Buntingford Town Vets 0 Knobs 0

On a freezing cold morning we travelled to far away Buntingford Town for a friendly. I thought we had 13 in the squad but Ian arrived to make it 14 and he joined me and new boy Sean on the sidelines. We started with Dave in goal, a back four of Chairman Al, Dirty Roy, Mr Motivator and another new boy Good Tony. In midfield there were Gerry, Chris, Darren and Richard with Bully playing behind lone striker Joel.

The game kicked off and I couldn’t help but notice how big a team Buntingford were and the ones who lacked height made up for it in other ways, a bit like Mr Motivator! I was freezing on the sideline, Sean was running the line to keep warm and Ian arrived and went straight on to replace Dirty Roy who had tweaked his hamstring. From what I could make out through the icicles hanging from the block of ice on my head was that the pitch was crap, very bobbly and the little bits of good football seen came from the knobs. We had some good chances, Chris and Joel hit the bar and their keeper made a fine stop from Chris, clawing the ball out just before it crossed the line. Sean came on for his debut, Richard came back on for Joel who got injured after a heavy challenge and that was it for the first half.

I didn’t fancy coming on for the second half as I had turned into a block of ice but thought it may give me a chance to thaw out and it would have been a fate worse than death to watch another half from the sideline! I was placed into a sack trolley and moved into the right back position facing the opposition where I stayed for the whole of the second half. I could just about make out Mr Motivator’s words of encouragement about having a stinker, having a shocker and never seen anything like it. The ball bounced off me a few times and the game ended 0-0. From my position facing forward I could see that we played a couple of good attacking moves and had a couple of chances but the opposition were organised and hard working. I was later informed that Dave setup a good chance for their chap James and Mr Motivator couldn’t fool the ever alert Dave with a neat dummy inside the six yard box. The sack trolley was back on and I was placed under a hot shower.

It was a good team performance and everyone worked hard. Good Tony and Sean acquitted themselves very well and Gerry was excellent at right midfield.

Into the clubhouse for a couple of jars, a telling off for trying to get subs out of debut boys Sean and Good Tony and then watching everyone tuck into chilli con carne. And all of this on my birthday you unfeeling thoughtless wankers!!

Knobs away v Ware Strollers. Farce- a waterlogged pitch!

Off again, bengeo waterlogged yet again our pitch was perfectly playable. Makes you wonder whether people are really bothered about a game!

Knobs v Angels of Ware called off v Sandridge muddled off

MBDA 0 Knobs 2

A fine victory on a dull, cold, windswept day on a pitch that hadn't been grazed since autumn.
Dunno if anyone listened or even took what was said to heart beforehand but that was exactly what this doctor ordered. No purist football in these conditions so keep hastling the man on the ball with energy. They're gonna need two or three touches just to get the thing under control before they can start their playing. Energy and commitment around the ball, the great leveller. Mind you we had players who want to  get the ball down and play a bit. Hopefully they wouldn't be so committed and I don't think they were, especially first half. It hadn't gone beyond our notice that a couple of their key players started as subs whether for injuries or because they thought we might be a soft touch I dunno but we took the first half and a two goal lead which we held to the end. Second half saw us dig deep and defend bravely against a multitude of crosses and corners. We deserved what we got.
They were slow out the blocks and we had the better half chances in the first twenty minutes, a  long ranger from Chris just over. Their main thrust came from a pacy centre forward but his attempts to play off the last man were thwarted by a canny sense of togetherness by the back four, frequently catching him offside. Vinnie looking a bit laboured on his return from maternity leave was nevertheless causing concern to their defence. He was holding balls up nicely and putting it about a bit. He was rewarded. Springing clear of an offside trap to advance, take it early and  sidefoot past the keeper from just inside the area. 1-0.
Roy was setting the standards from the back with some keen tackling and an unerring ability to utilise anatomical parts some humans don't seem to possess!  Blocker Roy, well done, committed and brave, just what we needed. Gavin arrived on the touchline and became number one sub as arranged and shortly we went further ahead through Richard who toe poked in from a dozen yards following a sustained bit of pressure. 2-0.
Vinnie was capitulating just before half time, shame on his fitness coach and needed a rest. Gavin came on to replace him. We were not without our telling attacks second half but mainly it was a sterling defensive job that saw us home. Gavin could have netted and Andy was desperately unlucky with a cross shot that evaded the far post. Everyone put in a shift and emphasising individuals would be churlish but I'll have a go. Roy excellent, Tony played his guts out and organised well. Alistair coped manfully with a strange position, left back, hit some good passes and his much derided goal kicks were a bonus on the day, he'd put Johnny Wilkinson in the shade. John Boyle great at full back astute positional play with meaty challenges. Chris Wilson a quiet assassin, played great. Darren coped manfully in his first game back from globetrotting, lot of joy with his little drag back trick, 3 times it worked. Andy, despite physical inequality,  really occupied their usually outstanding centre half and tackled back to great effect. Richard played his usual game and wore himself to a standstill with his effort. Not Steve's sort of game creatively but he rolled up his sleeves and defended with the best, only looked heavenwards once! (I'd have brought him back on for a penalty, can you do that?).
Gavin strove manfully for scraps on  replacing the mighty Vinny.  Goalkeeper, the unbeatable Dave? He organised, positioned himself well and caught everything that came at him, almost! And twice succeeded in reining himself in and not clobbering a forward who got beyond the back four. Can't do better than that!
Ron was linesman- hey it's very tiring, especially keeping up for offsides.
Chris Cox was our away support.
A civilised drink in the Royal Oak then we aal went yem chuffed. The title race is not yet run. Hope Des notes this.

Knobs v Sandridge cancelled/postponed/ off/kaput

Blunham v Knobs OFF

A little bit of snow let us down.

Knobs 3 Harpenden 1

The snow didn't arrive but the Knobs did. A very competitive performance downhill in the first half saw us only 1-0 up but there were no weakneses and they didn'y have a sniff. Unfortunately we did, probably Dave's diet, farter uber alles, puff puff out the mouth matched by phlumff phlumff out the bottom. That's Dave you love him if your olfactory strengths are switched off. ("The fucker stinks the field out" who said that? ).
Hey it was cold. I stood there fully prepared to come on at any wisp of non application but there was none. We passed well and were on top and deservedly went one up when a Bully corner pathetically miscued trickled into the box and evaded everyone except the much derided Brendan who, marauding into the box, forced the ball emphatically home from some part of his knee, ( enjoy your skiing this week Brendan with so many other Knobs. Cunts!
Gavin was playing havoc with his pace but could we get it right for him. Yes we could second half.
1-0 up we were awarded a penalty when one of Gavin's bursts into the area led to a scything. Would I instead of John Twigg given it , I'm certain I would. For the second week running Steve, Mr Reliable, approached and saw his firmly struck shot pushed wide! Either keepers are getting quicker or Steve has not regained his conditining after his long lay off. The gossips are out, after all Gav, number one goalscorer, has a 100% record from the spot!  Fortunately for Steve, Gavin doesn't attend the post match discussions at the Lytton, where sanity prevails. Shitty pub, poor choice, bring back the even shittier Station at least it's our shitty Station. Anyway, Steve remains penalty taker!!!!!!
Second half they came on stronger but players might not have noticed but when teams exhiliratingly pour downhill attacking, they rarely fancy tracking back when their moves break down. So this proved to our advanatage as several times we broke only to find our final efforts not quite up to scratch. It was only a matter of time and so it proved. Fuck me I've had to stop, I know we went two up. Is it the the bottle of Chardonnay I've imbibed during this afternoon's Aresnal game or is it dementia? Anyway Gavin scored- it's coming back.......slowly. John, John, John,,,, help....
They poured forward and got got one back from a neat header at the the far post. I'd been tellinng Brendan to tuck in throughout, but perhaps this was a tuck too far.
Our third came from a rasping Gavin shot, via a deflection, I think, and they were never coming back.
I remained on the line throughout because it was like a true match though we were undoubtedly superior and deserved the win. I would have come on if an an injury ensued but tactically there was no need for a sub. Not many people appreciate the need for someone to stand on the line and not get a sniff of action on a Sunday morning's Vets game. But that is proper football. At least the football I was brought up in when accursed subs were introduced sometime in the Sixties.
( I suppose I had nowt better to do, some might say- fuck off, if you want to win each game sometimes individuals have to come along and sometimes simply wait for the good of the team).
John Boyle had a cracker at right back- clearing off the line at one attack at 2-1., Trevor was so competent, lovely fist first half, Brendan's passing was excellent and he was never stretched, he scored and cleared off the line. Roy was magnificient! Tony was immense. Chris worked like a dog, sniff sniff, woof woof. Ian was so hard I loved it, love a bit of hardness. Richard was back and effervescent, Steve, though out of position, too far forward, contributed throughout and was full of vocal encouragement. Dave , headerer from afar, scrapped and fought and always worked hard to get back behind the ball and Gavin was a simply a scourge of Vets teams throughout Hertfordshire or anywhere. The oldies just can't handle pace. Come on Gav, next week Sandy, man of the season is within your reach.
A fair turn out in the Lytton- only chips today- / Gavin wasn't there... cunt.. lost my vote. Next weeek Sandy away oh come all you faithful!!!! Especially you Gavin my finger is twitching!