Faraway Sir Ronald

It's been on and off for years but finally the time has come for Sir Ronald to be put out to pasture in Pembrokeshire and become Faraway Sir Ronald. Plenty of gardening to be done and the drink is already a distant memory. The KNOBS, who are they?

Goodbye Sir Ronald

Goodbye Sir Ronald
Quack quack

Sunday, 3 February 2008

Saints 2 Knobs 3

A hard won 3 points in the league which we deserved on the shitheap which passes for a football pitch in St Albans.
Chris G's withdrawal was blamed on John Boyle and rightly so and we persevered with the remaining bodies present.
A measured first twenty minutes, kicking up the Eiger, saw us comfortably ahead from a powerful Steve Bull drive from distance, parried over his head by an eccentric keeper.
A long punt forward carried by the brisk wind and was then headed goalwards by Roy, wrongfooting Trevor, to give them an undeserved equaliser. Mind you Trevor had made an earlier save from point blank range from their only previous attack. Fuck me Ivory Coast have just scored.
A poor second goal from Saints from a punt into the box which bounced off their bloke's cerebellum was poor reward for our efforts. Then again a really fantastic save from Trevor, again in a one to one, meant that we turned round with the wind in our favour only 2-1 down.
Gavin, coming on as an impact player (his phrase) after half an hour terrorised them for the remainder of the game. And he didn't seem to have time for a manicure before this week's set to!
Second half they rarely troubled us until they asserted themselves physically in the final 10 minutes. By then we'd gone 3-2 ahead. A pathetic hack on Richard, in an unthreatening position, gave us a soft penalty, chucklingly accepted then sweetly converted by Steve. A Matty chance looked to have gone but fell to Richard who converted easily. Despite losing two players to hamstring anomalies we held on well. Good old Ron, coming on with 10 minutes left- YES only 10 minutes left or was it 9 almost scored our 4th with a sweet shot before Matt's passing arse intervened and converted for a goal kick.
Brendan reckons Dave's a dirty bastard- on reflection perhaps I might agree, but he's our dirty bastard. Dave having upset that bloke up on the top line for the umpteenth time, the fella took his revenge out on Roy who was felled like a log. I couldn't believe it that wiz Roy lying supine in t'mud. Shamming surely! Tempers settled down and sweetness and light and camaraderie were to the fore in the pub later, where 10 of us supped Timothy Taylor and other swill. I believe some stalwarts continued the bonding in the Station later- tis what vets club football is all about.
Thank you last week to those of you who put the nets up before the game, stayed to take them down after the game, cleaned out the changing rooms, paid their subs and went to the pub to fraternise with the opposition as well as slaking their own thirst.
Some good performances this week, none better than the resurgent John Boyle, a fine game at right back. What he's surging back from I'm no so sure.
Next week it's Ware away in the league. We beat them in a very physical game last time so we're gonna have to be up for this one. Do exercise this coming week.

Napoleon on Elba and plotting.......

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hope Ron is keeping a track of all the dodgy decisions that come and go throughout the season, so we can all settle down at the end to see if things do even themselves out. I bet they don't! Come on the Knobs. Richard for the Summer Olympics. He does a great triple salko!

Anonymous said...

I have been keeping stats for years now and I can assure you that things do not even themselves out!

Anonymous said...

the only thing that dos'nt even it's self out is our pitch and the majority of the other shit pitches we play on.

Anonymous said...

was i the only one who was dirty. It took ages to the mud off my thighs. Mind you Rons everlasting shampoo could have washed all of us all season.

Anonymous said...

New survey- what should constitute a "Knob"?
Ability to breathe?
Ability to breathe and imbibe alcohol at the same time?
Ability at playing some form of football on a weekly (or should that be weakly) basis?
Ability at putting up the nets, taking down the nets, paying your subs without bartering and haggling, helping clean out the dressing rooms, fraternising with the oppo-post match over an orange juice and remembering your shinpads?
Ability at being able to follow certain football codes and growing old gracefully?
Ability at growing old very very disgracefully?
Contemplative of the philosophy that you are are only as good as your last game 10 years ago?
Humility not ego is the name of the game?
I don't know- tell me.

Anonymous said...

Dear dirty bastard,

What you need is a body scrub and exfoliator to really work that mud off you. Then get your body moisturiser and really work that through so that next time, the mud will wash away easily in the showers. Once done, as you play for a veterans team, you need some anti-ageing cream. Just apply that on your major frown lines on and soon you'll look ten years younger...like Chris Wilson! He's 35 you know! Finally put on a face mask, get some cucumber over your eyes and listen to some dreamy music...maybe Norah Jones.

I do hope this helps. The other option is not to tackle but as you're a dirty bastard, I assume this wouldn't be for you.

Anonymous said...

Ability

Anonymous said...

Dear Becks
Thanks for your advise on getting rid of dirt. Qite frankly what do you know about being dirty. The last tackle you made was against Wales and that was only to make yourself unavailable for the next game. So i would like to invite you to one of our remaining games. Then you can witness proper dirty bastards at work.

Yours

Proper dirty bastard x

Anonymous said...

Rebecca Loos...she was dirty!

Anonymous said...

She was great! Top hand work.

Anonymous said...

my balls are quite dirty, will a body scrub and exfoliator help?

Anonymous said...

A whole bottle of shampoo did wonders for me. Got home and the wife wouldn't let me in the front door- thought a was a juvenile delinquent. Creased me up that did and a was soon back to normal.
At death's door that is not mine.

Anonymous said...

Ahh...juvenile delinquent. Whenever I think of that phrase, I think of my favourite musical - West Side Story.

Anyone else got a favourite musical?

Anonymous said...

Dear Knobs Ball Bag

Have you tried teabagging to get them clean? I used to teabag Rebecca...she'd do anything! And my balls would always come up shiny and new. And then I'd empty my sack in the loos.

Hope this helps.

Anonymous said...

"Big Bob makes comeback as Knobs' ball monitor", what big balls that man has. And JB's got something to put them in, the world's biggest ball bag! Have you seen it? It's more like a body bag.
Oh it is a body bag!

Anonymous said...

Has anyone seen my ball bag?

Anonymous said...

It's in my garage, frightened to look in case Big Bob's cadaver lurks menacingly within.

Anonymous said...

Death come up with your sting, I fear ye not.

Anonymous said...

"I lift a stone: it is the meaning of life I clasp
Which is death, for that is the meaning of death;

How else can any man yet become
Sufficiently at one with creation,
sufficiently alone,
Till as the stone that covers him
he lies dumb
And the stone at the mouth of his grave is not overthrown?"

Aye Macdiarmid puts today into perspective.

What's it aal aboot Alfie!

Anonymous said...

Capello's England.
Same as everyone else's.
Not very good and they haven't played a game yet.
Will they make the Swiss roll?
Will there be a Berne up down the wings or a Basles up at the back?
Pity we didn't have a Canton(a.

I suppose only time willum tell!

Anonymous said...

Go gnome Capello.

Anonymous said...

Shit players!

Anonymous said...

Capello and his cronies in a cappella harmony fall foul of the yodelling Swiss- yodle odle odle o yippee!

Anonymous said...

I've been away so what is Rooney's Dad doing managing England?

Anonymous said...

Saving his son from old granny brothels.

Anonymous said...

Ye of little faith!!!!

Anonymous said...

UP YOUR ARSE!!

Anonymous said...

just call me mister

Anonymous said...

Baby, don't understand
Why we can't just live long to each other's hands
This time might be the last, I fear
Unless I make it all too clear
I need you so, ohhhh...

Take these broken wings
And learn to fly again, learn to live free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up and let us in
Take these broken wings...

Baby, I think tonight
We can take what is wrong and make it right
Baby, it's all I know
That you're half of the flesh and blood that makes me whole
I need you so, ohhhh...

So take these broken wings
And learn to fly again, learn to live free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up and let us in
Yeah, let us in
Let us in!

Baby, it's all I know
That you're half of the flesh and blood that makes me whole
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
Yeah, yeah!

So take these broken wings
And learn to fly again, learn to live so free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up and let us in
Take these broken wings
You've got to learn to fly, learn to live and love so free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up for us and let us in

Yeah, yeah!
Ooooooh, yeah!