Sandridge 0 Knobs 5

The Vets returned to winning ways with a comfortable 5 - 0 win at bottom of the table Sandridge.

This was Sunday morning football at its best - Wayne failed to turn up for the second time this season, Woody confounded expectations by turning up and Banksy had failed to get the kit even moderately clean. Fortunately in the previous 7 days, nobody had retired or left the club, and  team joker Martyn "chubby" Brown was back to strengthen the defence.

Kicking downhill and with the wind, Knebworth started quickly and soon took the lead. Dave M combined well with Jono, and Jono made his greatest contribution of the day falling over in the box for a penalty. Bully edged his career success rate from the spot to over 10%, and Knebworth were one up.

Knebworth were dominant and were soon 2 up when Dave M found space to smash the ball home. It was then time for Tony C to turn provider. The Knebworth Youth coach of the year (God help us!) ignored his training manual and hoofed the ball down the hill. Somehow Sandridge struggled to deal with a long straight, traditional English pass, and Woody was able to make it 3 nil.

At half time super sub Banksy came on, so Dave Knights could make some more phone calls. The late arriving Sandridge sub also came on at half time and began to use the phrase "my bad". This phrase, 'to admit one's own mistake' is the reserve of anyone born after 1990, and has no place in vets football. League historian John Boyle said there have been no recorded cases of this phrase being used since the league was founded in 1867. John added, "I hope Ron Crennell does not read the blog this week, he will be shocked to the core to hear of such language".

Sandridge were stronger in the second half with the wind behind them, but it was comfortable at the back for Knebworth. Super sub Banks, angry at being made to start the match last week, scored his 5th in 7 (he claims) to make it 4 nil. Banksy was given so much time to take his shot from 10 yards out that Dave Knights, now back on the pitch, had time to make 3 phone calls from left back.

To round off Woody summed up the energy to run past 3 players from the half way line and make it 5 nil.

A steady win against a struggling Sandridge team. After the match Dastardly Darren Aldrich said "myself and Muttley Hobbs continue to be attacked on social media by anonymous posters, but we are strong, we are top of the league, we've won 6 out of 9 league games". Questioned  about his training methods, given the high injury count for the vets this season, Dastardly Darren said "there is nothing wrong with our training drills, look at Banksy he is fit as a fiddle, look at Woody he is so fit he can afford to smoke at half time. Haters gonna hate".