Four wins on the trot. Well done.
Our longest away fixture, to dreary Bedford, the day of the clocks going back and a rainy windswept one at that. Spirits rose on arrival at Kempston on discovering a totally revamped sporting complex. Everything new, a stadium, a lovely manicured pitch then the reality. We were playing on the back pitch, a women's game in the arena taking precedence. Still it was a canny pitch.
Several players had aborted over the past 24 hours so there were 12 of us to do battle. Someone said Kempston had beaten Histon 5-1 last week to which one thought what or where is Histon.
Kicking downhill in the first half with a fierce breeze behind us did not suit. They scored first, as a bit of showboatin gave them the ball to do something with, which they did. A square ball to Phil some 30 yards out and dead centre saw him drive home with power. Half time 1-1.
Second half against the wind, it was all one way, our way. They hardly threatened as they were garrotted in midfield and undone by pace and verve up front. Matt scored a bit of a freak, which trickled over the line, all the more glorious, then Mike scored from close range and a tight angle after another breathtaking sprint by Gavin. Gavin had pace to burn and he did so, shaking off his flu symptoms in the best possible way. Are yi listnin Mark? Matt added a fourth with a delicious flighted shot from 20 yards. Their keeper saved them on several occasions and we contrived to miss a few. Satisfactory result. The Eagle beer was canny afterwards complementing the corned beef sandwiches and wodges of pastry and gristle somewhat elegantly.
Those of us with Steve enjoyed a rather scenic drive yem via every village in NW Hertfordshire.
Debbie's second effort at selling a dominoe card got the bum's rush (not surprisingly as he won the first) and he and I retired for a final pint in the Station sometime around midnight.
The next two weeks see us with a glut of player availablity and two friendlies, home to Birchanger and away to Garston. I would welcome chaps to contact me as to whether they have preferences as to which match they would like to play in. The Garston game is going to require we field our oldest side possible. I have some ideas as to who will participate in either or both but if you're not that bothered help me out.
By the way Kevin dropped out injured, Carl had weekend work and the Mills' brothers were ill. We look forward to hearing from the groupies attending Liverpool's Cavern Club to experience Knebworth's only geriatric rock 'n roll band, mostly ex-Knobs players who took up this pensioners' hobby when their vets' football days were over. Yi see footie, it's a young man's game!
Young Ron, who played the young man's game, obviously.
82 comments:
Hi Ron,
Just to let you know that i will be out for at least another four weeks with a bad groin strain. Oh well at least the doctor confirmed it was not a hernia as well!!
Good day all round and we took ten pounds off them for our subs. Were we taking liberties? I think so!!
I demand to play in both games and i will not tolerate being substitute or being taken off. So there.
Shift yer fooking arse Yifter.
You're dead anyway!
Ron for the Spurs job!
I think i have made a mistake. Can i join your team please?
Wot no player ratings? Don't give in Ron. Keep it going so we can all get pissed off over the coming weeks! By the way...I thought you were a 10 out of 10 Ron (creep, creep) - can I play next week?
Ron, i think i was the star yesterday and want a 10 out of 10 rating.
Noone got 10 out of 10 not even Ron who only got 12 out of 10.
Should we just go with 17 or 18 players this week with everyone getting involved at some stage? I could bring me abacus to work things out like.
Wot do yooze fink or dont yi?
ron
Why don't the team vote on m.o.m the same as we used to? just ask the players as they come off the pitch. I am worried Ron may choose his favourites, i mean the young ones he enticed into the team with sweeties!!
Fack off! Chris Griffths ahead by the way.
Ben McDoon and Philip McCavity
(homosexual Scots dentists of yesteryear)
he always chooses his favouites. what do i have to do to become a favourite?
Tell him how good he still is(even though he is past it) and say you would be quite happy to be sub sometimes. Oh and he likes a bit of rimming!!
I was never offered any sweeties!!! I feel let down. Is there a cash for sweeties enquiry needed here?
He offered me a bag of coal!!anything to do with shafting eh Ron?
What is rimming - and coal?
For rimming you need a lubricated tongue accompanied by a bottle of Dettol. First you... whoops someone at the door, must be the coalman to fill me.....
Remember if every hole's a goal what use is there in a load of coal in it.
What position will Freddy Windsor play? Left rim or in the coal hole?
Hole-in-one
Bloke with piles at docs
Doc gives him supposotories "put these in your back passage twice a day.
Returns weeks later- "these things doc I may as well have been shoving them up my arse for all the good they're doing me."
Working class joke. Nothing to do with coal holes.
I love swapping coal, can i join your team?
The Spurs Chairman Daniel Levy was watching an elderly lady cross the road carrying some heavy shopping bags.
"can you manage love?" he asked.
"fuck off i don't want the job!!" she answered.
Anyway, this bloke comes home to find his missus packing her bags - "where you goin" he asks. "Down to London, I've heard you get £400 for a shag there and I've been givin it you free all these years"...on that the bloke starts packing his bags as well. "What you doin" asks his missus. "I gotta come with you" he says "just to see how you manage to live on £800 a year"...and by the way, Big Bob's got bigger bollocks....
Ey lad divvint get me gannin on aboot coal. Therer's nae joke in hewin coal a can tellyi. Mind yi today they knaa nowt aboot hard graft aal these fanny merchants sittin on tha fat arses- fackin yuppies in their friggin caal centres n offices poncin aboot with tha laptops n tha blackberries. A cud tell yi aboot blackberryn burra winnit. Its pishn wi rain- gerrinside yill get wet pet.
Thi divvint knaa the born.
Ey aye a cud hew
But noo me hewin days are through
An am auld n useless
Geordie Black "Respect Coal Society"
Am i in the team on sunday?
Dear Mr Bigsack, come back after yer op. I hate to hear big bags bursting.
Sir Alex Hardasnails
SOS SOS Mayday Mayday, oh any fucking day....
WHO WILL REFEREE ON SUNDAY- easiest tenner yill never earn.
all ye need to know are one or two rules, to kid people on like, and just have a toot on yer wee whistle every so often just to show yer alive.
Contact asap. No shitehawks, bullsknackers or cakers need apply.
Ride my pony ride
Quite happy to referee on Sunday............it is about my standard!!
I can't count but then neither can Ron! can i referee?
Ron, i'm a geordie can i referee please?
I like to give penalties in big finals, give me a go
I am just a useless cunt who does not deserve to be considered. I just thought you would like to know i am still around.
I can referee the game if you want. What time is kickoff and where is the game being played?
That fucker Carl is a brute in training, give him the chance to produce it over 90 minutes in 11 a side. Do we love him?
Who is Carl? do you mean the blonde haired lad at 5-a-side on Thursday?
Blond haired ? He'll hack you for that you tosspit, middle class batty man.
I'll do it! I'll give up my high sheriff job in Mid-Glamorgan for it.
By the way, have any of you heard of a 'pizzy'?
It's like 'call my bluff'. Go on...have a go! Describe what a 'pizzy' is. And I'll say who is correct by the end of the day.
Pizzy - is it the African version of Miss Piggy - Get schnizzy with me pizzy?
Can i play on Carl's side please, 5 & 11 a-side?
dear clive 'the book' thomas i think you must mean pizza.
Pizza is the name of an oven-baked, flat, usually round bread covered with tomato sauce and often cheese, with other toppings left optional. While originating as a part of Neapolitan cuisine, the dish has become popular in many different parts of the world. A shop or restaurant where pizzas are made and sold is called a "pizzeria"
Pizzy unfortunately is what i frequently do in bed after being bladdered
Is pizzy the name given to the hair on a large set of balls?
Is it the term given to the first piss of the morning? You know the one, your piss is stingy and a bit smelly too.
Yo man gimmee half an ounce of black. So cool perhaps pizzy!
i need a pizzy
Shit...it's not pizzy...it's pizzly! Any thoughts?
Referee Sunday after much trawling, many offers goes to Big Phil- watch it, he smiles with a pint in his hand but when the black gear goes on the world descends into a dark and hellish place!
Sticky japs eye! Stingy piss?!? I think you may need to go to the doctors.
Pizzly. Is it the term given to the first shit after a night of beer and a kebab? You know the one, your poo is stingy, runny and your bum bleeds too.
Was Carl the gargantuan floor walker in "Cool Hand Luke"?
Was a carl a Saxon hatchet man?
Any relationship between "Don't fuck with me" Carl and Boris Karlfuckoff apart from the looks?
My botty only bleeds after i have been to the managers room!!
can one of you wankers tell me who Carl is?
I had a knock at the door the other day and when i answered there was a 6ft tall Beetle standing there. He slapped me around the face and told me to "fuck off!!". The following day a neighbour said to me....................................................................................wait for it..............."did you know there is a nasty bug going around?"
I just saw the request for a referee, do you need a ref with lovely grey permed hair who is more concerned about his appearance?
can i ref? i would like to have a feel of Big Bob's balls in the shower afterwards! in fact i would like to feel all your balls and have a gang bang!........remember "every holes a goal!"
Question.
How the fuck does John Boyle earn any money?
Is it Elvis Pizzly?
" I'M DYING FOR A PISS LEE (Pizzly)"
John Boyle is actually a pseudonym
for Johann Bloodclart von Guggenheim and a princely figure from a family of Saxe Coburgs, he's only slumming in Knebworth temporarily masquerading as a door to door computer and lavatory brush salesman. Carl, on the other hand, is the real deal, come and see him knock people over on Sunday, should he get anywhere near anyone that is.
A pizzly is a cross between a polar bear and a grizzly bear and the first one found has just been shot!
It's also called a grolar bear but if I had mentioned that, there would just be a load of growler gags.
Come on the Leicester!
GOOD MORNING.
Leicester lost. They are losers therefore.
Come anywhere near me, with the ball or not, and i'll kick you up in the air you wimps.
You wait and see on Sunday (for 90 mins pls Ron)
Ramos for England! A phenomenal win against Blackpool. That will show 'em!
Come anywhere near me in the pub, with a drink or not, and I'll expect a pint you wimps.
You wait and see.
By the way kevin is a bad groin strain similar to a big pair of hairy bollocks strain?
Que c'est ce que c'est "un wimp"?
This brown nosing activity what is it exactly?
Come anywhere near me, in the shower with soap or not, and i'll cup your big hairy balls and stick my finger up your coal hole you wimps.
You wait and see on Sunday.
A groin strain is indeed in that area. I went to the doctor as i thought i had a hernia as well! She cupped my balls in her hand and said that i had not got a hernia but had a lovely pair of hairy sacks!
Can I have a game or part of a game sometime? It seems it's only the newcomers who get picked regularly and we old despicables are simply that. I have paid my tenner! It's all very well saying every hole's a goal but every Sunday's a fucking vacuum!
can one of you wankers tell me who Kevin is? a few details would be nice and a description if possible. thanks.
Kevin is not wimpish looking, he supports Arsenal. He looks very Kevinish but in a manly way shall we say. They say he's got an injury problem around the big hairies at the moment but with the correct amount of caressing he should be back by Santa time.
If you are not picked to play it is due to a combination of the following:
you are to old
you are crap
your balls are to small
Kevin is John Boyle's height (shortish) but cuts more of a masculine figure than John. Slightly overweight, not a bad looking guy. I'd say he looks in his early thirties but is apparently nearly 45!. Quite a tenacious footballer(that means quick and dirty). Nice hairys as well.
Anyone fancy a drink?
This crappy blog is on the internet or summat, any cunt can access it and say what they like. Any fucker can then respond. Irony, self deprecation, double entendres, laughing at yersell all are potent weapons. But the important thing is even if there are elements of aggression, elements of piss taking the vital thing is to take it in your stride and respond with the vitriol of a fuckin gattlin gun.
Words should hurt no fucker. So far this season I've journeyed from extreme pederasty to being a receptive cunt from some of you tossspots. My response fack orf!, accompanied by the odd batey response. I am capable.Unfortunately others are not, so please think before you personalise and visit this blog with your most welcomed and highly original comments.
In closing I can only say the Knobs are us and howay the friggin lads- a waste of religious impulse the latter!
Remember be considerate, be kind, think before you blog and don't throw your cat shit down the toilet because it's causing devastation in the marine environment, ask Brendan he'll know the relevant nasty causing the trouble.
Ron- ever faithful, ever sure.
Well said Ron, keep the faith. You are doing a great job( i suppose that makes me a brown tounge). Keep up the amusing comments, and even try using a line without the C word!
I hate that c word its such a block to true communication- an easy short cut to lowest common denominator speech. So you cunts, come on down let's be having you. Thanks Delia. Howay the gooners.
r
Oh! lets get things back on track. Do my balls look big in our football kit?
In xtra large shorts you're jokng
Some people are a bit naughty, in fact very naughty boys, but hey if that wasn't the case what would naughty girls get up to ?
Suck cock!!
can't finish on that note.
Be loving, be lovely, don't swear.
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