Walkern 1 Knobs 7 - Report by Gavin, edited by super sub Darren

What a difference a week makes. From the misery of Easter Sunday to the goal-fest of this Sunday, we showed what a good team we can be when we pass the ball about and have the energy and dynamism of Chris and Ali in midfield – both excellent on the day.

The morning started with Richard heading off to a different venue, and the disappointment for Darren of starting as a sub despite early morning gifts to the manager. Football can be a dirty business at times but it’s good to see that our manager can rise above it. If you are going to bribe Dave, you have to be more subtle.

It’s unusual to put your best players on the bench to start, but it did prove to be a tactical master stroke.

On a pitch that was covered with lots of different athletic markings, very narrow but strangely long, we started off knocking the ball about nicely but space was at a premium. These strange markings did seem to confuse Tony in the second half. He thought he was on the half way line only to find he was at second base on the Rounders pitch.

We finally made the breakthrough with a fortuitous goal that came from a Gavin header (thus claiming it) which rebounded off a defender and a goalie to settle in the net. After a while they went up the other end and scored thanks to a headed goal. At this stage it was a close battle and the game could have gone either way.

It was at this point that Dave revealed his master plan and turned the game in our favour. The starting unit had softened up the oppo, now it was time to unleash the beasts from the sideline!

At once, John (in his new boots and now in his proper position) settled the KNOBS nerves with a well taken goal. A hoof up the pitch from Dave was headed on by Vinny, trapped by Gavin and played back to Vinny who picked out John (steaming in like Carlos Alberto) who thumped it home.

In the second half, a HUGE moment came in the match. Walkern attacked and a great effort by their striker was acrobatically turned round the post by Dave in goal. Was it a turning point? It certainly was. His comedy punched clearance in the first half is now forgotten. That moment from the manager lifted the whole team. He really is an inspiration. (Gavin is a kiss arse!)

Suddenly we were playing total football, led by the surging runs of Ali, the energy of Chris W and the passing skills of Bully. Gavin scored his second with a run and a shot from outside the area. Then Ali scored the first of his three. And that was it…the game was gone from Walkern. A blatant penalty against Richard wasn’t given but it didn’t matter. The goals just kept on coming and some of them were beauties. Ali’s second one was reminiscent of the England v Holland classic scored by Shearer. For Gascoigne and Sheringham, read Boyle and Simpson. Ali’s final goal…the dink over the goalie was lovely and as the Walkern goalie remarked ‘…they’re taking the piss now.’ – ahhh yes…and it felt good. Gavin Mentioned again!!) should have scored six but was happy with his second hat-trick of the season. Defensively we were sound despite the dominance. It could have been easy to get a bit over-confident but Chris G marshalled the defence well alongside Tony. Brendan, Chairman Al and Darren all came forward and supported attack from their full-back positions. Chris C made his comeback and played solidly on the left midfield. Vinny showed that he can play centre-back as well as centre-forward. That kind of versatility could be crucial when we’re searching for a Plan B in competitive league matches.

And that was it. 7-1. Comprehensive stuff without a phantom goal in sight. Complaints were made that we had a young side out but that’s slightly hypocritical given the last match – there were certainly no twenty year-olds in our team. I skipped off early to go back for my gammon roast and therefore didn’t go to the pub but I’m sure we revelled in the glory of it all, although slightly stinky as the showers didn’t work. Oh well. Can we tell Chairman Al the F1 result now? It was Rosberg. Next match is against the Saints at home. The last league match. COME ON!!! Let’s make 3rd our own.

Knobs 1 Walkern 4

Strange result but fairly easily explained. We lost in the goalkeeping department.

Kicking uphill we played some very impressive stuff unluckily failing to net. They managed a couple of chances, without any fluidity of play, which they badly missed. One gorgeous move between Phil and Steve ended with a first time Phil rocket which shaved the goal. Another pleasing move saw a Gerry centre across the face of the goal see Vinnie's close range poke glide wide. The post took a battering! At the back Ian was having a blinding debut, heading

powerfully, intercepting well, talking well and showing an ability to play balls forward with pace and power. 0-0 at half time. Bill and John were proving solid at full backs, allaying fears of the doubters. An unchanged set up second half would have been just the job kicking downhill. But with the current keeper Dave, improving between the sticks with every game, itching for a game out Twiggy volunteered for a stint at keeper. Not one one of John's more inspired games as Knob guardian. But he did volunteer not many others would. They swiftly scored three and the game was irretrievable. Who am I to say the winning or competing is all?

True their fourth goal came via an 18 year old's sprint forward and a diving header by their 17 year old centre forward but the presence of these two youngsters was not the reason for the defeat though hardly a part of vets football ethos. I thought we handled them really well.

If we want to win games we either need a keeper or we use Dave. If it's a case of people just taking a turn between the posts then we must quietly accept the consequences, often they will spell defeat despite any good outfield play we muster. By the way during the last ten minutes their strapping 17 year old asked me four times how long was left! Hardly the confidence of superior youth.

We pegged back a goal from a Steve penalty after both Ali and Vinny were pushed at a corner by the same marker. Soft? Nah, stone dead penalty. Their keeper produced two world class reflex saves to prevent a narrowing of the arrears.

For the benefit of their manager Tony we played 90 minutes + 3 minutes over time at the end of the first and second halves.

I thought Ali was terrific, Steve was effective till subdued by his ankle problem, Vinny put himself about, Phil was classy and was unlucky with volleys, Gerry was wholehearted and effective and everyone played well I thought.

Next week a return game against this mob which I fully anticipate will be a Knobs' victory

MBDA 3 Knobs 1

Arriving 15 minutes into the game on an exceptionally sunny day one was pleasantly surprised to see the Knobs were 1-0 up. Gavin had slotted home a loose ball after an Ali (that Ali) shot had been parried. Early impressions were that Gavin and Andy could very well be on the verge of a field day with their speed. Gavin a few yards out could hardly miss had he not been so obviously fouled from behind. Some referees do not like to give penalties. They then came into the game with three goal attempts in a short space of time which did not bode well for the rest of the match. None registered.
An old bugbear but one to bear in mind, on off substitutions can disturb team coherence and radically alter the flow of the performance, rarely is there an improvement in a competitive game of substituting on the grounds of constitutional dictats.
Opinions as to team shape and who should play in which position is a matter of many opinions but I felt in the context of this game, certainly, that Vinnie would have been most potent in the final third of the pitch harrassing their back four who were too comfortably winning balls and being afforded time to distribute it constructively.
Mind you they are a good side and looked individually comfortable throughout. They probably deserved their win over the piece showing coherence and high energy levels. The boy Paine/ Payne (or simply whingeing cunt) was a threat throughout and was strong on the ball making two of their goals with crosses. Theoretically all three goals were preventable in that the moves were not robustly contested but you could say that about most goals. They were probably the fitter side but having said that how many of our players probably had energy left to burn by the end but were conserving it to lift pint glasses later.
Gavin makes a crap linesman by the way, likes to chat to the crowd too much- me and Bill.
Nowt much more to say other than there was a good turn out in the 'garden' of the Royal Oak where drinks were quoffed and a 'splendid' sandwich buffet was enjoyed.
Next week Easter Sunday there is a game away to Walkern probably at Thomas Alleyne school, hope the availability is positive.

Goldings 5 Knobs 1 - Report by Twiggy

What a cock up all round! On Saturday night after emailing and texting everybody and putting the team up on the blog, I assumed that we would have 13 players. By Sunday morning this had turned into 9 and a half. Apologies to Jamie and Joel – it would appear that the “up-to-date” list of players’ emails and telephone numbers didn’t have you on it after all. I did wonder why james-buck@sky.com failed to reply to the two emails I sent him asking whether he was going direct – not surprising because he wasn’t you in the first place! All this and I had refused two players a game as well, thinking that 13 would be sufficient, not knowing that Crossers would cry off after his funny turn at the Olympics Park on Saturday, apparently the effort involved after being asked to say “Bonjour” in English proved all too great.

And so it was with the rest of the ten who started on Sunday. We could easily have beaten Goldings with any eleven of our players and probably could have done the same with ten if we had approached the game with something akin to a positive attitude.

Right from the start it became clear that it wasn’t our day when Bully missed a penalty in the opening minutes after Richard had been scythed down in the area. Bully was clearly out of breath at that point and despatched the kick limply and wide, not at all with his usual aplomb.

During the first half we played some excellent football with Chris W, Phil, John , Darren and Bully linking up well in spells. Golding’s efforts were poor given our one-man deficit, which eventually told when a long looping cross was volleyed in at the far post. Chris W responded for us but after another fluky deflected attempt from Goldings went in we retired for our half-time talk 2-1 down.

Chris G seized the moment and decided that he would like to make changes….but then realised this might be made more difficult by the -1 on the subs bench.
We were still in it though, and had several good chances before conceding again. The floodgates then opened when Phil had to retire half way through the second half to fulfil family commitments, a goal and disputed penalty ensued, end result 5-1.

ChrisG, Bill and I made it up to the Golden Griffin in an attempt to eat 11players’ sandwiches, sausage rolls and pork pies.
Tellingly, the oppo enquired as to why Bully had his arse in his hand all match – can’t imagine why?

Sack the management I say!

Blunham 4 Knobs 1 - Report by Gavin Simpson

To be honest, we could have probably won it. Looking back, if we had converted some of our chances in the first half the game could have been radically different. Talking of radical, the curse of Mothers’ Day struck again and the team on Sunday compared no comparison to the team the week before. Some would argue that the ageing side was the reason we lost but as I’ve already written, we could have won it. But before people criticise the team, a lot of the time it is said that we win as a team and we lost as a team but I think it is important to point out that we win as a squad and we lose as a squad. All eleven players featured for the 90 minutes. That’s tough against a team who knock it around like Blunham do. It was okay in the first half but it became more difficult in the second half and as the game got stretched we became more vulnerable and hence the goals they scored. Now…onto the game. Twiggy had a difficult selection dilemma as we had a lot of defenders but that didn’t stop us attacking well in the first half. Gavin had one tipped round the post and dreadfully dallied at a second opportunity when clear through. New player Gary hit a barn-stormer that just went narrowly wide and there were a few other scrambled attempts. Paul didn’t have much to do in goal until the last few minutes when a long ball over the top led to a one-on-one. We were all willing him to come off his line to close the striker down but alas, he went the other way back on to his line and that meant 1-0 to Blunham. In the second half they came out strongly with a new formation and we couldn’t cope. We were starved of possession and soon found ourselves down 4-0, with their 4th goal being particularly good. We still had chances, Brendan had a header saved, Gavin blazed one over and saw a weak header go wide. Finally we did get a goal as Des rampaged forward with Tony on his outside. He chose not to pass to him and it somehow ended up ricocheting off a defender, Gavin passed it back to Brendan who unleashed a ripper of a shot from 40 yards (divided by 4) past their keeper. Only days before he had scored a goal for a Rest of the World XI vs Latin America XI – he’s on a roll!!!! I forgot that minutes before that a blatant penalty had not been given and in the final seconds Martin (our other new player) headed just over from a corner. It was a tough game, played in good spirit and for a while in that first half, we played some lovely passing football with Bully, Ali, Tony and Martin being particularly effective. We were pretty solid at the back with Chris and Bill in the back four and like I said, Paul rarely had a save to make. So…our league run has ended and the fight for 3rd place continues. Well done to all those who turned up and put in lots of energy. It was disappointing not to come away with something. Anyway, onwards and upwards!!!

Knobs 6 Old Minchendenians 2

In the end, well after about 15 minutes it turned out to be a comfortable win. A return to form?Not really this was a new Knobs, the immediate future, on the whole strangers to each other on the 'turf' of the Rec. Probably the youngest Knobs team out for many a year and each and everyone of them looked comfortable and involved. The old guys John Boyle and Dave helped them settle in.
Some good football was evident from the off with Knobs showing verve and pace. I can hardly remember all the details of how the goals went in what with trying to referee and working out who I am! Yet the first saw their centre half fall victim to a bouncy pitch when his sliced clearance was seized upon by Andy and comfortably slotted home. Murmurrings from their number 4! The second was headed in from a corner by Ali, not that Ali, and the murmurrings grew.
The third was goal of the game as Steve launched a delicious pass down the right which was gathered swiftly by Andy. He wasted no time in crossing to the far post where the newly arrived Gavin, in a game, on the pitch and on the spot headed his first. We were threatening frequently and could have been more than four up at the interval. Number 4 was ankle tapping, though it was all out of my vision anyway he got me neighbour chirping. A murmur here and a chirrup there, all very spring like.
What else happened first half? Dave's flying save or was that second half? There was also a terrific drive which the keeper tipped over, probably a shot from Phil. A wee altercation between Vinnie and their midfield general.
Second half saw them come a little more into it, but only a little, but by then they were 4-0 down courtesy of a fiercely struck shot/cross from Andy out right which flew into the net via a post. An impossible angle? No such thing obviously.
A Knobs penalty appeal for blatant handball had been turned down at 3-0, for several very good and intricate reasons . Occam's Razor, Tony, cut through the rhetoric, "you bottled it"! Probably a tad correct. The fifth goal was a nice one. A first time pass from Phil took out their defence for Gavin to speed onto and delicately put away. They scored from an unnecessarily conceded corner, an own goal at the near post. Gavin's speed off the mark, terrible boots by the way, saw Knobs get a sixth and they scored a second somehow. I was coming to terms with my identity crisis and wasn't paying close attention. Don't remember. The last 15 minutes was goalless as substitutes came and went in the glorious sunshine at the rate of one a minute.
New players Joel, Craig, Ali and Jamie put in good shifts- and attended the pub afterwards. All in all some excellent effort and enterprise which was pleasing on the eye. Huge crowd, mainly travelling support.
Next week it's Mother's Day and away to Sandy- an improbable mix. Hope a team will emerge to compete.
See you all at the Team Meeting in Old Stevenage next Friday night.
Au revoir.

Knobs 3 Shephall 2

We scored 3 like last week but this time didn't concede 5- c'est la difference!

We had 14, tricky for the sub meister. Enter on-off Phil to point out the dilemmas. He was possibly man of the match for positioning and being able to pass the ball to a fellow Knob, but Chris W put in a ferocious shift as well.

Incessant rain created a mud heap well before the end so that the first twenty minutes when some clever football might have been possible was vital. Neither side took advantage of this time slot and the outcome was a slog with the final result always a little in doubt.

A first goal finally came from Andy slaloming across the mud before unleashing a distance shot which the keeper fumbled over his head and across the line. They all count. Earlier Dave pulled off a cracking diving save which diverted the ball onto a post, along the line and away to safety.

With Vinny fretting to be away to assuage the wife's angst we didn't look terribly threatening going forward when we rerached the last third. We lost the effective Ali for a time when his boot was reduced to a carpet slipper but he came on to good account in the second half having borrowed one from the departing Vinny. On such small things are great events decided.

Half time 1-0.

Kicking downhill after the break should have been a doddle against a much less physical side, surely the smallest we face, yet it was not to be. In fact for a twenty minute spell all cohesion and togetherness seemed to have deserted the Knobs. (Criticism- Jamie spent a vital period as flagman- it's hard I know). They equalised from a shot, following an unecessary freekick from our left that diverted unstoppably off Tony's back. Could we avoid collapse? We could. One of umpteen corners flew across the area to where Phil had sensibly positioned himself beyond the far post- he unleashed a screamer via the underside of the bar to put us ahead. The corner went out and came in? Not from where I was standing. Their better placed linesman did not flag either. Andy embarked on a couple of solo runs ending in shots that went for power but went over. Our third was controversial , to them. A ball knocked forward toward an offside Andy was ignored by him and by everyone else except Phil, who running from an onside position retrieved the ball. A pass across goal ensued, which was dispatched by Andy.

3-1. Yes the pass was on a forward trajectory but the receiving player was behind it when it was played and ran onto it. Offside, definitely not, Phil?

They immediately broke and pulled one back when a shot from range slid through the net, nearly erred there, thanks to Ali, nuff said, 3-2 and so it remained.

Can't report on pub since I retired to the sofa to 'enjoy' the rest of the Newcastle- Makkems game.

Only one team in it and Newcastle more than deserved the point. That Clatterhole, what a prat of the lowest order. The 30 seconds-in leg breaker on Tiotte should have been a straight red miles before his true colours were shown after the final whistle. Can't take it, gives the referee abuse- the ref doesn't take it , gives him a red. post match entertainment! Cattermole, thick as a brick as well as narrrsty!

LATEST!!!!!

Apparently Dave gave Darren a black eye in a bit of high jinx- the showers were freezing again- the opposition failed to make the pub (cold showers,hardly surprising) and the 'food' was so late in arriving that Steve and Tony had gone home hungry. We are obviously irrelevant in the food queue at the Station, why do we bother? The grub is NEVER remotely on time for us.