Saints 1 Knobs 1 - Report by Gavin Simpson

My colleague often says ‘If your Aunt had balls, she’d be your Uncle’, I’m never entirely sure what that means but I think it is somehow relevant to this game. Anyway, this was a match where all the action happened in the 10 minutes before the start of the game and the last 10 minutes of the actual match.

The big news was that Bully and Dave were back but who would start and where, particularly after the last game thrashing of MBDA? It took a man of huge character to make that decision, hence Ron stayed at home. Cometh the hour, cometh the Chairman, who promptly told Bully that he would have to warm the bench alongside Brendan. BIG, CONTROVERSIAL DECISION. But as my colleague often says ‘In the valley of the blind, the one-eyed man is King’ and maybe that’s relevant here…or more than likely to the referee later on in the 2nd half!

Chris G won the toss and kicking against the wind, we were soon playing some nice football. We created some chances, Gavin blasted a volley wide, Chris C got a couple of chances trapped under his feet and Mike had one well saved. Dave even had an overhead kick opportunity but alas it went over. My colleague sometimes tells me that at school ‘We are killing them with our kindness’ and to some degree, we were doing that with the Saints. Then, for a long time, it all went rather quiet. Not much really happened. Bully had come on, half-time came and went and neither team were creating much. In fact Trevor was hardly involved for most of the game. We looked sound defensively both when Dave was on in the first half and Brendan had come on in the second. Chris G and Tony looked rarely threatened and once again Darren and Richard were showing fantastic energy and commitment in the middle of the park.

And then it all changed. With 10 minutes to go we scored an excellent goal. Richard found Gavin with a lovely pass, who then roasted the left back and cut the ball back to John who calmly slotted home. 1-0. Marvellous stuff. Could we hold on? Alas…it wasn’t to be. Having turned down a penalty appeal at one end, their referee gave a penalty against Dave, who had only recently come on for Chairman Al. Another BIG decision. Was it a penalty? Probably. The 4th or 5th this season? Who’s counting? As my colleague reminds me at school ‘If you’ve got no socks, you can’t pull them up.’, is that relevant here? Maybe but then again, maybe not. The funny thing is, Dave nearly did it again a few minutes later. Ho-hum. Anyway, their left midfielder promptly smashed the subsequent penalty home and that was it. 1-1. We were then given a masterclass of how not to be a linesman in the modern era, which frankly, depressed us all except for the referee, who thought it was all rather splendid. Still…‘Ifs and ands and pots and pans’ – that’s another one of my colleagues.

Dave got a lot of stick in the changing rooms afterwards but hey…it’s all zen isn’t it? The ying of his energy and enthusiasm is sometimes consumed by the yang of giving away needless penalties and free-kicks. Would we want it any other way? Ok…the not giving away penalties bit but come on…it’s Dave. Don’t we just love him!?! And he’s got a new phone, with GPS and everything.

Apart from Brendan and Chris G, we skipped the food at the Albans pavilion to discuss the encounter at the King William. It’s always pleasing to see everyone enjoying a pint together (or a Café Mocha (if you’re that way inclined)) in the pub afterwards. As Bill Shankley once famously said ‘Some people think football is a matter of life and death but I can assure you, it’s much more serious than that’ but what the fuck did he know? It’s about 13 ageing blokes taking the piss, huffing and puffing on a Sunday morning and having a drink afterwards. Chin! Chin!

Ware next week. WARE? WARE!!!!