The Real Thing - Litlington Vets 3 Knobs 3

Sunday morning and current manager Sir Ronald had gone missing, nowhere to be seen and no way to contact him. I was wondering what we would do without our spiritual leader until Dandy Dave arrived raring to go and with team sheet to hand. I picked up the bag of Orange shirts and off we went with 13 shirts for our 14 outfield players.

On arrival the team sheet had obviously been quickly pinned to the wall and I realised to my horror that I had talked myself out of the starting 11 and yet again I was warming the bench and even worse young Tommy had not even made the squad. And there was me thinking that I had cemented my place in the team with my enthusiasm and commitment to the Knobs cause on the journey with Dave. Brendan went off to fetch the kit bag and lucky enough there was a spare Orange shirt within. All appeared to be fine and dandy until Darren H was left standing there in his Y fronts with no shorts in sight. Luckily Litlington had a spare pair of extra large shorts and the game could commence.

We started brightly against a good side and Andy finished well for the first goal. Shots were then raining in on goal, most went wide, some went over and the rest were well saved by the keeper. It was non-stop, not end to end as there was only one goal but it was exciting stuff nonetheless. Then I looked away from my game with Tommy just in time to wake up the rest of the subs and see Litlington equalise.

Bully then took a fall on his knee and Dandy Dave had his first decisions regarding substitutions to make. I was on and as is becoming the norm I was soon involved in an exchange of words, rest assured to Scott of Litlington that I was talking about the rowdy crowd directly behind and not to him. We were soon 2-1 up with another goal from Andy, a cross, I mean shot that sailed high into the net. By the end of the half it was 2-2 when we conceded a sloppy goal.

More substitute decisions for Dandy Dave at half time but he coped well with all the opinions directed his way from our expertly knowledgeable squad. The second half was off and I was fully focussed and nothing was going to interrupt my concentration on the remainder of the game ahead. It was end to end stuff, very fast and furious but with much quality on display. I kept thinking how amazing it was to see such balance and agility from young footballers, this game was a feast for the eyes and what makes this game so loved by all. Tommy and his new mates were putting on an exhibition of football and I cannot overstate how enjoyable it was to behold.

I am reliably informed that the highlight of the second half was when Uncle Phil scored after expertly controlling the ball from well outside the area and hitting an unstoppable left foot volley over the keeper and into the top corner. Another sloppy goal and it was all level again. Huff and puff we did and huff and puff they did and I am again reliably informed that it was an entertaining game between 2 decent evenly matched sides. Starting 11 were Mark N, Darren A, Brendan, Tony, Jihn T, Dandy Dave, Bully, Chris W, Phil, Richard and Andy with subs John B, Paul, Darren H and Mark M. After the game the Crown pub was well attended by both sides and we were all treated to masses of sausages, chips, bread & butter and some other bits. What a pleasant day indeed!

We seek him here, we seek him there but where was and is Sir Ronald – in Pembrokeshire, in Somerset, hiding in his bedroom with his ear muffs on or at the end of the garden with liquor flowing?