Knobs 5 Potters Bar 2

The end of a very long season, not many cancellations either. I hope you are all satiated and looking forward to a rest. Next game not until tail end of August by God, if some of us live that long. Where's me tablets?
John Boyle, who has worked tirelessly in the administrative department admitted that he had really enjoyed the season I hope others have been similarly affected.
Yesterday's game against Kevin Patrick's all stars was a success in many ways. They tried , we tried, we all I hope enjoyed, regardless of the result. Sorry I didn't tell David about sandwiches but a cosy group in an uninhabited pub enjoyed two hastily cooked plates of chips and Dave Jordan's sausages from the night before- hope you all got to work this morning.
The game itself was tighter than the score suggests.
I thought we started well and it would be a matter of time before goals started raining in against a side not entirely used to playing together in an 11 a side. I was in goal, not by choice, Dave was referee , certainly not by choice!
A slip let Kevin in and a misjudgement, difficult thing keeping, meant I had to rugby tackle him, the ball fell dead, so almost did I. Dave didn't give the penalty but I did. What have I become, a fair minded Alistair without the humour? Despite loud protests from Knobs the penalty was rightly awarded. I knew I'd save it- I didn't, curiously, but engineeered where it would go and missed it by millimetres, despite all those would be keepers loudly advising me to stand here, over a bit, back a bit, up a bit, adjust your bra a bit etc. I knew we'd come back back and score a few so fairs fair. After a while I wasn't so sure as miss followed miss. I wondered if Darren's encouragement was getting to us a little bit, but I kept my peace smouldering about the iniquities of existence, until suddenly a move led to an outstanding finish from distance by Chris Wilson, a good distance out, top corner. By the way it pissed down all first half, personally I was freezing. Their keeper then miskicked a goalkick at Matt who simply passed it back into an open goal. Not much intricate play there then! Steve then tried one of his longish potshots, he should do it more often, and this one straight at the keeper and not with a lot of fizz bent his hands back and it went in. I always avoid wanking before I take up the gloves.
I missed the half time team talk in order to go and change. All half time team talks should simply say. Attack with width, defend narrowly, when you lose the ball strive to get back behind it immediately. Energy and never say die. Marking men, tactics, strategies, shut yer gob.
Second half saw them rejuvenated and as injuries to our lot seemed to be mounting they started to boss the game. Aye aye I thought aye aye! I didn't think much further than that mind, it hurts yer head.
They scored with a long distance shot pathetically let in. 3-2 and it stayed like that for a while. We gonna struggle here and noone will come to the pub afterwards and noone will want to play next season and the world will end not with a bang but with a whimper.
I took over as ref, brought Dave on and Brendan took over the gloves. Nowt much changed but Phil and I were highly amused at one Brendan 'save'. Falling to the earth and scooping the ball away for a corner. All in slow motion, wonderful, he should have been carrying a shovel.
Dave succumbed to a strain or was it alien amputation of a leg he weren't using? He went off to tend himself, hours later it seemed after unswaddling himself he came back on in goal. Oh in the meanwhile time caught up with the midfield maestro, who succumbed to the whistle with me replacing him. Hope that last sumptious pass before he retired does not prove to be his last.
It was left for us to take some sort of intitiative with people playing all over the shop. Except for Mark who stopped playing, turned out he had severe buttock strain all second half. Not many people know that but now you do. Try laxatives but not on the pitch.
I did a Kevin Nolan, who?, Kevin Nolan, you know the ponderous plodder who strives to cause damage in his opponent's box at Newcastle but can't make it due to the impediment of carrying an iron lung in his jock strap. Anyway I made it. The anticipation I was pleased with, the finish a purposeful toe end from 20 yards into the top corner, well.... I was kinda pleased with also.
This meant pressure off, and in the 135th minute a lashing long distance volley from Matt, from out by the touchline put the icing on the cake.
Steve did offer to punch someone- well he was referee he's allowed to assert his authority. Phil had a bit of handbags and gladrags with Phil- hey Kev what kind of punch was that?
We took down the posts, literally to end another season. God bless you all.
Presentation evening in the Fox, June 5, see you all there.
Has Big Bob been reincarnated? Watch this space..........