Knobs 1 Dads and Coaches and.... 1

Another festive season passes by and on a cloying gluetop a competitve game took place.
We were latish to show and once out were astonished to see the opposition disappear to the dressing rooms for 10 minutes as we froze our nadgers off. They looked strong, well they looked young and that's a form of strength. Pigeons were sent forth to recruit Danny and Tom but whilst Danny soon appeared Tom slept on.
We hardly started as they outfought and outplayed us for 15 minutes. What's happening here?Fortunately their efforts were repelled, kept to long range or were threatening only from some nice corners from Phil. Gavin, once he stopped laughing soon got into some sort of stride. One lung bursting run on the left saw him find Ron two yards out who hoofed over the bar- rustiness obviously (how'd a fuckin miss that?). Ron continued to be pivotal to the game's status hoofing a tame shot off off M. Boyle's toe (he wouldn't have got it anyway) then cleverly heading a goal bound Gavin shot narrowly wide (a foot and anyway the shot was losing steam with every inch). We were competing a bit now. A prolonged philosophical debate between Steve and himself led to the referee getting the hump, then blow me down with a peashooter, as Steve reached the climax of his verbal dissertation the referee lightened the gathering gloom with the brandishing of a red card! Well a sort of orange, luminous card and off Steve went. A subtle introduction of Mark restored numerical parity until half time arrived. Steve went to confession at half time and humbly returned to the field of play for the second half. There seemd to be some 15 minute hiatus at half time when they all disappeared again. Viagra injections I suppose.
Close calls occurred for us at the right end as we bossed the second half. Bill went to make the tea, John went to warm his balls and seemingly Tom slept on. Twenty minutes to go and an accurate freekick beat Trevor's juju spell and nestled in the top corner. If only Dave had been allowed to be on the line. Then a sweet move saw us equalise in a back to front sweeping move. From keeper to John then to Danny who squared from the by line for Gavin to trundle home. Howzat!
Gavin hit the hardest shot of the game only for their keeper to make an excellent save. Chances came and went for us . I enjoyed some comical happenings , Steve's hilarious 'shoulder' charge on the full back, an elephant squashing a fly- Phil's 'shoulder' push on Phil which saw a significant register on the Richter Scale. They nearly scored at the death but were thwarted by a terrific Trevor save, followed by a superbly brave Chris clearance. My man of the match by the way - Chris Griffiths.
Tom didn't show- what they putting in his cocoa?
A goodly turn out at the Station, increasing their custom by 10,000%. Food was slow in coming but it was worth the wait, despite some ignorant chants of "Fox Fox...."
Alistair hobbled by on his way to the Church Of Redemption by the looks of it. Home we all went happy little teddy bears!

Old Owens 2 Knobs 3

A return to winning ways- just!
A strong side against a weakish team that only got weaker, as they succumbed to frailties and old age, proved an overall disappointment on the day. A thin line exists between self confidence and complacency. It is important to play the team game on the pitch not the fantasy game in the mind. A tight pitch- it doesn't change- and a gluey surface contributed to difficulties but really we should have been out of sight long before the end. The result was far too close. We made chances, loads, it's a pity Mike wasn't available he'd have revelled in this game.
Ron was asked to referee. "it'll be an honour" he cursed. End of his comeback.
Minutes in, Debby, after an initial piece of overguarding, decided to follow this up by a terrific leg removal job. penalty- comfortably converted. She was playing with energy and verve despite this lapse- pity. Strangely they were playing better for a while whereas we were debating whether or not to start. Some goalmouth scrimmages for us, the usual catalogue of two yard misses, some bad luck, a cute header by Matt, tipped over, then an equaliser. Matt executed a really mesmerising turn, flummoxing his marker before finding the corner easily. Their skilful forward, Del, succumbed to injury after half an hour and by half time rigor mortis had set in. I have to say I've never seen a corpse play better during the rest of the game. He nearly scored in the last minute. Imagine the headlines, "Knobs Stuffed by Stiff's Stump" or summat (Alternative choices on a postcard).
Second half, only one "team" in it. Yet still the floodgates failed to open. A penalty, awarded for a trip on Alistair, he said it was a push, shows you what I see! Disputed by them, "where's your glasses?" Moot point, they were in the dressing room, fat lot of use there. Steve converted, usual spot, normal pace.
A ball was then hoofed out high to beyond their penalty area for Matt to unerringly smash an unstoppable volley high into the net- 3-1. We attacked in hordes but could add no more. They could - with a scramble leading to a tap over the line. He was probably off side, receiving the ball with only one player between him and goal, Trevor being elsewhere upfield. Am I right? Too late I gave a goal- I had to.
Some good individual moments lost in a poor team effort. Humour was high though!
John Boyle, playing like Susan, showed he badly needed a game but bugger me he's away again next week! Gavin made some excellent runs and Richard fizzed around to some good effect.
A merry little scene in the clubhouse. Debby was notably absent no doubt hurtling Knebworthwards to check the off license prices of certain Italian wines. They are two bottles for a fiver! How much did I win D?
Next week away to Ashwell, probably on astroturf, play in rubbers. (Boots that is).
Pity the "B" team couldn't raise themselves for the Standon game, I called it off early to give them a chance to re-arrange something.

If you want the lowdown on sulphites- ask me.

Ron

Knobs 1 Wilbury Wanderers 2

Many inspections led to the view the pitch was playable. Wet yes, gluey certainly, up for purists possibly not. Nevertheless a somewhat later kick off led to an absorbing game on a hauntingly empty Rec. A well fought game was only settled 6 minutes from time by their rather bizarre winner. What impressed me about them was that they were fit, hard working and , shiver me timbers, gentlemanly! Both to us and between themselves. You never heard them disparaging each other just encouraging. Well that's one way of playing.
I hope everyone enjoyed the game on such a stamina sapping surface it looked absorbing from my position- off the pace as usual. Hey no, I was knackered afterwards 'sprinting' up and down to keep up with play. Lots of players contributed well, and were awarded high marks for ENDEAVOUR- Chris Wilson was our man of the match by a high street mile (in my opinion).
If you think back they hardly, if at all, created a chance but they did work their socks off all over the field and never gave up trying to play and compete. We, on the other hand, missed at least 7 one on one with the keeper chances and their keeper, a little guy resembling a beardless Ben Gunn, saving several others. Give him the Cheddar. There were distinct culprits who will remain nameless so close to Christmas. Needless to say back in the forties , my forties, I would have worn me burka for a week if I'd had spurned so many! Yet that was so long ago. (When was that by the way?- so long ago I said).
Half time said 0-0 after a hard fought first half of easy chances for us yet pressure by them. Defensively as a team we must take credit.
They took the lead from a looping header in from an indirect free kick in , by the elusive black guy who Alistair and I thought rather crafty and good. (He actually volunteered to put the nets up before the game! Worra gent- picking his spot probably.) At last we equalised when the real Gavin opened his legs and showed his class. Swooping northwards he slalomed past defenders before slamming home a high unstoppable equaliser (so gleeful- he took the kit home).
Noone seemed to congratulate him until he returned to the half way line- probably stupefied by such grace and skill. Many returns Gavin. Probably relieved we were back in it! It was not the end. With 6 minutes to go, or was that 16 or was it minus 6 - I don't know, I was using Maggie's dinky watch, could hardly see it and lost count- she hadn't put it back an hour in October which hardly helped. Also explains why I dared not go to the pub afterwards I was still sailing through summertime! Their equaliser was somewhat weird and yes, lucky, coming from a tricky Gary Owen under the crossbar, semi dealt with by Trevor but hoofed high into the net by the one player following it in. He happened to be theirs! So it ended. Kelvin and Mark Mills singlehandely took down the top nets whilst others were already showered! Dave hid the ground keys and went deaf for half an hour. We lost all three balls, one up a tree and two in cadger's garden and we went home. Hope you enjoyed the rest of your Sunday- I don't think I did. I can't remember. Two games next Sunday- if you have a mate or a wife who fancies a game, contact me. If you have a mate or a wife who fancies............... what am I on about....... climbing up a tree to retrieve a ball....... Bye bye......

Ron