Knobs 2 Kimpton 1, Kimpton 1 Knobs 1

The Vets took on Kimpton in a 'double header' on the hottest day of the year so far.  The plan was for 30 mins each way, but Kimpton arrived without subs and Darren was easily negotiated down to 25 mins each way, twice.

A rowdy dressing room witnessed a weak apology from Wayne for a full season of misdemeanours, and then were shocked to find out from Dave Jordan than 'time' has recently been decimalised. "4 x 25 minutes, even in this heat is not too bad, it's only an hour, then we are done" Dave explained. This is not the first time this season Dave has impressed with his maths, see the report for Harpenden at home, when Dave invested £11 to win £10 on the scratch cards. There was some discussion about Dave helping his daughter with maths, and at this point Gavin did the decent thing and offered some free tutoring.

Match 1 - Knebworth 2 Kimpton Rovers 1

Knebworth began slowly as usual, a few things happened, the ball bobbled a lot, and this writer cannot remember much else. At the back Wayne and James discussed the merits of Jono's performance, but were forced to eat their words when suddenly the giant got free from the beanstalk around his legs and hit a curling left foot shot into the far corner.

keep it tight protect the lead was the cry from the back. Then Kimpton had a shot, the balled rolled slowly towards the goal, the players stood watching seeing the print on the ball go round and round....mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre.... Goal....expletive, expletive, post kicked, sore foot - the ball had rolled through Tony.

But fear not, Knebworth had Barney, and Kimpton had lost faith in their keeper. The ball was hoofed forwards by Tony, there was indecision and Barney rolled the ball home. 2-1 at home, decent result.

Match 2 - Kimpton Rovers 1 Knebworth 1

The away fixture was much tougher. But Knebworth raised their game and were much stronger. Jono had left in a hurry for the airport as police arrived at the rec.  Gavin and Dave M joined the fray having sat out the home fixture.

Knebworth looked most likely to score until Double Agent Dave Jordan took things into his own hands. Dave was having a great game, but was clearly unsure if he was playing for Knebworth or Sandridge and became the 99th player to lob Tony this season with an unconvincing swing at a bouncing ball. Maybe he also turns out for Kimpton, who knows, but if the authorities take a look at the video and discover strange betting patterns we can expect questions to be asked.

Knebworth were the stronger side and tried hard to get back into the match. Gavin was ruthlessly substituted and departed quickly for twittersphere  - sorry Gavin. Dave M got Knebworth back in the match with one of the worst goals the rec has witnessed with more confusion in the Kimpton defence, goalkeeping mix ups and a goal clearance attempt that hit the post. But they all count, and a few minutes later, the final chance fell to Dave to win the match.....

At the final whistle there was much tension between the Millhouse brothers about a recently purchased wedding ring that had gone missing. the club is still not sure which Millhouse got married on their recent American love island trip.

Knobs 2 Alpha Males 1

On a glorious morning, the fringe players were ready to take on a bunch of guys looking to get fit. On paper it sounds like a hard game but in reality, it wasn’t. We were without our managers – James was visiting the comedy circuit in Blackpool looking for decent material for next week’s blog and Darren was visiting Leicester, to see what a home of Champions looks like.

In the changing room, Chairman Al (the manager of the day) read out the team sheet and then derided the squad for wishing to play 40 minutes each way. Even female footballers play 45 minutes!!! That was the key argument. We had an attacking team and so we assumed there would be plenty of goals at both ends. Naturally this didn’t happen, mainly due to our profligacy in front of goal. I wouldn’t blame the centre forwards but ultimately you have to blame someone, so yes, I blame the centre forwards. Having said that, the first goal of the game came from a towering header from Banksy who was only starting his second game of the season. That man must be leading the stats chart for goals per minutes played. He pulled up in the second half during his stint in goal. This lead to the introduction of Lee in goal who played like Pat Jennings. That means knowing none of the goalkeeping rules that have been introduced over the past 30 years. He did do a point blank save though but that was after spilling an initial shot.

They scored when one of their players strode through the middle of the park and fed the ball to a centre forward who put it past our first goalie Dave ‘Choo Choo’ Jordan. He was soon replaced by Gavin who kept another clean sheet for his 30 minute stint and then came out in the second half and scored a magnificent winner after a superb run and cross by Woody. The calmness Gavin showed in front of goal was a lesson to all the other forwards playing.

Overall, the team played some really good football at times and with a great team spirit. From front to back there was plenty of energy and good play. Gerry and Lee were solid as full backs and Darren Bedford had a very good game in the centre back position who was also a threat at set pieces. Martyn was the play making centre back, who cajoled the players in front of him. Barney was exceptional in the centre of the park and Greg showed good energy alongside him. Chris Cox had a steady game on the right flank whilst Gavin offered a big threat with his lightening runs. Up front Dave got into some excellent positions but unfortunately couldn’t finish and Banksy showed his prowess in front of goal as always. Woody came on and his pace unsettled their defenders and always looked like he had a goal in him. Well done to Chairman Al who sat in his chair the whole game and inspired the troops.

Down the pub, everybody had a lovely time. It was also good to see Bully supporting the team on the sideline. Surely he’s in the running for Clubman of the Year. Next week a double header. One that Linda Lovelace would be proud of.