The Vets stretched their winning run to 2 matches with a strong win away at Harpenden. Morale was high and team spirit strong with Wayne, Dave Knights and Andy Wray away at an all weekend 1960s school reunion.
The Vets reacted calmly to the loss of keeper Andy on the morning of the match. Clubman of the year Banksy and Double Agent Dave were willing volunteers to put the gloves on, probably recognising a rare chance to get 90 minutes.
Knebworth started strongly on the usual bobbly Harpenden pitch. Barney, Nick and Rob were lively whilst Darren tried his best.
On a hot run of playing consecutive matches for the first time in his Knebworth career, Rob opened the scoring with a cross shot. Great form with 3 in 2 matches for the Whacker from Watton. The managers would be more impressed if he didn't turn up with a note from his mum saying he had to leave early.
Knebworth were on top, but with cries of "no foul" ringing in his ears, Greg chopped the Harpenden forward down in the box. However the intimidating presence of Banks in goal was enough to see the penalty put wide.
One foot Nick coped better on the right flank and looked dangerous - one run into the box saw him brought down for a probable penalty, but nothing given.
Dave M made it 2 nil at half time with a shot from the edge of the box - the keeper was lying down though.
At half time Jono realised he was too tired after running 1 mile in the mud on Saturday. He went in goal and Banksy moved up front to keep up his goal to running ratio of one goal for every 30 metres of movement on the pitch.
Harpenden pulled a goal back shortly after half time - but angered by Jono's mistake in goal, Knebworth quickly struck back with goals from Dave M and a rare Darren goal. At 4 -1 Knebworth were comfortable and Harpenden began to argue amongst themselves. At one point the frustration was evident when the Harpenden midfielder booted the ball into the woods after the whistle had gone for a foul. The same player then complained Jono took too long to get the ball..... Mmmmmmm...
Banksy made it 5, after a great run and cross from barney, happy days.
After the manager deputy assistant manager Hobbs said "Darren wanted to put Nick on the bench but he was a revelation in the first half, that Aldrich couldn't recognise a baller if ran into one in central midfield". Hobbs continued... "It was good to have Martyn and Ally back - they lack the orange tan of Dave K, but their language is much better and the conversations about politics and brexit were more balanced than the debate with Wayne and Dave in the second last week"
It's another 6 pointer next week at home to welwyn sports. Big crowed expected, this is an all ticket affair.
Goodbye Sir Ronald
Quack quack
Monday, 19 September 2016
Tuesday, 13 September 2016
Knobs 6 Leisure League Herts 1
The Vets returned to winning ways - which was a relief for the divided committee who engaged in a whatsapp war over which pub should be chosen for post match festivities. An unnamed committee member said there is deep resentment on the Board and leadership from chairman Al is really lacking. The chairman was last seen supping free pints in the station pub refusing to take calls from referee organiser Dave "one job" Jordan who enjoys free meals at the Red Lion, Woolmer Green.
After 2 referees arrived last week, inevitably One Job Jordan struggled this week, and only a desperate call from manager Hobbs to village intellectual Gavin saved the day.
On the pitch Knebworth sized up their opposition before the game and calculated that some tight shirts could mean the game would be won in the second half on a lovely sunny day at the Rec.
Leisure League bravely travelled with only 11 players. After a thrashing last week, Knebworth started nervously and were patient in the first 20 mins. Leisurely League ran about a little but the orange back 4 were excellent, dominating and playing the ball nicely from Andy in goal.
Andy Wray opened the scoring with a nice volley and Ron Hanlon made it 2-0 at half time. It was a patient and comfortable first half, Leisurely were beginning to tire and lament the absence of their missing star players.
The second half was very comfortable, Leisurely stopped running and the midfield had acres of space to run the game. Many chances were missed and Knebworth were lucky leisurely were missing their star players (apparently they would have thrashed Knebworth with a full team out - from where I was stood they would have needed to replace the entire team, so the comments felt a little desperate).
Taking 99% possession Knebworth ran the game. Barney missed a load, scored 1, and created a few. Jono was regularly pushed off the ball by the weakest defender and scored. Rob H, played 3/4 of the match, in 2 positions and scored a second - more activity than in the previous 2 seasons. New boy Nick refused to kick with his left foot but got a goal after breaking a toe with several scuffed passes and shots.
A consolation for leisurely left the score at 6-1 - some breathing space for under pressure managers Hobbs and Aldrich.
The team retired to the station pub for some of the best sandwiches, beer, atmosphere, music and banter ever known in Hertfordshire.
After 2 referees arrived last week, inevitably One Job Jordan struggled this week, and only a desperate call from manager Hobbs to village intellectual Gavin saved the day.
On the pitch Knebworth sized up their opposition before the game and calculated that some tight shirts could mean the game would be won in the second half on a lovely sunny day at the Rec.
Leisure League bravely travelled with only 11 players. After a thrashing last week, Knebworth started nervously and were patient in the first 20 mins. Leisurely League ran about a little but the orange back 4 were excellent, dominating and playing the ball nicely from Andy in goal.
Andy Wray opened the scoring with a nice volley and Ron Hanlon made it 2-0 at half time. It was a patient and comfortable first half, Leisurely were beginning to tire and lament the absence of their missing star players.
The second half was very comfortable, Leisurely stopped running and the midfield had acres of space to run the game. Many chances were missed and Knebworth were lucky leisurely were missing their star players (apparently they would have thrashed Knebworth with a full team out - from where I was stood they would have needed to replace the entire team, so the comments felt a little desperate).
Taking 99% possession Knebworth ran the game. Barney missed a load, scored 1, and created a few. Jono was regularly pushed off the ball by the weakest defender and scored. Rob H, played 3/4 of the match, in 2 positions and scored a second - more activity than in the previous 2 seasons. New boy Nick refused to kick with his left foot but got a goal after breaking a toe with several scuffed passes and shots.
A consolation for leisurely left the score at 6-1 - some breathing space for under pressure managers Hobbs and Aldrich.
The team retired to the station pub for some of the best sandwiches, beer, atmosphere, music and banter ever known in Hertfordshire.
Monday, 5 September 2016
Knobs 1 Lilley Savage 5
The first game of the season, and first league game. A fresh start.....New keeper, new centre midfielder, goals put up early, new choice of pub, and a "new" club for returning Double Agent Dave Jordan. Sadly some things were not fresh and new. Late drops outs, late arrivals (with reason), soft goals and an injury for Paul Biscuits-Matthews.
Most of the season we worry about finding a ref. Dave's new found love for whatsapp meant he missed the email that said a ref had already been appointed for the fixture and we had 2. Les was sent packing. 2 refs was 2 more than the Knebworth subs bench, with a late drop out and Wayne running late after a late night at A&E - the team picked itself and all the managers had to do was to decide where to put Greg - centre defence was the answer.
First half - poor, defended Ok but the midfield gave them 2 goals. Opposition, decent, but we let them play and did not defend as a team. Passing was too long on a fast surface. Debutant andy Wray put in a shift in midfield next to Darren, but overall we seemed to give Rangers too much time on the ball.
second half - some improvement, but gave them 3 easy goals and Jono got a consolation. Passing a bit better, and shorter. Paul's ankle took a nasty blow and he was carried off. It was clumsy rather than nasty but a very dangerous one on someone with custard creams for legs. The clown making the tackle let himself down by coming into the dressing room after the game and asking Paul if he had seen his beloved and missing red tee shirt, without making an apology or asking how Paul was.
After the heaviest defeat in the opening game of the season since 1897, deputy assistant manager Aldrich said "team spirit went out of the window at 4-0 - heads were down and the blame culture crept back in. I thought Dave Jordan had his best vets game since he played in a 3-0 victory for Sandridge last season. So it's not fair to blame Dave this week, I'm going for the forwards, barely had a shot on goal"
Aldrich's right hand deputy assistant helper was forced to apologise after the game. Hobbs said "Sorry I could not make the pub. Andy Wray took 90 mins to get dressed causing a delay to locking up the pavilion - I had to catch a flight to Dublin, there are 10 days until the transfer window closes and we are in the market for a new Irishman"
Most of the season we worry about finding a ref. Dave's new found love for whatsapp meant he missed the email that said a ref had already been appointed for the fixture and we had 2. Les was sent packing. 2 refs was 2 more than the Knebworth subs bench, with a late drop out and Wayne running late after a late night at A&E - the team picked itself and all the managers had to do was to decide where to put Greg - centre defence was the answer.
First half - poor, defended Ok but the midfield gave them 2 goals. Opposition, decent, but we let them play and did not defend as a team. Passing was too long on a fast surface. Debutant andy Wray put in a shift in midfield next to Darren, but overall we seemed to give Rangers too much time on the ball.
second half - some improvement, but gave them 3 easy goals and Jono got a consolation. Passing a bit better, and shorter. Paul's ankle took a nasty blow and he was carried off. It was clumsy rather than nasty but a very dangerous one on someone with custard creams for legs. The clown making the tackle let himself down by coming into the dressing room after the game and asking Paul if he had seen his beloved and missing red tee shirt, without making an apology or asking how Paul was.
After the heaviest defeat in the opening game of the season since 1897, deputy assistant manager Aldrich said "team spirit went out of the window at 4-0 - heads were down and the blame culture crept back in. I thought Dave Jordan had his best vets game since he played in a 3-0 victory for Sandridge last season. So it's not fair to blame Dave this week, I'm going for the forwards, barely had a shot on goal"
Aldrich's right hand deputy assistant helper was forced to apologise after the game. Hobbs said "Sorry I could not make the pub. Andy Wray took 90 mins to get dressed causing a delay to locking up the pavilion - I had to catch a flight to Dublin, there are 10 days until the transfer window closes and we are in the market for a new Irishman"
Tuesday, 10 May 2016
Knobs 2 Kimpton 1, Kimpton 1 Knobs 1
The Vets took on Kimpton in a 'double header' on the hottest day of the year so far. The plan was for 30 mins each way, but Kimpton arrived without subs and Darren was easily negotiated down to 25 mins each way, twice.
A rowdy dressing room witnessed a weak apology from Wayne for a full season of misdemeanours, and then were shocked to find out from Dave Jordan than 'time' has recently been decimalised. "4 x 25 minutes, even in this heat is not too bad, it's only an hour, then we are done" Dave explained. This is not the first time this season Dave has impressed with his maths, see the report for Harpenden at home, when Dave invested £11 to win £10 on the scratch cards. There was some discussion about Dave helping his daughter with maths, and at this point Gavin did the decent thing and offered some free tutoring.
Match 1 - Knebworth 2 Kimpton Rovers 1
Knebworth began slowly as usual, a few things happened, the ball bobbled a lot, and this writer cannot remember much else. At the back Wayne and James discussed the merits of Jono's performance, but were forced to eat their words when suddenly the giant got free from the beanstalk around his legs and hit a curling left foot shot into the far corner.
keep it tight protect the lead was the cry from the back. Then Kimpton had a shot, the balled rolled slowly towards the goal, the players stood watching seeing the print on the ball go round and round....mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre.... Goal....expletive, expletive, post kicked, sore foot - the ball had rolled through Tony.
But fear not, Knebworth had Barney, and Kimpton had lost faith in their keeper. The ball was hoofed forwards by Tony, there was indecision and Barney rolled the ball home. 2-1 at home, decent result.
Match 2 - Kimpton Rovers 1 Knebworth 1
The away fixture was much tougher. But Knebworth raised their game and were much stronger. Jono had left in a hurry for the airport as police arrived at the rec. Gavin and Dave M joined the fray having sat out the home fixture.
Knebworth looked most likely to score until Double Agent Dave Jordan took things into his own hands. Dave was having a great game, but was clearly unsure if he was playing for Knebworth or Sandridge and became the 99th player to lob Tony this season with an unconvincing swing at a bouncing ball. Maybe he also turns out for Kimpton, who knows, but if the authorities take a look at the video and discover strange betting patterns we can expect questions to be asked.
Knebworth were the stronger side and tried hard to get back into the match. Gavin was ruthlessly substituted and departed quickly for twittersphere - sorry Gavin. Dave M got Knebworth back in the match with one of the worst goals the rec has witnessed with more confusion in the Kimpton defence, goalkeeping mix ups and a goal clearance attempt that hit the post. But they all count, and a few minutes later, the final chance fell to Dave to win the match.....
At the final whistle there was much tension between the Millhouse brothers about a recently purchased wedding ring that had gone missing. the club is still not sure which Millhouse got married on their recent American love island trip.
A rowdy dressing room witnessed a weak apology from Wayne for a full season of misdemeanours, and then were shocked to find out from Dave Jordan than 'time' has recently been decimalised. "4 x 25 minutes, even in this heat is not too bad, it's only an hour, then we are done" Dave explained. This is not the first time this season Dave has impressed with his maths, see the report for Harpenden at home, when Dave invested £11 to win £10 on the scratch cards. There was some discussion about Dave helping his daughter with maths, and at this point Gavin did the decent thing and offered some free tutoring.
Match 1 - Knebworth 2 Kimpton Rovers 1
Knebworth began slowly as usual, a few things happened, the ball bobbled a lot, and this writer cannot remember much else. At the back Wayne and James discussed the merits of Jono's performance, but were forced to eat their words when suddenly the giant got free from the beanstalk around his legs and hit a curling left foot shot into the far corner.
keep it tight protect the lead was the cry from the back. Then Kimpton had a shot, the balled rolled slowly towards the goal, the players stood watching seeing the print on the ball go round and round....mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre, mitre.... Goal....expletive, expletive, post kicked, sore foot - the ball had rolled through Tony.
But fear not, Knebworth had Barney, and Kimpton had lost faith in their keeper. The ball was hoofed forwards by Tony, there was indecision and Barney rolled the ball home. 2-1 at home, decent result.
Match 2 - Kimpton Rovers 1 Knebworth 1
The away fixture was much tougher. But Knebworth raised their game and were much stronger. Jono had left in a hurry for the airport as police arrived at the rec. Gavin and Dave M joined the fray having sat out the home fixture.
Knebworth looked most likely to score until Double Agent Dave Jordan took things into his own hands. Dave was having a great game, but was clearly unsure if he was playing for Knebworth or Sandridge and became the 99th player to lob Tony this season with an unconvincing swing at a bouncing ball. Maybe he also turns out for Kimpton, who knows, but if the authorities take a look at the video and discover strange betting patterns we can expect questions to be asked.
Knebworth were the stronger side and tried hard to get back into the match. Gavin was ruthlessly substituted and departed quickly for twittersphere - sorry Gavin. Dave M got Knebworth back in the match with one of the worst goals the rec has witnessed with more confusion in the Kimpton defence, goalkeeping mix ups and a goal clearance attempt that hit the post. But they all count, and a few minutes later, the final chance fell to Dave to win the match.....
At the final whistle there was much tension between the Millhouse brothers about a recently purchased wedding ring that had gone missing. the club is still not sure which Millhouse got married on their recent American love island trip.
Thursday, 5 May 2016
Knobs 2 Alpha Males 1
On a glorious morning, the fringe players were ready to take on a bunch of guys looking to get fit. On paper it sounds like a hard game but in reality, it wasn’t. We were without our managers – James was visiting the comedy circuit in Blackpool looking for decent material for next week’s blog and Darren was visiting Leicester, to see what a home of Champions looks like.
In the changing room, Chairman Al (the manager of the day) read out the team sheet and then derided the squad for wishing to play 40 minutes each way. Even female footballers play 45 minutes!!! That was the key argument. We had an attacking team and so we assumed there would be plenty of goals at both ends. Naturally this didn’t happen, mainly due to our profligacy in front of goal. I wouldn’t blame the centre forwards but ultimately you have to blame someone, so yes, I blame the centre forwards. Having said that, the first goal of the game came from a towering header from Banksy who was only starting his second game of the season. That man must be leading the stats chart for goals per minutes played. He pulled up in the second half during his stint in goal. This lead to the introduction of Lee in goal who played like Pat Jennings. That means knowing none of the goalkeeping rules that have been introduced over the past 30 years. He did do a point blank save though but that was after spilling an initial shot.
They scored when one of their players strode through the middle of the park and fed the ball to a centre forward who put it past our first goalie Dave ‘Choo Choo’ Jordan. He was soon replaced by Gavin who kept another clean sheet for his 30 minute stint and then came out in the second half and scored a magnificent winner after a superb run and cross by Woody. The calmness Gavin showed in front of goal was a lesson to all the other forwards playing.
Overall, the team played some really good football at times and with a great team spirit. From front to back there was plenty of energy and good play. Gerry and Lee were solid as full backs and Darren Bedford had a very good game in the centre back position who was also a threat at set pieces. Martyn was the play making centre back, who cajoled the players in front of him. Barney was exceptional in the centre of the park and Greg showed good energy alongside him. Chris Cox had a steady game on the right flank whilst Gavin offered a big threat with his lightening runs. Up front Dave got into some excellent positions but unfortunately couldn’t finish and Banksy showed his prowess in front of goal as always. Woody came on and his pace unsettled their defenders and always looked like he had a goal in him. Well done to Chairman Al who sat in his chair the whole game and inspired the troops.
Down the pub, everybody had a lovely time. It was also good to see Bully supporting the team on the sideline. Surely he’s in the running for Clubman of the Year. Next week a double header. One that Linda Lovelace would be proud of.
In the changing room, Chairman Al (the manager of the day) read out the team sheet and then derided the squad for wishing to play 40 minutes each way. Even female footballers play 45 minutes!!! That was the key argument. We had an attacking team and so we assumed there would be plenty of goals at both ends. Naturally this didn’t happen, mainly due to our profligacy in front of goal. I wouldn’t blame the centre forwards but ultimately you have to blame someone, so yes, I blame the centre forwards. Having said that, the first goal of the game came from a towering header from Banksy who was only starting his second game of the season. That man must be leading the stats chart for goals per minutes played. He pulled up in the second half during his stint in goal. This lead to the introduction of Lee in goal who played like Pat Jennings. That means knowing none of the goalkeeping rules that have been introduced over the past 30 years. He did do a point blank save though but that was after spilling an initial shot.
They scored when one of their players strode through the middle of the park and fed the ball to a centre forward who put it past our first goalie Dave ‘Choo Choo’ Jordan. He was soon replaced by Gavin who kept another clean sheet for his 30 minute stint and then came out in the second half and scored a magnificent winner after a superb run and cross by Woody. The calmness Gavin showed in front of goal was a lesson to all the other forwards playing.
Overall, the team played some really good football at times and with a great team spirit. From front to back there was plenty of energy and good play. Gerry and Lee were solid as full backs and Darren Bedford had a very good game in the centre back position who was also a threat at set pieces. Martyn was the play making centre back, who cajoled the players in front of him. Barney was exceptional in the centre of the park and Greg showed good energy alongside him. Chris Cox had a steady game on the right flank whilst Gavin offered a big threat with his lightening runs. Up front Dave got into some excellent positions but unfortunately couldn’t finish and Banksy showed his prowess in front of goal as always. Woody came on and his pace unsettled their defenders and always looked like he had a goal in him. Well done to Chairman Al who sat in his chair the whole game and inspired the troops.
Down the pub, everybody had a lovely time. It was also good to see Bully supporting the team on the sideline. Surely he’s in the running for Clubman of the Year. Next week a double header. One that Linda Lovelace would be proud of.
Monday, 25 April 2016
Knobs 9 Bullsmoor All Sorts 0
A comfortable victory. Most would have preferred stronger opposition, but a strong team performance. Knebworth built from the back, largely to keep the defenders interested, kept attacking with energy and Tony was able to pop to the Co-Op for a newspaper in the second half.
Good performances all round, Tony performed a lovely dive for a shot that went over the bar, and would have given away a penalty if the referee was not a fellow keeper. 4 for Paul, 3 for Woody and 1 each for Barney and Jono.
Highlights
Paul's finishing, spectacular and aggressive Woody's crossing and finishing Greg, top team man for taking the kit complete football performance, Tony K marauding down the wing No one was injured getting the goals put, or putting them away Steady game from Martyn, didn't catch the ball in play Stuart Brown for stepping into referee at the last minute, thank you.
the fella who ran round in circles throughout the match Barney's tackling, we will make a defender out of him eventually
£17 nike tiempo boots from the Nike Store in Hatfield.
Lowlights
Martyn and Tony calamity capers - one piece of defending to do all game and they mess it up..... definite penalty Only 5 at the pub Wayne no show (again) Woody refusing to take the kit (again) Jono's first touch Jono's second touch / tackle Bully wearing gloves Bully getting injured Darren's shooting Double agent Dave Jordan defecting to Sandridge Stuart Brown's whistle, attracting attention of dogs but not footballers.
Good performances all round, Tony performed a lovely dive for a shot that went over the bar, and would have given away a penalty if the referee was not a fellow keeper. 4 for Paul, 3 for Woody and 1 each for Barney and Jono.
Highlights
Paul's finishing, spectacular and aggressive Woody's crossing and finishing Greg, top team man for taking the kit complete football performance, Tony K marauding down the wing No one was injured getting the goals put, or putting them away Steady game from Martyn, didn't catch the ball in play Stuart Brown for stepping into referee at the last minute, thank you.
the fella who ran round in circles throughout the match Barney's tackling, we will make a defender out of him eventually
£17 nike tiempo boots from the Nike Store in Hatfield.
Lowlights
Martyn and Tony calamity capers - one piece of defending to do all game and they mess it up..... definite penalty Only 5 at the pub Wayne no show (again) Woody refusing to take the kit (again) Jono's first touch Jono's second touch / tackle Bully wearing gloves Bully getting injured Darren's shooting Double agent Dave Jordan defecting to Sandridge Stuart Brown's whistle, attracting attention of dogs but not footballers.
Tuesday, 12 April 2016
Knobs 4 Buntingford 2
It was a tale of 2 halves as Knebworth over turned a half time deficit to record a comfortable victory against Buntingford.
Knebworth started the match lacking energy and composure. Buntingford dominated with some long balls, though Tony was rarely called into action - until Dave Knights intervened.... A Buntingford through ball found the centre forward who got away from Ally. He approached the goal, Ally had the shot covered, James had the cross covered. Dave struck the cross past Tony with a heavy touch that was to reappear throughout the first half. Barney was lively, Gavin energetic, Martyn disappointing and Rob Hanlon made a 3 minute cameo before getting injured - a dull first half.
Harsh words were needed at half time and James threw imaginary tea cups to rally the troops. Passion and composure was the message. Strategic changes were made as the midfield was upgraded with Chris Cox replacing Martyn and Banks replacing Barney. The manager with the Midas touch was grateful when Gavin hammered home a cross for his 75th goal in 565 starts for Knebworth. The tinkerman manager then made a change to the formation with Barney replacing Dave Knights and a switch to 3 at the back. The masterstroke was rewarded as Paul quickly scored his first goal. It then became the Paul Matthews show as he completed a great hat trick. Full set of left foot, right foot and header. Buntingford managed a consolation goal as Tony watched a corner float across the 6 yard box to the far post and Darren's man headed home.
In the end a comfortable win. 7 in the pub waited patiently for food, and James shocked everyone with the story of going to collect the kit from Dave Knights house, and being greeted by Dave in his dressing gown at 6.30pm.
Knebworth started the match lacking energy and composure. Buntingford dominated with some long balls, though Tony was rarely called into action - until Dave Knights intervened.... A Buntingford through ball found the centre forward who got away from Ally. He approached the goal, Ally had the shot covered, James had the cross covered. Dave struck the cross past Tony with a heavy touch that was to reappear throughout the first half. Barney was lively, Gavin energetic, Martyn disappointing and Rob Hanlon made a 3 minute cameo before getting injured - a dull first half.
Harsh words were needed at half time and James threw imaginary tea cups to rally the troops. Passion and composure was the message. Strategic changes were made as the midfield was upgraded with Chris Cox replacing Martyn and Banks replacing Barney. The manager with the Midas touch was grateful when Gavin hammered home a cross for his 75th goal in 565 starts for Knebworth. The tinkerman manager then made a change to the formation with Barney replacing Dave Knights and a switch to 3 at the back. The masterstroke was rewarded as Paul quickly scored his first goal. It then became the Paul Matthews show as he completed a great hat trick. Full set of left foot, right foot and header. Buntingford managed a consolation goal as Tony watched a corner float across the 6 yard box to the far post and Darren's man headed home.
In the end a comfortable win. 7 in the pub waited patiently for food, and James shocked everyone with the story of going to collect the kit from Dave Knights house, and being greeted by Dave in his dressing gown at 6.30pm.
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