The Vets slumped to their 2nd league defeat of the season with a frustrating performance against Kimpton.
The ground was dry and bobbly and this seemed to make the Knebworth back 4 nervous. Or at least it made me nervous. The first goal was highly disputed. Some said the Kimpton striker was 10 yards off side, others said it was 15 yards - but as James and Wayne held a strong line, linesman Dave Knights was smearing fake tan off his specs and missed the Kimpton number 9 running ahead of the defence. Running the line is nobody's favourite job, so we accept the mistake was just one of those things, unlike the ball that went out against Old Owens in 2014... Still not forgiven him for that one. Anyhow, much better make a mistake than see red like the Kimpton linesman, whoooahhh...he lost himself after some polite advice was given by Wayne.
Knebworth soon struck back. After some defensive confusion, Paul Matthews struck what can only be described as an angry shot from the edge of the box onto the post and in. 1-1. Knebworth tried to play the ball from the back, but were not looking in much control on the bobbly pitch with the Kimpton number 9 hunting the ball down. The mystery number 9 introduced himself to the Kimpton side as the match went on, and was rumoured to have played for every non-league and professional club beginning with "w" and South of Milton Keynes. Whoever he was, he gave a lesson in finishing to the Knebworth forwards and left the back 4 needing therapy to restore their confidence. It was 2-1 when James aimed a pass for an out of position Double agent Dave, the pass was intercepted and slotted home.
Knebworth put up a fight in the second half and created plenty of chances. Barney got behind the defence on at least 4 occasions but could not find anyone willing to attack a cross. Andy Wray put a few into the trees. With last weeks comeback fresh in their minds Knebworth did not give up and took a bit more control in the middle of the park. Then Wayne, unused to playing sober, trod on the ball as last man and it was 3-1.
Knebworth threw on a third forward in desperation but were caught on the break as the mystery number 9 beat James and Wayne's off side trap by not passing and running round them to slam the ball in the top corner. 4-1
There was still time for more Knebworth chances, mostly missed, though Paul rounded the keeper for his second, 4-2.
A frustrating performance, soft goals given away, and quite a few missed chances. Dave M put a ball into the garden of number 20 Wattan Road for 5th time in 7 matches. It was a disappointed dressing room, but at least that means people care, and the team stuck together not blaming each other. Most headed to the Station afterwards. The wait time for the food has been reduced to 4 days after an intervention by Chairman Ally, so because Darren ordered the food on Tuesday, the team enjoyed some artisan chips and venison sausages, served on a bed of sachet ketchup and vinegar. Hoping for a better performance against Hadley next week, I'm still having nightmares about Jono playing centre half against them last year.
Goodbye Sir Ronald
Quack quack
Monday 10 October 2016
Monday 3 October 2016
Knobs 3 Croxley Community 3 AET - Knobs win 3-1 in penalty shoot out.
Late goals from Andy Wray (84 mins) and James Hobbs (88mins), followed by some heroic goal keeping saw Knebworth through to the second round of the FA Cup, for old men in Hertfordshire.
Knebworth started the day badly and the match badly. Wayne and the self-proclaimed "special one" Nick arrived direct from a night out. Nick was still unable to calculate his age. Darren arrived with his cage pre-rattled, and didn't calm down until Spurs beat Man City. Double Agent Dave was still going on about the Red Lion, very dull that. Jono arrived with a chip on his shoulder. And Barney was last to arrive with the kit.
The poor preparation was carried onto the pitch. Knebworth were 2 goals down before they realised the Croxley number 8 was decent, too fast and should be watched carefully. Martyn tried to trip him on one occasion as he scorched past, but missed. Knebworth were all over the shop and hanging on, hoping that Wayne and Nick would sober up and join in the match. Knebworth got a lucky break when under no pressure, the Croxley defender mis-controlled in his box and the ball hit his arm. Penalty given and Jono put it away with conviction. Knebworth then gave away a third soft goal and were grateful when half time arrived.
Some strong words were spoken by Darren at half time, his cage still rattling - Darren made 50% of Knebworth tackles in the whole match and wanted more energy from everyone else. The main challenge was also to defend properly and defend as a team because despite playing poorly Knebworth had looked dangerous going forward.
In the second half Knebworth were much improved and were dominating the match. Croxley looked dangerous on the break, but Knebworth were in control. With 6 minutes remaining the score was still 3-1.... Wayne then awoke from his drunken stupor and clipped the ball to Andy Wray who made it 3-2. With 2 minutes remaining, Knebworth won a corner, Jono swung it into the box and James equalised with a towering header through a crowd of players. James now has 7 goals from 2,768 attacking corners in his Knebworth career. 3-3 from nowhere, momentum and confidence was with Knebworth.
Extra time came and went. Darren and Dave saw red over free kicks given away on the edge of the box and exchanged some strong words. Croxley could have won it from one free kick that flew across the six yard box. Barney was cynically taken down when through with 1 minute to go - but penalties it was.
The rest was history making. James whispered to Dave M that he couldn't see Tony saving too many. But when it was known that Wayne and Double Agent Dave were penalty takers 4 and 5, Tony was inspired.
For Knebworth, Andy Wray scored the first penalty. Paul scored the second after a terrible bobble over the keepers' arm. Jono took a terrible second penalty which somehow went it - the big man had to apologise to the keeper for that one. But Tony saved the 1st, 3rd and 4th penalties and Knebworth were through.
Knebworth started the day badly and the match badly. Wayne and the self-proclaimed "special one" Nick arrived direct from a night out. Nick was still unable to calculate his age. Darren arrived with his cage pre-rattled, and didn't calm down until Spurs beat Man City. Double Agent Dave was still going on about the Red Lion, very dull that. Jono arrived with a chip on his shoulder. And Barney was last to arrive with the kit.
The poor preparation was carried onto the pitch. Knebworth were 2 goals down before they realised the Croxley number 8 was decent, too fast and should be watched carefully. Martyn tried to trip him on one occasion as he scorched past, but missed. Knebworth were all over the shop and hanging on, hoping that Wayne and Nick would sober up and join in the match. Knebworth got a lucky break when under no pressure, the Croxley defender mis-controlled in his box and the ball hit his arm. Penalty given and Jono put it away with conviction. Knebworth then gave away a third soft goal and were grateful when half time arrived.
Some strong words were spoken by Darren at half time, his cage still rattling - Darren made 50% of Knebworth tackles in the whole match and wanted more energy from everyone else. The main challenge was also to defend properly and defend as a team because despite playing poorly Knebworth had looked dangerous going forward.
In the second half Knebworth were much improved and were dominating the match. Croxley looked dangerous on the break, but Knebworth were in control. With 6 minutes remaining the score was still 3-1.... Wayne then awoke from his drunken stupor and clipped the ball to Andy Wray who made it 3-2. With 2 minutes remaining, Knebworth won a corner, Jono swung it into the box and James equalised with a towering header through a crowd of players. James now has 7 goals from 2,768 attacking corners in his Knebworth career. 3-3 from nowhere, momentum and confidence was with Knebworth.
Extra time came and went. Darren and Dave saw red over free kicks given away on the edge of the box and exchanged some strong words. Croxley could have won it from one free kick that flew across the six yard box. Barney was cynically taken down when through with 1 minute to go - but penalties it was.
The rest was history making. James whispered to Dave M that he couldn't see Tony saving too many. But when it was known that Wayne and Double Agent Dave were penalty takers 4 and 5, Tony was inspired.
For Knebworth, Andy Wray scored the first penalty. Paul scored the second after a terrible bobble over the keepers' arm. Jono took a terrible second penalty which somehow went it - the big man had to apologise to the keeper for that one. But Tony saved the 1st, 3rd and 4th penalties and Knebworth were through.
Monday 26 September 2016
Knobs 4 Welwyn Sports 2
Managers Hobbs and Aldrich were given freedom of the village after guiding Knebworth Vets to a second victory over Welwyn Sports in a single calendar year - something never achieved by the previous 32 Knebworth managers in 53 years of the oldest Vets Football fixture in the North Herts parish.
Knebworth welcomed Lewis Caroll to the squad for a poetic senior debut for the Knebworth franchise. The managers have every faith that Lewis can bridge the gap between Veterans and First Team football much faster than previous home grown talent, Wayne and Jono. The pair, despite their commitment, have struggled with obvious gulf between the levels. Good luck Lewis.
Welwyn were a little under strength arriving with just 11, and being turned down by Bully to help them out. Bully said "I've seen people lose respect for Double Agent Dave since he started turning out for anyone who would have him, so you won't catch me doing that, at least not against Knebworth with that clogger Wayne in the back 4". A request for a 40 minute each way match was declined by Knebworth, who instead offered both linesmen.
Knebworth started brightly, but it was Welwyn who took the lead. A mix up on the right and some poor marking on the left meant a good cross was easily volleyed home. Knebworth appeared unconcerned and continued to attack at pace, with Nick using up his puff chasing the ball out for goal kicks on a regular basis. Barney soon levelled with a well taken equaliser that I can't remember.
After 30 minutes a double Millhouse substitution was made as Dave and Greg were replaced with Jono and Dave Knights. James has subsequently taken several calls from various Millhouse relatives who are not afraid speak their minds - some of the language used has, allegedly, been rather colourful. Jono scored with his first touch, seemed like an effective substitution, but the Millhouse mafia continue to disagree. The managers resisted temptation to take Jono off straight away.
Before the match James explained he had watched reruns of the last 28 Welwyn matches, and the analysis showed the Welywn number 18 was expert at winning penalties - therefore everyone should be very careful if tackling him in the box. 1 minute after taking the lead James was pulled to the left to cover ailing sun burn victim Dave Knights. After a lucky bounce the Welwyn number 18 ran into the box and James was harshly adjudged to have tripped him. Dave Jordan celebrated wildly having been told off by James on 13 occasions last season for giving away penalties. 2-2 at half time.
Knowing Welywn would tire in the second half, Knebworth upped the tempo after half time and soon took the lead. A great team move finished with Greg passing to less cheerful but more talented (joke!) brother Dave for a neat finish. Welwyn always had the potential to score, and looked dangerous on the break and won some free kicks in good positions. A few long shots were dealt with well by Andy but Knebworth held firm. Barney rejoined the match for the last 15 minutes and showed some great touches. He rounded the keeper twice, and on the second occasion made the match safe at 4-2.
After the match Darren Aldrich thanked his central defenders for their performance. Aldrich said "James and Wayne were outstanding again, they start all of our attacking moves with incisive passing, they win all the 50-50 balls, all the headers, cover both doddering full backs and organise the midfield. Absolute legends". Joint manager Hobbs said "For once I agree with Darren, but with Andy Wray and Paul Matthews available soon selection will be tough for the FA Cup next week, we could be a manager down"
Knebworth welcomed Lewis Caroll to the squad for a poetic senior debut for the Knebworth franchise. The managers have every faith that Lewis can bridge the gap between Veterans and First Team football much faster than previous home grown talent, Wayne and Jono. The pair, despite their commitment, have struggled with obvious gulf between the levels. Good luck Lewis.
Welwyn were a little under strength arriving with just 11, and being turned down by Bully to help them out. Bully said "I've seen people lose respect for Double Agent Dave since he started turning out for anyone who would have him, so you won't catch me doing that, at least not against Knebworth with that clogger Wayne in the back 4". A request for a 40 minute each way match was declined by Knebworth, who instead offered both linesmen.
Knebworth started brightly, but it was Welwyn who took the lead. A mix up on the right and some poor marking on the left meant a good cross was easily volleyed home. Knebworth appeared unconcerned and continued to attack at pace, with Nick using up his puff chasing the ball out for goal kicks on a regular basis. Barney soon levelled with a well taken equaliser that I can't remember.
After 30 minutes a double Millhouse substitution was made as Dave and Greg were replaced with Jono and Dave Knights. James has subsequently taken several calls from various Millhouse relatives who are not afraid speak their minds - some of the language used has, allegedly, been rather colourful. Jono scored with his first touch, seemed like an effective substitution, but the Millhouse mafia continue to disagree. The managers resisted temptation to take Jono off straight away.
Before the match James explained he had watched reruns of the last 28 Welwyn matches, and the analysis showed the Welywn number 18 was expert at winning penalties - therefore everyone should be very careful if tackling him in the box. 1 minute after taking the lead James was pulled to the left to cover ailing sun burn victim Dave Knights. After a lucky bounce the Welwyn number 18 ran into the box and James was harshly adjudged to have tripped him. Dave Jordan celebrated wildly having been told off by James on 13 occasions last season for giving away penalties. 2-2 at half time.
Knowing Welywn would tire in the second half, Knebworth upped the tempo after half time and soon took the lead. A great team move finished with Greg passing to less cheerful but more talented (joke!) brother Dave for a neat finish. Welwyn always had the potential to score, and looked dangerous on the break and won some free kicks in good positions. A few long shots were dealt with well by Andy but Knebworth held firm. Barney rejoined the match for the last 15 minutes and showed some great touches. He rounded the keeper twice, and on the second occasion made the match safe at 4-2.
After the match Darren Aldrich thanked his central defenders for their performance. Aldrich said "James and Wayne were outstanding again, they start all of our attacking moves with incisive passing, they win all the 50-50 balls, all the headers, cover both doddering full backs and organise the midfield. Absolute legends". Joint manager Hobbs said "For once I agree with Darren, but with Andy Wray and Paul Matthews available soon selection will be tough for the FA Cup next week, we could be a manager down"
Monday 19 September 2016
Harpenden 1 Knobs 5
The Vets stretched their winning run to 2 matches with a strong win away at Harpenden. Morale was high and team spirit strong with Wayne, Dave Knights and Andy Wray away at an all weekend 1960s school reunion.
The Vets reacted calmly to the loss of keeper Andy on the morning of the match. Clubman of the year Banksy and Double Agent Dave were willing volunteers to put the gloves on, probably recognising a rare chance to get 90 minutes.
Knebworth started strongly on the usual bobbly Harpenden pitch. Barney, Nick and Rob were lively whilst Darren tried his best.
On a hot run of playing consecutive matches for the first time in his Knebworth career, Rob opened the scoring with a cross shot. Great form with 3 in 2 matches for the Whacker from Watton. The managers would be more impressed if he didn't turn up with a note from his mum saying he had to leave early.
Knebworth were on top, but with cries of "no foul" ringing in his ears, Greg chopped the Harpenden forward down in the box. However the intimidating presence of Banks in goal was enough to see the penalty put wide.
One foot Nick coped better on the right flank and looked dangerous - one run into the box saw him brought down for a probable penalty, but nothing given.
Dave M made it 2 nil at half time with a shot from the edge of the box - the keeper was lying down though.
At half time Jono realised he was too tired after running 1 mile in the mud on Saturday. He went in goal and Banksy moved up front to keep up his goal to running ratio of one goal for every 30 metres of movement on the pitch.
Harpenden pulled a goal back shortly after half time - but angered by Jono's mistake in goal, Knebworth quickly struck back with goals from Dave M and a rare Darren goal. At 4 -1 Knebworth were comfortable and Harpenden began to argue amongst themselves. At one point the frustration was evident when the Harpenden midfielder booted the ball into the woods after the whistle had gone for a foul. The same player then complained Jono took too long to get the ball..... Mmmmmmm...
Banksy made it 5, after a great run and cross from barney, happy days.
After the manager deputy assistant manager Hobbs said "Darren wanted to put Nick on the bench but he was a revelation in the first half, that Aldrich couldn't recognise a baller if ran into one in central midfield". Hobbs continued... "It was good to have Martyn and Ally back - they lack the orange tan of Dave K, but their language is much better and the conversations about politics and brexit were more balanced than the debate with Wayne and Dave in the second last week"
It's another 6 pointer next week at home to welwyn sports. Big crowed expected, this is an all ticket affair.
The Vets reacted calmly to the loss of keeper Andy on the morning of the match. Clubman of the year Banksy and Double Agent Dave were willing volunteers to put the gloves on, probably recognising a rare chance to get 90 minutes.
Knebworth started strongly on the usual bobbly Harpenden pitch. Barney, Nick and Rob were lively whilst Darren tried his best.
On a hot run of playing consecutive matches for the first time in his Knebworth career, Rob opened the scoring with a cross shot. Great form with 3 in 2 matches for the Whacker from Watton. The managers would be more impressed if he didn't turn up with a note from his mum saying he had to leave early.
Knebworth were on top, but with cries of "no foul" ringing in his ears, Greg chopped the Harpenden forward down in the box. However the intimidating presence of Banks in goal was enough to see the penalty put wide.
One foot Nick coped better on the right flank and looked dangerous - one run into the box saw him brought down for a probable penalty, but nothing given.
Dave M made it 2 nil at half time with a shot from the edge of the box - the keeper was lying down though.
At half time Jono realised he was too tired after running 1 mile in the mud on Saturday. He went in goal and Banksy moved up front to keep up his goal to running ratio of one goal for every 30 metres of movement on the pitch.
Harpenden pulled a goal back shortly after half time - but angered by Jono's mistake in goal, Knebworth quickly struck back with goals from Dave M and a rare Darren goal. At 4 -1 Knebworth were comfortable and Harpenden began to argue amongst themselves. At one point the frustration was evident when the Harpenden midfielder booted the ball into the woods after the whistle had gone for a foul. The same player then complained Jono took too long to get the ball..... Mmmmmmm...
Banksy made it 5, after a great run and cross from barney, happy days.
After the manager deputy assistant manager Hobbs said "Darren wanted to put Nick on the bench but he was a revelation in the first half, that Aldrich couldn't recognise a baller if ran into one in central midfield". Hobbs continued... "It was good to have Martyn and Ally back - they lack the orange tan of Dave K, but their language is much better and the conversations about politics and brexit were more balanced than the debate with Wayne and Dave in the second last week"
It's another 6 pointer next week at home to welwyn sports. Big crowed expected, this is an all ticket affair.
Tuesday 13 September 2016
Knobs 6 Leisure League Herts 1
The Vets returned to winning ways - which was a relief for the divided committee who engaged in a whatsapp war over which pub should be chosen for post match festivities. An unnamed committee member said there is deep resentment on the Board and leadership from chairman Al is really lacking. The chairman was last seen supping free pints in the station pub refusing to take calls from referee organiser Dave "one job" Jordan who enjoys free meals at the Red Lion, Woolmer Green.
After 2 referees arrived last week, inevitably One Job Jordan struggled this week, and only a desperate call from manager Hobbs to village intellectual Gavin saved the day.
On the pitch Knebworth sized up their opposition before the game and calculated that some tight shirts could mean the game would be won in the second half on a lovely sunny day at the Rec.
Leisure League bravely travelled with only 11 players. After a thrashing last week, Knebworth started nervously and were patient in the first 20 mins. Leisurely League ran about a little but the orange back 4 were excellent, dominating and playing the ball nicely from Andy in goal.
Andy Wray opened the scoring with a nice volley and Ron Hanlon made it 2-0 at half time. It was a patient and comfortable first half, Leisurely were beginning to tire and lament the absence of their missing star players.
The second half was very comfortable, Leisurely stopped running and the midfield had acres of space to run the game. Many chances were missed and Knebworth were lucky leisurely were missing their star players (apparently they would have thrashed Knebworth with a full team out - from where I was stood they would have needed to replace the entire team, so the comments felt a little desperate).
Taking 99% possession Knebworth ran the game. Barney missed a load, scored 1, and created a few. Jono was regularly pushed off the ball by the weakest defender and scored. Rob H, played 3/4 of the match, in 2 positions and scored a second - more activity than in the previous 2 seasons. New boy Nick refused to kick with his left foot but got a goal after breaking a toe with several scuffed passes and shots.
A consolation for leisurely left the score at 6-1 - some breathing space for under pressure managers Hobbs and Aldrich.
The team retired to the station pub for some of the best sandwiches, beer, atmosphere, music and banter ever known in Hertfordshire.
After 2 referees arrived last week, inevitably One Job Jordan struggled this week, and only a desperate call from manager Hobbs to village intellectual Gavin saved the day.
On the pitch Knebworth sized up their opposition before the game and calculated that some tight shirts could mean the game would be won in the second half on a lovely sunny day at the Rec.
Leisure League bravely travelled with only 11 players. After a thrashing last week, Knebworth started nervously and were patient in the first 20 mins. Leisurely League ran about a little but the orange back 4 were excellent, dominating and playing the ball nicely from Andy in goal.
Andy Wray opened the scoring with a nice volley and Ron Hanlon made it 2-0 at half time. It was a patient and comfortable first half, Leisurely were beginning to tire and lament the absence of their missing star players.
The second half was very comfortable, Leisurely stopped running and the midfield had acres of space to run the game. Many chances were missed and Knebworth were lucky leisurely were missing their star players (apparently they would have thrashed Knebworth with a full team out - from where I was stood they would have needed to replace the entire team, so the comments felt a little desperate).
Taking 99% possession Knebworth ran the game. Barney missed a load, scored 1, and created a few. Jono was regularly pushed off the ball by the weakest defender and scored. Rob H, played 3/4 of the match, in 2 positions and scored a second - more activity than in the previous 2 seasons. New boy Nick refused to kick with his left foot but got a goal after breaking a toe with several scuffed passes and shots.
A consolation for leisurely left the score at 6-1 - some breathing space for under pressure managers Hobbs and Aldrich.
The team retired to the station pub for some of the best sandwiches, beer, atmosphere, music and banter ever known in Hertfordshire.
Monday 5 September 2016
Knobs 1 Lilley Savage 5
The first game of the season, and first league game. A fresh start.....New keeper, new centre midfielder, goals put up early, new choice of pub, and a "new" club for returning Double Agent Dave Jordan. Sadly some things were not fresh and new. Late drops outs, late arrivals (with reason), soft goals and an injury for Paul Biscuits-Matthews.
Most of the season we worry about finding a ref. Dave's new found love for whatsapp meant he missed the email that said a ref had already been appointed for the fixture and we had 2. Les was sent packing. 2 refs was 2 more than the Knebworth subs bench, with a late drop out and Wayne running late after a late night at A&E - the team picked itself and all the managers had to do was to decide where to put Greg - centre defence was the answer.
First half - poor, defended Ok but the midfield gave them 2 goals. Opposition, decent, but we let them play and did not defend as a team. Passing was too long on a fast surface. Debutant andy Wray put in a shift in midfield next to Darren, but overall we seemed to give Rangers too much time on the ball.
second half - some improvement, but gave them 3 easy goals and Jono got a consolation. Passing a bit better, and shorter. Paul's ankle took a nasty blow and he was carried off. It was clumsy rather than nasty but a very dangerous one on someone with custard creams for legs. The clown making the tackle let himself down by coming into the dressing room after the game and asking Paul if he had seen his beloved and missing red tee shirt, without making an apology or asking how Paul was.
After the heaviest defeat in the opening game of the season since 1897, deputy assistant manager Aldrich said "team spirit went out of the window at 4-0 - heads were down and the blame culture crept back in. I thought Dave Jordan had his best vets game since he played in a 3-0 victory for Sandridge last season. So it's not fair to blame Dave this week, I'm going for the forwards, barely had a shot on goal"
Aldrich's right hand deputy assistant helper was forced to apologise after the game. Hobbs said "Sorry I could not make the pub. Andy Wray took 90 mins to get dressed causing a delay to locking up the pavilion - I had to catch a flight to Dublin, there are 10 days until the transfer window closes and we are in the market for a new Irishman"
Most of the season we worry about finding a ref. Dave's new found love for whatsapp meant he missed the email that said a ref had already been appointed for the fixture and we had 2. Les was sent packing. 2 refs was 2 more than the Knebworth subs bench, with a late drop out and Wayne running late after a late night at A&E - the team picked itself and all the managers had to do was to decide where to put Greg - centre defence was the answer.
First half - poor, defended Ok but the midfield gave them 2 goals. Opposition, decent, but we let them play and did not defend as a team. Passing was too long on a fast surface. Debutant andy Wray put in a shift in midfield next to Darren, but overall we seemed to give Rangers too much time on the ball.
second half - some improvement, but gave them 3 easy goals and Jono got a consolation. Passing a bit better, and shorter. Paul's ankle took a nasty blow and he was carried off. It was clumsy rather than nasty but a very dangerous one on someone with custard creams for legs. The clown making the tackle let himself down by coming into the dressing room after the game and asking Paul if he had seen his beloved and missing red tee shirt, without making an apology or asking how Paul was.
After the heaviest defeat in the opening game of the season since 1897, deputy assistant manager Aldrich said "team spirit went out of the window at 4-0 - heads were down and the blame culture crept back in. I thought Dave Jordan had his best vets game since he played in a 3-0 victory for Sandridge last season. So it's not fair to blame Dave this week, I'm going for the forwards, barely had a shot on goal"
Aldrich's right hand deputy assistant helper was forced to apologise after the game. Hobbs said "Sorry I could not make the pub. Andy Wray took 90 mins to get dressed causing a delay to locking up the pavilion - I had to catch a flight to Dublin, there are 10 days until the transfer window closes and we are in the market for a new Irishman"
Tuesday 10 May 2016
Knobs 2 Kimpton 1, Kimpton 1 Knobs 1
The Vets took on Kimpton in a 'double header' on the hottest day of the year so far. The plan was for 30 mins each way, but Kimpton arrived without subs and Darren was easily negotiated down to 25 mins each way, twice.
A rowdy dressing room witnessed a weak apology from Wayne for a full season of misdemeanours, and then were shocked to find out from Dave Jordan than 'time' has recently been decimalised. "4 x 25 minutes, even in this heat is not too bad, it's only an hour, then we are done" Dave explained. This is not the first time this season Dave has impressed with his maths, see the report for Harpenden at home, when Dave invested £11 to win £10 on the scratch cards. There was some discussion about Dave helping his daughter with maths, and at this point Gavin did the decent thing and offered some free tutoring.
Match 1 - Knebworth 2 Kimpton Rovers 1
Knebworth began slowly as usual, a few things happened, the ball bobbled a lot, and this writer cannot remember much else. At the back Wayne and James discussed the merits of Jono's performance, but were forced to eat their words when suddenly the giant got free from the beanstalk around his legs and hit a curling left foot shot into the far corner.
keep it tight protect the lead was the cry from the back. Then Kimpton had a shot, the balled rolled slowly towards the goal, the players stood watching seeing the print on the ball go round and round....mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre.... Goal....expletive, expletive, post kicked, sore foot - the ball had rolled through Tony.
But fear not, Knebworth had Barney, and Kimpton had lost faith in their keeper. The ball was hoofed forwards by Tony, there was indecision and Barney rolled the ball home. 2-1 at home, decent result.
Match 2 - Kimpton Rovers 1 Knebworth 1
The away fixture was much tougher. But Knebworth raised their game and were much stronger. Jono had left in a hurry for the airport as police arrived at the rec. Gavin and Dave M joined the fray having sat out the home fixture.
Knebworth looked most likely to score until Double Agent Dave Jordan took things into his own hands. Dave was having a great game, but was clearly unsure if he was playing for Knebworth or Sandridge and became the 99th player to lob Tony this season with an unconvincing swing at a bouncing ball. Maybe he also turns out for Kimpton, who knows, but if the authorities take a look at the video and discover strange betting patterns we can expect questions to be asked.
Knebworth were the stronger side and tried hard to get back into the match. Gavin was ruthlessly substituted and departed quickly for twittersphere - sorry Gavin. Dave M got Knebworth back in the match with one of the worst goals the rec has witnessed with more confusion in the Kimpton defence, goalkeeping mix ups and a goal clearance attempt that hit the post. But they all count, and a few minutes later, the final chance fell to Dave to win the match.....
At the final whistle there was much tension between the Millhouse brothers about a recently purchased wedding ring that had gone missing. the club is still not sure which Millhouse got married on their recent American love island trip.
A rowdy dressing room witnessed a weak apology from Wayne for a full season of misdemeanours, and then were shocked to find out from Dave Jordan than 'time' has recently been decimalised. "4 x 25 minutes, even in this heat is not too bad, it's only an hour, then we are done" Dave explained. This is not the first time this season Dave has impressed with his maths, see the report for Harpenden at home, when Dave invested £11 to win £10 on the scratch cards. There was some discussion about Dave helping his daughter with maths, and at this point Gavin did the decent thing and offered some free tutoring.
Match 1 - Knebworth 2 Kimpton Rovers 1
Knebworth began slowly as usual, a few things happened, the ball bobbled a lot, and this writer cannot remember much else. At the back Wayne and James discussed the merits of Jono's performance, but were forced to eat their words when suddenly the giant got free from the beanstalk around his legs and hit a curling left foot shot into the far corner.
keep it tight protect the lead was the cry from the back. Then Kimpton had a shot, the balled rolled slowly towards the goal, the players stood watching seeing the print on the ball go round and round....mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre.... Goal....expletive, expletive, post kicked, sore foot - the ball had rolled through Tony.
But fear not, Knebworth had Barney, and Kimpton had lost faith in their keeper. The ball was hoofed forwards by Tony, there was indecision and Barney rolled the ball home. 2-1 at home, decent result.
Match 2 - Kimpton Rovers 1 Knebworth 1
The away fixture was much tougher. But Knebworth raised their game and were much stronger. Jono had left in a hurry for the airport as police arrived at the rec. Gavin and Dave M joined the fray having sat out the home fixture.
Knebworth looked most likely to score until Double Agent Dave Jordan took things into his own hands. Dave was having a great game, but was clearly unsure if he was playing for Knebworth or Sandridge and became the 99th player to lob Tony this season with an unconvincing swing at a bouncing ball. Maybe he also turns out for Kimpton, who knows, but if the authorities take a look at the video and discover strange betting patterns we can expect questions to be asked.
Knebworth were the stronger side and tried hard to get back into the match. Gavin was ruthlessly substituted and departed quickly for twittersphere - sorry Gavin. Dave M got Knebworth back in the match with one of the worst goals the rec has witnessed with more confusion in the Kimpton defence, goalkeeping mix ups and a goal clearance attempt that hit the post. But they all count, and a few minutes later, the final chance fell to Dave to win the match.....
At the final whistle there was much tension between the Millhouse brothers about a recently purchased wedding ring that had gone missing. the club is still not sure which Millhouse got married on their recent American love island trip.
Thursday 5 May 2016
Knobs 2 Alpha Males 1
On a glorious morning, the fringe players were ready to take on a bunch of guys looking to get fit. On paper it sounds like a hard game but in reality, it wasn’t. We were without our managers – James was visiting the comedy circuit in Blackpool looking for decent material for next week’s blog and Darren was visiting Leicester, to see what a home of Champions looks like.
In the changing room, Chairman Al (the manager of the day) read out the team sheet and then derided the squad for wishing to play 40 minutes each way. Even female footballers play 45 minutes!!! That was the key argument. We had an attacking team and so we assumed there would be plenty of goals at both ends. Naturally this didn’t happen, mainly due to our profligacy in front of goal. I wouldn’t blame the centre forwards but ultimately you have to blame someone, so yes, I blame the centre forwards. Having said that, the first goal of the game came from a towering header from Banksy who was only starting his second game of the season. That man must be leading the stats chart for goals per minutes played. He pulled up in the second half during his stint in goal. This lead to the introduction of Lee in goal who played like Pat Jennings. That means knowing none of the goalkeeping rules that have been introduced over the past 30 years. He did do a point blank save though but that was after spilling an initial shot.
They scored when one of their players strode through the middle of the park and fed the ball to a centre forward who put it past our first goalie Dave ‘Choo Choo’ Jordan. He was soon replaced by Gavin who kept another clean sheet for his 30 minute stint and then came out in the second half and scored a magnificent winner after a superb run and cross by Woody. The calmness Gavin showed in front of goal was a lesson to all the other forwards playing.
Overall, the team played some really good football at times and with a great team spirit. From front to back there was plenty of energy and good play. Gerry and Lee were solid as full backs and Darren Bedford had a very good game in the centre back position who was also a threat at set pieces. Martyn was the play making centre back, who cajoled the players in front of him. Barney was exceptional in the centre of the park and Greg showed good energy alongside him. Chris Cox had a steady game on the right flank whilst Gavin offered a big threat with his lightening runs. Up front Dave got into some excellent positions but unfortunately couldn’t finish and Banksy showed his prowess in front of goal as always. Woody came on and his pace unsettled their defenders and always looked like he had a goal in him. Well done to Chairman Al who sat in his chair the whole game and inspired the troops.
Down the pub, everybody had a lovely time. It was also good to see Bully supporting the team on the sideline. Surely he’s in the running for Clubman of the Year. Next week a double header. One that Linda Lovelace would be proud of.
In the changing room, Chairman Al (the manager of the day) read out the team sheet and then derided the squad for wishing to play 40 minutes each way. Even female footballers play 45 minutes!!! That was the key argument. We had an attacking team and so we assumed there would be plenty of goals at both ends. Naturally this didn’t happen, mainly due to our profligacy in front of goal. I wouldn’t blame the centre forwards but ultimately you have to blame someone, so yes, I blame the centre forwards. Having said that, the first goal of the game came from a towering header from Banksy who was only starting his second game of the season. That man must be leading the stats chart for goals per minutes played. He pulled up in the second half during his stint in goal. This lead to the introduction of Lee in goal who played like Pat Jennings. That means knowing none of the goalkeeping rules that have been introduced over the past 30 years. He did do a point blank save though but that was after spilling an initial shot.
They scored when one of their players strode through the middle of the park and fed the ball to a centre forward who put it past our first goalie Dave ‘Choo Choo’ Jordan. He was soon replaced by Gavin who kept another clean sheet for his 30 minute stint and then came out in the second half and scored a magnificent winner after a superb run and cross by Woody. The calmness Gavin showed in front of goal was a lesson to all the other forwards playing.
Overall, the team played some really good football at times and with a great team spirit. From front to back there was plenty of energy and good play. Gerry and Lee were solid as full backs and Darren Bedford had a very good game in the centre back position who was also a threat at set pieces. Martyn was the play making centre back, who cajoled the players in front of him. Barney was exceptional in the centre of the park and Greg showed good energy alongside him. Chris Cox had a steady game on the right flank whilst Gavin offered a big threat with his lightening runs. Up front Dave got into some excellent positions but unfortunately couldn’t finish and Banksy showed his prowess in front of goal as always. Woody came on and his pace unsettled their defenders and always looked like he had a goal in him. Well done to Chairman Al who sat in his chair the whole game and inspired the troops.
Down the pub, everybody had a lovely time. It was also good to see Bully supporting the team on the sideline. Surely he’s in the running for Clubman of the Year. Next week a double header. One that Linda Lovelace would be proud of.
Monday 25 April 2016
Knobs 9 Bullsmoor All Sorts 0
A comfortable victory. Most would have preferred stronger opposition, but a strong team performance. Knebworth built from the back, largely to keep the defenders interested, kept attacking with energy and Tony was able to pop to the Co-Op for a newspaper in the second half.
Good performances all round, Tony performed a lovely dive for a shot that went over the bar, and would have given away a penalty if the referee was not a fellow keeper. 4 for Paul, 3 for Woody and 1 each for Barney and Jono.
Highlights
Paul's finishing, spectacular and aggressive Woody's crossing and finishing Greg, top team man for taking the kit complete football performance, Tony K marauding down the wing No one was injured getting the goals put, or putting them away Steady game from Martyn, didn't catch the ball in play Stuart Brown for stepping into referee at the last minute, thank you.
the fella who ran round in circles throughout the match Barney's tackling, we will make a defender out of him eventually
£17 nike tiempo boots from the Nike Store in Hatfield.
Lowlights
Martyn and Tony calamity capers - one piece of defending to do all game and they mess it up..... definite penalty Only 5 at the pub Wayne no show (again) Woody refusing to take the kit (again) Jono's first touch Jono's second touch / tackle Bully wearing gloves Bully getting injured Darren's shooting Double agent Dave Jordan defecting to Sandridge Stuart Brown's whistle, attracting attention of dogs but not footballers.
Good performances all round, Tony performed a lovely dive for a shot that went over the bar, and would have given away a penalty if the referee was not a fellow keeper. 4 for Paul, 3 for Woody and 1 each for Barney and Jono.
Highlights
Paul's finishing, spectacular and aggressive Woody's crossing and finishing Greg, top team man for taking the kit complete football performance, Tony K marauding down the wing No one was injured getting the goals put, or putting them away Steady game from Martyn, didn't catch the ball in play Stuart Brown for stepping into referee at the last minute, thank you.
the fella who ran round in circles throughout the match Barney's tackling, we will make a defender out of him eventually
£17 nike tiempo boots from the Nike Store in Hatfield.
Lowlights
Martyn and Tony calamity capers - one piece of defending to do all game and they mess it up..... definite penalty Only 5 at the pub Wayne no show (again) Woody refusing to take the kit (again) Jono's first touch Jono's second touch / tackle Bully wearing gloves Bully getting injured Darren's shooting Double agent Dave Jordan defecting to Sandridge Stuart Brown's whistle, attracting attention of dogs but not footballers.
Tuesday 12 April 2016
Knobs 4 Buntingford 2
It was a tale of 2 halves as Knebworth over turned a half time deficit to record a comfortable victory against Buntingford.
Knebworth started the match lacking energy and composure. Buntingford dominated with some long balls, though Tony was rarely called into action - until Dave Knights intervened.... A Buntingford through ball found the centre forward who got away from Ally. He approached the goal, Ally had the shot covered, James had the cross covered. Dave struck the cross past Tony with a heavy touch that was to reappear throughout the first half. Barney was lively, Gavin energetic, Martyn disappointing and Rob Hanlon made a 3 minute cameo before getting injured - a dull first half.
Harsh words were needed at half time and James threw imaginary tea cups to rally the troops. Passion and composure was the message. Strategic changes were made as the midfield was upgraded with Chris Cox replacing Martyn and Banks replacing Barney. The manager with the Midas touch was grateful when Gavin hammered home a cross for his 75th goal in 565 starts for Knebworth. The tinkerman manager then made a change to the formation with Barney replacing Dave Knights and a switch to 3 at the back. The masterstroke was rewarded as Paul quickly scored his first goal. It then became the Paul Matthews show as he completed a great hat trick. Full set of left foot, right foot and header. Buntingford managed a consolation goal as Tony watched a corner float across the 6 yard box to the far post and Darren's man headed home.
In the end a comfortable win. 7 in the pub waited patiently for food, and James shocked everyone with the story of going to collect the kit from Dave Knights house, and being greeted by Dave in his dressing gown at 6.30pm.
Knebworth started the match lacking energy and composure. Buntingford dominated with some long balls, though Tony was rarely called into action - until Dave Knights intervened.... A Buntingford through ball found the centre forward who got away from Ally. He approached the goal, Ally had the shot covered, James had the cross covered. Dave struck the cross past Tony with a heavy touch that was to reappear throughout the first half. Barney was lively, Gavin energetic, Martyn disappointing and Rob Hanlon made a 3 minute cameo before getting injured - a dull first half.
Harsh words were needed at half time and James threw imaginary tea cups to rally the troops. Passion and composure was the message. Strategic changes were made as the midfield was upgraded with Chris Cox replacing Martyn and Banks replacing Barney. The manager with the Midas touch was grateful when Gavin hammered home a cross for his 75th goal in 565 starts for Knebworth. The tinkerman manager then made a change to the formation with Barney replacing Dave Knights and a switch to 3 at the back. The masterstroke was rewarded as Paul quickly scored his first goal. It then became the Paul Matthews show as he completed a great hat trick. Full set of left foot, right foot and header. Buntingford managed a consolation goal as Tony watched a corner float across the 6 yard box to the far post and Darren's man headed home.
In the end a comfortable win. 7 in the pub waited patiently for food, and James shocked everyone with the story of going to collect the kit from Dave Knights house, and being greeted by Dave in his dressing gown at 6.30pm.
Monday 14 March 2016
Knobs 1 Stotfold 1
A moderate improvement from the 0-0 vs Harpenden, but still was still a horror show and managers Hobbs and Aldrich look vulnerable to a committee led revolt after dropping Dangerous Dave Jordan for this fixture. However, Jordan has been suspended by the club after rumours he broke into Martyn Brown's house and turned the volume down on his alarm.
Stotfold scored first, Barney equalised straight after time. Stotfold went down to 10 after a rare Vets red card, but Knebworth were so poor no one really noticed. No sign of Brendan Walkden, a bit like when he played for Knebworth (harsh, low blow, sorry!)
Tony made a few good saves and for once was blameless for the goal. Wayne was committed and seemed to be the only person wanting to win. Darren looks lost without Bully and missed an opportunity in the last minute. James was hungover and it showed. Like the last game Jono looked dangerous until he got close to goal. Martyn's day started badly when he slept through his alarm, it got worse when he came on at half time. Paul was 3 jäger bombs and 4 bottles of wine beyond having a good game. Ali did well at full back. greg tripped on the ball more times than he completed passes. Barney was lively in patches. Dave M was excellent with the flag. rob Hanlon helped sweep the dressing room, still not got him to the pub yet.
Knebworth had by far the most chances and should have won. the forwards must do better #defendersunion. The pitch was bobbly, the sun shone and turn out was below average at the pub. having led the league for much of the season, like Arsenal, Knebworth have faded away and and even a Europa league place looks unlikely.
Stotfold scored first, Barney equalised straight after time. Stotfold went down to 10 after a rare Vets red card, but Knebworth were so poor no one really noticed. No sign of Brendan Walkden, a bit like when he played for Knebworth (harsh, low blow, sorry!)
Tony made a few good saves and for once was blameless for the goal. Wayne was committed and seemed to be the only person wanting to win. Darren looks lost without Bully and missed an opportunity in the last minute. James was hungover and it showed. Like the last game Jono looked dangerous until he got close to goal. Martyn's day started badly when he slept through his alarm, it got worse when he came on at half time. Paul was 3 jäger bombs and 4 bottles of wine beyond having a good game. Ali did well at full back. greg tripped on the ball more times than he completed passes. Barney was lively in patches. Dave M was excellent with the flag. rob Hanlon helped sweep the dressing room, still not got him to the pub yet.
Knebworth had by far the most chances and should have won. the forwards must do better #defendersunion. The pitch was bobbly, the sun shone and turn out was below average at the pub. having led the league for much of the season, like Arsenal, Knebworth have faded away and and even a Europa league place looks unlikely.
Monday 29 February 2016
Knobs 0 Harpenden 0
Never has a match been so forgettable. In fact this match was so forgettable that it will long in the memory. The cold nil nil, that Bully missed will be talked about for years to come. The match was so poor, and chances so few, that several players asked specifically not be named in club records as participants in the match. The second ever 0-0 draw in 1,056 Knebworth Vets fixtures had actually promised to be a high scoring affair. With Tony “sorry” Clare away, 3 changes to the back four, and 5 forwards in the starting line-up, a high scoring match seemed inevitable. In goal, Gavin specifically asked that there were no shots allowed towards him as he had not been able to put his wedding ring since hurting his finger in his last goal keeping appearance. In mitigation, the pitch had dried out after recent rain and was exceptionally bobbly. Dave Jordan spent 6 days getting no referee arranged, and one day getting 2 referees arranged – so we welcomed a new referee Dale, who had an excellent game, and this is not just written because he did not give a single foul against James.
Knebworth dominated the first half, but did not threaten the goal and managed only a single corner. Gerry took it, and with his furthest ever kick reached the 6 yard box where it was cleared. Paul was competitive in the middle, whilst Darren kept checking his watch aware he had to catch a train to the Spurs match. Jono round around a bit, and looked dangerous until he got anywhere near the goal. Dave Jordan was somewhere on the left. Barney and Dave M were lively in a non-threatening kind of way. Dave M managed to put one into the gardens in frustration after the whistle had done – it was that type of match. At the back, Greg, Tony, James and Tony K kept the lonely Harpenden forward quiet, and struggled to find a flat piece of grass to clear. The highlight of the first half was Gavin in goal saying to his defenders “I’m playing a high line” then going past them on a couple of occasions with some Bruce Grobelaar style runs. Manager Hobbs reminded Gavin that if he wanted to play in midfield instead of goal he should say so and not be wearing the gloves.
The second half was much like the first half, except downhill with the wind, Harpenden dominated and won more corners. Gavin was now “playing a deep line” and refused to come off his line. Upfront Stephen “hold it-argghh, sorry” Banks joined the fray. Harpenden had a couple of chances but not require Gavin to make any saves. Paul and James headed some corners away. Barney made some strong runs on the break, before the ball was soon lost. To finish, Banks and Darren had the only Knebworth chances and cost us the game in the final 5 minutes.
Poor turnout to meet the new temporary landlord in the pub. Though Paul did leave before a delayed James arrived, after some issues closing the pavilion door had to be solved by the intervention of Jono’s size 14 trainers. Dave Jordan could not even sell all the spaces on the scratchcard – probably because everyone knew he had fixed it again and won the £10 himself. Though he did spend £11 to win his £10, maths not being his strong point.
Knebworth dominated the first half, but did not threaten the goal and managed only a single corner. Gerry took it, and with his furthest ever kick reached the 6 yard box where it was cleared. Paul was competitive in the middle, whilst Darren kept checking his watch aware he had to catch a train to the Spurs match. Jono round around a bit, and looked dangerous until he got anywhere near the goal. Dave Jordan was somewhere on the left. Barney and Dave M were lively in a non-threatening kind of way. Dave M managed to put one into the gardens in frustration after the whistle had done – it was that type of match. At the back, Greg, Tony, James and Tony K kept the lonely Harpenden forward quiet, and struggled to find a flat piece of grass to clear. The highlight of the first half was Gavin in goal saying to his defenders “I’m playing a high line” then going past them on a couple of occasions with some Bruce Grobelaar style runs. Manager Hobbs reminded Gavin that if he wanted to play in midfield instead of goal he should say so and not be wearing the gloves.
The second half was much like the first half, except downhill with the wind, Harpenden dominated and won more corners. Gavin was now “playing a deep line” and refused to come off his line. Upfront Stephen “hold it-argghh, sorry” Banks joined the fray. Harpenden had a couple of chances but not require Gavin to make any saves. Paul and James headed some corners away. Barney made some strong runs on the break, before the ball was soon lost. To finish, Banks and Darren had the only Knebworth chances and cost us the game in the final 5 minutes.
Poor turnout to meet the new temporary landlord in the pub. Though Paul did leave before a delayed James arrived, after some issues closing the pavilion door had to be solved by the intervention of Jono’s size 14 trainers. Dave Jordan could not even sell all the spaces on the scratchcard – probably because everyone knew he had fixed it again and won the £10 himself. Though he did spend £11 to win his £10, maths not being his strong point.
Monday 15 February 2016
Welwyn Sports 2 Knobs 3
On a cold and fresh Valentines Day, the Vets beat Welwyn Sports for only the second time in 78 previous meetings. On a flat but heavy pitch Knebworth looked to pass from the start, and dominated the opening minutes. Woody was a nuisance upfront, and buoyed by last weeks hat trick Dave Millhouse was a constant threat. Jono played in his 7th position this season, and looked more comfortable than normal, combining well with Ally. Martyn Brown returned to action after a club suspension for being caught in the Station Pub on 7 consecutive Saturday lunchtimes.
Knebworth took the lead after a good pass from Woody allowed Dave M to fire home. Leading scorer in 2016 Dave thanked his Mum after the game. Dave said "My Mum knew I was struggling before Christmas, so she bought me some pop up goals for the garden, and one of those ball on elastic contraptions. I've been practicing every evening after school and it is really helping". After a competitive and fractious first half Knebworth were one up.
Dave Jordan was introduced at half time, and quickly made a big impact by inexcusably pushing a forward in the penalty box as a cross came in from the left. A tearful Jordan apologized to the squad after the game. "I saw red, I'm sorry, the number 18 was taking the mickey out the sound effects I make whenever I go near the ball, so I pushed him".
At 1-1 Knebworth kept passing the ball well, and Welywn kept looking for a scrap, on or off the ball. Banksy replaced and out of puff Martyn, and immediately looked to win the slow race with the big Welwyn centre half - I guess there are different ways of slowing a game down. Knebworth went 2-1 up when Dave M found the increasingly unpopular Woody to slide home. After losing the previous 65 matches against Welywn, Knebworth were nervous but continued to pass well, compete well and dominate possession. With 15 minutes to go Woody went past his man again, crossed and somehow Jono scored. The out of form Irishman was having one of his better days.
Welwyn immediately looked to strike back and with the clock running down pulled one back. After a foul on the left, the free kick was crossed in. Wayne organised the defence, calling the line on the penalty spot. Jono misheard the shout of "penalty spot", believing Wayne had shouted "leave your man in space, and lets see if number 17 can score a diving header past Tony" Luckily only a minute was left and Knebworth could bask in the glory of victory against Welywn, achieving the dream that many in orange before them had failed.
After the game a Welywn forward commented that he couldn't understand how Knebworth conceded so many goals with such a strong centre half pairing. In related news, Tony could do nothing about the goals this week.
Sausage sandwiches, chips and wedges in the Steamer. The best food since Brendan Walkden put away 9 bacon sandwiches away at Harpenden according to pub food expert Martyn Brown.
Knebworth took the lead after a good pass from Woody allowed Dave M to fire home. Leading scorer in 2016 Dave thanked his Mum after the game. Dave said "My Mum knew I was struggling before Christmas, so she bought me some pop up goals for the garden, and one of those ball on elastic contraptions. I've been practicing every evening after school and it is really helping". After a competitive and fractious first half Knebworth were one up.
Dave Jordan was introduced at half time, and quickly made a big impact by inexcusably pushing a forward in the penalty box as a cross came in from the left. A tearful Jordan apologized to the squad after the game. "I saw red, I'm sorry, the number 18 was taking the mickey out the sound effects I make whenever I go near the ball, so I pushed him".
At 1-1 Knebworth kept passing the ball well, and Welywn kept looking for a scrap, on or off the ball. Banksy replaced and out of puff Martyn, and immediately looked to win the slow race with the big Welwyn centre half - I guess there are different ways of slowing a game down. Knebworth went 2-1 up when Dave M found the increasingly unpopular Woody to slide home. After losing the previous 65 matches against Welywn, Knebworth were nervous but continued to pass well, compete well and dominate possession. With 15 minutes to go Woody went past his man again, crossed and somehow Jono scored. The out of form Irishman was having one of his better days.
Welwyn immediately looked to strike back and with the clock running down pulled one back. After a foul on the left, the free kick was crossed in. Wayne organised the defence, calling the line on the penalty spot. Jono misheard the shout of "penalty spot", believing Wayne had shouted "leave your man in space, and lets see if number 17 can score a diving header past Tony" Luckily only a minute was left and Knebworth could bask in the glory of victory against Welywn, achieving the dream that many in orange before them had failed.
After the game a Welywn forward commented that he couldn't understand how Knebworth conceded so many goals with such a strong centre half pairing. In related news, Tony could do nothing about the goals this week.
Sausage sandwiches, chips and wedges in the Steamer. The best food since Brendan Walkden put away 9 bacon sandwiches away at Harpenden according to pub food expert Martyn Brown.
Monday 8 February 2016
Saints 2 Knobs 6
The Vets registered their first win of 2016, putting 6 past Saints. This was a much needed win, the first league victory since December 6th, ahead of a tough run of fixtures in the coming weeks.
Knebworth welcomed back Paul “Biscuits” Matthews, the most brittle man in Knebworth Vets history, and moved free scoring, non-moving, super Sub Banksy into goal.
On the only flat pitch in the league, Knebworth began well, dominating possession and passing the ball around well. On a cold and windy morning, Knebworth kept the ball on the floor, using Banksy as a kamikaze sweeper to pass out from the back. There were 2 near misses from this approach, but it was a welcome change from Tony “Sorry” Clare kicking long for touch. It wasn’t long before Dave M found space to score his only his 5th of the season, drawing level with defender Hobbs in the goal scoring charts. Dave soon made it 6 for the season, and Knebworth were looking comfortable. Unfortunately Knebworth rarely do comfortable victories and just before half time the midfield went missing and Hobbs stepped in to intercept but took out the Saints forward. The resulting free kick was well struck and left Banksy no chance. 2-1 at half time.
Biscuits Matthews joined the fray at half time. Within 30 seconds, he was immediately into action with some strong tackles, causing everyone to hold their, anticipating another roll of the ankle. Goal of the season was soon to follow. Playing out from the back, Knebworth attacked on the left, went cross field to Bully who dinked a slow cross behind the forwards. However Biscuits was unconcerned and launched a spectacular overhead kick of such high quality that it clearly has no place in Vets football. Remarkably the ball flew into the top corner.
Saints were not giving up, and a quickly taken free kick allowed a cross, for a header home. 3-2, and Knebworth were getting nervous, against the wind, in a match they were dominating. Fortunately Bully soon found space to make it 4-2, then Dave completed a hat trick and Rob Hanlon signed off with a shot from the edge of the box.
Dave Jordan claimed an assist for one of these goals, and after the game wild man Wayne Clarke said “once again victory resulting from a masterful defensive performance, all the goals started with our passes, we provide the canvas for the forwards to paint beautiful pictures – but once again it looked messy painting for 5 year olds at St Martins Church. 89% possession great, 6 goals great, but their keeper never made a save all game”.
Manager Mutley Hobbs said after the game how shocked he was at the loss the previous week at MBDA. “I don’t mean to be big headed, and myself and Dastardly Aldrich remain 100% united, but we won 8-0 at MBDA when Aldrich was away. MBDA at home I was away, we lost 3-2. Just saying”.
Hobbs also said there was nothing in the rumour that Jono Forde has left the club. “It’s just paper talk, I called him in the week, and explained assuming Dave Millhouse doesn’t get a hat trick at Saints, and Paul Matthews doesn’t get injured at Saints he will be straight back in the team. The chances of those two events happening are 1000-1 at Ladbrokes, I put on a tenner though”
Knebworth welcomed back Paul “Biscuits” Matthews, the most brittle man in Knebworth Vets history, and moved free scoring, non-moving, super Sub Banksy into goal.
On the only flat pitch in the league, Knebworth began well, dominating possession and passing the ball around well. On a cold and windy morning, Knebworth kept the ball on the floor, using Banksy as a kamikaze sweeper to pass out from the back. There were 2 near misses from this approach, but it was a welcome change from Tony “Sorry” Clare kicking long for touch. It wasn’t long before Dave M found space to score his only his 5th of the season, drawing level with defender Hobbs in the goal scoring charts. Dave soon made it 6 for the season, and Knebworth were looking comfortable. Unfortunately Knebworth rarely do comfortable victories and just before half time the midfield went missing and Hobbs stepped in to intercept but took out the Saints forward. The resulting free kick was well struck and left Banksy no chance. 2-1 at half time.
Biscuits Matthews joined the fray at half time. Within 30 seconds, he was immediately into action with some strong tackles, causing everyone to hold their, anticipating another roll of the ankle. Goal of the season was soon to follow. Playing out from the back, Knebworth attacked on the left, went cross field to Bully who dinked a slow cross behind the forwards. However Biscuits was unconcerned and launched a spectacular overhead kick of such high quality that it clearly has no place in Vets football. Remarkably the ball flew into the top corner.
Saints were not giving up, and a quickly taken free kick allowed a cross, for a header home. 3-2, and Knebworth were getting nervous, against the wind, in a match they were dominating. Fortunately Bully soon found space to make it 4-2, then Dave completed a hat trick and Rob Hanlon signed off with a shot from the edge of the box.
Dave Jordan claimed an assist for one of these goals, and after the game wild man Wayne Clarke said “once again victory resulting from a masterful defensive performance, all the goals started with our passes, we provide the canvas for the forwards to paint beautiful pictures – but once again it looked messy painting for 5 year olds at St Martins Church. 89% possession great, 6 goals great, but their keeper never made a save all game”.
Manager Mutley Hobbs said after the game how shocked he was at the loss the previous week at MBDA. “I don’t mean to be big headed, and myself and Dastardly Aldrich remain 100% united, but we won 8-0 at MBDA when Aldrich was away. MBDA at home I was away, we lost 3-2. Just saying”.
Hobbs also said there was nothing in the rumour that Jono Forde has left the club. “It’s just paper talk, I called him in the week, and explained assuming Dave Millhouse doesn’t get a hat trick at Saints, and Paul Matthews doesn’t get injured at Saints he will be straight back in the team. The chances of those two events happening are 1000-1 at Ladbrokes, I put on a tenner though”
Monday 25 January 2016
Blunham 3 Knobs 1
The Vets suffered defeat in their first game of 2016. A full strength 14 were chosen from the 21 available players for the trip to Blunham. Manager Dastardly Aldrich said “the selection was tough on the magnificent 7, particularly Banksy who scored our only 2 goals from the bench in our last game, reffed the first 15 minutes, cooked the chips, made the tea and collected the subs. Some of the others will have to go out on loan in the January window – Chairman Al for example needs game time, and I’ve had an enquiry from Brendan Walkden to see if he will make a switch to Stotfold”
Blunham started the match well, it was 3 minutes before Knebworth got a touch of the ball. But Knebworth took the lead when Woody found space to finish well. It should have been 2, when a goal kick from Tony was caught by an extreme gust of wind and Woody was 1 on 1 with the keeper. He missed and his mood descended from there.
A scrappy equalizer made it 1-1 at half time. Jono had to be taken off after injuring his foot tripping over a water bottle. The giant Irishman looks out of place at centre half, left midfield and striker and after the game Mutley Hobbs said “I’m trying to build a team around Jono, but I can’t find a position where he can play, I’ve pencilled him in for a stint in goal next time Tony is away. I’m also concerned about the coaching my son gets from Jono in the under 6s – he keeps lining up water bottles in the garden and kicking them against the wall”
Substitutes Rob, Barney and Martyn gave Knebworth a bit of extra zip in the second half. But some “interesting” defending cost Knebworth sloppy goals. Blunham sat deep, and Knebworth were unable to break them down. A strong ref was forced to intervene and remove handbags from the field of play on a couple of occasions. Knebworth dominated territory throughout, Blunham held strong and repelled everything Knebworth could muster.
Post match, under pressure manager Aldirch said “we are not far off being a great team, if we could just create more chances, finish more chances and stop giving away silly goals we’d be a much better side”. But don’t worry we will be top of the league in May, unfortunately the rest of the league will have 12 games in hand.”
Blunham started the match well, it was 3 minutes before Knebworth got a touch of the ball. But Knebworth took the lead when Woody found space to finish well. It should have been 2, when a goal kick from Tony was caught by an extreme gust of wind and Woody was 1 on 1 with the keeper. He missed and his mood descended from there.
A scrappy equalizer made it 1-1 at half time. Jono had to be taken off after injuring his foot tripping over a water bottle. The giant Irishman looks out of place at centre half, left midfield and striker and after the game Mutley Hobbs said “I’m trying to build a team around Jono, but I can’t find a position where he can play, I’ve pencilled him in for a stint in goal next time Tony is away. I’m also concerned about the coaching my son gets from Jono in the under 6s – he keeps lining up water bottles in the garden and kicking them against the wall”
Substitutes Rob, Barney and Martyn gave Knebworth a bit of extra zip in the second half. But some “interesting” defending cost Knebworth sloppy goals. Blunham sat deep, and Knebworth were unable to break them down. A strong ref was forced to intervene and remove handbags from the field of play on a couple of occasions. Knebworth dominated territory throughout, Blunham held strong and repelled everything Knebworth could muster.
Post match, under pressure manager Aldirch said “we are not far off being a great team, if we could just create more chances, finish more chances and stop giving away silly goals we’d be a much better side”. But don’t worry we will be top of the league in May, unfortunately the rest of the league will have 12 games in hand.”
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