Sandridge Rovers 0 Knobs 5

With the Knobs enjoying a 4 game winning streak, there was a confident and jovial mood in the dressing room pre-match. We had a brief visit from one of the Sandridge players advising us that we had a young ref who was 'learning his trade' and 'might do things by the letter of the law'. We had to take it easy on him he said, unfortunately half our team had already headed out to the pitch so didn't hear the briefing!

Fair play to anyone willing to get in their black kit and try to referee 22 players over 35. Especially if you dont look a day over 17 and are about 5 ft 6. Luckily for him, Dave J was starting in his role as calm manager instead of feisty midfielder, Tony was going to keep his hands for pushing the ball away instead of opposition players. Of our two big lads who find the opposition get wound up in their vicinity, often for no good reason, James wasn't playing and Jono was starting as linesman. Let's hope the young referee would have a nice easy game then with no tricky decisions!!

The pitch was extremely hard, the weather extremely overcast. The kit, (Dave M had actually used his wife to wash it instead of the washing machine, she still has the bruises), was extremely orange, could the Knobs make the opposition look like lemons??

We started well, playing some neat short passes and switching play across the field. The referee stamped his authority on the game, blowing his whistle to get the Sandridge player to hurry up with his throw on (he was clearly time wasting after 10 mins at 0-0!) As the half went on Sandridge began to play better, dominating possession at times, playing some good football but without really looking threatening. It was during this spell, midway through the half that we scored on the counter attack, breaking down the left with pace,  Banksy played in Dave M who slotted the ball home with his weaker right foot under the oncoming keeper.

The rest of the half ebbed and flowed, Sandridge hit the post and Tony made a fine save diving low to his right. Apart from that, the back 4 looked well organised and Paul and Bully were beginning to dominate the centre of the park as the half drew to a close. At one point Paul shouted 'Pauls up' so loud as he went to head one of their goal kicks that their midfielder did a bit of wee, and some small children in the playground adjacent to the pitch began to cry! We had a few chances but our shots were troubling the trees behind the goal more than the opposition keeper. We went in at half time with a 1-0 lead.

The half time team talk was inspirational as always. Dave M suggested we were doing some things well and some things badly (without explaining what). Tony congratulated Greg on a great finish for his goal that was actually scored by his brother. Others talked of having more time on the ball, passing to feet, and splitting the defence with through balls, etc etc. Dave J suggested we spread the ball out wide, stating that Greg was always there waiting for it. However he wouldn't actually be on the pitch for the first 20 mins of the 2nd half as moments later he substituted Greg for himself! Banksy was also replaced by Jono. Greg let Dave J know that he had his shorts on inside out (its an over 50 thing) and we went back on ready to turn the halftime master plan into action.

The teams were all set to go, but the referee wasn't anywhere to be seen. A few minutes passed and he still wasn't there. We began to think that after a fair few complaints about decisions from both teams in the first half, he might of called it day with refereeing and gone back to his paper round instead. Maybe he'd got himself locked in the toilet, maybe they'd refused to serve him at the bar? Maybe he was reading his referees manual? No one will ever know but eventually he reappeared to ironic cheers.

We started the second half brightly, camped in the Sandridge half. 10 minutes in, Bully whipped in a corner, Paul found himself free at the back stick and sent a powerful header towards goal. There was a great save on the line, but it was a defender not the keeper who had got their hands to it. It was a clear penalty and by the letter of the law, a sending off too. The ref blew his whistle, marched over, digging in his pockets for his cards. He was going to give his first red card of a glittering career in football officiating, it was exciting, his heart was pumping, this was the moment...............or was it?!? As Bully picked up the ball for the penalty, the linesman, perhaps predicting his team would soon be 2 nil down and a man down, declared the ball had in fact crossed the line already, attempting to limit the punishment. After a few moments of confusion, the ref awarded the goal that probably wasn't and somewhat disappointedly branded just a yellow card to the offending defender.

Not soon after this the ref was faced with another contentious decision when their goalkeeper picked up a back pass. He awarded the free kick inside the Sandridge box but the wall did its job and nothing came of it.

With a 2-0 buffer, the Knobs were playing with more confidence and were dominating the game. After 20 mins Greg and Banksy were back on in place of Phil and Lee who had both had solid games, and would be available on the flanks as per the half time team talk! Surprising enough, the ball actually did find its way to Greg on the flank as per the half time team talk, now Greg was under pressure to do something with it. He drove in towards the 18 yard line, with Dave M pulling the defender out with a run to the right, a couple of touches, he shaped for a shot, head down, with the outside of his right boot aiming to curl it into the top left corner. It nestled beautifully in the bottom right corner instead with the keeper bamboozled and rooted to the spot! No one would ever know and he had his Harry Kane moment!! 3-0.

Shortly after and again the ball was loose on the right, with the Sandridge defender hesitating just inside his own half, Greg battled past him and laid the ball off to Dave M. Greg went for the one two in space on the right, Bully called for it just to his left, but Dave had other ideas, and as they were about to curse him for not passing, he curled the ball left footed into the spot in the top left corner his brother had aimed for moments earlier. A goal of the season contender! 4-0.

This was glorious stuff, Sandridge were deflated, Knobs were on fire! With ten minutes left, Jono picked up the ball on the left and delivered a great cross field ball into the area. Dave M was there to meet it and headed it over the keeper back across the goal. It looped in under the bar and over the line, he'd completed his perfect hat trick! Right foot (rarely happens), left foot (often happens) and a header (never happens!) Well done Dave, you can now retire from football as this is probably as good as it will get!! 5-0.

As the game entered the final minutes, Sandridge searched for consultation, there was a goalmouth scramble, a penalty appeal, a couple of potshots, but the Knobs defence held firm and the clean sheet kept. Dave M had a chance to make it 6 with the last kick of the game but it wasn't to be, this time the shot from just outside the box sailed just over the bar.

The referee blew his whistle, he'd had a testing game, he'd got the big decisions right, made a couple of shockers, it had been a learning experience. He probably won't be back for more!!

Half the team went for beer and a sausage sandwich after the match. Dave J was tempted to join the other SAGA members in the adjoining function room, but controlled the urge to be amongst his own, and instead sat and enjoyed the banter about refereeing decisions, clinical goalscoring and managerial decision making with the under 50's.

A cracking second half display particularly, 5th straight win, 2nd consecutive hat trick, let's hope the Knobs can keep their feet on the ground, keep working hard and continue this winning run. Well played everyone.