Knobs 4 Walkern 1

This was a good performance by the team, with an outstanding contribution by Banksy (Steve Banks), who scored a hat-trick, and possibly all four of our goals.

The ground was hard, the ball bobbled, and the wind blew – not great conditions, but we passed the ball around slickly at times. Everyone did well, but I thought that Bully had one of his best games. The other star of the first half was Katie Boyle, fetching the ball on her electric scooter… We went ahead after about 15 minutes with a scrappy goal following a corner (more of that later). Running the team in the absence of our esteemed joint managers, I changed the formation after about 25 minutes, but we were not so effective in the second quarter (I can’t work out why!), so I reverted back to Dazza’s outline formation at half time.

Second half: I was worried that playing into the wind would be much harder – it was for Good Tony’s goal kicks – but otherwise we coped well, and we were lifted by Gavin coming on to do his amazing, dribbling runs with the ball stuck to his feet. We scored again when Banksy was left unmarked to head in a corner (Was there some pushing in the box? From the half way line, I couldn’t see it).

After a tussle between Tony K and their forward, Tony C then had a rush of blood to the head and ‘vigorously pushed’ the Walkern player. Handbags followed, naturally. The ball had still been live, so, when all had calmed down, Les correctly blew for a penalty, which was tucked right into the corner.

I had very nearly substituted Tony C for his excessive reaction, but I was glad that I didn’t when he then made two quite superb saves to keep us in the lead, and redeem his earlier error, I suppose. At the other end, Banksy then pounced on a loose ball in their defence, went around the keeper and scored again: 3-1 to us.

Finally, a good move (starting with my tackle at the back) saw us move the ball forward to Gavin. After dribbling superbly past about three of their players, he slipped the ball to someone who can finish, and Banksy hit an amazing first-time lob over the keeper into the far corner. 4-1 to us: exactly the same score as when we played them in early September.

I reminded Walkern that we would be supplying food at The Station. ‘We hate playing you’, they said, but, to their great credit, a good number of them joined us for some semi-cooked sausages.

The final conundrum: our first goal. Banksy hit his shot: it hit their man on the goal-line, then rebounded off their ‘keeper into the net. An own goal, or four for Banksy? At professional level, that’s an OG, but at our level? I decided that the fairest thing was to ask our opposition. After some debate, the verdict: ‘Strictly, it’s an OG, but, what the hell, give it to ‘im.’ So, well done, Banksy, let the records show that you scored all four – and when was the last time that happened? As I have always said, he’s an improbable-looking star player, but the boy knows how to find the back of the net.

Best wishes to all.

Chairman Al.