This is the true unbiassed assessment of Sunday's game. Pish on the "in before Ron report" filched from the Birchanger site. (Pleasing to know we're not the only anoraks in the wardrobe).
A game I fully expected to end with a decisive victory for nobheads proved to be a little more problematical. Blame it on the keeper? OK I'll imbibe a few to that, but only a few. Ultimately it was down to the team not outwitting a robust and somewhat agricultural opposition. Remember it was 3-1 after 70 minutes, we, a side of flair and fitness had only scored once despite continual possession and attacks. Am I missing something here? Yes, I know chopping and changing personnel and positions hardly helps but that is something we have to live with!
We led early from a soaring Bully diagonal cross to the far post which was unstoppably volleyed by Chris Wilson. Picture move and goal. God said it's November the 4th and that is not going to be unstoppable after all, parried by the keeper it fell to Mike who slotted home from close range.
They never got remotely near our weaklink until a kick aimed at the ball from some distance saw it swirl unstoppably into our net to give them an undeserved equaliser. (Well it was unstopabble for me). Protests that it was an unfair effort, well above head height, fell on deaf ears.
Second half saw them score from a cross to the near post, then score with an unstoppable, (another one) ricochet from the foot of man of the match, Chris Wilson. Inspiration was required and a blindingly obvious substitution was made. We replaced our keeper, me, with our Yifter the Shifter facsimile, Gavin, bringing Mike back on from flag duties. It was more or less one way after that and a little more time would have seen us comfortable winners. Matt remembering he's a good little finisher scored a second, before Chris Wilson hurtled into the area, wrestling and gouging all who confronted him and saw the ball fall for Mike who equalised with a long range shot, 10 yards! This is mair like it, noo for thi winner, but twas not to be as referee for the day, Big Phil blew thi fookin whistle. Oh aye and another match ball lost up the tree.
Was it fair to take Mark off with 10 minutes left? I felt bad about it cos he'd only appeared at half time but tough decisions have to be made. It enabled me to bring Dave J on as sub on the right and put Mike Lisle back up front. Watching from the side it was bleeding obvious that that more than did the trick, but the principle of giving everyone a chance was transgressed, in a way, but only in a little way. Hope the rest of you will be as understanding, when a footballing decision needs to be made, to your own unwanted exclusion. The Knobs' unbeaten run continues.
The sausage and chips at the Station were a novelty, pity more of us and the opposition were not in attendance to sample them.
Next week away to Garston and a different team will represent the Knobs. Being over 60 is the prime prerequisite for selection but other forms of disability are taken into account.
The Unstoppable Hatchet Man
65 comments:
Leave it out Ron! More of us to sample the sausage and chips? Yes...if there were another two plates. Remember that Bully was there! Our own little loveable sausage!
can we have chips and sausages for half time refreshments?
Isn't "spew" a lovely word?
can we have gravy with the half time sausage and chips?
And tut mushy peas!
your keeper was fucking shit
Do you remember Carlos the w*nker from the Royston game? He was at it again last weekend against Puckeridge. Kicking, snarling, elbows, verbal abuse etc.
I remember Carlos. So it's true he is not merely a one-off tosspot. And perhaps he really doesn't have a clue about football rules and etiquette, probably thinks the latter is the aftermatch scran.
So I might not be that bad a referee after all! Oh goody goody.
And I might not even be a cunt! I kept looking. Oh I'm so happy.
Keep us posted out there on the extraordinary escapades of Carlos the Cretin as he cuts a none too pretty swathe through the Hertfordshire countryside.
Indeed I have to agree with Greedy Matt, Carlos is a w*nker, probably a wonker as well, possibly a winker, certainly not a wenker (I looked again- am aalwiz lookin) but most definitely he is a bona fide first class wanker, I saw the marks.
What about Kev in goal Ron? or is he still injured? he's not a bad keeper. Well he is miles fucking better than you anyway!!
have you seen my sausages?
I've upset somebody.
I'm upset I've upset someone
I'm so upset I'm upset more now
I might need a lie down
So as not to be really upset- you see
I'm so upset I've fallen over
Now I really am upset
How can I right myself?
Please mister can i play in goal for ya.
A benign gentle night at the Odyssey with no injuries- no skin grafts required. Lovely!
It's only practice and we need to survive to enjoy another day.
Doncha think there's too much thinking in football and not enough
physical participation?
New range of hand made sausages in stock! 'Bully Bangers' are a traditional british beef sausage, thick skinned, plump, with a bit of a kick. Try them out now, £3 for four.
I'd rather the thinking than the running. What about a game of trivial pursuit in the centre circle? I say make the pitches smaller and lets think again about this 35 a side malarky.
Fuck you all , think of the misery in the world. We're doomed.
New keeper please
Quote:
New range of hand made sausages in stock! 'Bully Bangers' are a traditional british beef sausage, thick skinned, plump, with a bit of a kick. Try them out now, £3 for four.
Ron paid £2.50 for 80 minutes football. Id rather pay for the football as Bully would have eaten the butchers shop by the time i got there.
That 'prone and stuck' piece is genuinely poetic. Who would have thought you would see something like that on a blog known for its profanity and abuse? My word, I can see it now on sale for Xmas. 'Poetry from the KNOBS' - selling at the Post Office and the next Local Produce Market. I think we can make money out of it John!
Lets get writing. Come on team!
mollify
light ignite
hunger moon
all is night
stuck inert
cut it near
sprawl dissolve
crawl in here
in a vein
hunker down
ron runs here
dirty brown
sate yourself
go to sleep
dragon dream
cavern keep
mother mourn
poet cry
in the ground
ron will lie
"wye aye man" and "fucking shite!" Ron's not a keeper and we need one that's right.
five feet seven in stocking feet and over 60 "that can't be reet"
Put him up front that's where he's at, not diving around he can't do that!
So stand up and be counted all you Knobs, apply for the goalies jersey and prevent the sobs.
Stop talking about sausages you boring cunts.
What about me?
I'll get in goal and put on the green
There is no way I'm a northern has-been
Tall and strong, like superman
I can take a goal kick like like Desperate Dan!
Come on Ron...take a punt!
Don't be such a fookin'
i'm only short but in goal i play
saving everything come what may
so come on ron you northern twat
when the balls hit high i'll have my sun hat
Any suggestions from you Knobs for a reserve keeper?
I can play
I like sausages, lean and mean.
Those with leeks that make them green.
Maybe a lovely chipolata
Although they tend to make me fart-ah!
I don't mind a sausage in batter
Or a wild boar one on my platter.
Or a big fat cumberland
Or the one that fits in my hand.
Sausages - they are really great.
I hope Mr Trussell will be my mate.
What about the substitute goalie from last week? He kept a clean sheet!
True!
Ive wined you and dined you all over the place
I've taken you round in cabs
You've given me one or two marvellous times
And twice you gave me the crabs.
Don't throw me over
Now I'm old and
decidely
past
it.
Please don't,
it's love and
acceptance
I crave
Still they keep coming
Like threads of diarrhoea
Like clanky winnits
Like anything you can think of anal.
I can't stop them.
Still they keep coming
These simian similes
Like a broken toilet brush
Like an unpicked nose
Like a wayward pass
Only death can stop them.
Or acceptance.
Stop talking SHITE! you bunch of no hopers. I read this blog every day to see what obscenities you throw at each other. I stumbled across this blog by mistake when i was looking for vet in Hertfordshire and i end up reading this drivvle. I will have to come and visit one Sunday to see how you cave men look.
CARRY ON!!
Dear See what I say,
Something wrong with your pet worm?
Try our abbatoir.
Mr Trussell
Say what i see is right its a load of shite by a load of no hopers. I stumbled accross this blog when i was looking for some big cock in hertfordshire.
Can you send me the big knobs chart?
Dear FF
Try bernard matthews in Norfolk, hertfordshire is cock free- big or otherwise.
You should all be locked up, you talk shite. Fancy a curried sausage or a big cock?
Hello?
Noone here, good!
I studied as a vet for 5 years before changing professions and becoming a greedy striker. If your cat has a chest infection, stick your thumb up its bum. Anymore Vetinary advice required?
this blog genuinely brightens up my day!
I have been suicidal for years mainly as a result of having my thumb stuck up my bum, a socially embarassing drawback, since the age of five. At the age of 12 being unable to wank, due to the thumb stuck up....., I turned to the Samaritans who were as much use as tits on a boar hog. Still life goes on!
Have you never fucked a boar hog with tits tree-hugger? If the answer is 'no' then you should take back that last statement!
And what has all this codswallop got to do with football? after all that is what this website is supposed to be about.
Can you all stop being so childish and talk some sense. None of us mind a good laugh and a joke but this is getting out of hand!
That's why I couldn't wank- the tool was out of hand. So I couldn't play football very well either.
Football Sunday away to Garston-
6 of us leave Station at 9.30 will there be enough cars?
They are very sociable after the game , make sure Steve and I aren't the only ones filling our guts. Mark and Andrew take note!
I will be delighted in the aftermath of Newcastle's defeat of Sunderland (Viduka-good Geordie name- 2) so bask in my warmth.
The cat has just miaowed at me should I stroke it, garotte it with piano wire or go off and play football?
My dog is fucking the rabbit, should I chastise it, "no Rover you naughty devil", join in, or go and try to play football?
An organ grinder is buggering his monkey, should I say "no you naughty organ grinder", or show him an appropriate function for his organ or take the monkey off to play football?
I've been playing football with a cat, a rabbit, an organ grinder, a monkey and a dog and they were all better than me , can I play half a game on Sunday?
Is it only me ?
Carl.......
Dear Mischievous of Bragbury End,
You can play the whole game on Sunday.
what's the definition of an organ grinder?
sand in a condom.
If your Cat is miaowing it is responding well to treatment. Please continue to stick your thumb up its bum.
Dear Desperate of Stevenage,
An effective treatment for your dog and its obsession for the rabbit is to stick your thumb up its bum - whilst it is jumping the rabbit.
Dear Forgotten Knob,
Forget you never.
Your mazy dribbles
Your lustrous hair
So fortunate to have a pair.
Soon soon will come your call
To the Knebworth Rec
To caress that ball.
You will never be forgotten
As long as the blue sun continues to set on yonder ocean floor.
Ignored but never forgotten.
Anyway who the fuck are you?
We're all doomed! Please read Cormac McCarthy's "The Road" for your homework this week. Forget "Match of the Day" or "Strictly Come any time you like darling".
We're doomed I tell you!
This blog is starting to get rather silly. I think people need to get to the basics and stop going off on a tangent talking about silly things like sausages and bestiality.
We all like a laugh but the people responsible for this need to take stock and get a life!
More Knobs members would get involved if this annoying drivel was driven out.
ACT YOUR AGE BOYS!!
Here, Here. Ron's blog and comments are very amusing including the use of the word Cunt!
The rest of the comments eventually become tiresome and silly.
From one knob to another, i agree. Lets get serious and get involved. What should we talk about then?
4-4-2, 4-4-3, 3-5-2, 4-5-1, 2-3-5.
Take your pick, pick your take or pick your nose. Or.. It depends on the personnel. If we had more camels, less snakes-in-the-grass, more oomph and less bluster, more up front daring and less lean Cassian mutterings then I would prefer 2-3-5 but hey a bird in te hand is worthier than a ten birds not in the hand. You simply cannot make a silk purse from a sow's ear and vice versa.
Those were the days eh Ron, five up front. Left and right wing, inside left and inside right and a centre forward. I want to go back there and be that right winger, gissa job.....i can do it.
Right wing, that's me Ron. If no place available when i am fit again i don't mind a stretch in goal. Shortest goalie in the league no doubt.........but what a goalie.
How far can we stretch you Kevin, it'll need to be a canny distance. And I bet yill scream like a babby- but if we gerra 6 foot keeper oot o yi, it'll iv been aal worthwhile.
Am ganna be inside left after me boyhood hero, Ivor Allchurch, of Wales, Swansea and Newcastle. Mind e worra bit slaw. Thi caaled im "Thi Welsh Wizard". One game he wiz daein brilliant in his simulation of a tortoise when a wag shouts from the crowd "Howay the Welsh Wizard get yi wand oot yi arse!". Aye get yer wand oot yi arse- singular terrace wit circa 1960. E were still playin doon in Wales as a vet into his late sixties, mind ye e'd ounly one leg and someone had nicked his shell but yiv gorra admire is porsiverance.
Who's ganna play stopper? Will wi hev attackin full backs and who's ganna tek thi throwins. A lorrov set-in-stone specifics back in them days. Shall we have hacking?
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