The Vets finish the year top of the league but disappointed with a poor second half performance away at Hadley.
This was a shambles of a match on a child sized pitch, that saw 3 referees used in the first half. Knebworth will make representations to league chairman John "Scudamore" Boyle. Rob Stanley failed to board the team coach so Knebworth had one sub. Hadley had no subs, and no referee. They were not keen to play with 10, so Knebworth donated super sub Banksy to referee. After 7 minutes James tore his calf muscle and hobbled off. Banksy went up front, Jono centre half (!) and Hadley went down to 10 men, providing a referee from their midfield.
Knebworth started well, playing the ball around with confidence and working together as a team. Which was the opposite of what happened in the second half. Super sub Banks then worked his magic with 2 well taken goals from Dave Millhouse crosses.
More generosity from Knebworth followed as Gavin used his Owens connections to persuade someone else to ref, and Hadley were back to 11 men. Hadley, understandably came back at Knebworth, but at half time it was 2-0.
The second half was a horror show from Knebworth. Gavin was brave in goal and made a few good punched saves. The part time keeper confessed that overnight, he had reviewed his keeping technique watching DVDs of previous matches with coach Tony Clare. This review led to the conclusion that Gavin cannot catch, and therefore the strategy of punching everything was employed. Tony had apparently recommended flapping was a better technique, but headstrong Gavin chose to punch instead.
Hadley got stronger and stronger in the second half as Knebworth fell deeper and deeper and the midfield and forwards separated. By the end Knebworth holding on at 2-2. Very poor performance, we got too casual against a team we had beaten comfortably a few weeks earlier. The micky mouse pitch and a late starting match with 3 referees are additional excuses.
After the game there were plenty of suggestions for managers Dastardly and Muttley to improve morale and form. Jono, who arrived 10 minutes before kick off, wants increased focus on tactics and strategy, plus Wayne banned from the club. Gavin wants a post match, in the bar, vote for man of the match. Gavin has stayed for a drink once in 5 years, but explained the managers could set up a text and online voting system like Strictly Come Dancing, so he can vote from home. Dave Jordan wants to calculate average and total age of the match day squad to compare against the opposition. it was pointed out to dave that the opposition numbers will be difficult to source. Asked to comment on these well meaning and innovative suggestions Dastardly Aldrich said "you were all rubbish, I'm flying to the states in the New Year to team up with Stevie Gerrard, Frank Lampard and Brendan Walkden."
It will be left to Muttley Hobbs to pick up the pieces on the 3rd of January. Hobbs said after the match "Don't panic everyone, we won't see Jono at centre half when Aldrich is away, in fact you won't see him again until he gives my son player of the week in the Under 6s".
Goodbye Sir Ronald
Quack quack
Tuesday 22 December 2015
Monday 14 December 2015
Knobs 3 Athletic Old Boys 0
The Vets ran out comfortable winners in a wet and muddy friendly. But co-manager Dastardly Aldrich was under whelmed with the performance. The under sized administrator said "Director of Footballs John Boyle told me the stats report gave us 86% possession but Millhouse and Forde managed only 2 goals between them. It was Jono's 46th birthday today, and between them they should have had a goal for every year. We were rock solid at the back, we only looked like conceding when Muttley Hobbs was upfield for corners, but going forward we really lacked the killer touch in the final third, I will have to take a look at the January transfer market."
Knebworth made several changes for this fixture. Wayne was serving a one match suspension and dealing with his 'lifestyle' issues at the Priory Clinic (it's now 2 clean sheets without him). The Naked Knebworthian Debt Collector Ally agreed to play if Greg was dropped. Greg was dropped. Brendan Wren returned from a scouting trip in Australia, New Zealand, Thailand and California. Tony Clare was dressed as Santa in a shopping centre somewhere and Stuart made his debut in goal. Tory Boy Gavin Simpson made his third comeback from retirement this season, and agreed to be late for his lunch date with Grant Shapps. Gerry was back as well, after finishing a short cage fighting tour in Eastern Europe.
Captain on account of his birthday, Jono gave the pre-match team talk. It was distinctly average speech, but fortunately the translation by Muttley Hobbs was highly motivating and set up the team for a strong start.
Knebworth dominated the match from the beginning, playing some great passing football in difficult conditions. The final ball and finishing was average at best, and the opposition keeper was in great form. Knebworth took the lead when Gavin slipped in the box for a penalty which Bully put away. One nil at half time.
Knebworth were a bit casual in the second half until Chris Cox and Tony K arrived to watch - this reminded the team they were playing for the places, and energy levels rose. Jono made it 2 with a simple tap up after a cross from the right. Then it was 3 when James attacked on the left, passed to Tory Boy Simpson who turned nicely to find space to shoot. The keeper fumbled and then Jono tripped over the ball in the act of scoring from a yard.
Good performance in terrible conditions. Jono left early for his birthday party at a nearby Wacky Warehouse. Strangely not one player was invited to the party. Fair play to Dave M for helping sweep up, and good luck to the Naked Debt collector getting the kit clean.
Knebworth made several changes for this fixture. Wayne was serving a one match suspension and dealing with his 'lifestyle' issues at the Priory Clinic (it's now 2 clean sheets without him). The Naked Knebworthian Debt Collector Ally agreed to play if Greg was dropped. Greg was dropped. Brendan Wren returned from a scouting trip in Australia, New Zealand, Thailand and California. Tony Clare was dressed as Santa in a shopping centre somewhere and Stuart made his debut in goal. Tory Boy Gavin Simpson made his third comeback from retirement this season, and agreed to be late for his lunch date with Grant Shapps. Gerry was back as well, after finishing a short cage fighting tour in Eastern Europe.
Captain on account of his birthday, Jono gave the pre-match team talk. It was distinctly average speech, but fortunately the translation by Muttley Hobbs was highly motivating and set up the team for a strong start.
Knebworth dominated the match from the beginning, playing some great passing football in difficult conditions. The final ball and finishing was average at best, and the opposition keeper was in great form. Knebworth took the lead when Gavin slipped in the box for a penalty which Bully put away. One nil at half time.
Knebworth were a bit casual in the second half until Chris Cox and Tony K arrived to watch - this reminded the team they were playing for the places, and energy levels rose. Jono made it 2 with a simple tap up after a cross from the right. Then it was 3 when James attacked on the left, passed to Tory Boy Simpson who turned nicely to find space to shoot. The keeper fumbled and then Jono tripped over the ball in the act of scoring from a yard.
Good performance in terrible conditions. Jono left early for his birthday party at a nearby Wacky Warehouse. Strangely not one player was invited to the party. Fair play to Dave M for helping sweep up, and good luck to the Naked Debt collector getting the kit clean.
Monday 7 December 2015
Sandridge 0 Knobs 5
The Vets returned to winning ways with a comfortable 5 - 0 win at bottom of the table Sandridge.
This was Sunday morning football at its best - Wayne failed to turn up for the second time this season, Woody confounded expectations by turning up and Banksy had failed to get the kit even moderately clean. Fortunately in the previous 7 days, nobody had retired or left the club, and team joker Martyn "chubby" Brown was back to strengthen the defence.
Kicking downhill and with the wind, Knebworth started quickly and soon took the lead. Dave M combined well with Jono, and Jono made his greatest contribution of the day falling over in the box for a penalty. Bully edged his career success rate from the spot to over 10%, and Knebworth were one up.
Knebworth were dominant and were soon 2 up when Dave M found space to smash the ball home. It was then time for Tony C to turn provider. The Knebworth Youth coach of the year (God help us!) ignored his training manual and hoofed the ball down the hill. Somehow Sandridge struggled to deal with a long straight, traditional English pass, and Woody was able to make it 3 nil.
At half time super sub Banksy came on, so Dave Knights could make some more phone calls. The late arriving Sandridge sub also came on at half time and began to use the phrase "my bad". This phrase, 'to admit one's own mistake' is the reserve of anyone born after 1990, and has no place in vets football. League historian John Boyle said there have been no recorded cases of this phrase being used since the league was founded in 1867. John added, "I hope Ron Crennell does not read the blog this week, he will be shocked to the core to hear of such language".
Sandridge were stronger in the second half with the wind behind them, but it was comfortable at the back for Knebworth. Super sub Banks, angry at being made to start the match last week, scored his 5th in 7 (he claims) to make it 4 nil. Banksy was given so much time to take his shot from 10 yards out that Dave Knights, now back on the pitch, had time to make 3 phone calls from left back.
To round off Woody summed up the energy to run past 3 players from the half way line and make it 5 nil.
A steady win against a struggling Sandridge team. After the match Dastardly Darren Aldrich said "myself and Muttley Hobbs continue to be attacked on social media by anonymous posters, but we are strong, we are top of the league, we've won 6 out of 9 league games". Questioned about his training methods, given the high injury count for the vets this season, Dastardly Darren said "there is nothing wrong with our training drills, look at Banksy he is fit as a fiddle, look at Woody he is so fit he can afford to smoke at half time. Haters gonna hate".
This was Sunday morning football at its best - Wayne failed to turn up for the second time this season, Woody confounded expectations by turning up and Banksy had failed to get the kit even moderately clean. Fortunately in the previous 7 days, nobody had retired or left the club, and team joker Martyn "chubby" Brown was back to strengthen the defence.
Kicking downhill and with the wind, Knebworth started quickly and soon took the lead. Dave M combined well with Jono, and Jono made his greatest contribution of the day falling over in the box for a penalty. Bully edged his career success rate from the spot to over 10%, and Knebworth were one up.
Knebworth were dominant and were soon 2 up when Dave M found space to smash the ball home. It was then time for Tony C to turn provider. The Knebworth Youth coach of the year (God help us!) ignored his training manual and hoofed the ball down the hill. Somehow Sandridge struggled to deal with a long straight, traditional English pass, and Woody was able to make it 3 nil.
At half time super sub Banksy came on, so Dave Knights could make some more phone calls. The late arriving Sandridge sub also came on at half time and began to use the phrase "my bad". This phrase, 'to admit one's own mistake' is the reserve of anyone born after 1990, and has no place in vets football. League historian John Boyle said there have been no recorded cases of this phrase being used since the league was founded in 1867. John added, "I hope Ron Crennell does not read the blog this week, he will be shocked to the core to hear of such language".
Sandridge were stronger in the second half with the wind behind them, but it was comfortable at the back for Knebworth. Super sub Banks, angry at being made to start the match last week, scored his 5th in 7 (he claims) to make it 4 nil. Banksy was given so much time to take his shot from 10 yards out that Dave Knights, now back on the pitch, had time to make 3 phone calls from left back.
To round off Woody summed up the energy to run past 3 players from the half way line and make it 5 nil.
A steady win against a struggling Sandridge team. After the match Dastardly Darren Aldrich said "myself and Muttley Hobbs continue to be attacked on social media by anonymous posters, but we are strong, we are top of the league, we've won 6 out of 9 league games". Questioned about his training methods, given the high injury count for the vets this season, Dastardly Darren said "there is nothing wrong with our training drills, look at Banksy he is fit as a fiddle, look at Woody he is so fit he can afford to smoke at half time. Haters gonna hate".
Tuesday 1 December 2015
Knobs 2 Blunham 2
Joint managers Dastardly and Muttley are resisting calls to resign after failing to win a league match in November, a 4th player leaving the club and a week of torrid abuse on social media. As Brendan Walkden followed Tory boy Gavin Simpson, left back Vinny and Chairman Mao out of the club, he said "those 2 just never understood me, played me out of position and when they asked me to help put the goals up it was the final straw - I shall be looking for new opportunities in the US with my mate Stevie G".
At the post match press conference Dastardly Aldrich said, "it's just not fair that myself and Muttley get this abuse. Everyone knows that Director of Footballs John Boyle picks the team and makes the substitutions - our role is to send some emails, tell Ron Crennell, Twiggy and Brendan Wren they are not selected, find a last minute replacement for serial drop out Martyn Brown, open up the pavilion, retrieve Dave Millhouse shots from trees and gardens, check Greg has swept up properly and close the pavilion - we have nothing to do with the football side"
With Greg and Wayne predictably late, several players refusing to put goals up then not having the right equipment to secure the nets it was not surprising Knebworth made a poor start to this match. After a first minute run on goal from James, somehow given offside when running with ball, it was Blunham who looked strongest in the opening phases. Blunham were winning the second balls, and playing neat passing football and running past their men. Knebworth were puffing and James, Wayne and Tony C were called on for several last ditch saves and tackles.
Banksy had a chance when James crossed low across the goal, but Blunham took the lead with a header past Tony. A reaction was needed, and just before half time Knebworth equalised with perhaps the scrappiest goal of all time from a corner - but well done to Paul for a goal on debut.
At half time, some harsh words were needed, unfortunately most of the team were gasping for air having been under the cosh for 45 minutes and were unable to speak. However, the second half was a different story. Knebworth were much improved and began to put Blunham under a bit more pressure, with Dave M seeing a bit more the ball and running past some ageing defenders. Unfortunately the best chance fell to the other Millhouse who shot at the keeper when one on one in space. Blunham were not out of it though, and continued to threaten, keeping James and Wayne busy.
Knebworth then took the lead, some comedy defending and goal keeping left Greg with an open goal to hook the ball into from the edge of the box. Greg made no mistake, this time.
Could Knebworth hold on? Sadly not, after a maul collapsed and became a ruck in the 6 yard box, Les decided a drop ball was the answer - a 5 metre scrum would have been more appropriate. The ball came to the edge of the box, Knebworth were slow to react and a shot went in through a crowd of players. Disappointing.
There was still time for one unsavoury incident. With hard man Tony K lying on the floor in a lot of pain, and struggling to breathe, James took exception to the aggressor laughing at Tony and some Sunday league pushing followed. Realising he had failed to back his mate minutes earlier, Bully then also looked for revenge on the culprit and a comedy/embarrassing incident followed as several players pushed each other into the back of the under 12s net and got tangled up. At this point, Les did the sensible thing and called time on the farce at 2-2.
One Blunham player was not content with the final outcome, and continued argument with Tony as we left the pitch, ignoring the fact the there were kids around, thinking it appropriate to try and start a fight, promising to "park" Tony. According to google translate to "park" someone is known in the Knebworth local dialect as to "invite one to fight by the Queensbury rules at a later date to be agreed by both parties" Tony declined the offer and took the goals down instead.
Knebworth were disappointed to concede late and drop points, but Tony was the busiest of the keepers making several excellent saves.
50 shades a beige at the pub, where the Blunham star player was asked for ID by Pete.
At the post match press conference Dastardly Aldrich said, "it's just not fair that myself and Muttley get this abuse. Everyone knows that Director of Footballs John Boyle picks the team and makes the substitutions - our role is to send some emails, tell Ron Crennell, Twiggy and Brendan Wren they are not selected, find a last minute replacement for serial drop out Martyn Brown, open up the pavilion, retrieve Dave Millhouse shots from trees and gardens, check Greg has swept up properly and close the pavilion - we have nothing to do with the football side"
With Greg and Wayne predictably late, several players refusing to put goals up then not having the right equipment to secure the nets it was not surprising Knebworth made a poor start to this match. After a first minute run on goal from James, somehow given offside when running with ball, it was Blunham who looked strongest in the opening phases. Blunham were winning the second balls, and playing neat passing football and running past their men. Knebworth were puffing and James, Wayne and Tony C were called on for several last ditch saves and tackles.
Banksy had a chance when James crossed low across the goal, but Blunham took the lead with a header past Tony. A reaction was needed, and just before half time Knebworth equalised with perhaps the scrappiest goal of all time from a corner - but well done to Paul for a goal on debut.
At half time, some harsh words were needed, unfortunately most of the team were gasping for air having been under the cosh for 45 minutes and were unable to speak. However, the second half was a different story. Knebworth were much improved and began to put Blunham under a bit more pressure, with Dave M seeing a bit more the ball and running past some ageing defenders. Unfortunately the best chance fell to the other Millhouse who shot at the keeper when one on one in space. Blunham were not out of it though, and continued to threaten, keeping James and Wayne busy.
Knebworth then took the lead, some comedy defending and goal keeping left Greg with an open goal to hook the ball into from the edge of the box. Greg made no mistake, this time.
Could Knebworth hold on? Sadly not, after a maul collapsed and became a ruck in the 6 yard box, Les decided a drop ball was the answer - a 5 metre scrum would have been more appropriate. The ball came to the edge of the box, Knebworth were slow to react and a shot went in through a crowd of players. Disappointing.
There was still time for one unsavoury incident. With hard man Tony K lying on the floor in a lot of pain, and struggling to breathe, James took exception to the aggressor laughing at Tony and some Sunday league pushing followed. Realising he had failed to back his mate minutes earlier, Bully then also looked for revenge on the culprit and a comedy/embarrassing incident followed as several players pushed each other into the back of the under 12s net and got tangled up. At this point, Les did the sensible thing and called time on the farce at 2-2.
One Blunham player was not content with the final outcome, and continued argument with Tony as we left the pitch, ignoring the fact the there were kids around, thinking it appropriate to try and start a fight, promising to "park" Tony. According to google translate to "park" someone is known in the Knebworth local dialect as to "invite one to fight by the Queensbury rules at a later date to be agreed by both parties" Tony declined the offer and took the goals down instead.
Knebworth were disappointed to concede late and drop points, but Tony was the busiest of the keepers making several excellent saves.
50 shades a beige at the pub, where the Blunham star player was asked for ID by Pete.
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