Faraway Sir Ronald

It's been on and off for years but finally the time has come for Sir Ronald to be put out to pasture in Pembrokeshire and become Faraway Sir Ronald. Plenty of gardening to be done and the drink is already a distant memory. The KNOBS, who are they?

Goodbye Sir Ronald

Goodbye Sir Ronald
Quack quack

Monday, 22 October 2007

Knobs 3 Saints 1

Another three points -actually our first three points- unbeaten in three games , very satisfactory. Controversial game, in the sense, that we kept to the side which was playing so well whilst the game was highly competitive. Apologies were made to the 3 subs, used in the final 20 minutes or so, by which time we were 3-0 up, but at least we are still competing in the league. Next week's game v Kempston will see us reverting to on- off subs every nanosecond, should any subs be available.
Anyway the performance on Sunday was a notch above normal in terms of physical effort, determination and teamwork as well as flair, passing ability and a desire to keep the ball. Well done! This opposition are no mugs and kept grittily involved right to the end.
First goal , a 25 yard thunderbolt from Matty into the top corner. The goalie neither saw nor spelt it, as good a shot and as fierce as you'll see in the Premiership- perhaps some good comes from watching Arsenal! Mind that clown Adeebiyorrr he could nivvor hit one like that
Second goal, a challenge from a flighted Bully corner was nutted in by a determined, then delighted John Twigg, who it has to be said was having a stormer at left back, some of his challenging headers were both towering and brain cell destroying.
Third goal, another of our many pleasant-on-the-eye attacks seemed to have broken down, but Mark 'never say die ' Mills raced to retrieve a ball going out then dispatched a cross which was accurately nutted in by Matt.
Their consolation goal came after Blind Pew, the referee, failed to notice their forward gently placing the ball down his shorts and ignoring a choir of lusty shouts for handball, allowed play on from which they scored.
Wye lad it wiz a canny game mind even though their number thorteen wiz a birrova bullsy, so there wi gan. Am so happy, all be tappy lappy aal neet when the bonny lads torn thi Spors ower the neet. A hate ti see grown men cry so al not be lookin ower wor fence inti Johnny Boyle's garden, al just leave him ti grieve privately. Prediction Newcastle 3 Spors nought. Owen, Martins and Milner ti score.
Howay thi lads.

Blind Pew

PS Never Say Die

67 comments:

Ron Crennell said...

A first:
Marks out of 10 for players which I have been doing since the start of the season, as a singular view of performance. You fucking anorak!
Well it beats voting in the dressing room in the aftermath of a game when you would invariably get one Mills brother voting for the other whether or not they'd played (or should I say Marx brothers).

Trevor 7 John B 7 Roy 9 Chris W 9 John T 8 Debbie 7 Phil 8 Steve 9 Mark 7 Matt 8 Mike 7 Subs Steve 6 Carl 6 Paul 7
There we fuckin go....
You see once we had player of the season award!
Jonah

Anonymous said...

Does that mean those who didn't play, the golden oldies and never have beens are fucking useless and surplus to requirements? With such a star studded side.

Anonymous said...

marks out of 10 my hairy swingers. a load of old tosh.

Anonymous said...

why can't i play?
Cos I'm fucking hopeless that's why. But why can't i play?
did young ron do well. why doesn't he play? why doesnt young bill play?
why doesnt andy mills play? Why indeed
why doesnt kevin play/
why does mike lisle play?
why do grea oak trees from little acorns grow?
why are there no sausages and chips at the pub?
why do people swear so much?
Fuck off leper.
why doesnt neil manage anyway more. Manage to what?
Why does Kenny Hogg drum?
Why does Big bob not play- I liked him, he had panache- and big bollocks, I looked.
Why doesnt Gordon Brown pay?
Why does that nice Alistair not play or that nice Nigel or that nice Jason or that nice Peter, I believe he supports Sunderland so that must be a plus, why doesnt nice Nick play and nicer than nice Gavin and extra special nice Richard and horrible you know who. So many questions in life so many imponderables and what happened to that nice chubby chap Rob?

Mr Nasty

Anonymous said...

Did Big Bob really have big bollocks?

Anonymous said...

too truehe did, elephantine, a legend in eez own nest

Anonymous said...

6.30. And do I hear the sound of wailing, greetin and the gnashin of teeth from next door. Aye c'est John- Spurs do strange things to folk. Support a great club man. Howay the lads.

Ron

Anonymous said...

Anyway, this bloke's in bed with his wife, both starkers...he says "darling, I'm going to make you the happiest person in the world"...she says "I'll miss you......and by the way Big Bob's got bigger bollocks...."

Anonymous said...

7.35, the wailing is unabated over there, 25 minutes before kick off.
4 lagers and a box o Kleenex.

Oh woe for you Mrs Robinson
Jesus loves you more than Calamity James
Nae fucker else does.

Will he be dropped for tonight?

Anonymous said...

Robinson has been dropped, he must be over 36yrs of age! the fucker would not even get a start in the star studded knobs team. Bob got big bollocks? yes he also has a small knob and a big mouth!!
As for the footie............yawn, two shite teams and a fag paper between them.

yours Mr. Angry from Purley

Anonymous said...

I have big sacks and am ready to be unleashed. when do i get my chance?

Anonymous said...

Still on for Sunday?

Anonymous said...

Five cwt tomorrow please, lock the bunker when you go

Anonymous said...

Im available for training tomorrow and a game on Sunday if you can spare a shirt and some high heels.
Howay my hairy fat BOLLOCKS.

Lots of love Debbie 7

Anonymous said...

Fatima Whitbread goes to the doctor and complains about some hair growing between her tits.
The doctor says 'And how bad is it?'
And Fatima says 'Awful...it goes all the way down to my bollocks!'
BOOM! BOOM!
If anyone has any jokes post-1985, then boo to you. You are obviously far too young for this team (and probably getting a game most weeks!)

Anonymous said...

I have a big set of balls; can i join your team?

Anonymous said...

Any defensive coaching jobs going?

Anonymous said...

I don't have big balls but i do have a nice clipboard.

Anonymous said...

Wye yer bugger a wiz nearly reet, but that bugger Owen's aafully slow.
Tottingham overwhelmed by a funereal occasion.
Jenas back in "the goldfish bowl" and e still canna fuckin swim. As fer footbaal e's not tryin hard enough, n e nivvor could heid a baal.
How does that Hughton bloke survive aal thi changes ivvrybody's got ti girrof thi bus sometime. Probably lives in the dugoot n thi hoy a few garibaldis to im noo n again.
Haven't seen Mr Boyle this mornin hope last neet's debacle wasnt a hangin offence- al gannin check thi sycamore tree later.
Howay thi lads. Wasn't Barton shite?

Nugget brain

Anonymous said...

Can't Aaron Lennon run fast.

Anonymous said...

Doesn't Dawson dribble a lot- unfortunately down his chin

Anonymous said...

Isn't Berbatov a real- what can I say- fucking cunt. Get back in the coalmine you puff and do some fuckin work.

Anonymous said...

Isn't Robbie Keane starting to look frayed around the edges, in fact eligibility for vets football beckons on looks alone!

Anonymous said...

Tainio. Tiny who?

Anonymous said...

Bent? I couldn't really say.

Anonymous said...

Zokora? What kind of biscuit is that ?

Anonymous said...

Bale- ful.

Anonymous said...

Chimbondher if you want to some prefer an earthy wank.

Anonymous said...

Malbranque malfunctioning, malheureusement!

Anonymous said...

And as for Mrs Robinson, close yer legs hinny or they'll go through.

Anonymous said...

Bring back Ozzy you know it makes sense, another 9-8 defeat but hey.....

Anonymous said...

apparently before the start of the season nearly everyone had written Arsenal off and said Spurs would replace them in the top four!!
What a load of bollocks.....and big hairy ones at that! bigger load of bollocks than Bob's pair!!
THE SPUDS ARE GOING DOWN!

Anonymous said...

apparently before the start of the season nearly everyone had written Arsenal off and said Spurs would replace them in the top four!!
What a load of bollocks.....and big hairy ones at that! bigger load of bollocks than Bob's pair!!
THE SPUDS ARE GOING DOWN!

Anonymous said...

8 out of 10, you cunt.

Anonymous said...

Oh yes Lee and Kaboul.
The former gave me a dodgy chow mein in Knebworth t'other day and as for Kaboul, as for Kaboul what can yer say perhaps a drank a pint of him in the Station and have had diarrhoea ever since. "now now Nicky Butt don't tackle me like that, you're a very naughty boy, I'll smack you back.
Kaboul Senior "right son don't let them naughty boys scrape your fackin useless legs, you no good son of a Bin Laden whore!

10/10?

Anonymous said...

Newcastle 3 Tottenham 1

Howay you Spurs- yill easily avoid relegation if you only.........

1.......
2........
3......
1567....
1568...
and then, naw a give up..yi gannin doon..

Tottenham glamour game home to Milton Keynes Dons new year 2008, local derby! Can a girra ticket?
Can yi find litter?

It's great being retired by the way, all just gan away n hev a canny drink- so warm and sunny today, imagine aal those poor fuckers workin fer their livin- still we aal hed ti gan thru it before reaching true veteran status.

Pontius Pilate

Anonymous said...

Can Bent come and join our team?

Anonymous said...

In all seriousness Chaps, how much do you balls need to weigh before you get to start in a game? My plums look quite big when I bend over and view them via a mirror but I am worried about poundage.

Anonymous said...

Can you weigh them and let Ronald know as a chart is being created to help with team selection.

Anonymous said...

Bent is already in our team. Ohhhhhh!

Anonymous said...

Hey big bollocks dont mean nuffin ask... oh don't' bother.

Ron Crennell said...

Get back to work you idlers

Anonymous said...

Good idea to use the weight of our plums as a performance metric. To reduce process variation we should set-up a weighing event with a calibrated set of scales. All team members can then be weighed, measured and judged. I do have a few concerns though:
1. Some of the older members may leak piss on the scales
2. big Ron may break the scales
3. might need some rules on pre-weigh in w*nking

Ron Crennell said...

Centre half Sunday- Big Bob.
Turn up if you dare. Helluva player, an opinion not shared by many though. Keep drumming Kenny and come down from that tree John.

Anonymous said...

What I want to know is why has all the camel talk gone quiet? Has he got the hump or somethin? Anybody ever seen the camel's bollocks??

Anonymous said...

Big Bob a hellava player Ron! fuck off, you must have had too many drinks in the garden this afternoon. He might look good if you put him in the current Spurs side and he probably played for Pompey the last time Spurs won anything! Big Bob or Big gob? lovely fella really :-) and such succulent plums!

Anonymous said...

How do you know Bob's plums are succulent? Have you cupped them?

Anonymous said...

A first after next weeks game: marks out of 10 for weight of sacks, no arguing then!

Anonymous said...

You should take care not to empty them Saturday night then!

Anonymous said...

The camel will never go quiet. As seen from match report M. Mills has transmogrified into equine form. "Never Say Die"- 1954 Derby winner. Fortunately he didn't have Lester Piggott half way up his arse, hence the cross he was able to make for our third. Mark's camelesque crusades, I can assure followers, will be far from over, look at past form, but do not be occasionally surprised by changes to some other form of zoological guise, please rule out permanently the leonine!

His (only) ferret friend

Ron Crennell said...

Trouble at t'mill:
The Herts Vets' League is in grave danger of being overwhelmed by the influx of a horde of young whippersnappers masquerading as grizzled old goats. The most desperate straits have been reached- naw honest- whereby the unthinkable has now occurred. If you look too young, you lack facial hair, have no hairs on your Big Bobs or wear short pants (that's me out) you will be asked to produce formal documentary proof of your age, thus veteran status! Yi couldna mek it up, well we did, but it isn't.
Apparently in a controversial match at the weekend, presumably Young Boys of St Helens victory over Sandy, soiled nappies were left in changing rooms, ratlles littered the pitch, an urchin ran off with the ref's whistle and litres of btreast milk went untouched in the after match creche at t'pub.
As soon as I contact M.Boyle we'll get Pandy's letter up on the blog.
Datchworth usally play one or two young'ns, last year they made the 11 thankfully when the centre forward's mother went into premature labour at the pitch side.

Always on your side fighting against Ageists.

Methuselah

Anonymous said...

What's the formal documentary proof of age Ron? Is it a pair of pants with either shit, piss, blood or semen on it or all of the above? If so...I think I can nick a pair of my gramps to qualify! Let us know a.s.a.p.

Anonymous said...

you have just given away your age Theo.............who the fuck wears pants under 35yrs of age!! they call them briefs now or going commando. My god i hope John Twigg does not go commando in the footie shorts on Sunday.....he must have the foulest arse in the team! let Ron clean the kit Sunday night please!!

Anonymous said...

Ron, When are you going to give marks out of 10 for the other games played you old codger.

Anonymous said...

Fuck off you Mackem twat!

Anonymous said...

Ron Twigg always deposite in the correct area every Sunday religiously and yes, I agree,with a soupcon of stench.

Anonymous said...

Ron never said that about the Makkems.

ron

Anonymous said...

I climbed yonder leylandii
It was so thick and tall
I found a bra (really) and a squirrel's drey
But I never found the ball.

Did you look Dave?
Or was it Debbie's bra I found, 10 feet up!

R

Anonymous said...

Hi Ron,

After weeks of pleading for a start i am afraid i am going to have to pull out of the game v Kempston. I had a slight groin strain last week which i thought was ok. I have been to training tonight and aggravated it!! apologies.

Anonymous said...

The ball was looked for today on the way to Tesco. No Joy im afraid and a few strange looks from passers by why a grown man should hanging around a bunch of trees smelling of piss (the tess that is)

Anonymous said...

Come on Getafe only 15 minutes to go. Oh what a result it will be.

Anonymous said...

Short list for the Spurs job.

George Graham
Liam Brady
Sammy Lee
Charlie George
Pack of Garibaldis

Anonymous said...

See you at Kempston.

Anonymous said...

How did Getafe get on?

Anonymous said...

Chris replaces the injured Kevin, for big game at Kempston, ground capacity 2000- get their early Martin et al to watch your mate's debut. He is a vet aint he?

Anonymous said...

Chris will not meet at the Station for Sunday's game at Kempston- he will walk from his home c/o The Dugout, White Shit Lane direct to ground in sackcloth and ashes. Naturally he will be on the bench!

Martin his Dutch uncle

Anonymous said...

End of the week you've all got so much to do