except for the referee, who thought it was all rather splendid. Still…‘Ifs and ands and pots and pans’ – that’s another one of my colleagues.
Dave got a lot of stick in the changing rooms afterwards but hey…it’s all zen isn’t it? The ying of his energy and enthusiasm is sometimes consumed by the yang of giving away needless penalties and free-kicks. Would we want it any other way? Ok…the not giving away penalties bit but come on…it’s Dave. Don’t we just love him!?! And he’s got a new phone, with GPS and everything.
Apart from Brendan and Chris G, we skipped the food at the Albans pavilion to discuss the encounter at the King William. It’s always pleasing to see everyone enjoying a pint together (or a Café Mocha (if you’re that way inclined)) in the pub afterwards. As Bill Shankley once famously said ‘Some people think football is a matter of life and death but I can assure you, it’s much more serious than that’ but what the fuck did he know? It’s about 13 ageing blokes taking the piss, huffing and puffing on a Sunday morning and having a drink afterwards. Chin! Chin!
Ware next week. WARE? WARE!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)