Knobs 1 FC Falconer 3

Did you know that Scottish immigrants brought their tradition of deep frying chicken in fat to the southern United States? After that, Colonel Harland Sanders perfected it with his 11 herbs and spices.

Knobs 5 Royal Oak 4

Well where shall I start! A lot went on in this game, much more than I can remember. I do remember there were 2 own goals a goal keeper howler a sublime curling shot which ended up in the top corner and a sending off and to top that lot there were 9 goals!! Todays opponents looked a fit young side although the majority of them were in their 30's, must be something in the Stevenage water. Their fitness proved vital later in the game. The first half started at a pace with both teams carving chances early doors. We were fortunate to go one nil up by courtesy of an own goal. Not long after that we found ourselves 2 up with Simon AKA Sergio bundling the ball over the line. I know I sound a bit vague as I cant remember much of the first 20 minutes as I got a phone call from our sorely missed ex manager Sir Ronald. He must be missing us and the whole Sunday morning football thing. It was one of those rare occasions that we had a balanced side and were playing some effective but simple football. Needless to say Royal Oak were moving the ball about nicely themselves which is why they scored in the dying minutes of the half. Their centre forward who was pretty nippy considering he was wearing a figure hugging shirt had us in trouble on a number of occasions luckily he left his scoring boots at home. Second half started like the first both teams passing the ball neatly and I for one was impressed with what was on show. We get another fortunate own goal and cement our lead. Then came the goal of the game. Sergio who impressed all game picked up the ball left side of the penalty box and swerved an inch perfect curler  which had the keeper beaten before it left his foot. Not intent with scoring a great goal the fella has a models look like he should be in a catalogue selling golf equipment and I bet he plays the piano and speaks 3 different languages! Anyway 4  1 and were looking comfortable for the win until it went all pear shaped with our new left back Dave K taking a swipe at one of their guys and Alistair who was acting as justice of the peace grassed him up to the ref and was duly sent from the pitch. Hence to say I was subbing Sergio and slotting Alistair at the back to make 5. All that went out the window as Alistair now holds the fair play award. It didn't take long for them to score to make it 4-2 . Straight from the kick off Phil tried one of his long rangers from the centre circle. Brimming with confidence the goalie shouted "Im not that bad" or words to that effect and decided to let the ball bounce through his legs. Give Phil another cigar!  We switched off for the last 20 of the game and allowed them to attack at every opportunity. The long ball over the defence was catching us out every time. They reduced the deficit and we were 5-4 up with 10 minutes to go. They smacked our cross bar and had enough chances to win the game. I thought our defence were resolute with Tony and Martyn pairing well again. See Martyn you are a centre back in the making. Tony K played really well you can't see many people getting the better of him this season especially if he gives them a slap!! Thanks to Sean for helping out. Adrian needs some fitness if he wants to be a regular but didn't look out of place. Joel had a blinder as well as Sergio and Paul who always looks the part. Phil was pinging balls around as usual. Darren and Bully were industrious in the middle although had their work cut out against younger opposition. On this display the future is definitely bright in fact its orange which is the colour of the new kit in our next game. Before I disappear in my own verbal diarrhoea we have a charity game on the 31st for the Amy Winehouse foundation please make your presence felt it will be nice to support this worthy charity.

Toodle P

Knobs 3 MBDA 1

WEV’E DONE IT!!
  We have won a game of football and we won it in style. After so many attempts of trying to score we bagged 3 and only let in one. On a beautiful sunny evening with a near perfect pitch which was cut by the way. Both teams played at a fast pace considering the heat and it wasn’t long before we had a first chance with nick and Steve up front combining well. Could be a combination for next season with Steve slotting himself in the right positions and nick charging around covering every blade of grass wanting to win every tackle. We had won a free kick after 20 minutes on the edge of their box and whilst MBDA were lining up their wall Bully surprisingly passed directly to Phil (when did that last happen) who was loitering just outside the D. A first time strike saw the ball fly in to the goal pass the keepers bottom left post. One nil KNOBS and we had our tails up. We were playing some free flowing football to feet against a MBDA side that were short of first team players, but still gave a good account of themselves. Another combination between nick and Steve I think brought us our second. Please remind me otherwise. They had a well taken chance which ended up in the top corner of good Tony’s net and so it ended 2  1 at half time.  I said a load of old bollocks in the interval and some others chipped in. The second half started as sprightly as the first with us playing downhill. A few substitutes were made to keep it fresh and they all slotted in quite well. Apologies to Chris C who was subbed twice but got 2 long spells out of the game. We had some good chances in the second half notably Dan who had a one on one with the keeper and nipped the ball passed him with a gaping goal getting smaller by the yard. They smacked one against our bar and it was frantic to say the least. Nick scored our third from a lovely passing move. A few people were blowing out their arses by mid half and some more subs were made to keep a good balance which I thought we had through most of the game. Time will tell whether we will be challenging for anything next season. More than likely not, but hey it’s good to put a pair of boots on or high heels if your that way inclined. Keep fit my lovelies and I will see if I can get a game at Southend before the season starts. Pre-season training will commence after England are out of the World Cup which will probably be the 25th of June.

Ciao Bella     

Knobs 0 Buntingford Town 1

They came, they saw, they did a little shopping.

Crap game, crape result, crape everywhere, no goals scored in over a month. Bring back Sir Ronald.

Welwyn Sports 7 Knobs 0

Lots of enthusiasm amongst the team as we waited expectantly in the car park at the station.  Manager Dave was only slightly late due to chasing his dog through the streets and  arrived with news that Nick Took Took  had again cried off the night before.  All was not lost though as Dave had picked up a young chap on the way who just needed to borrow some size 8 boots and put some talc in his hair so he looked old enough to play.

Amazingly though we arrived on time for the first time this season to an away game (well most of us did).  What we found was the world’s longest football pitch waiting for us and an opposition with a squad of about 16 players who made changes every 10 minutes.

Manager Dave gave a rousing speech – “You all know what you’re doing”. 

Mascot Billy won the toss and chose that the Knobs kick off.  That we did, promptly lost the ball attacking down the right, the oppo attacked down their left, crossed to the left back post and scored.  Less than a minute in and 1-0.  Things didn’t get much better after that.

We had quite a few shots early on.  None of them within 30 yards though.  The midget keeper may well have been tested if the ball hadn’t rolled along the floor to him every time.

Brendan was subbed by Dave after doing his best Danny Rose impression against Stoke and trying to fight the player who fouled him.  At least he showed some fight!

Lee ran his heart out in his pair of new £95 boots.  He asked if we can make a mention that he is washing the kit.

Martyn gave away a penalty which was scored.  Tony tried to give another away pushing a goal bound shot past the post with his hand but the ref by this point had clearly lost the plot having moments earlier allowed Welwyn an offside goal which he claimed was because one of the Knobs played the scorer, when we clearly didn’t and he couldn’t tell us which one of us it was!

Manager Dave said there were lots of positives and was happy with the performance.  Clearly chasing his dog round the streets and being out in the sun had sent him mad!

Next week we have the boring, rigid and physical Buntingford coming to town.  Ron is playing up front so expect some goals!

Knobs 0 Walkern 5 or thereabouts

Terrible! Don't know whether that is because this is simply the latest woeful result/performance or simply cos it's a standalone piece of shite. Roll on next season- new management, new attitudes, new commitment.
Individuals tried hard, some individuals look past it- well perhaps for this season yet as a team we are, well, simply not a team.
Well done James. Immense.
Fair wind to yer arse.

Knobs 1 Blunham 6

They played together, we didn't/couldn't. They had three outstanding individuals who were much fitter. They had one bloke who could ping the ball about over distance with pace and accuracy, two of his goals were delicious strikes. We were strangers to each other- literally.
Pitch surface disgustingly grassy and bobbly but same for both sides.
New keeper sensible Dave at fault not at all.
Bully sliced in the opening goal...... for them.
We chopped and changed position all to no avail. Could things have been different? Probably not. Better player availability would help. But that is where we are at present.
Gavin scored with his head I think. Gave a glimmer of hope 3-1 but they shat on us.
Good pub turn out but no food, thank goodness.
Home v Walkern 13th, away v Welwyn 27th, home v Buntingf ord May 4th and home v MBDA May 14th, Wednesday.