Ware 1 Knobs 5 - Report by Gavin Simpson

Like me, you are probably wondering what Scott Parker said in the changing room at half-time to the West Ham boys. Well, luckily I have managed to get a hold of the transcript of that rousing speech – ‘Boys! You’re shit. I’m pissing off if we can’t beat these. Now let’s go out and fuck up these mother fucking Brummie bastards! And whoever gets the winner can have a crack at Brady.’ – as you can see, it is clear why it brought a tear to Carlton Cole’s eyes. Now…after the slight disappointment of dropping points against Albans last week, who was the man who could inspire KNOBS with those kind of Churchillian-like words? Not Ron…Not Al…it was…’The Dawn of the Dave’ – back from football obscurity to manage the mighty KNOBS and make those difficult decisions. Welcome back to the team Bully…your starting place is guaranteed.

It’s amazing really…3 away LEAGUE games and we’ve got 7 points from 9. Terrific stuff. This is what happens when you get quality coming back into the team but more of that later. When we turned up, we were all raring to go and after a yomp to the pitches, we soon realised we were playing at the home ground of Lilliput FC, with bunny holes a plenty. Dave had gone for the radical decision of starting with no forwards in the team…still, that did not stop KNOBS early pressure, with Gavin curling one over from a corner and Richard having some half-opportunities. Our first goal came from a Bully cross which the fox in the box Twiggy SMASHED it home. I say smashed, ‘caressed’ might be the more appropriate term for Valentine’s Day. For the remainder of the half, nothing of note happened…I don’t think…can’t remember to be honest…too busy taking instructions from Mr Tommy Boyle on the sideline. He’s a hard task master.

In the second half Ware fought their way back into it and after a spell of pressure, the ball whizzed in only to be tucked away by John Boyle…a big OG. It’s okay though…Tommy wasn’t looking. We told him Daddy had scored a goal…I know the ‘devil is in the details’ but come on…

So? What would happen next? Would we crumble, as has so often happened in the past or would we show new found resilience. Of course…it was the latter. You can see by the scoreline. We were all over them like Jordan on heat. Pressure, pressure, pressure. It was great to see from the sidelines. Brendan was having a stormer at the back man-marking their key forward. There was plenty of passing and movement…Hansen would have been impressed. Our second goal came after an excellent save from their keeper from a great half-volley from Chris Cox. As the corner came in, there was a bit of a kerfuffle and the ball was punched over the line by their man mountain of a keeper. 2-1. After that…it was all about one man. When I talk about bringing quality back into the team, there can be no surprise that this little run of games has coincided with the return of Mike. Yes…he might not start some games but to be honest, he’s like our own David Fairclough. Two assists and a goal this week, which had been preceded by another goal two weeks back. If there was a North Herts Vets League Fantasy Football competition, you would have put him in your team for the bargain price of a packet of polos and some penny sweets and he would be racking up the points. Was it Mike who tumbled in the box for the penalty? If not…he was around there somewhere. Bully duly dispatched the spot kick in to the top corner. The fourth was a beauty, starting with a DAVE clearing header. The ball pinged between our players, with Mike setting up Martin to bury it. A great team move and showed the KNOBS at their passing best. The final goal was yet again down to Mike. He pressurised their defence into making a mistake and soon he showed the old soft shoe shuffle to the keeper and despite trying his best to miss, buried it via the post. 5-1. Game over. Another excellent result. Again, much praise must be given to Chris G at the back. Will it be another ‘Player of the Year’ award this year? Darren moved seamlessly to right back and was always a willing runner from that position, Richard performed superbly wherever he is put (even left-back at the end) and Martin was as efficient as ever in midfield.

That’s it. Not only can Dave win the toss, he can also manage the football team. Is there no beginning to this man’s talents? ‘Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, I’ve got a wonderful feeling, that everything’s going our way!’ – Wilbury Wanderers next week. Let’s have it!