The ramblings of Sir Ronald and his Ducks

Knobs 4 Therfield 1

2012-01-22T20:33:00.003Z

Got a bit mouthy second half- wondered where my headache came from. Still there's humanity for you- all shapes and sizes hurtling toward decrepitude and oblivion. But for the moment you are there. Knebworth Rec on a Sunday morning- centre of the universe, nothing else matters!
A poor first half saw Knobs get away with things in that the wide open route down the middle only led to a single goal being conceded. Four across the middle with the outer two not tucking in to crowd and help out in the centre and with Chris Cox following the lively young lad to both left and right led to numerous situations where Steve was alone to shore up the centre. Anyway they scored with one long ranger from such a situation and that was that. Knobs equalised with an opportunist, edge of the box punt looping over the keeper. Well done Chris Cox.
1-1 halftime, the second half would inevitably test their energy kicking uphill and so it proved.
Despite our attacks it felt uncomfortably close until Vinnie slotted home the fourth from a nice square ball from Jamie, with 10 minutes to go.
Immediately from the kick off at the start of the second half, Steve arrowed a ball forward to the sprinting Gavin
(great) and found him in acres of space in their penalty area. With goal of the season beckoning Gavin tried the outrageous lob and got it wrong somewhat (not so great), two touches and he was walking it in unchallenged. Still twas very enterprising.
Gavin was to cause them untold problems with his pace and he subsequently lashed in two goals for himself, the second and the third, the break where his shot found the net from the underside of the bar was very pleasing to the eye. Well to most other people's eyes, I couldn't see if it was in. No technology you see. It was obviously a goal, none of them disputed it!
At 3-1 they claimed hard done by when a penalty was refused them. Bloke does a drag back in a congested area and falls down complaining. At best he kicked into the innocent defender as he was weaving his magic (shite) and propels himself to the ground. At worst he got tired and fell over. (He was a livewire nevertheless and a decent "young" lad). After this the murmurrings on the right were rising hysterically, as John B and their man, the one with the humour of a coffin lid feuded verbally for the last half hour. There's history there.. zzzzzzzzz..... As long as it remains banter what's the problem? Another victory for the Knobs, where is this leading? Unbeaten for the rest of the season? Sandridge next week.
Hard to choose a mom- Vinnie excellent some dainty exquisite passes and some ennervating crunching tackles. Chris Griffiths read and played things well. Steve mixed the sublime with the ..... not so sublime. Gavin was a pest for them the whole game and Chris Cox had a very steady midfield game. Jamie hit one gorgeous left to right diagonal ball and everyone contributed. So take your pick.
After a hard afternoon's housework I was returning home after walking the dog around 7.30 and swaying down Watton Road came an inebriated Spurs fan returning from Knobs lunch time post match celebrations. "Hello John Boyle, neighbour and friend, whose Therfield friends call 'Big Nose' (true!!), what ails ye lad?" Och, Spurs got beat and apparently I must have missed that shit Nelly kicking Parker in the head. Well I missed a few things today!
Go thee well young John and may your headaches be small.
Toodle pip!

Knobs 4 Harpenden 2

2012-01-16T09:40:00.003Z

A short blog- cos time's short perhaps some commenteers can fill in the missing bits.
A frosty pitch, bonehard and barely playable at the start softened up nicely as did Harpenden after their ascendancy for the first half hour. They didn't score six only one before we woke up and realised the ball was our friend and their goal could be attacked within the rules of the game.
I guess the start could be put down to us being far far less adaptable to a far from friendly, untrustworthy surface which Harpenden worked on with energy.
John Twigg, in goal, pulled off a full length diving save before they scored from an ill defended corner. We scored from our second attack after half an hour when the younger Ali entered the fray, replacing a bemused Brendan (the hogger of Bully's space) and made and scored himself a goal which showed skill and determination. They scored from a direct free kick after Monsiuer Boyle was adjudged to have fouled their guy out on the left. the bastard never waited for our wall! Cos he didn't have to.
Vinnie scored , hit the post and generally created a bit of mayhem before half time intervened.
Second half Harpenden rarely threatened except for one sitter of a header missed when they were 4-2 adrift. Some superb, calculated passing and a much higher energy output saw the Knobs dominate the second half. The John Boyle goal saw us play the ball out silkily and swiftly from from our left back position diagonally to the right where John ran onto it before smashing it home from an oblique angle. He loves those angles and rarely misses, shades of 5 a side. Vinnie got his second from close range with an assist from a foraging Gerry, as he did his first if my degenerating memory bank serves me well.
Brendan came back on to occupy a bit more space, then hobbled off with an ankle knock and jet lag. Can we have a nano Brendan who doesn't take up any space?
Everyone contributed especially in the last hour. New Ali was excellent in the40 minutes he played, Gerry was mom for industry, endeavour and guts over the piece but there was some very nice football so pleasing on the eye.
Next week the village of Therfield bring the pride of their loins to compete with us at Fortress Knebworth make sure you are there.

Knobs 9 (or 8) Litlington 1

2012-01-09T16:27:00.002Z

Happy New Year.
Three weeks off and a desire to play leads to a comprehensive victory. Should I have less fixtures if this is the response to a long break? It makes me wonder- please tell us the committee before next seaeson's fixtures are arranged. Lots of vets sides don't have as many fixtures as I squeeze in to the calender!
After a slow start- five or so minutes, we got on top and slaughtered the oppo. Mind you it was a matter of time before we hit somebody.
I really can't remember the goals as they went in, but I enjoyed several of them. I know some sumptious passes by the man they call Bull led to some lovely finishes. The first saw Andy hasten toward goal before smashing home unstoppably. The second saw Vinny put through and he steadied before picking his spot. The third Andy's cross shot saw the goalie parry but Vinnie was there to tap home. They scored one on the break with Paul Berry (ex Knobs) scoring before my favourite goal of the game, saw Bill (aged 55 ) coursing foreward and receiving a Bully pass, steady himself and chipping the keeper. Half time 4-1.
Chris Wilson was having a blinder and all others were competence personified, Before scoring, new keeper Dave had saved with an immaculate punch from a dangerous cross. Well doneall!
Second half we just controlled things and got better- I think. New man Jamie showed his paces and Gerry contributed well. Goals came regularly apparently Vinnie notched four and so so did a rejuvenated Andy. I can't remember them, except for a Jamie cross coming back off the bar and Andy slotting home. One Andy scored which I thought fine but was abused by the oppo for offside after their bloke cannoned it back into his path- I may be wrong with the rules nowadays but we were 7-1 up at the time and the abuse from one or two of them was both out of order and unnecessary.
Wankers !
Next week it's Harpenden, how many heroes will play?
Pub saw a big turn out though the delay in the food by the Station was crap. Can we urge them to be a bit more on the ball next week and the following four weeks please?

Man of the match for me Chris Wilson. Steve Bull excellent first half and Andy and Vinny score 4 each. Tony back to his best. tackle of the game John Boyle ,why was their bloke whingeing?

Knobs 1 Steve's birthday boys 3

2011-12-19T15:52:00.002Z

Everyone a winner!
The pre match mind games and subterfuge were not influential. A fair, strongly competed match ensued. Weather of sleet at first, then sun, then cloud so that was all nice. Trevor returned to the Knobs goal and the Knobs had 15 available including Gavin who turned up for the second half and Steve had 13.
Knobs were in the tight, black kit and the Bullsmen wore the yellow- a distinct advantage for the latter.
Knobs defended the bottom goal first half or should have. A very poor showing in which we seemed lethargic, stiff and to be honest, past it. An early incident saw Dave tackle Steve leaving the latter limping but far from subdued. Dave unfortunately suffered the worst coming off with his knee in tatters. He's out until after Christmas. Christmas 2013.
Steve then enjoyed probably his best game of the season assisted probably, no undoubtedly, by our dearth of midfield presence. How many times did Chris Wilson (strong game) find himself up against four men in the first half? Often we paraded, two advanced players, yawning gap, Chris, then another yawning gap before encountering our very deep defensive back four. Far far too stretched when kicking uphill against a fairly energetic side with individuals who could play a bit.
They scored with annoying regularity. I remember little of the goals, though Brendan was blamed for all three. He actually smilingly acknowledged his contributions. But he paid his dues as well as his penance by attending both venues for Steve's post match celebrations and taxiing people to and from Rileys. Good lad. Half time 3-0 to Steve.
Second half shaded by Knobs but we only clawed back the one goal , a fine deep cross by Paul Crosby emphatically placed in the net by John B's head. Andy did hit a post late on but there were no sitters missed as in our past two games since we hardly created any clear cut chances. But the endeavour was good to see and the first half rot was stopped. On such a day as this a brisk, warm up should be the order of the day so that individuals start with some degree of fluidity.
Nice to see Phil Wells turn out, please come again. Everyone was highly pleased that Tony failed to capitalise on a defensive error when through one on one with the keeper. Phew!
Hope Alistair's head is better after his battering by rough boy Trevor.
Thanks to MBDA's Les for reffing the game.
The showers were broken hence freezing. Paul Crosby became the only clean Knob but Bill and John sneaked home to clean up. Why?
The Station was packed to the rafters. It was like being back at school, never seen as many kids.
Steve friends were well represented and most of the Knobs side turned up. A merry scene ensued before the food arrived - lovely!!!!!!
It was then off to Rileys to see Arsenal lose to Man City but mainly to continue drinking the drink at Steve's expense. A couple of us threw in the towel at seven so I cannot say what happened later.
Finally all our thoughts were with Chris Cox yesterday in the wake of the very sad event in his life last weeek. We wish him all the best and obviously anything we can do to help we will be here for him.
COCK!?

Knobs 0 Ashwell 1

2011-12-12T16:13:00.002Z

Middlin ti poor! Afew things amiss like the balls being left in Dave's house, Dave taking to the game without gloves (in the changing room), and balls semi inflated but fun can be squeezed from the most inauspicious circumstances. Who was that wanking behind Mark's tree? Cheek!
Three games now without notching. Yet the chances in this game and the last one have been so numerous. Therefore all is not up shite's creek without a paddle. We made lots of chances and chances accidentally fell into our path yet not once did the net bulge. There were some sitters- OK the goalie did well and blocked a few but the rest..... One day soon someone will take a hammering. I've heard Mike Lisle's coming back, quake ye mortals!
A cold morning 11 a side due to us donating the returning, mighty Mark Mills who gave a good account of himself- and providing the high moment of mirth of the first half with his spat with honest Alistair. There's Thursday night history to this tussle (a verbal one). Was it a corner, the ref (me) didn't give it and Mark and Alistair set about appealing to each others honesty. Words such as "cheat" and "bounder" turned the Knebworth air pink if not blue. A change from Tony's self deprecating "cunt!!!" every time that naughty ball deigned to ignore his commands. I'm sure the full back (the one resplendent in Norah Batty headscarf) spent the first half believing the words were aimed at him. "Stop him swearing referee", he bleated. Who's brought a sheep to the game? But by the end he had picked up a few pointers and was "bloody helling" with the best of them.
They had some youth and verve which we did well to deal with. Their commitment was honest and lasting though they did not threaten our goal very much at all, except for the goal they scored midway through the first half. Their forward tightly marked by the over breathing Brendan, turned and shot home nicely into a corner. Goalie little or no chance even if it was a birrovabobblyslowin, so don't worry Dave.
Our injured and back from injured players held up well. Darren A had a very good game as did Chris W. Matty looked much more committed, involved and sharper than he did the previous game and if he keeps up regular playing the goals will come. Steve B is still nursing that hamstring which he aggravated in one of his trade mark tackles, you know the one. But he'll be there next week, wallet in jock strap. Weather forecast seems stormy but we will all be there.
Dave came out second half (of goal that is) to be replaced by Alistair (second half clean sheet/ nothing to do mind). Dave is quite fit at the moment thus allowing him to motor round the pitch fouling people in all sorts of positions in both a footballing and an anatomical way- no anal penetration as yet but Tony is quivering in either anticipation or is it trepidation of next week's confrontation.
Come and see! Dave now known to his mates as "Don't foul". He has promised to change his ways and will be foregoing drink and fouling for New Year- 2025.
Brendan missed another header- he must stop going up for corners, he's becoming a very naughty boy.
A free kick from 25.5 yards by Steve, 39 years and 360 days at the time of writing, Bull was tipped onto the crossbar and came out into play. For all our attacks and corners nothing seemed to drop for us. Unlucky.
The crowd , John Boyle, was interviewed at half time. "What do you think John?"
"I'm fucking freezing". Interviewed at full time- he stayed the course though had to be unglued from the railing, John was of the opinion that.......... then he went. I think he was fucking freezing. Give my love to the boys he signed and was away.
Poor turn out in the Station, seven of us and NONE of them. Pretty poor show Ashwell.
NEXT WEEK:
Steve will be bringing his All Stars (drinkers) to play a Knobs cobbled together from the lame and the desperate. KICK OFF 11.30 am.
Afterwards it's the Station for garlic bread, fried bread, all sorts of bread and onion rings before heading to Rileys (Arsenal game) where the real action begins. Even if you don't intend to play come along and join in the merriment.

Sandridge 4 knobs 0

2011-12-05T14:58:00.002Z

Poor result. We looked as if we'd never played together before, someone said, truth was we hadn't. Injury list is getting longer and with the allure of Christmas and the onset of winter personnel is getting thin on the ground if not in the gut. Mind the 18th could resuscitate enthusiasm, Steve's almost fit. (Steve was the attendance).
The bare 11 became 12 sometime in the middle of the first half when a lad called Tony/Andy (friend of Steve and Tony) donned the yellow and was to come on second half with some verve. With Craig on the right and the energetic Ali in the middle and Matty back home up front it was a bit of a change from last week and it all showed. Kicking uphill in the first half we did farely well in turning round only 1-0 down having actually had a sitter missed ourselves by.. no I can't name him- 9 out of 10 I'm sure he'd have scored.
We should have persevered with the same set up in the second half but Dave after a very competent first half in goal when he produced two blinding, proper goalkeeping saves decided to come out and was replaced in goal by John Twigg. John was in no way culpable for the three goals which followed in the second half but we lost our shape and positioning a bit second half, then as we fell further behind we lost our shape a big bit! We also lost any inclination in believing there was any need to play together and pass to each other- but hey it was a cold Sunday morning, we're all human and egos run contra to teamwork most our lives.
Their first goal was a diagonal free kick fizzed across goal right to left -definitely going out those in the vicinity thought, till it was hooked back in and into the net via a ricochet off Dave. Guilt of not playing till the ball's out anyone?
The second goal a centre from the right, led to a shove by Tony led to a penalty. This was inexplicable to some. I thought it was as obvious as it was soft but Tony is adamant that he just stood his ground with no intent. Did the bloke dive? Can we see the replay?
The third and fourth followed, one of them a deep cross from the right to the far post emphatically headed home, the only decent goal.
Our chances? Legion! Second half we missed for fun. Over elaborated in the penalty area, rustiness, crap finishing the combination.
Tactically.
You might notice I have emphasised three of the goals coming from the right, well forget the free kick one which we lost out on at our far post. But their strength was to knock the ball wide to a portly chap who hardly strayed from the touchline before receiving, steadying himself and delivering. Three ways of combatting that.
Stop the initial supply or discouraging it by having another portly chap standing reasonably close to him. Pressing the move when it developed - he gets the ball and often has his full back pressing to support, making it 2 against 1 and somewhat hard, so if the wide man presses the ball someone also has to join in to help him from being played around, OR let the fuckers have it wide, we haven't the numbers or energy to press, so we cut our losses narrow our defence and numerically superior defend the resulting cross. We were caught between all those options, but we never talk about them and certainly we don't work it out during the course of the game.
I was that man wide!
Chris W played well as did Tony or was it Andy who came on. The new Ali shone but did not win the game for us single handedly which his style of play was seemingly geared to. Harsh? Fuck off I've been there. Dave played well and in the second half played every location in the pitch, they seek him here.... trying to set a record of fouling every member of the opposition on the pitch, but he enjoyed himself. Brendan the super skull missed a sitter in front of posts. Tony went off injured, the curse of the pull. I don't think Chris Cox was feeling well and and and, next week Ashwell at home, who is going to mark Mark Mills?
They were an honest hard working bunch, crap dressing rooms, good bar. fair turn out hope Vinnie didn't get into bother!
Love yaz.

Knobs 0 Blunham 0

2011-11-28T07:07:00.003Z

A true vets football match, hard fought, end to end, if a bit slowly and played in good spirits. A draw was a very fair result. Well done both sides.
Would Bully last as he battled to take the field hamstrung but committed? No he wouldn't. Thirty seconds in, even his unquenchable spirit for the fray was extinguished has he hobbled off. His vision must now be firmly on December 18th and we all most hope he makes it or we'll probably be reduced to Christmas shopping that day.
Chris W moved into midfield, Brendan moved to centre half and Bill came on at fullback. A competitive game ensued with not many clearcut chances. Tackles, endeavour, chasing back and encouraging each other were the key elements of an enjoyable occasion rather than any eye catching purist football.
We seemed to be getting a bit of distance on our goal kicks and clearances and much of the contest was fought out in midfield with little in the way of goalmouth skirmishes.
Dave was very competent in goal and stayed there till he swapped with a hamstrung Bill late in the game. Phil added to the hamstrung leading some in the crowd to question our warm up regime. A valid point? Probably, but at least we don't hang round smoking before kick off so we're doing something right there.
Half time Gary went off with a dead leg to be replaced by an energetic and contributing Gerry.
One moment of controversy in second half saw their forward reaching the ball as Dave advanced, they clashed and a goal kick ensued. They were not well pleased to be denied a penalty but took the decision well. I thought it was a fair challenge and more relevantly so did referee Alistair.
Vinnie had a couple of snapshots just wide from cutbacks from Gary and Andy and Dave saved a raking missile, straight at him but in danger of going through him and that was that.
Mentions of Chris G, his best game of the season, ran himself into the ground. Brendan very good, some winning tackles and headers combined with a safety first, get rid mentality. Tony competitive and effective at right back but immense performances from Chrises W and C in centre midfield really took the eye.
Every one contributed.
A good turn out in the pub where both teams sat in close proximity to one another, says it all.
Sad news absorbed mind making each one of us think a bit.
Next week it's newly promoted Sandridge Rovers away.

Knobs 0 Blunham (aka Sandy) 0

2011-11-27T21:54:00.002Z

More tomorrow- today Gary Speed inexplicably decided to die- perspective eh?

Knobs 3 MBDA 6 - report by Gavin Simpson

2011-11-21T08:25:00.002Z

Well…to be honest, I didn’t see much of it. I’m only writing this because Ron’s got to go up North and John said I should. He was my eyes and ears though. The roving reporter on the side line whilst I was busy picking up bargains at the Co-Op. Got some lovely cream cakes reduced to 89p – they were lovely with a cup of tea. And then I picked up a Nerf gun for just £3 in the charity shop - shhhhh…don’t tell anyone. It’s a Christmas present. Who would have thought that the charity shop would be open on a Sunday? Madness indeed but the new window display for Christmas looks ace.

Anyway, the bit I did see was very interesting. MBDA certainly looked a fitter unit and played with a confidence of league leaders. Our passing play seemed very narrow. Despite the now customary 4-5-1 formation there was little width. It’s certainly important that the centre-forward moves into that space and therefore opens up gaps for the centre-midfielders breaking from the middle. And when they had the ball, despite our 3 in the middle, there seemed to be plenty of gaps there. Despite fitness concerns, Vinnie looked strong and competitive but the game reminded me a bit of the book I’m reading at the moment – H.G. Wells’ ‘The Invisible Man’ – it certainly seems that with the KNOBS, a few players go missing when we start staring defeat in the face. I speak with a plank in my eye. The most amazing thing that was witnessed was Dave giving up as their winger sprinted past him. That’s not like our Dave – maybe the criticism has got to him or the pressure of being the manager or maybe he just had one beer too many the night before? Whatever the answer, it was unusual and just goes to show how we can all do with a bit of praise and encouragement to keep ourselves motivated throughout. You could see that when Andy netted his second goal. The spring in his step afterwards was a joy to behold and not like anything witnessed beforehand. It goes to show how a crunching tackle, a surging run, a beautiful pass, a great interception, relentless pressing, a well-timed clearance, can create a mood within a team that can lead to positive outcomes. And if we can all tell each other when we’ve done something like that, it spurs the spirit. However at 5-2 down it wasn’t to be. In fact that they looked like they were coasting and creating chances at will. Their headed goal from a corner (their 6th) showed how easy it was. We can do better and we must do better.

But what do I know? I hardly saw any of it. I left when Ron sent off one of their players for foul language. And rightly so! Thank goodness it wasn’t a KNOB. I hope it all ended happily. John told me that Vinnie scored a great goal and that Andy had one disallowed that was slightly controversial. That would have made it 3-3. He obviously scored the first one. Anyone know why two goals is called a ‘brace’? But you can’t win games when you let in 6 can you? We’ve found that out already this season. Onwards and upwards though. Blunham Vets next week and with our on-going injury crisis (I saw Bully limp off – rare indeed he admits defeat to injury), it could be a long winter. Still, Simmons is open now on a Sunday. Nothing reduced but they do have some lovely cakes in there. Now where is that vanilla slice? Ahh…

Old Elizabethans 2 Knobs 1 - report by Gavin Simpson

2011-11-13T19:07:00.001Z

So…our one game winning streak comes to an end. On a beautiful Sunday morning/afternoon, the team travelled in good heart to Barnet with a couple of new players in tow – Chris’ boyhood chum Ali and Bully’s mate Des. Arriving early, we watched the warm-up game (before the main attraction) and then after a minute’s silence, the game started after Chris G won the toss and elected to swap ends. We are still waiting for the justification for that decision but I’m sure there was one.

The formation for the first half was our 4-1-4-1 – Dave in goal, Kenny, Chris G, Brendan and Twiggy the back four. Bully as the holding midfielder. Richard, Ali, Chris C and Runar were the midfield and Gavin was up-top. Within 10 minutes, any plans Dave had for the next 80 had gone AWOL as injuries led to the departure of Richard and Gavin. Possible long-term injuries. Is there an injury crisis at the club? Who’s in charge of warm-ups and warm-downs? By that stage though we were 1-0 up thanks to an own goal by their centre-back. For the rest of the half, they had the better of the play. Despite some lovely triangles between Ali, Chris W and Bully, there was a lack of penetration up front. It is of no surprise though. One of the main issues of the 4-1-4-1 system is the distance between the midfield and the forward. Against a good team (which Old Elizabethans were) we tend to get deeper and deeper and that makes the gap bigger and bigger. In the second half that was remedied a wee bit due to Dave pushing up more and Bully staying more advanced. At the end of the first half, we let in a goal. It came from a free-kick and as Dave said himself ‘…it had to be a good kick to beat him’ and it was…sort of. Well…he hit it into the corner but from a positional point of view Dave will be disappointed. No clean sheet this week.

In the second half, Des moved to right back, Brendan went in goal and Kenny went into the centre. Ali was pushed forward and Dave came into the middle of the park. It’s fair to say that we had our chances in that half. You could argue that maybe we should have had a penalty but it would have been harsh. From my reckoning, Twiggy missed a good opportunity from a corner, Dave missed one when he was through on goal, Ali missed with a deft chip but the major miss (although I hope we have a ‘no blame culture’ at the club) was from Runar who missed a header from six yards after a lovely ball from Dave. Runar also had another potential chance when there was a mix-up in their penalty area but alas, it was not to be. And to be honest, they missed a sitter also, after (a very tired) Brendan had palmed a cross/shot into the path of their forward who decided to knock it wide. The winning goal came from an in-swinging corner that went in after skimming the head of Twiggy. Oh well. Other than that, there was the normal scrap from Dave (who was remembered from last time apparently…I think that man is getting a reputation!), another thunderous defence header from Runar that went 50-odd yards and Kenny being ‘mugged’ on the halfway. An honourable mention should also go to the little lad who ran the line in the second-half. He made some good decisions.

Overall, it was an enjoyable, competitive game. Either team could have won it, neither deserved to. Ali can come again…a very good compact player. Des as well actually. From the Manager’s point of view, he felt we lacked a bit of intensity today and that might be true but we had our chances. Afterwards in the clubhouse, we were served pizza, chips, potatoes and chicken. Very nice indeed but it would be lovely to see a bit of green one of these days. We’re professional athletes you know.

MBDA next week. Big game. They are flying in the league and we’re on our way up. Late fitness tests all round but hopefully we’ll have a strong team to put out. And next week…no swearing please…we’ve got to make friends with the neighbourhood again!!!

Knobs 2 Ware Strollers 0

2011-11-07T09:06:00.002Z

League win.
A comfortable victory with some nice passing moves. We passed it rather like this last week, but things fizzled out by the half way line. This week with Gavin spearheading in the first half and Andy in the second we had a potential threat every time we went forward. With the energy and ability of John and Runni as wide midfielders and the tenacity of Chris C and Chris W central midfield, the platform for Steve's passing range was solid. Well played.
Some slackness at the back could have proved costly very early on, unecessarily running the ball out of defence and being robbed, but Dave, in goal first half, dived low to parry a shot away with them fluffing the resulting sitter. Their little centre forward was dangerous in the first half when playing high up against Ali and Tony but he was handled fairly well. In the second half he was reduced to going far too deep for the ball, had noone to lay it off to and was snuffed out.
We had several chances notably to Chris Cox who was somehow denied. Gavin made several scintillating runs and some telling track backs, which always helps the cause. Richard was back from injury and after an over adventurous start at right back, settled nicely into the passing game being employed by the team. Bill was solid as a rock at left back and showed excellent choices in when to pass it out and when to hoof it clear. His passes out to the left midfield to get us going forward are what we've been crying out for. Others please note.
Two incidents in the first half. Was John fouled on the right, I thought he was inadvertently caught as the man sneakily crept round him to play the ball- a new survey should sort that out. John was not best pleased but recovered his bonhomie and vivacity by the time he was limping to the pub (from a knee injury, the limp not the disputed foul).
A corner started the love-in between Dave and their lanky centre half, the latter displaying a distinct lack of originality by baring his unattractive arse to Dave. No doubt the groups of the public including a host of kids were distinctly unimpressed by this fragrant or should that be flagrant outing of an ugly piece of anatomy. We proceeded to half time one up. I remember it was a good move but remember little of the detail nor indeed the scorer, what's wrong? Surely Gavin scored. Help! Oh no it was Vinnie, subbing for injured Alistair. Vinnie was already showing flair for getting forward when the ball was passed toward him and he promptly flighted in from distance. Phew, memory cells functioning again, just! They came close to equalising with a thunderous shot that hit the post, then Dave, before going for a corner.
Gavin replaced Dave in goal at half time and Andy came on up front, the outstanding Chris Cox giving way. They rarely threatened second half, except the referee's integrity on a number of occasions. But hey.. fuck you all, get on with it and enjoy.
Something was boiling between Dave and White Arse which was out of my earshot and beyond my ken when with minutes to go Krakatoa went off. A little Dave tease, from my view, led to a violent running assault by his botty friend. A grapple ensued which swiftly proceeded to the undignified sight of some 10 people brawling in a public space. I had blown for the original foul and stood back admiring the pride of British manhood wrestling in the dog shit. Squealing of umpteen decibels pricked my curiosity so I moved in for a closer view to see Dave attempting to shake off his handlers, primarily Richard (I know that man's hold). Both were sent off (not Richard) and the game petered uneventfully to its conclusion by which time we were in a two nil lead thanks to an earlier deft Runni header from a deep Steve centre from the left.
Serious point!
People were saying bring on subs to replace 'men' dismissed,- a rule of thumb at Vets' level but with no grounding in any laws. If that had happened they would have had 11 and we, with two injured subs, one of whom had gone home for lunch, would have played with 10 thus favouring the team whose player had commenced the original physical mayhem. To have allowed Dave back on would have been against any sensible rules and would undoubtedly heightened the aggro. Result 10 a side to the end despite the fact that the protagonists had kissed and made up and had concealed themselves behind Mark Mills tree to continue comparing anatomical features.
Of course we should have qualified referees but that is £40, we are not affiliated, we couldn't get a referee if we tried so our stand ins are always somewhat restricted in what they can do. I felt like abandoning the game but their wee centre forward said no- he was probably right.
A member of the public told off Steve for swearing in public and Steve told me off for swearing at Dave. All was so much fun.
I picked up two enormous dog turds before the game commenced- Chief Dogshit Remover? But I drew the line at Alistair's parthian shot, en route home for lunch , that there was another turd lurking on the half way line. I know he's a doctor and I'm a .... but I am not qualified only as a shit shifter! Whose turn is it next home game- bring your own carrier bag!
The pub seethed - pleasantly where a superb repast of garlic bread... and garlic bread was served.
Big game on December 18th- Steve's 40 th. Where a Steve Bull Old Pals x1 takes on the Knobs. Steve pays for food afterwards and ALL the drinks- is that right, he provides the ref and washes both sets of kit. Late noon to Rileys for more BEER!
Get it in your diary!
Football always wins!

Old Minchendenians 2 Knobs 0

2011-10-30T21:42:00.002Z

Roundly beaten in the end after a close first half which ended 0-0. Why? Who the fuck knows, everyone has their opinion and none of them are likely to remotely agree. Enjoyable? To a degree. It's a game of organised football an d we weren't disgraced. Everyone got a full game with only 11 of the signed on wannabees available and travelling to distant Cockfosters.
Once again we played 4 at the back, 5 across the middle and one up front. In the first half without looking in any way dangerous on the attack we were nevertheless compact and competent, people keeping their designated positions and trying hard. They were dangerous on three or four occasions but we escaped unscathed.
We never looked like solving the poser of who from the ranked masses in the rear was ever going to get up to support lone front man Chris Cox and then be able to get back to their allocated position behind the ball to suffocate the Minchy attacks. Fitness, age (therefore fitness), willpower were probably factors. There was no plan B for this contingency hence we were hardly an attacking force. Against Harpenden we had Gavin shouldering the attacking responsibilities with verve, last week, seemingly, we were just too good and fitter than the opposition (according to some well placed sources who played in both games) but today we might have sneaked a narrow win or nabbed a goalless draw at best.
The first move of the second half led to their opener when they smoothly staggered toward our area before finding their powerful centre forward who thrashed an unstoppable shot into the top corner. Shortly afterwards we lost a crucial part of the midfield when Darren A was reduced to hobbling having sustained a knee injury. With 10 it might have been considered a somewhat uphill struggle. It was! It was thereafter a struggle we never came to terms with and though we nearly equalised with our own special from Bill, we soon lost composure and cohesion and were fortunate not to concede more than one more goal- an own goal off the top of Ali's head that Paul could do little with without a ladder or a bat.
The young referee was good and very fair. They lost a couple of blokes to nasty injuries but fortunately they had subs. The defender who collided with his own bloke in the first half returned from hospital with his face grossly swollen (broken cheekbone)and is to be operated on on Thursday! True! Poor bugger- but our best wishes to him. Which of our players would you least like to collide with and why?
Food and clubhouse very acceptable. Everyone had a drink.
For the record the team was Paul
Jihn T, Darren H, Alistair, Bill,
Tony, Darren A, Steve, Chris G, Ron,
Chris C
Gavin and possibly Andy might be welcome additions back to the fold next week. Different game, horses for courses. Good luck!

Therfield 0 Knobs 2 - report by Dandy Dave

2011-10-25T09:41:00.000+01:00

It was an exceptionally warm October morning in the idyllic village of Therfield where a master class of near total football was about to be played. We had a couple of new faces and a stand in goal keeper to make up the numbers as there were holidays galore being spent around the country, across Europe and further afield. Chris G was spending a few days in Sidmouth with Mrs G. Brendan was on the look out for a new disease in the Far East whilst Kenny and Bully and a few friends were sticking their fingers in soft tissue for 50 Euros a time. I heard that some of them were getting brown nosed as well!!
Anyway we had our Icelandic International Runar back in the team. Vinny popped along with a more than adequate goalie Stuart AKA Big Steve and a big thank you to Triathlon Trevor who mustered the energy after finishing a 20k swim,run and ride the previous day. Before we got on the pitch we opened the kit bag which was washed by Paul Crosby and i have to say i have never smelt a more revolting smell since i was on a veg diet last year. We came to the conclusion that Paul had let his Labrador Bill piss all over the the kit on Monday and let it fester for the remaining days so we could get the full force of it. I even tried to use my Ralgex to over come such a dreadful whiff. The kit must always be conditioned with a suitable fabric conditioner i use comfort Strawberry and Lily Kiss i highly recommend it.
As the game kicked off i new from the start that the tactics used were the right ones. I went for the same as last week with 5 in the middle. Bully was sitting between defence and midfield and was influential assisting in both goals. He gelled well with Darren H and Alistair AKA Angus! Which i have now changed to Agnus. Who would have thought it Bully,Darren H and Agnus all working for the cause. Things are looking up for sure. We were on the front foot from the start and did not give them a seconds rest while we were playing attractive football with some great one touch passing and moving into space when needed. Chris Cox was once again running tirelessly whilst Mr Boyle was again running up and down the right like a hare. 20 minutes in Vinny came on for me and showed great composure whilst on the ball linking well with Bully and Chris C. We had the opposition running ragged and it payed dividends on 35 minutes from a weak throw the ball landed at Bully's feet and in a blink of an eye he swept the ball out to the left (out side of boot) where Runar found himself running towards their right back. He dropped a shoulder jinked in side and curled a perfect shot in the top right corner of the goal. It was the least we deserved. We had one kicked off the line although some say it was over and a goal mouth scramble which should have ended up with Darren A getting his first for the season. John Boyle was having his usual spat with the referees assistant who should have been still on his paper round. We go in 1 nil at half time with a positive buzz in the camp.
There wasn't much to say at half time apart from keep it up and do the same again. They made a few changes in the second half with Fat lad who plays centre back usually up front and slotting one extra in the middle. They applied alot of pressure for 15/20 minutes and we weathered the storm quite well still playing to feet where possible and playing ourselves out of trouble with ease. Big Steve made a fantastic one on one save and just to add he has a drop kick which can bring down an aeroplane. Im sure the first one he done is still on the way to Royston. I think they gave up with 15 to go Runar went off with a twisted ankle as there were alot of pot holes on the pitch. Vinny came back on in the middle i went left mid and connected well with Young Bill who had another solid performance, your not finished! I can see you having at least 10 starts this season.
We finished the game as we started on the attack for the majority of the play. Bully had a 45 yard shot (he suggested 45 id say more 35) which was saved by the keeper who had a busy morning. Then finally with 3 minutes to go Bully played a beautiful pass out to John who turned the defender inside out and cracked a close ranger in to the roof of the net.They were lucky they only lost by 2 it would have been more if it wasn't for Triathlon Trevor. For his kindly donated £500 for the new kit he was allowed to do whatever he wanted and he did. He just didn't do what was expected of him and score. His Mike Lisle Esq performance will go down in KNOBS history as one of the best non scoring forwards performance.
Only 7 in the pub Vinny was whisked off by the wife who made up the capacity crowd of 13. Next AGM no wives at the game on the agenda please. In summing up there is now fierce competition for centre back as Darren H and Agnus both had a sterling game. Runar may be filling the left midfield slot and Vinny is definitely one that could get better and better. Hopefully big Steve may fancy another run out he's the only one who fits the shirt.

Love, Dandy

Harpenden Rovers 1 Knobs 2

2011-10-16T21:35:00.002+01:00

We didn't need the cover blog though it was thought it was worth a posting as a current indication of management strategic thinking under the influence of Bonkers Conkers.
Jihn got the weather perfectly correct- misty morning giving way to unbroken sunshine.
In a very real sense many aspects of Blog 1 were realised in reality. The deadwood, has-beens and never-will-bes more than adequately covered for the wholesale absences of their more illustrious chums, la creme de la club. Against a younger Harpenden side, champions of the past two seasons we imposed defeat upon them on their own patch.
WELL DONE! Togetherness conquers all, well it fucking helps.
For the record, today's personnel has been calculated as the oldest vets side put out by Knebworth since records began (when was that ?). The players had an aggregate age of 612 years which neatly takes us back to 1399 and the usurpation of Richard 11's throne by Henry Bolingbroke- fond memories! Twelve chaps contributed constituting an average age of 51- you super vets yous.
For the record, in case never repeated, the roll of honour is as follows.
Ron 65, Bill 55, Jihn Twigg 55, Chris Cox 55, Paul Crosby 54, Chris G 54, Brendan 51, Phil Wells 50, Dave 46, Alistair 45, John Boyle 44 and Gavin 38.
The formation was 1-4-5-1.
Paul was keeper, Gavin was forward line. From the off the performance of each and every player saw to it that the midfield area was energetically congested and vigorously contested. More to the point until very near to the end (they scored their goal in the final minute) the positional discipline and the energetic commitment was sustained- no 10 minute wonder and all fall down dead. This was truly impressive in terms of context and personnel. I heartily mean that. Instead of talking the talk we actually emphatically walked the walk! Many of us have seen better days and certainly better days have seen us looking and playing better but hey if that's a last hurrah for some then so be it. We've reached the summit and the view was lovely. Such a performance , effort and commitment will take some replicating, but the inspiration has been provided, others will now need to meet the challenge.
Every one gets 10 out of 10 but the performance of Gavin needs extra mention in the dispatches. He had a terrific game, supported from behind by an impenetrable wall of yellow.
An early break saw us go close from midfielder Chris Griffiths' shot until we deservedly took the lead from a searching pass from fullback Bill found Gavin against an advancing keeper. Gav took his chance early and slotted home. He did the flat on the back Charlie George routine in celebration in the absence of a dentist's chair.
We lost Chris Cox from the midfield after 25 minutes only to be replaced by the controversial linesman, the more than incapable Ron. I was hoping for a quiet morning on the line, nursing stitched leg and cracked ribs but duty called. First time I had ever felt in danger of being sent off as a linesman so just as well I came on! Half time 1-0.
Second half much the same and we had several promising attacks, free kicks and corners where our luck wasn't in. Paul was relatively untroubled till the last 10 minutes. Gavin's surges were causing a mass outbreak of brickshitting in the Harpenden defence. On several occasions he was mown down, once deep in the penalty area. Up stepped Bill to emphatically double the lead from the spot. Another attack saw midfielder Dave lob toward an unprotected goal from 40 yards only to see ball bounce on a bone hard surface and tantalisingly scrape over the cross bar. Mention of John Boyle's midfield heroics should include one huge, courageous tackle near the end which left those around in no doubt that here they were in the middle of a real game. Alistair and Brendan had excellent games at the back against their usually potent strike force. Yet everyone contributed, The Bill- Jihn combination on the left made their mark particularly in the crucial first half . It was lovely to have grumbling Phil Wells back after a two year absence from the game at right back and a three in the centre of midfield proved tireless and immovable.
Their centre half's toe-poked cross, in the final minute, drifted into the top corner but it was much too late for them by then.
A tough, sporting contest, thank you one and all. A refreshment in their clubhouse then a triumphant return to the Station (empty), where glee, mirth and self satisfaction (not smugness) knew no bounds.
One could get accustomed to wearing a shinpad.
Paddy

Harpenden 1 Knobs 5 - report by Jihn T

2011-10-16T14:56:00.002+01:00

Well who would have thought it? A misty autumn morn on the outskirts of St Albans and Harpenden brought the new dawn we’ve been waiting for. A fine team performance where age and ambition overcame youth and derision.

The early knock-ins were evenly shared, with the Harpenden midfield four matched equally by the enterprising Knobs midfield men. Ten minutes in, after Ally had completed his usual range finding exercise by kicking the ball twice into the trees he was ready to make his mark on the game. Playing from the back Brendan refused to be mowed down by the scything tackle of the Harpenden No6 and moved the ball skilfully onto Bill who dissected the field with a telling through ball to Ally. His tantalising, swirling cross was met forcefully by Chris C and as the net bulged, so did Knobs confidence. No deadwood there then, just dead good.

The game continued apace and whilst Harpenden did their share of attacking, two further goals by half time from the kneeworthy Gavin and a long range effort from Phil which caught the keeper by surprise, meant we went in at half time with a well deserved 3-0 lead.

The usual stirring half time pep talk from Chris G had, unusually for this season, a galvanising effect. Straight from the kick off a Jihn T curled ball up the left wing fell into the path of the flighty Gavin. A shimmy and shammy gave Ron time to join in the fray, executing a neat one-two with Gavin who crossed to find John B at the far post. 4-0!

Half-way through the second period came our unfortunate defensive mistake – passing to their centre forward who bustled his way through a robust challenge from Dave. The resulting shot gave Crozzers no chance in goal and tarnished what would otherwise have been a seamless performance.

A final flurry with five minutes to go after a long period of intense Harpenden pressure provided us with the opportunity to snatch a fifth. Dave once more foraged forward, looking really for someone else less advantaged than their forwards to foul. His mission became distracted by the ball which had been teased into their half following a series of quick passes, to our own team on this occasion, and an accurate cross-field knock by Phil. Dave’s cute control enabled a final masterful pass through to the on running Gavin who slotted wide after rounding their flailing right back.

Full house at the pub to sample the Harpenden fare and congratulations all round.

5-1. Who said it would be a rout? Roll on Therfield next week.

Knobs 2 Wilbury 8

2011-10-10T18:26:00.002+01:00

Did we enjoy that?
We were 1-0 up, nice header from Gary from a Steve corner.
Then didn't defend well individually (not positionally) from a few attacks and we were soon 2-1 down.
Equaliser came from a Gary cut back which was emphatically headed home by their defender.
They took a 3-2 lead by half time when we gave it away in a dangerous place- our half. If you're gonna give the ball away only do it the opponent's half (new tactic)- it gives us a little bit of a better chance. Passing poor all over pitch today. Overwhelmed in midfield with Chris Wilson's energy stretched to the limit, Steve playing with a physical ailment, and our wide midfielders too wide , too slow and too immobile.
Internecine altercations abound this season. I personally try to ignore but not easy. Please bollock nicely by encouraging, none of us at present are that fucking good. Too many cliques have broken out, look at yourself before others and see how you can improve in effort at least. Effort goes a long way. Moaning, pirouhetting in a fit of pique and standing like a statue and not making a little bit of an effort at chasing back might be eliminated and help us out of this present trough. Not only do we have players who are reticent about playing against certain teams but it has been brought to my attention that there are players who are avoiding playing in games in the company of certain other players. Could be a long season but everyone'll probably get a game!
All this would never have happened when Big Bob roamed the rec. Mind you Big Bobism put a few players off playing.
They won 6-0 in second half.
Last twenty minutes was encouraging in terms of effort despite their "ability" to score every time they looked at our goal. Wont go into the goals individually, not that I can't remembrer them , just there were some really embarrassing ones.
This week's tip, positive chat. Too many people trying to programme others' games. Gags should be provided next week. Oh yes and enjoy your training and ball practices this week. Quite important for improvement of touch and technique dont you know.
Nice turn out in pub.
Dave and I struggled to take posts out alone. I now have a cracked rib. Thanks to everyone who stayed to help. Some people seem to think that this little club arranges itself. The fixture list appears, oppositions sneakily materialise each Sunday morning, new kits appear, finances are just sorted somehow, balls errantly kicked into trees and gardens mysteriously reappear, referees grow on the trees that hide the balls, dressing rooms are self cleaning, a post match social drink is arbitrary and just as long as individuals turn up, 'play' then fuck off that is a privilege conferred on the club by them!
Well it hasn't lasted 25 years without people mucking in. Just a thought.
Enjoyed my four hours in the Lister waiting for my leg to be stitched. What a strange world that is- hoards there seemingly camping out in family groups.
Am up for selection next week, I know I couldn't play worse again.
Toodle pip.
Shit shoveller- what's new!

Knobs 2 Goldings 1

2011-10-02T21:06:00.002+01:00

That's better, refreshed.
First win of the season and a bit of a struggle against a doughty 10 men. they had six call offs that morning but hey......
Dave started in goal and looked the part. Latest centre forward Simon on the bench and off we jolly well went. Surely too good a side for their 10 men, which the result eventually proved. Just! In the first minute our forward line, Andy, was through 1-1 with the keeper, scuffed and was thwarted. So it went on as we attacked. We were never anywhere near convincing with our finishing- shooting call it what you will. Dry pitch, bouncy and bobbly? Oh yes what a scorcher of a day, well done to all participants for existing through it.
Their chances were not converted, two of them in the first half due to sloppy cross field passes across the back which were intercepted. One shot crashed against the bar with Dave confidently.......
It soon panned out into a game of our attacks and their energetic defending. their centre half was speedy and classy. A notable feature was, with so much possession, people on the ball had the time to try and do too much themselves. An unaccustomed luxury of too much time and space. As a result attacks lacked momentum, pace and usually ended up with the wrong players trying to hit killer balls. Very disjointed. But despair not, thought they all, it's just a matter of time.
It shouldn't have been like that. With time and space the easy ball through the opposition was disdained. Perhaps it was the heat!
Half time 0-0.
Brendan replaced Dave in goal, his hand swollen from a hornet's sting. How confident is that?
Our shooting continued to be poor , though the woodwork was struck a few times. Our heading is poor to non existent so as to doubt the wisdom of us employing anything so prosaic as a cross.
But then we scored in a scramble which saw John Boyle gleefully tap in from close range.
They had some attacks, patient and steady, mainly through the energy and bustle of their young centre midfield man. I'll be 71 when he qualifies as a vet.
Brendan did a nice chicken shooing scoop round the post- taught him all I knew. He then saved us 3 or 4 times in the space of an attack (somehow) before retiring hurt. Steve Bull voluntarily took to the gloves. Noone was remotely interested in passing to him outfield so he made a good choice. The corner, conceded by Brendan's last act, flew over, was undefended and was backheeled in from a yard. Steve's keeping debut was in tatters- a clean sheet for 7 seconds. We did score a winner quite easily. Ball moving from right to left, reaching Andy who almost apologetically slotted home. look how easy that was !
We had a penalty denied when their centre half headed down onto his arm. Construed as unintentional and could hardly been seen as giving them an advantage! In the last seconds the referee did not see a lashed cross which apparently struck Tony's arm, arms and belly, arms, belly, willie and kneecap. Whatever. I'd turned to look to the linesman to see if he'd flagged for a throw in and missed the ensuing cross. Implored to ask honest Tony if he'd handled it, I did. He said no. Their man then said that's what we'd all say! Then what was the point of asking me to ask him? Circularity and non sequiturs.
Result 2-1.
Pub, few of them, a good few of us.

Insanus omnis furere credit ceteros!

Tips. Play to our strengths. Ball to feet where feasible. Running into space not a strength of ours except when Andy and Gavin are in the team. Remember Steve Bull stands around promisingly in midfield to help those whose strengths are elsewhere located, to pass the ball accurately, otherwise what's the ........
Principles.
We decide to recruit players when it's urgent, like 5 years ago, and the committee usually rubberstamps this. We have quite a squad of players signed and paid up presently, regardless how old, bow legged, slow, blind or batty they are and they are the cards the club plays with. Newcomers desperate to join our illustrious club in these circumstances must wait and take their chance when opportunity arises, like Darren H did originally and if I may say so like I did myself, months went by waiting for a call.
We have used 3 new centre forwards in 5 games. If they are keen they will understand the policy and will gradually fit in.

Most promising and improving player of the year. Bill reminded me of the now defunct award that used to be presented. Perhaps it should be resuscitated for several reasons, not least being the acknowledgement that we are none of us the finished article.

Goalkeeper:
Trevor played 2 conceded 11
Paul played 1 conceded 7
Ron played 1 conceded 2
Brendan played 20 minutes but now retired due to broken fingers - conceded 0
Steve played 25 minutes conceded 1
Dave played 45 minutes conceded )
AND the NEW KNOBS keeper is........ DAVE!!!!!! Stats never lie.

OCTOBER 16th game away to Harpenden. It is apparent that we are going to be short of several players that day. First thoughts were we should cancel early. But chat in the pub suggested we should play the fixture utilising less regular players. Probably correct, especially since we have no spare dates in our fixture list to re-schedule. SUGGEST people contact Dave early to pledge their availablity and commitment.
Available so far, Chris G, Ron, John B, Brendan, Chris W (probably), Chris C (possibly), Gavin,
Dave.

I have whittled at length, not a jot more will I wit.
Goodbye.

Knobs 2 Goldings 1

2011-10-02T20:42:00.002+01:00

League game, 3 points, John Boyle, MoM, we stuffed those wallies bye bye! See you in the morning.

Knackered boy.

Shephall 2 Knobs 2

2011-09-25T19:55:00.002+01:00

The glorious Indian summer saw some approach to form. Several players looked a bit fitter despite Friday's celebratory exertions.
Gavin left the Station on Friday night, back in the fold, he'd be there, he wasn't. John saw him Saturday and he was keeping himself for next week. Pity, he was earmarked today for a half of endeavour outfield and a half in his favourite position, goalkeeper. As it was noone wanted the gloves, so, never one to let the team down I took on the role- nice new jersey mind.
Kicking uphill against the wind and into the sun first half we played reasonably well. (The sun went in second half). We took a quick lead when Andy rounded the keeper to net. I could see things would only go awry if they started centreing and shooting. I did tip one deflected shot onto the bar but thereafter seemed to forget where my hands were and what they for. It's quite hard trying to save every shot with your feet but hey I tried. They equalised when their bustling centre forward was allowed too much room for a shot which unerringly nestled in the corner of the net- why didn't I dive? They swiftly took a lead, a ball from the left, such a small pitch, smuggled back to the left where one of the two waiting predators volleyed home. I like to think Trevor would have saved it. New player Gary was showing promise on the left but became more influential when he moved inside and upfront. Chris Wilson was buzzing in midfield, now for a passing improvement, John Boyle was having a season debut game of solidity, but needs matches and a resolution of his pinged leg. Darren at full back, keeping away from M. Boyle's Friday weekend benders and John's lagers over the back fence, was back to his youthful best.
Chris Cox was bustling and playing football on the ground and all was better. But we didn't win so not really good enough.
Second half, Darren H on for Brendan. Do you play in goal Darren?- ~#****ck **shit~*&. so I continued, I only arsked.. We defended comfortably second half. Had several chances, loads of attacks. Their keeper made some terrific , match saving saves but near the end we equalised. A Bully corner, at last headed goalwards by Gary and swept into the net by Chris Cox.
An 8-4 game for us ended 2-2.
Get Trevor!!!! Very important.
The Crown pub at Aston End was very pleasant.
(Brendan was late, but in time for kick off. Darren H was very late and missed the team photo just before kick off in the NEW KIT. For the record.)
Better than previous weeks by a long chalk but disappointing that we didn't wallop them. A good spirited game, no hastle. Next week Goldings at home. Someone remind Alistair, Goldings!!!
LOL whatever that means.

Knobs 0 Old Owens 6

2011-09-18T19:13:00.002+01:00

Lovely day, good turn out in the pub, general bonhomie so that's great.
Too much pre match merriment, get serious chaps because results are not terribly encouraging.
Choose a plan of play and stick to it for at least 15 minutes. THE PLAN, apart from the quick out ball when you have Andy, Gavin or a fit again Matt playing, should be an endeavour to win the ball and play some sort of passing game with it, but a passing game with a modicum of control.
Playing quick passes comes later. To begin just receive the ball, control it then pass it and hopefully move to a new receiving position. (Perhaps that's asking too much but is something to work toward!) Something simple is amiss because we are not individually that bad. It can't be just bad luck. Yet in 3 games we have been unrecognisable and have been stuffed. We gave it away far too many times through wayward, rushed, over hit or under hit passes. Whatever football we managed today looked strained, nay constipated. If we strung 3 or 4 passes together it looked
amazing- amazing that it could have actually occurred! They, in contrast flowed. They looked different class and yet they were the usual Owens side bar one quite skilful midfielder. They also, as did Saints last week, foraged, pressurised and closed down very well. We did not.
Good points were Trevor caught many crosses and saved us with blinding saves. The woodwork had a positive game for us. They also helped by missing a few. We had a couple of shots wide from distance and Chris Cox had an early sidefoot cleared off the line. Aught else?
Twiggy had a good 90 as linesman. Ron reffed. Bloke kept calling me 'dipstick'- what can you say? We lost all our balls up trees or damaged by the pumpsman.
This week's list of participants- Trevor
Alistair, Brendan, Tony, Dave
Darren A, Chris W, Steve B, Martin
Matt, Chris C subs: Paul, John. Darren H failed to show.
This week sees a day of golf, where every hole isn't a goal, on Friday, followed by an evening of merriment in the evening in that theatre of mirth the Station Hotel. Knobs 25th celebrations start here.
Next week another league game away to mighty Shephall in the new kit. Please bring your commitment. Howay the lads!

Knobs 3 Saints 5

2011-09-12T12:06:00.003+01:00

First league game in the new extended league. Poor result but that only tells part of the story.
Some of our best players available but it might be said that not all were playing in their best positions. Dave will be looking for versatility from several players considering how well off we are at centre back and left back but that might prove problematical on this show.
First half we were behind 1-0 early on. Their pacy centre forward beat the offside trap to square across the goal where they attacked far better than we defended. First half two noticeable problems , we were very very narrow. The only person occupying any width was Andy in his peeling off runs at pace. Secondly when we were in possession we were in hot potato land. Few were comfortable on the ball, not helped by their more energetic closing down and harrying. Still 1-0 at half time and with a brisk wind behind us in the second half all was far from lost.
Second half saw them capitalise on their forward play better than we did. They had a centre forward who was hard to handle but we had Andy who was a bit tasty too at this level. Both scored hattricks. They went two up with a splendid individual goal from the number 9 who worked himself into a shooting position before finding the top corner from 20 odd yards. A lovely move between Darren H and Andy saw the latter reduce the deficit. I was linesman and their third was 3 yards off for which I flagged. The centre forward's shot being blocked and carrying forward to a man well offside but who finished easily. Explanation for the overrule? Several decisions were going against Saints. My view? This was because on several occasions they were offside but teams only remember the decisions that do not favour them. The difficulties of officiating! Anyway it was 3-1. An individual goal by Andy out muscling the keeper before lobbing home made it 3-2. Still in it. The number 9 added a couple to put matters beyond reach seemingly. Brendan was doing a Bambi on ice routine at full back culminating in a handball with hand swiftly placed behind back with probably 20 degrees of difficulty. The penalty was struck like an exocet but incredibly saved by Trevor. How did that stick? The last 20 minutes proved rousing for us but apart from another individual rocket for our third, by Andy, we just couldn't claw our way back.
Problem?
In a competitive game the irresolvable problem of giving everyone a fair share of the game rather than sticking with the likeliest personnel for the day. We had 11 players and 4 subs, including me. I'd love to play a whole game but know I am not as likely to contribute in a game such as this compared to a younger , fitter team mate. Mind on one's day you never know. To compete more equally in that game, a maximum of two subs would have been key in order to maintain vigour and continuity. Mind I'm available for all the games, I 'enjoyed' my 20 minute run out at the end.
It's Old Owens in the league next week so with a couple of games under our belts a more energetic performance will be expected. It was very obvious that we were not fit enough or desirous enough to support the speedy Andy when he want on the attack, we were very very stretched.
Nice in the pub, good turn out, Dave busy as a bee. Keep it up!
Toodle pip!
Ronald

KNOBS 1 Garston 7 - Report by Gavin Simpson

2011-09-05T15:11:00.002+01:00

A new season begins and with it a new management team, new communication methods (I’m rather liking the texts), new organisation (with regards early putting up of the nets and team sheet in the changing room), new strip (to come) but sadly, on the evidence of Sunday, still dog shit on the pitch. I mean that literally but you can choose whether you use it metaphorically. It was tough. There are no two ways around it. This Garston match is a killer. The toughest match we play all year and I’m not sure it is healthy at the start of the season. De-moralising to say the least. HOWEVER…let’s take the positives. We scored a goal. We played some nice football (at times) in the second half and judging by those watching on the sideline we have strength in depth. Actually…just depth.

Playing our normal 4-4-2 formation, there was a debut for Barney. Hopefully he won’t be thinking it is like this every week. He looked a neat player when he had the ball. Sadly, hardly any of us saw enough of it in the first half. They kept hold of it well and we kept on giving it away. The first goal was a penalty as Dave handled it. The ball went past Paul’s despairing dive, struck the post and then went in. After that, the goals came along quite steadily for them. I think at one stage Andy had a shot. Bully definitely had a free-kick but I can’t quite remember any other highlights. Oh…Phil attempting to lob the keeper from the halfway line was a goodie but it sailed just over.

In the second half it was much of the same. Maybe there was a temptation to change shape but it never happened. We were over-run. Eventually we improved but that might be when they went down to ten men due to injuries. Finally we got a penalty in the dying-seconds of the game that Martin tucked away nicely. He’s a goal a game man! Well…for this current season at least.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. Back to the Station. No Royal Legion this year. What did the Station offer? I don’t know…I wasn’t there. Had peas on my knee at that point. Was it good? Were they friendly? Will they do food? It is the Saints next week. We know it won’t be as difficult and the cobwebs have been blown away, so come on…as they say in ‘Annie’ – you’ve got to stick out that chin and grin and say…tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow, tomorrows a day a way!!!

2011/2012 Season

2011-08-13T14:26:00.002+01:00

The new season is fast approaching and the new management team of Dandy Dave and Twiggy can't wait to get rid of the thankless task to Sir Ronald who is having none of it. Sir Ronald was a fine manager but is now concentrating on getting fit and securing a regular starting place in the team.

I hope everyone is ready for another exciting season of miserable fat old gits moaning, whinging and thinking they are superstars when the sad reality is they are nothing of the sort. Can't people get happier and kinder as the the years pass by? No they can't!

On a personal level my goals for the season are to try and experience the joy of seeing a pass bobble along on a mud heap of a pitch and actually reach a fellow team member and to get a transfer to the local petanque team.

The fixtures for the new season are now on the KNOBS FC website and there is a link to the site to the left of this page. Playing registration forms are on their way so get your £20 ready.

Good luck to all end enjoy the summer.

Guilden Morden 3 Knobs 4

2011-06-27T20:36:00.002+01:00

At the shag end of the season, in Death Valley temperatures, the Knobs returned to winning ways. A competitive game against a well organised side, we deserved the victory.
A struggle to get personnel ended with us turning up early with 13. They took an age to make the pitch and get the game underway though a good opportunity was afforded to take in the splendid nearby church of St Mary. I was struck by its pebbled and stone rubble embattled exterior (remember Knebworth- crennellated) being almost exclusively Perpendicular. Just across the lane stood the Edward V11 pub- but we have to await the slaking of thirst until the football matters were dealt with.
At last the referee arrived. He was quite competent and fair but he missed a certain penalty when he deemed Gavin to have "gone down too easily" as he hared towards a goal at his mercy. The ankle tapper behind Gav was some 5 yards from the ball and stopped a certain goal.
A strange old mix of a side did more than well. Vinnie came from the village to deputise and showed terrific promise before running out of steam. Kelwyn made a return for us, putting Dave through with a slide rule pass only for Dave to shoot early and over albeit with pace and ferocity. Side pass to Gavin, open goal?
Paul had a very competent game in goal catching everything cleanly and faultless for the goals.
Phil looks static- that's cos he is but he got so much of the ball- anticipation as to where to stand to intercept, tackle and receive. His terrific strike from distance brought up our first equaliser to a goal where we were caught on the break and perhaps didn't challenge vigorously for possession. Classy shots and passes throughout.
John Boyle , in his best position right back had an excellent game also managing to frequently join in the attack and provide telling crosses. His best contribution an injury defying tackle to prevent a certain goal from the foot of their forward some 5 yards from goal.
Chris Wilson, player of the year, had an energetic game at the back but proved incapable of preventing Brendan roaming the length and breadth of Cambridgeshire when it took his fancy. All the time virtually.
Mind you the diving header Brendan scored at the far post burst the net. A spectacular conversion from a Mark Mills shot/corner which put us ahead 3-2. They'd scored from a mistake after a punt down the middle which was not defended but our second came from an excellent John Boyle cross headed in emphatically by Tom. They equalised with 5 minutes left from a delicious chip from 25 yards but we had a final say. A nice move Kelwyn to Ron, Ron to Mark, Mark out to John Boyle who centred for Tom to volley goalwards, hits the bar falls to the line then crosses it with a little help from Gavin.
Bill played left back and was inspirational, good positioning sense making up for any lack of match practice and when in doubt he cleared his lines with distance.
Well that's all folks!
It's been great to know you .
Give Dave and John the same commitment and enjoyment will be guaranteed.
The pub was fine, the Guinness was cold and Phil drove oh so steadily home, I loved it!

Ex Manager

team meet -presentations

2011-06-12T18:51:00.002+01:00

What happened- that Red Stripe!
A pleasant drink at Ye Cricket Club- John loves it, country views and beer. Lots turned up but where was Paul? Brendan apparently was pissed in Copenhagen, piss poor excuse. We had our wee presentation then hit the Raja for sustenance. We are now banned, oh well there you go. Dave said he didn't like curry and didn't want to go.
Awards. Democtratic players' Player of Year, Chris, no longer young, Wilson.
Clubman of the year John Boyle, Bill has at last got rid of a dust gathering piece of clutter.
Manager's Player of the Year, Tony 'locked in the lavatory' aka Kenny Kingsland. Well deserved.
Ron got some leaving gifts- yet the bastards going nowhere after all. His approach to Maggie in orange pants and Peruvian hat clutching nodding trophy at midnight got a verbal shafting. C'est la vie!
Remember June 26th away v Guilding Morden, I'll be in touch, the home to Garston on September 4th.

Team Meeting & Awards Presentation

2011-06-07T21:49:00.003+01:00

A team meeting and awards presentation will take place at Knebworth Park Cricket Club on Friday 10th June from 6pm onwards.

This will be an extra special occasion as outgoing manager Sir Ronald hands over the club constitution to incoming managers Dandy Dave and Twiggy. The new management team have agreed to a 10 minute Q&A session so there will be a chance to ask any questions that you may have on the future direction of the team.

I hope everyone can make the effort to come along for a beer and a burger as it promises to be a great evening. If you don't fancy a beer or a burger them come along for views of the beautiful grounds of Knebworth House.

Awards will be presented for top goalscorer, managers player of the season, players player of the season and clubman of the year.

26.6.11

2011-05-30T20:05:00.002+01:00

Game away to Guilding Morden 11 am kick off.
The new season starts here, or the old season ends?
Howay you young lads rally to the call and hev a bevvy post match.
Hey that Sepp Blatter what a politician! Money and greasy palms makes this world of ours go round- but in which direction.
The ego direction, you can't criticise that. It seems to be human nature.
Come along to the Leisure centre every Thursday and kick a sorta ball round the adjourn to the Lytton Arms for a post prandial pint or 7.
Love you all.
Hey that test match - what sort of game is that? Slow, slow, no quick, a bit more slow then wipeout in a flash of a spark.
Just like us at pre puberty.
Well done Swansea, ptide of Wales.

Knobs 2 Old Elizabethans 2

2011-05-23T11:50:00.002+01:00

Final game of the season and final blog. Hail me hearties. The score draw specialists, yet we've only lost one in the last fourteen or so Kenny reliably tells me.
A fine, very windy day doesn't make it easy on May's bumpy pitches. So well done both teams turning out and playing in a sporting, good natured contest.
First half we played against the gale and were frustrated in our efforts to keep the ball on the deck and find men accurately. I had the sneaking feeling we weren't trying to find our men with any great desire preferring to seek out killer balls, not easy, or putting stuff into spaces where noone was willing or even able to venture. Yet we had chances Matt and Ron ballooning skywards and Phil nearly deceiving their competent keeper with a wickedly dipping free kick. Our competent keeper Monsieur Twigg (Jihn) was tested by low shots which he handled convincingly. They had five subs we had two- any advantage?
Half time 0-0.
Second half we had the gale behind us and threatened. Perhaps we ought to have pressed as a team far more as they continuously attempted to play the ball out from the back. Richard made a fine run down the middle but had his shot smothered by the keeper. John cut in and let fly a screamer which was tipped over and Ron never anticipated Dion Dublin fluffing an easy clearing header, farpost at a corner and was rooted to the spot watching the ball trickle away for a goal kick. Fucking nugget. Then soon we found ourselve two down with twenty minutes to play. A shot hit the bar fell to the goal line and was tapped in by the nearest proactive presence, one of their men. Their second was a sweetly struck snapshot out of nothing.
Our comeback took place when Ron took himself off- what meaning is this? Tony advanced and a lashed a long distance bullet which the keeper saved but spilled and Richard popped home to offer us respite. Phil played a ball round the full back to Richard who crossed hard only hitting their defender, presumably on the hand or arm , which is why Alistair awarded a penalty. Harsh? The palpably injured Steve Bull found his usual spot with great accuracy, just as well since the goalie nearly touched it. 2-2 and that is how it remained.
Thank you all for being such good sports except for leaving John to take the kit home to Nicky once again!
Into the legendary Legion where both sides attended. Only six!
The blog will continue into the summer with stories of training escapades, bike rides and new signings by Darren, development officer and minute taker.
See you on the 10th for presentations at some as yet unidentified Stevenage groghouse.

The Real Thing - Litlington Vets 3 Knobs 3

2011-05-16T23:06:00.001+01:00

Sunday morning and current manager Sir Ronald had gone missing, nowhere to be seen and no way to contact him. I was wondering what we would do without our spiritual leader until Dandy Dave arrived raring to go and with team sheet to hand. I picked up the bag of Orange shirts and off we went with 13 shirts for our 14 outfield players.

On arrival the team sheet had obviously been quickly pinned to the wall and I realised to my horror that I had talked myself out of the starting 11 and yet again I was warming the bench and even worse young Tommy had not even made the squad. And there was me thinking that I had cemented my place in the team with my enthusiasm and commitment to the Knobs cause on the journey with Dave. Brendan went off to fetch the kit bag and lucky enough there was a spare Orange shirt within. All appeared to be fine and dandy until Darren H was left standing there in his Y fronts with no shorts in sight. Luckily Litlington had a spare pair of extra large shorts and the game could commence.

We started brightly against a good side and Andy finished well for the first goal. Shots were then raining in on goal, most went wide, some went over and the rest were well saved by the keeper. It was non-stop, not end to end as there was only one goal but it was exciting stuff nonetheless. Then I looked away from my game with Tommy just in time to wake up the rest of the subs and see Litlington equalise.

Bully then took a fall on his knee and Dandy Dave had his first decisions regarding substitutions to make. I was on and as is becoming the norm I was soon involved in an exchange of words, rest assured to Scott of Litlington that I was talking about the rowdy crowd directly behind and not to him. We were soon 2-1 up with another goal from Andy, a cross, I mean shot that sailed high into the net. By the end of the half it was 2-2 when we conceded a sloppy goal.

More substitute decisions for Dandy Dave at half time but he coped well with all the opinions directed his way from our expertly knowledgeable squad. The second half was off and I was fully focussed and nothing was going to interrupt my concentration on the remainder of the game ahead. It was end to end stuff, very fast and furious but with much quality on display. I kept thinking how amazing it was to see such balance and agility from young footballers, this game was a feast for the eyes and what makes this game so loved by all. Tommy and his new mates were putting on an exhibition of football and I cannot overstate how enjoyable it was to behold.

I am reliably informed that the highlight of the second half was when Uncle Phil scored after expertly controlling the ball from well outside the area and hitting an unstoppable left foot volley over the keeper and into the top corner. Another sloppy goal and it was all level again. Huff and puff we did and huff and puff they did and I am again reliably informed that it was an entertaining game between 2 decent evenly matched sides. Starting 11 were Mark N, Darren A, Brendan, Tony, Jihn T, Dandy Dave, Bully, Chris W, Phil, Richard and Andy with subs John B, Paul, Darren H and Mark M. After the game the Crown pub was well attended by both sides and we were all treated to masses of sausages, chips, bread & butter and some other bits. What a pleasant day indeed!

We seek him here, we seek him there but where was and is Sir Ronald – in Pembrokeshire, in Somerset, hiding in his bedroom with his ear muffs on or at the end of the garden with liquor flowing?

Litlington 7 Knobs 0

2011-05-16T21:43:00.002+01:00

The worst performance for years........ hic!

Knobs 2 Walkern 2

2011-05-08T19:53:00.003+01:00

Team Paul; Darren A, Chris G, Tony, Brendan; Chris W, Martin, Steve, Phil; Jihn T, Richard.
Subs Gerry for Phil (45), Phil for Steve (60), Steve for John (65). Sub not used Mark (Carrow on the mind).
On the top pitch we kicked toward Stevenage first half with a wind at our backs. Some neat play ensued. Looking OK. A 45 yarder from Phil sped over. We looked accomplished at the back.
The pitch was firm but less bumpy than last week. Then a misdirected diagonal pass from Phil bounced in the penalty area, took off vertically and soared over the keeper. So it remained till half time, though they did have a rising rasper clear our bar and Phil and Chris had a couple of noteworthy long rangers..
We went two up when a pacy free kick from Steve was headed upwards by their centre half. They watched as it fell to Gerry who left the way clear for Richard to smash home from 6 yards.
All still comfortable. A run by their full back saw him pull the ball back into the 6 yard box where it unfortunately took a bounce off Tony and trickled home. Was it out before the cross ? Probably. Asked whether it was out their man declined to aver. Mark on the line could not see from the far side, too many daisies in the way- goal stood.
Their equaliser was as bizarre as it was indescribable, so I'll not try too hard. Suffice to say Tony was ushering the ball out for a goal kick whereupon Paul, desperate to keep the game alive dived to save us from our own goal kick. He kept the ball in play at the expense of giving their bloke a tap in from two. But hey, he played well.
Steve took a nasty fall. Bet his shoulder's popped out. But he came back on. Did anyone comment, I didn't hear.
An exciting meet in the Legion about 20 odd of us. Sandwiches and crisps provided by Maggie this week. Not enough. Everyone satisfied with the venue, except a curmudgeonly Phil.
Next week away to Litlington 10.30 ko where we may have a new centre forward deputising.
The week after, the season's final game and mine, probably forever, hope we can field a side what with christenings and Spurs final home game.
Toodle pip!

Knobs 2 Ashwell 2

2011-05-01T19:28:00.002+01:00

It was hot, it was hard, breezy and bumpy. The heat played havoc with brain and feet. Yet a game was played for all that.
Struggled to get a team out but with the help of father and son combo, the Martins, we managed 11.
An eternity seemed spent erecting posts and nets due to torpor and a dearth of those little white things. We eventually kicked off uphill around 11. We dominated the first half and when we could get the darned ball under control some actual football was in danger of being played.
Some lovely crosses were unconverted but a lead was established when Ron for once passed a long square ball to the left to Phil. He neatly turned inside the defender and smashed home in a blur.
Another pleasing move was converted from close range by Tom, 2-0. Gavin, in between goals was butchered to the floor as he hurtled in on goal. No penalty, well everyone else knew it was but the returning Martin in a valiant attempt at self beatitude persuaded referee Alistair it was outside the area. The free kick awarded, barely better than a corner, was poor reward. I suppose we thought it wouldn't matter in the long run. They rarely threatened in the first half apart from a piece of eccentricity from keeper Paul, receiving a goal kick from full back Bill out on the left touchline! Don't ask!
Half time 2-0.
We abandoned our footballing togetherness in the second half, concentrating on long killer balls and the pace of Gavin to little effect. Gavin did hit bar and post. Certainly tiredness played a huge part, with many players turning out today for a very rare game, Bill (first game of the season), Mark, Ron, Phil, Martin and even Tom not regularly used to donning the black. They were somewhat more energetic than us but hardly better. They pulled a goal back from a low poke toward goal where Paul, Gomez like, allowed the ball to trickle through his legs. This time the ball definitely crossed the line. They later equalised, did Brendan contribute? Canna remember. In the last 10 minutes they looked the only winners but time caught up with us all.
Bill had a fine game at left back, intercepting well, playing astute passes and, in the first half, proving highly effective with his throw-ins.
It was off to that fine theatre of drink the British Legion in which we were pleasantly surprised by the cordial welcome. There were people in there I thought had died! And Phil there wasn't an inbred in sight. All the opposition showed and a merry hour was spent watching Liverpool slaughter Newcastle. They have Sky. Who needs a Station? A fine assortment of sandwiches prepared and provided by Nicky Boyle went down well.
A word of thanks to Alistair for refereeing with his arm in plaster, courtesy of his fiddling in the mechanism of his car's automatic window. He really should try Jeff Jackson and save his savoir faire for the operating theatre. Hertfordshire is now an anaesthetist short in these austere times, but we have gained a ref.
I collapsed at home to nurse my broken rib and awakened to the glorious sight of our famed black kit drying in the breeze. All dried and ready for next week's home game v Walkern by 5pm. Thank you Maggie I didn't know you cared.

Walkern 2 Knobs 0

2011-04-18T12:05:00.003+01:00

Ron is back, albeit temporarily. Had a game yesterday, bit rusty, but felt there was life in the old dog yet- just! Coincided with the end of our unbeaten run. Yet all those there will admit we missed a netful of chances to their couple. We were incompetent, unlucky, defeated by a commanding keeper and at times the woodwork, but the opportunities were there. Thought it was just a matter of time! It was a fairly hot morning, hence the match was played at a slothful pace, which perhaps suited them more than us. The pitch was very hard and bumpy which mitigated against those on our side who can run a bit with the ball. Other excuses/reasons? Well they had 5 subs, we had one. Does that count as an asset? Gavin kept goal in first half and was beaten only by a penalty, clumsily given away by Darren- Eboue later on v Liverpool? Ron kept goal second half. They scored a header late on, Tony would have handled it but it was left to Chris to try and head it out from under the bar, lacking the necessary giraffe anatomical parts, he failed- just. Nowt much more to say. They had an amusing two man wall in the second a six foot defender linking arms with a four foot winger -you don't often see that. Mind you don't often see Del Boy's Uncle Albert doing his shopping in Stevenage. But those of us who bothered to show at the pub (excellent Guinness) were treated to just such a sight! Much ageist mirth ensued- it depressed me a bit, don't think I'll be showing me face in public in the coming years. My chauffeur drove me home. No game next Sunday- Happy Easter and have a terrific wedding day on the 29th. Love Ron x

Knobs 2 Standon & Puckeridge 2

2011-04-11T13:28:00.001+01:00

A beautiful sunny morning and the last game on our main home pitch for a while. This was the first game where our potential new management team, those bad boys Dave Jordan and Twiggy, took charge. Looking around the changing room it was clear some hard decisions were needed as we had six full-backs, four centre-backs and not much else. We needed someone to play all over the park and there was only one person saying ‘I’m your man’ and that was Darren A. What a sterling performance he put in throughout the match in at least four different positions. I even hear he cooked Trevor’s bacon sandwich!

From the kick-off, it was clear that it was going to be hard fought game. Their guys were big and strong but on the whole very fair as well. It was an enjoyable game to play in. The first chance of the game came with a ball over the top that Gavin ran on to but the keeper tipped it passed the post. From the following corner, Bully whipped in a lovely cross (as he did all afternoon) and their centre defender nearly scored but the keeper saved well. They went ahead from a free kick. The ball was punted in and Trevor (distracted by the fried bacon smells coming from the pavilion) failed to hold it and one of their forwards pounced and stuck it home. 1-0. It wasn’t long before the substitutions kicked in. Wise given the weather and soon Mark Mills (who hadn’t been since last Christmas) was making his way back home to prepare for his afternoon’s round of golf. John Boyle shed a tear as the £2.50 disappeared into the distance. After battling away, we were soon level. It started after John had cleared off the line. Then there was a lovely ball over the top from Darren A, which saw Gavin streak past their left back. Alistair cried out ‘Come on young gun, go for it’ and he duly did as he dispatched it with aplomb. 1-1. Soon though Standon got their noses in front again after an excellent finish from their centre forward. Top corner stuff. There was some dispute whether it had gone in but Ron (who again refereed with great distinction) was in no doubt. The goal stood. 2-1 and that is how it would end at half-time. Chris G gave us a team talk and we all agreed that we were playing quite well but we just had to press a bit more despite the searing heat.

In the second half, for some reason Standon seemed to drop off a bit deeper. This gave us the initiative, despite them bringing on their man mountain up front. When we play football on the ground, we show we can play really well. It’s just those odd sixty minutes in a game where we forget that, that lets us down. And it was the same in this game. There were spells when we strung some beautiful passes together and we advanced. Having said that, we rarely troubled their keeper, despite some shots by Chris Wilson and the odd goal mouth scramble coming from corners where Dave dominated in the end. John Boyle was unlucky not to connect with a diving header from a left wing cross. We finally got the equaliser though, again from a different corner. Apparently Darren and Dave were on hand from a cross by John to assist the ball in to the area, where Gavin found himself with the freedom of the penalty area and volleyed the ball home. 2-2. For a while it did look like we weren’t going to get the equaliser but sometimes you just need a little bit of faith.

And that was it really. We all had a good run out. Brendan, Paul and Twiggy all had a good go down the left flank and it was interesting to see Bully play the last ten minutes up front. There is a potential strategy for the future there as he has the skills to hold it up, flick it on and turn the ball round the corners for the other centre forward to run on to. Just a thought. One for the AGM maybe. Both Chris’ were very good as always, showing excellent energy and enthusiasm throughout and there you go. All team players mentioned in the blog as always.

Down the pub we enjoyed a swift pint before heading off into the glorious sunshine. Our good run continues and hopefully we can beat Walkern next week. Always a tough fixture but remember - ‘winners never quit and quitters never win!’

Knobs 4 Shephall Old Boys 1

2011-03-28T11:12:00.001+01:00

On a glorious sunny Sunday morning, we had our final league game of the season. Both teams had shown late season form and came into the game with a 5 game unbeaten streak but luckily for us, by the end of the game, it was we who marched on triumphantly.

We lost the toss and started the game kicking downhill. From the very start we showed good attacking intent. Lots of movement meant that soon chances were coming. Darren H missed an absolute sitter early doors but it wouldn’t be the last for the team….there were plenty to come. Ron got the away team on his side after 5 minutes by awarding a goal and then not awarding it, with the ball having nearly crossed the line but not quite. It was a close call but certainly no goal. Ron had obviously got the morning jitters having seen that Paul was our goalkeeper for the game. Gavin missed a one-on-one with the keeper (it was well saved) and Andy also had a nicely angled drive gathered in by the keeper. We had quite a few chances in the first 20 minutes and then it went a bit peary. I think it was when John Boyle came on. By half-time it was 0-0 and so in the 2nd half there was everything to play for.

Dave used all his motivational skills at half-time to keep us focused and Chairman Al made the substitutions. Make way Bully, the touchline needs you.

In the 2nd half, Shephall came storming out of the blocks and they had a couple of chances without Paul looking too worried. And then suddenly we were 1-0 down. John Boyle had a Tony ‘chicken’ moment and parried the ball in the penalty area with his elbows. Penalty cried Ron and it was duly dispatched. At that point, no one in the team was taking responsibility. We needed leadership. Someone to get a grip on the game. It didn’t really happen but Darren A did nail one of their players which effectively reduced them to 10 men for the rest of the game. Our way back in to the match was with a penalty. Handball again. Bully came on for the injured Richard and duly dispatched the penalty. More chances went begging…Andy hit the cross bar, Gavin hit the cross bar…as the old man on the side said ‘Rubbish!’ and yes indeed it was until finally, Gavin finally dispatched one into the corner after a lovely through ball by Andy. Our third came from a Bully corner where Andy flicked on and after a mild melee, Gavin pounced and tucked it away like a ‘fox in the box’. By this stage, we had flowered. When people had the ball there was suddenly plenty of options. As Ron remarked to Bully ‘…everybody wants the ball now!’ – highlighting the fact that many went missing during that first 20 minutes of the 2nd half. The final goal came from another bit of fine inter-play from the front men. A one-two in the box saw the keeper eventually save well from Gavin but Andy put away the resulting rebound. What a partnership…up there with Crockett and Tubbs, Shearer and Sheringham, Laurel and Hardy…maybe even Clegg and Cameron. Little bit of politics there. Oh, I should say that Chris Wilson had an excellent game at the back, marshalling quite a strong forward and he showed his usual determination throughout. Tony, Al and Brendan were solid at the back and Dave puffed beautifully throughout. Yet again, Ron had a marvellous match as referee.

A good natured game…not sure what happened at the pub. I’m sure it was all good fun but for some of us, it was the Knebworth House Free Day for all Knebworth citizens…so we had to rush. I managed to bore Darren A’s kids to tears up there. Ho-hum.

Well done all. Let’s look forward to starting our league campaign next year the way we ended it this year.

Knobs 3 Harpenden Rovers 1

2011-03-21T16:44:00.002Z

A friendly was arranged but the availability was poor- John was left floundering and cynical.
Nevertheless we took the field with 11, with Darren due to leave the fray on the hour. Ron ref but no linesmen.
Pitch a tad bumpy and challenged both sides ability to get the ball down and play a bit of passing football. We all welcomed Matty back to the fold, many happy returns, we need him.
They almost scored within five minutes when Tim was clear through but skied his shot into the locked tennis courts. Thereafter we were forced to play with the rather light and flimsy oomegoolie ball. Not an easy task on such a bouncy pitch.
I thought it was an interesting, friendly run out for both sides, though a touch on the slow side and rather too open but most of the players thought it was the shittiest game ever. What do I know?
They took the lead when a punt down the middle was tended by a retreating Tony and an advancing Trevor. Tony shouted keeper but Trevor kept repeating "away" but Tony showing his deafer side took this to mean get out the way and by the time you could say "fucking hell" in Serbo- Croat, they'd both overun the ball to leave our ex player Kelwyn the arduous task of tapping into an empty goal.
Before the red blushes had cooled from faces, we were level. Darren advanced, disdainfully ignoring entreaties for a pass from Steve, before finding Matt on the right of goal. Matt steadied himself before unleashing an unstoppable rocket from the narrowest of angles. How good did that look!
We bumped on till half time 1-1.
Second half we sort of came out, kicking uphill, but they were nowhere to be seen (metaphorically speaking). Advantage of our plentiful possession led to two further goals. Our second a scrimmage - a poke from Steve, a swish from Chris Cox and a squeeze from the goalie saw the ball arrive on the goal line into the hands of the full back. Penalty! No they sportingly acceded a goal , the ball was over the line when caught.
Shortly afterwards, Phil enjoying more playable possession from left back hoisted over a high cross which floated into the top corner.
Darren went home and we played to the end with players injured and hobbling all over the place, John with a gluteus max. strain, Matt tight hamstring, Chris Cox dead leg and Phil knackered.
Matt had a terrific cross tipped onto and over the bar by the keeper and Trevor saved expertly from a long lob from Kelwyn. Chris Wilson played well. Tommy never got on but his day will come.
The number of throw ins in that game , ball out of play must have accounted for half an hour! We must invest in a ball that returns itself.
Pleasant pop in pub. See you home to Shephall, last league game, next Sunday.

Knobs 2 Goldings Grandads and young ‘uns 1

2011-03-14T10:17:00.002Z

What a feisty encounter! And it had all started so well. Nets and goals were up before we even got in to the changing room. This new management team…it’s a different gravy. Even the shirts were hanging on the wall!

The game kicked off (after a discussion about league rules) in what can only be described as miserable conditions. We had a new goalie in the first half. Step forward Dave Jordan. He knows how to give. And take based on a tackle in the second half. Doggy is his favourite. Anyway, it was a competitive game with a few chances at both ends. On a tricky pitch, there was some nice inter-linking play between Mike, Andy and Gavin but unfortunately no outcome. Richard battled hard in the 1st half in the centre of midfield but for some reason they seemed to have the edge. They were just bigger and stronger in that first half. Their goal came from a corner, where the ball managed to squeeze past Alistair at the near post and their striker chested it in. Dave at some point tipped a shot on to the post but before half time we were level thanks to a wonderful strike from Andy on an angle. It nearly burst the net. Like ‘Hot Shot’ Hamish.

At half-time, a discussion was had about tactics and soon Dave was out on pitch and Gavin was put in goal. A clean sheet was to come. Chris Cox had also come on to the field for the unlucky Mike. We seemed to be stronger in the second half. Got more in to them and harassed them somewhat. John Boyle showed his battling qualities and the right side combo of him and Darren looked particularly solid. Chris and Tony were also playing a much higher line which seemed to help enormously with defensive stability. Bully was also coming into his own with some nice turns and touches and it was from his curling free-kick that saw us get the 2nd goal. The keeper could only parry it out to Andy who happily tucked it away like the fox in the box that he is. That was his eighth goal in the league. Impressive stuff considering the number of games he has played.

After that, it all got a bit tense. Ron managed a difficult 2nd half very well. There was a bit of time wasting going on, a few tough tackles, some foul language…it was as if we were playing Sandy! With around 10 minutes to go, Grandad finally lost it and shoved Dave in the back. Fisticuffs looked on the cards with Tony having a Usain Bolt moment in supporting Dave…clearly he is trying to impress the new management team so he won’t get locked in the changing rooms again. A sending off occurred. A rare moment in a Vet’s game but afterwards in the pub it was all hunky dory. Ooo…I nearly forgot to mention Alistair’s rugby tackle with the young lad. A marvellous sight to behold. That’s what you want to see from your leaders. Grit, determination and some suspected broken ribs. It is obvious that we should all be thankful for our week off before we play our last league game.

Well done everyone. A tight game but as Brad Gilbert says, sometimes you have to win ugly and yesterday, we did that.

Knobs 3 Old Minchendenians 1 - Report by Gavin Simpson

2011-03-08T08:24:00.000Z

If the league season had started in January, we would be top of the league by now. What a run we are on. 3 more points in the bag and a beautiful game to watch. I say that with all seriousness. All those who were substituted couldn’t believe the standard of play on the pitch!

After a delayed start, it was clear that we were going to be the dominant team throughout this contest. They had a couple of decent players but overall, we looked fitter, stronger and more skilful. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t have been 1-0 down, after Ron had denied the Old Minchendians what looked like a clear penalty as Tony parried away a shot/cross with his hands. As the lino Brendan said ‘He does it so often now, it’s not worth flagging.’ – I’m sure they would agree.

It was a game of bobbly balls and missed chances and at half-time it was 0-0. A stirring speech by Chris meant that we came out in the 2nd half with renewed vigour. Alistair (acting manager) was using his roll-on/roll-off subs system as a motivational tool. You were told that you had 15 minutes to do something before you were hauled off. This inspired the players on the pitch. And Dave Jordan on the sidelines.

The first goal was controversial. After Bully crossed in a corner, a shot came in and one of their defenders parried the shot much like Tony had done in the first half. Ron called penalty. They were up in arms. And that was the problem in the first place. Ho! Ho! Bully stepped up and rattled it home. The second was a nice-ish goal. Richard held the ball up well and played it off to Bully who played a lovely ball through for Gavin to chase. It was 50/50 with the keeper and as the ball bounced up, Gavin hooked it back in to the box for Darren A to score from close range. His first goal in the league. A lovely moment. The third goal was another through ball by Bully (I think or it might have been Richard or Chris W.) and Gavin raced on to it and slotted it through the keepers legs. 3-0. Game over. Or so we thought.

We looked quite solid throughout the game. Chris Wilson was having an excellent game in midfield and Tony and Chris looked yet again very stable at the back. I have to admit, after the third goal I didn’t see much more of the game but I was reliably informed that Old Minchendians could have easily come back in to it, by Chris Wilson, who by that time had been rolled off. Was it no surprise that they scored with Chris and Tony off the pitch? Maybe but maybe not. We might have thought the game was won. I think we created a couple more chances. Mike was unlucky, just putting one past the post. And that was it. Oh…RON HAD A MARVELLOUS GAME AS REFEREE.

As the league games are about to end, here is some information:

Top League goal scorers – Andy Castle (6), Gavin Simpson (4), Steve Bull (3) and John Boyle (3)

Wilbury 2 Knobs 2

2011-02-22T17:43:00.002Z

The unbeaten run continues. An exciting game, fairly played on a dull and cold February noon.
First pitch too wet, second pitch too lumpy, the third pitch just right and little Goldilocks blew her whistle and the diddy men were off and running. Alistair expected a modicum of respect to be shown to the female referee but then went a little apoplectic when she played in the same colours as us. His entreaties for her to change her shirt went unheeded, she wasn't getting them off for these lads. After Steve's accurate pass to her feet she deigned to put on a green top after 15 minutes and on we went again.
Paul performed heroically in goal if somewhat in unorthodox style. A poor goalkick straight to their man was lobbed back in with aplomb. 1-0 down. Immdeiately we hit back but Mike "I was stuck in the mud" failed to react to a goalline chance. In fairness it came to him sharply.
They missed a couple before halftime as we enjoyed donating them the ball from the back. Our play lacked a certain reassurance and a distinct frustration was setting in when John Boyle replaced rusty Ron on the left. Could Darren have scored in a six yard box scrimmage and could he have laid it back to the hovering and screaming Chris Wilson? Dunno but he didn't. Someone had a header blocked on the line- own up if you want credit.
Second half Brendan replaced John Twigg and proceeded to have a blinder. Made every tackle, every interception, passed accurately and got forward to telling effect. Chris Cox was in the wide awake club hurling himself round in the mud and things weere looking better, though they continued to look dangerous. Steve Bull was enjoying some possession and was passing well and he set John Boyle away on the left, he found Chris C. making a diagonal run- he swivelled and netted well. 1-1. This is where age lets me down did we take the lead or them? A canna remember! I think it was us but it could have been them.....I think it was them but it could have been us.... I think... anyway both teams scored. Our goal came from a fortuitous penalty so I was told- I was in Wenger mode. Steve hit an unstoppable beauty. Another poor clearance fell straight to their forward who lobbed home unstoppably from 25 yards. We had a perfectly legitimate goal disallowed for offside when Mike put in John who missed but the ball fellfrom two of their players into Brendan's path- he was behind the ball- and he scored. Had to be a goal!
Then we should have got a third when Brendan again hurtled through the middle and was in on goal before being felled by a desperate hack from behind. Adjudged to have been an inch outside the area. The ensuing free kick from Steve from 45 or 20 yards- ask around- hit the bar with the goalie static. Nae luck as they hacked clear.
I enjoyed being linesman and was kept warm flagging their centreforward offside the entire second half. In 50 years plus I've never seen anyone so inept at staying onside, was he blind or finding the gravitational magnetic pull of the goalposts impossible to counteract? Almost our best player second half so many of their attacks did he spoil.
After a refreshing freezing shower and several circuits of an estate we arrived at the Pelican public house where all the beer was chilled but there was a hot beef stew-did anyone not vegetarian survive?
No game next Sunday due to demise of Birchanger but perhaps Steve or Tony might arrange a Hatfield game.
Am away.
Ron

Ware 1 Knobs 5 - Report by Gavin Simpson

2011-02-14T14:48:00.001Z

Like me, you are probably wondering what Scott Parker said in the changing room at half-time to the West Ham boys. Well, luckily I have managed to get a hold of the transcript of that rousing speech – ‘Boys! You’re shit. I’m pissing off if we can’t beat these. Now let’s go out and fuck up these mother fucking Brummie bastards! And whoever gets the winner can have a crack at Brady.’ – as you can see, it is clear why it brought a tear to Carlton Cole’s eyes. Now…after the slight disappointment of dropping points against Albans last week, who was the man who could inspire KNOBS with those kind of Churchillian-like words? Not Ron…Not Al…it was…’The Dawn of the Dave’ – back from football obscurity to manage the mighty KNOBS and make those difficult decisions. Welcome back to the team Bully…your starting place is guaranteed.

It’s amazing really…3 away LEAGUE games and we’ve got 7 points from 9. Terrific stuff. This is what happens when you get quality coming back into the team but more of that later. When we turned up, we were all raring to go and after a yomp to the pitches, we soon realised we were playing at the home ground of Lilliput FC, with bunny holes a plenty. Dave had gone for the radical decision of starting with no forwards in the team…still, that did not stop KNOBS early pressure, with Gavin curling one over from a corner and Richard having some half-opportunities. Our first goal came from a Bully cross which the fox in the box Twiggy SMASHED it home. I say smashed, ‘caressed’ might be the more appropriate term for Valentine’s Day. For the remainder of the half, nothing of note happened…I don’t think…can’t remember to be honest…too busy taking instructions from Mr Tommy Boyle on the sideline. He’s a hard task master.

In the second half Ware fought their way back into it and after a spell of pressure, the ball whizzed in only to be tucked away by John Boyle…a big OG. It’s okay though…Tommy wasn’t looking. We told him Daddy had scored a goal…I know the ‘devil is in the details’ but come on…

So? What would happen next? Would we crumble, as has so often happened in the past or would we show new found resilience. Of course…it was the latter. You can see by the scoreline. We were all over them like Jordan on heat. Pressure, pressure, pressure. It was great to see from the sidelines. Brendan was having a stormer at the back man-marking their key forward. There was plenty of passing and movement…Hansen would have been impressed. Our second goal came after an excellent save from their keeper from a great half-volley from Chris Cox. As the corner came in, there was a bit of a kerfuffle and the ball was punched over the line by their man mountain of a keeper. 2-1. After that…it was all about one man. When I talk about bringing quality back into the team, there can be no surprise that this little run of games has coincided with the return of Mike. Yes…he might not start some games but to be honest, he’s like our own David Fairclough. Two assists and a goal this week, which had been preceded by another goal two weeks back. If there was a North Herts Vets League Fantasy Football competition, you would have put him in your team for the bargain price of a packet of polos and some penny sweets and he would be racking up the points. Was it Mike who tumbled in the box for the penalty? If not…he was around there somewhere. Bully duly dispatched the spot kick in to the top corner. The fourth was a beauty, starting with a DAVE clearing header. The ball pinged between our players, with Mike setting up Martin to bury it. A great team move and showed the KNOBS at their passing best. The final goal was yet again down to Mike. He pressurised their defence into making a mistake and soon he showed the old soft shoe shuffle to the keeper and despite trying his best to miss, buried it via the post. 5-1. Game over. Another excellent result. Again, much praise must be given to Chris G at the back. Will it be another ‘Player of the Year’ award this year? Darren moved seamlessly to right back and was always a willing runner from that position, Richard performed superbly wherever he is put (even left-back at the end) and Martin was as efficient as ever in midfield.

That’s it. Not only can Dave win the toss, he can also manage the football team. Is there no beginning to this man’s talents? ‘Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, I’ve got a wonderful feeling, that everything’s going our way!’ – Wilbury Wanderers next week. Let’s have it!

Saints 1 Knobs 1 - Report by Gavin Simpson

2011-02-07T08:52:00.002Z

My colleague often says ‘If your Aunt had balls, she’d be your Uncle’, I’m never entirely sure what that means but I think it is somehow relevant to this game. Anyway, this was a match where all the action happened in the 10 minutes before the start of the game and the last 10 minutes of the actual match.

The big news was that Bully and Dave were back but who would start and where, particularly after the last game thrashing of MBDA? It took a man of huge character to make that decision, hence Ron stayed at home. Cometh the hour, cometh the Chairman, who promptly told Bully that he would have to warm the bench alongside Brendan. BIG, CONTROVERSIAL DECISION. But as my colleague often says ‘In the valley of the blind, the one-eyed man is King’ and maybe that’s relevant here…or more than likely to the referee later on in the 2nd half!

Chris G won the toss and kicking against the wind, we were soon playing some nice football. We created some chances, Gavin blasted a volley wide, Chris C got a couple of chances trapped under his feet and Mike had one well saved. Dave even had an overhead kick opportunity but alas it went over. My colleague sometimes tells me that at school ‘We are killing them with our kindness’ and to some degree, we were doing that with the Saints. Then, for a long time, it all went rather quiet. Not much really happened. Bully had come on, half-time came and went and neither team were creating much. In fact Trevor was hardly involved for most of the game. We looked sound defensively both when Dave was on in the first half and Brendan had come on in the second. Chris G and Tony looked rarely threatened and once again Darren and Richard were showing fantastic energy and commitment in the middle of the park.

And then it all changed. With 10 minutes to go we scored an excellent goal. Richard found Gavin with a lovely pass, who then roasted the left back and cut the ball back to John who calmly slotted home. 1-0. Marvellous stuff. Could we hold on? Alas…it wasn’t to be. Having turned down a penalty appeal at one end, their referee gave a penalty against Dave, who had only recently come on for Chairman Al. Another BIG decision. Was it a penalty? Probably. The 4th or 5th this season? Who’s counting? As my colleague reminds me at school ‘If you’ve got no socks, you can’t pull them up.’, is that relevant here? Maybe but then again, maybe not. The funny thing is, Dave nearly did it again a few minutes later. Ho-hum. Anyway, their left midfielder promptly smashed the subsequent penalty home and that was it. 1-1. We were then given a masterclass of how not to be a linesman in the modern era, which frankly, depressed us all except for the referee, who thought it was all rather splendid. Still…‘Ifs and ands and pots and pans’ – that’s another one of my colleagues.

Dave got a lot of stick in the changing rooms afterwards but hey…it’s all zen isn’t it? The ying of his energy and enthusiasm is sometimes consumed by the yang of giving away needless penalties and free-kicks. Would we want it any other way? Ok…the not giving away penalties bit but come on…it’s Dave. Don’t we just love him!?! And he’s got a new phone, with GPS and everything.

Apart from Brendan and Chris G, we skipped the food at the Albans pavilion to discuss the encounter at the King William. It’s always pleasing to see everyone enjoying a pint together (or a Café Mocha (if you’re that way inclined)) in the pub afterwards. As Bill Shankley once famously said ‘Some people think football is a matter of life and death but I can assure you, it’s much more serious than that’ but what the fuck did he know? It’s about 13 ageing blokes taking the piss, huffing and puffing on a Sunday morning and having a drink afterwards. Chin! Chin!

Ware next week. WARE? WARE!!!!

MBDA 0 Knobs 5 - Report by Gavin Simpson

2011-01-31T08:56:00.002Z

As the song goes ‘What a difference a day makes…’. Well…maybe a week (or a month for some of us). On the morning that England were getting soundly thrashed by the Aussies in the cricket and the Scottish Henman was being annihilated by Djokevic, the KNOBS came as one and absolutely ‘smashed it’, like Jamie Redknapp on a Thomas Cook holiday. Against a weakened MDBA mind, but smashed it all the same…this league is about strength in depth and boy, did we see ours on Sunday.

Anyway…onto the report of the game and to mis-quote Eric Morecambe, this report will have all the key points but not necessarily in the right order. But it doesn’t matter really. The joy is in the scoreline. No bouts of depression this sunny Monday morning!

With a 4-4-2 formation, as scribbled down by Ron, the game got off to a fairly even start but we were soon pressurising superbly on what has to be said, was an awful pitch. An early warning sign for MBDA came when a cross from Gavin was narrowly headed wide (or maybe it was into the keeper’s arms) by John Boyle. The first goal came after some excellent closing down from Andy on their goalkeeper. After getting the ball off the keeper, Andy whipped in a lovely cross that Gavin headed home – it was probably the third most decisive goal of the game. The second came soon after and it was a peach of the goal. Many said (I think it was John) that it was the goal of the decade. Again, pressure counted, this time from Gavin who hassled a defender and then sent in a lovely cross that John volleyed home with aplomb. Beautiful stuff. KNOBS were on fire. After this or maybe it was between the two goals, Trevor had made an excellent save in a one-on-one, although to be fair, it was redemption having given the ball away in the first place. By half time, John had missed another glorious chance from another beautiful cross from Andy and Tony had given us a rendition of the Status Quo dance on the edge of the area as he chested/handled two shots on goal. ‘Handball’ came the cry but the ref played on. ‘HANDBALL’ came a second cry (but this time a little louder) and soon a penalty was awarded. Everyone was flabbergasted but in consultation with the lino (Martin – ‘a bit of a looker’) a free-kick was given that sailed into the arms of Trevor.

At half-time, changes were made. Strength in depth showed as Martin and Mike came on for Gavin and Chris (the pivot in attack). Nice to see Bully on the sidelines supporting – a real clubman – not like those who were complaining about fees in the changing room – you should be ashamed!!! However rumour has it that you can’t change a winning side and therefore Bully might find himself warming the subs bench next week. In the second half MGMT started off with new vigour but after a corner (or something), a hesitant defended let Alistair score what proved to be THE decisive goal of the game. 3-0 and it was game over. Still…more goals came. A beauty from Mike…that’s right. A beauty from Mike! EXPERTLY finished. And a deserved goal for Andy (the second most decisive goal (as it made it 5)) who ran his socks off. Tony went into the book after hacking down one of their forwards. At the time we didn’t know if he got a yellow card or not but Chairman Al sorted it out in the pub afterwards and made sure he had. Defensively we were sound throughout, with Brendan having a barnstorming game – full of energy – playing in his unique position of left wing forward back. Chris Griffiths was a rock as always and the midfield duo of Darren and Richard were outstanding. They harassed and hurried MBCA all game and never let them rest. As we walked off the pitch victoriously, some were saying it was the best we had played in a long time. And with that result, who could disagree. Pub was well attended and the Royal Oak produced some lovely grub. The curry had extra ginger in it to give it that special ‘melt the lips’ taste. Mmmm.

A week ago, there was despair. This week, there is triumph. To finish with a quote ‘THE KNOBS ARE DEAD. LONG LIVE THE KNOBS!’

Knobs 1 Therfield 1

2011-01-25T18:14:00.002Z

Cloudy day, 14 players plus a ref. Therfield had 12. I think they anticipated a heavy defeat, it didn't materialise, perhaps they played above themselves, perhaps. Perhaps Knobs were crap, yet there were some decent individual performances, some nice little moves and some misses. All in all it has to be said that the performance was simply poor in terms of man for man against this opposition. We were certainly more youthful and apart from a couple of their midfielders, fitter.
Felt in the first half hour far too much emphasis was on playing with pace and slick passing but the accuracy of the passing was poor and thus moves broke down all over the place. Far more time controlling the ball and holding things up before making more measured passes was required. By the time we slowed down and achieved more control of the football the sticky pitch and tiredness were taking their toll. Some lovely crosses, Phil's corners and Mark Mills centres went virtually uncontested. Noone's scoring goals this season. Tony played well at the back, Chris W and Darren (cut his head) were energetic in midfield.
We took the lead after a reasonable move when John Boyle smashed in from close range. They had a late equaliser from their midfield when a poor clearance was intercepted by their midfield bloke who smashed in from distance.
Hope you all enjoyed it. Good turnout at pub.
Nominations for next year's management team are coming in.
keep thinking!
Gavin's back Sunday, for a small and hopefully significant contribution.

Arrogant Twats 5 Knobs 0 - Report by Tosser Dave

2011-01-17T09:11:00.004Z

A different meeting time this morning. 9.50 was suggested on the email as it was an 11 am KO. Reminder to self to read my fucking mails properly as I and Darren H were outside the Station at 9.35 wondering where the hell everyone else was. After interrupting Alistair brushing his pearly whites it was explained that we were early and to wait for the rest to turn up. We were struggling for personnel on Thursday and we had no Chris W (Ankle) no Chris G (back) no Martin (away game!) no Bully (golfers shank) no John (Hates Sandy) and no Ron (twisted knee on paper round. I recon he bottled it.), but what we did have were 13 gladiators prepared to die for the cause at any cost! Well, you would think so.
Got to the ground on time and the atmosphere in the changing room was positively bubbling. Some good banter was exchanged amongst us all. Brendan couldn’t wait to bollock Trevor before he even kicked a ball and Kenny eventually succumbed to taking the kit home. He brought his 12 seater mini bus to put the bag in. A bit over the top I thought, but everyone to their own.

The Game-:
The toss was won by me which still gives me a 100% record. I repeat a 100% record!!!! Mind you that was the only thing we won all day. It was a blustery day with the wind blowing downhill. My thoughts were to play against the wind up hill in the first half which was agreed by Mark and a few others, you know who you are! If we could get to half time 0-0 or maybe 1-0 down we would have a good chance of turning the game round in the second half. If only I took John Boyle’s advice and stayed in bed fiddling with me lid things could have been a bit different. Anyway half time came and we were 3-nil down with 2 well taken goals by their centre forwards and 1 fluky cross which thundered past a hapless Mark who didn’t do much wrong in the game. I felt we were defending too deep and should be pushing up the pitch making them shoot from distance.Needless to say both their well taken goals were dispatched within the penalty box. Half time chat was positive and we were looking forward to playing with the wind downhill. If we kept a tight shape defensively in the first 10 minutes hopefully they may lose some energy and we could exploit some of their weaknesses. 5 minutes gone and we go 4- nil down. Defensively we were all over the place. It was suggested that I move up the pitch to win a header from their goal kick which never got to me. The ball was kicked over my head which left Alistair exposed with 2 forwards one passed to the other and that’s how the goal was conceded. Note to self-: Don’t listen to any cunt on the pitch who thinks they know what they’re talking about. We nearly carved out a few chances from long throws, but they were solid at the back and we rarely threatened.

AS promised I have to mention Trevor’s attempted free kick from outside the D which was taken expertly and had their keeper running across his line at full stretch to tip the ball around the top of the post. Not bad for a bloke who enjoys his Sunday mornings bollocking 10 other men dressed in black. In fact we may have found our new Bully! Or maybe not. Their 5th was soft to say the least It came from a corner and Mark was being impeded by their forward. Alistair didn’t get in between the both and Mark had no chance of coming for ball. I have to say the Ref had a good game and didn’t do much wrong in my opinion. Full time whistle couldn’t come quicker. We looked jaded and unwilling to a degree. Darren H lost the will to live as he thought the game was “A load of bollocks” Don’t forget our conversation Darren in your car on the way to the ground about self-belief from within. It works for me every time! How was the pub? Darren A’s sat nav took us the wrong way and we ended up on the A1m towards Stevenage. Never trust Technology, that’s what I say. Home to Therfield next week. Please let papa smurf know asap. I will be available and tossing on the centre circle.

Love
Tosser Dave

Knobs 1 Harpenden Rovers 3

2011-01-10T17:54:00.002Z

Competitive, good natured game well refereed by Chris Griffiths.
A frost covered pitch in the first half gave way to a heavy gluepot in the second.
In the first half, kicking up after Dave had won the toss, we were very competitive and energetic and were well worthy of our 1-0 lead. This came courtesy of an energetic piece of harrying by Andy which saw him finally win the ball and slap it home. Did Steve then hit the bar?
Well done, competing for the right to play on that surface the prime target.
Second half our fitness levels showed and we never achieved the pleasing shape of the first half. Any attacks we mounted were sporadic, with our players often finding themselves in less than splendid isolation. We were stretched going forward though remained fairly compact defensively, mainly because we couldn't get bodies willing and able to go forward. An unlucky equaliser followed on the hour. Unlucky in that the winger seemed to have carried the ball out of play before crossing for the goal. The linesman (me) far away on the other side and not in line could not be definite so a goal stood. The second goal was well worked after we were robbed in possession going forward, Mark left stranded? and the third came from the full back's chip - misses 999 times out of a thousand. Who perpetrated the travesty of a scissor kick clearance? Own up.
Our two best attempts came from solo efforts from Andy. First when he ran through their team with the ball, from just outside our area but allowed the keeper to save his shot- straight at him- great run. That would have been 2-0.
A diagonal 40 yard ball from M. Fish was exploited by Andy but he screwed his shot just wide of the post- 3-0. Electric efforts nevertheless. They just kept plodding on with consistency but we might simply have ran out of puff- they used their 4 substitutes continually, their stints on the sidelines never stiffening them up, so they seemingly had fresh legs. In the interests of cohesion, flow, old fashioned principle and a belief that old men coming off then going back on stiffen up badly, I can never bring myslf to go for roll off and on. Am I wrong?
Possibly, probably not, doubt it. Fuck off anyway. Chris Cox took the kit. Others be prepared we know who you are!
Poor opposition attendance in the pub where they missed the Knebworthian culinary innovation of cheese on chips accompanied by a rather smokily suffocating BBQ sauce- a racy little number. Chloresterol to die for.
Next week that attractive away fixture against our bosom pals Sandy- line up you masochists.

Knobs 3 Litlington 2

2011-01-03T19:45:00.002Z

Happy 2011 folks!
Football resumed after what seemed ages on a gluey pitch. I thought the vibes were shite by the way. Come on lighten up it's a privilege to be able to play a game of football in your dotage. Take a leaf out of John Boyle's book- happy- go- lucky. One of our best players and generous in his approach to participation- a sharer. Well as I approach my last couple of months 'in charge' I will be looking for a little bit of that joi de vivre and sense of community which makes this team game a joy to be part of. Impossible for some I know. Strangely the last game v Old Owens was a different world- camaraderie- but yeah that was in anticipation of the Christmas and New Year festivities- has it all so jaded the spirit?
They should have scored many but their shooting albeit from distance - was shite. They could have been out of sight first half. On the other hand I know we were efficiently methodical first half and until Martin limped off we were able to attempt to advance with our strengths- passing- not running like bad wind chasing hopeless punts- several of us- not only me- can't. Our half time lead came from an unrepeatable (probably) flying volley from Dave from the skimpiest of angles. Nice one you've scored.
John Twigg took the gloves and was almost our man of the match. He saved everything hit at him. OK he spilled most of them but woke up enough to pick up the second ball. Well played John, and he looked somewhat resuscitated in the pub afterwards I was pleased to see. Mind that Abbots Reserve was 6.5%! Their keeper deserves a mention he saved several one on ones.
It was with pleasure that we saw Matt take to the field for the second half -welcome back and many happy returns.
Phil Wheeler made his debut at last - what a touch player some lovely passes and a nice little bit of patience before he smacked in our (deflected) second goal.
Later, Steve to him and his chip over was a class bit of the game presaging good things to come in future games. They hit a good shot to reduce the deficit- John had no chance. Though they competed vigorously they weren't quite the threat they were, first half. Our third came from the unerring boot of Mark Mills- who had kindly reffed the first half. Someone was said to be interfering with play- at that stage I couldn't remember anyone interfering with anything.
A melee, with two shots blocked on the line, ended with Tony (good match at the back) saving on the line with both hands (I see he might be our latest reserve keeper). I sent him off to an early lock in the lavatory. That man took his dismissal and left like a man. We played out the game with 10 men since two our of our subs had fucked off yem- one injured and one... cold I suppose! Oh yes the ensuing penalty was sent sky high- I think John was organising a running wall as half our team pursued the penalty taker into the area but they scored the awarded retaken kick.
Next week home to leaders Harpenden Rovers- my best team- if they turn up and if they play to strengths:
Trevor: Darren A, Alistair, Chris G, Dave: John B, Steve, Chris W, Richard:
Chris C, Gavin. Well we've all got our opinions please share yours and let's have a debate as to what constitutes our best team up front, not behind closed pub doors- and what makes a good vet.

Ronnie O- I have calculated that with Sunday's game that was the 59th year I have had the pleasure of putting on my kit and having a game- it was fucking great. Roll on 2012!

Old Owens 1 Knobs 1

2010-12-13T06:14:00.002Z

Back from the freeze, a fair result?
Two fairly good natured sides trying to play and play fairly. Degenerated into bitchy, argumentative expletive ridden mayhem. Noone was nasty and noone got hurt and there were a few laughs. Why did it happen? Well the referee had an appallingly poor game. Whether his usual performance or an off day I wouldn't know but I know what I suspect. Every decision went their way except at the end when he missed Brendan fingertipping round the post to deny them a goal. Apparently all near the action saw it except the ref (and me I was too far away- about the same position as the ref). Mitigation, he only had one linesman ours, their linesman to our attacks became their back four, assisting a ref who was hardly up with the play and would find it geometrically impossible to judge an offside from his position. Yet he repeatedly did venture his "opinion" to deny our attacks! We and I would never have 'discussed' the issues with the Harpenden Rovers ref- we were warned we'd be off and he meant it. But hey give a dog a sniff and he'll wank a mile.
They missed a few in the first half but so did we, when through. We played a neat move to open the scoring through Martin and were all pleased with ourselves by half time. Richard was scythed down in the penalty area running in on goal, not seen by the ref. Seen by the right back though- certain penalty, but hey it's all about opinions! We reattached Richard's leg and played on.
Brendan replaced an injured Chris at half time, he fell off a ladder- before the game that is. Brendan coped well alongside man of the match Alistair.
They had few or even no chances in the second half and our team played well with a pleasing shape to it. Late on they scored from the spot after an innocuous piece of overguarding by our usual culprit in the far corner of the area led to a penalty when danger was nil. You've read this before? Too true , but we love him. Dave had a ferocious horizontal volley tipped over by their most potent force the keeper. Which brings up another moan about this "league of veterans". Fair enough allowing a 25-30 year old play as a keeper- 2010-2011 rules- but he launched all their attacks, wanted all their free kicks and even was up there to take their penalty. Howay, is it only John and I who have a view of what constitutes a legitimate veteran's league. Other than a league format fair enough we'll play against any ages.
Nuff grumbling, I enjoyed my full run out and discovered I can still do it.
When the referee gave a free kick against John for dodging out of a sandwich resulting in their two players dramatically colliding. John's noone's meat. Twas my laugh of the match.
Ron- aged 65 and a quarter

Knobs 0 Blunham Vets 5 - report by Twiggy

2010-11-23T14:07:00.002Z

Darren 2, Blunham Vets 3, Knobs 0

It was a grey November morning when we emerged from the great green shed to confront our aggressors, Sandy masquerading as Blunham Vets, but where were they? According to Sir Ron they don’t normally kick-off ‘til 11 and this Sunday was no exception, so after a 30 minute warm up inside they eventually took to the field, looking like cats, waiting to pounce.

Our side was, perhaps, a little less able than usual, having had to cope with several defections during the week. Once again this gave us the chance to field our new Icelandic international, Rooney Gudrunnersson and with some changes at the back to ensure that the opposition would appreciate the value of true pace we got the game going.

A couple of early scares helped to meld the back four into a more effective unit in the first half despite a combined age of 105, and that was just among the centre-backs. We passed and parried, parried and passed, but in the end could find no way past and after 45 minutes we felt that we had accomplished something with the score staying at 0-0. All this despite their two front runners being quite lively, not surprising really since one of them, Nunu by name, looked considerably younger than his claimed 39 years. Its been a long time since I lived North of Watford and I had obviously forgotten what a hard life whippets don’t have!

The half time talk by Sir Ron was inspirational. “f**k me lads, we’ve got a chance here” lifted our spirits, at least until we kicked off again.

Within what seemed like seconds our fortunes were on the wain. With all the guile and finesse of a pregnant ballet dancer, an innocent enough looking cross was deftly flicked over Trevor’s head and into the gaping net....by Darren. “I haven’t done that for years” seemed like a satisfactory explanation at the time.

Yet a few minutes later Darren went for his second. A vicious cross fired in from the left found our right back doing his Mike Tyson impression on the goal line, his neck and head disappearing into the gap between his shoulders leaving just a pair of eyebrows and a yet-to-be-balding pate to head the ball away, or in this instance to head it into our open net for a second own goal. Never mind Darren, we don’t blame you – just thank god you didn’t go for the hat-trick.

Things settled down again for 10 minutes when we pressed for an opening to start to make things even. To be fair we were having just as much of the game as them and we thought we were still in with a chance. To Bully, to Darren, to Brendan, to Twiggy, to Bren...”oh f**k, shouldn’t have done that”...to their three onrushing forwards. Brendan got trampled in the ensuing stampede and left Nunu the whippet to race onto the free ball and rifle in a shot from just inside the area.

The disappointment was palpable, but we kept on going. Our most enterprising and incisive move followed soon after. Debbie glided unnoticed into the box to meet a neatly chipped cross just in front of goal. It was a header of sheer force, no glancing side-trick here, just a full-blooded, forehead ringing smacker! The crowd roared yet within an instant there was hush as everyone waited for the outcome of this attempt with all the anticipation of a midwife with no hands. Debbie wheeled round in celebratory fashion, only to wheel back to confirm that what he had seen in the corner of his eye was indeed their keeper making a reaction save at point blank range. The guy must have been a traffic officer in the past to have got his hand up that quickly, and thus we were thwarted once again.

Even the attentions of the usually lively Gavin and further pressure from our midfielders and front-runners proved fruitless. We just couldn’t score despite getting close in to their area quite frequently. They didn’t seem to have this kind of difficulty, putting in two more in the closing stages from the left hand side.

5-0. Well, 3-0 really plus a little help from us!

Back to the Station Hotel bar and dining room for a well earned rest. Our centre backs as usual resorted to the tried and trusted method of honing their physiques and reactions next week with four pints of IPA.

Worryingly though, Sir Ron confirmed that at some point he may be relocating to Wales, eventually. Some say its a lack of consistency in the results, others the difficulty with the language barrier but I think its all about Sir Ron and Lady Crennel getting back to Gods country to eat grass and smoke lamb! Or was it the other way round? Tootle pip!

Knobs 2 MBDA 5

2010-11-15T16:28:00.002Z

A close first half 2-2, then subsidence when we kicked downhill. It could have ended up a thrashing. Perhaps it was.
One or two thoughts.
It's not easy at Vets level to compete in a straightforward way to win. Everyone tries but the problem always is, and will be, the compulsory use of subs- albeit roll on and off or whatever. The first eleven to start is not always the best competetive team. Everyone would have different views on that anyway before we even embark on tactics and individual expectations. Sometimes the use of subs comes off and we win or draw and sometimes it doesn't and we lose. Yesterday it didn't. When it doesn't seem to be working, matters can slip from bad to worse. Heads go down, little cabals develop on the field, individuals start doing what individuals do best following their own individual agendas. So we lost. So was it enjoyable, well probably, cos it was a flowing, aggro free game
despite the second half struggle and the result. And despite the newly found argumentative streak from Monsieur Boyle - he's been watching too much of the Under 7's.
I firmly believe if we had proceeded in the second half with the team set up and personnel we started the game with we would have won. But as mentioned above and on previous occasions we are always in danger of jettisoning any impetus, shape and flow of a performance by using subs compulsorily. Doesn't even matter really who has to come on, more often than not the performance is often adversely affected. And I thought it was yesterday. This is no criticism merely an observation of the reality of our set up.
We took the lead with a lovely, brave opportunist header from John Boyle from a long cross to the far post by Chris Wilson. We were warned they had some good footballers, some youth, and some know how and they equalised when a swerving shot was well parried by Trevor only to find noone anticipating from our side, resulting in a smash in at second attempt.
Our lead was restored by Andy set free by....? and banged in unopposed.
Their equaliser might have been fortuitous in that the ball was smashed against their midfielder Chris Smith pointblank, who ran onto the ball and scored top corner from 20 yards. Picture finish. Handball? I didn't think so. Certainly no intent to handle if it indeed did hit his hands (which I couldn't see) and anyway he hardly controlled it! Certainly controlled the shot mind!
Gavin came off shortly before half time, to be replaced by Tony of locked in the lavatory fame, returning from injury. John Boyle having had a blinder first half, nowhere more than in the effort department was substituted for Martin who replaced Chris W, positionally, the latter moving to left midfield and half an hour's isolation. See it was all a little difficult. Ten minutes into the second half, by which time we were trailing by 2, Tony of locked in the lavatory fame was taken off for presumably an early bath/shite or what. Don't worry Tony "you're my favourite" and by the way Alistair doesn't do Christmas cards so don't worry.
We were rather open defensively , second half, and they punished us. But hey they played well and it wasn't all down to our own frailties. Helluva good goal by the tubular winger- don't often concede one like that! All shimmy and footwork then a clever placed finish, Trevor couldn't have spotted through the crowd.
One criticism second half. We don't have a great header of the ball up front and each of Trevor's booming clearances, from hand, were comfortably headed clear by the centre half, in a flawless display of unchallenged heading as each one came unerringly and centrally onto his head.. Trev's boomers should have gone wide, see if the centre half liked running 30 yards left or right to head clear, or we should have been content to persevere by building up from the back through the middle. Our strengths????? No togetherness in sorting that out on the pitch. How do we want to play, what do we think our strengths are- these are things that should occupy our thoughts no matter who the personnel on the park are.
Second half it has to be said our attacking players were well shackled.
A few in the pub. Home in the rain. Decided lack of enthusiasm being shown for Blunham game next week- lots of injuries and non availability. It's at home!

Toodle pip

Old Minchendenians 2 Knobs 2

2010-11-08T13:33:00.002Z

A good game. A fair result? Well I'm biassed I thought we should have won- comfortably. The lads weren't too happy with their linesman and not only for the goal he managed to get disallowed in the first half, rifled in by John Twigg from a Chris C pass. Chris allegedly handled!
In fairness they finished the stronger and perhaps our profligacy in finishing might show we were a tad lucky in the end.
Darren A had a fine game in midfield in the Bully supporting position and the back four were solid throughout the first half.
0-0 at half time and the innovation of oranges. Brendan of the fucked knee replaced Twiggy. Gouty Gavin went up front and on we went. A lovely little passage of play of John to Chris who cutely turned it round the corner for Gavin to finish decisively. 1-0. They equalised from an uncontested move from the right.
Paul was galloping freely when he was shot from behind and Twiggy immediately replaced him. It was a ping in the calf followed by tears and retching. The first aid kit, introduced this morning went unused, God knows what all those little packages are for, a heroin stash probably. Alistair diagnosed a mere strain, no sympathy from these medics.
They shortly afterwards took the lead when people stopped for a throw, not given, and the big lad outpaced Chris, who was stuck in the mud, to slip home.
Straight from the kick off Bully lofted left to Gavin who hurtling forwards shot accurately from 25 yards. 2-2.
We missed a few. Names of culprits? Am nae si cruel.
Gavin I thought was assaulted and battered to the ground for a penalty which was not given. I would have given it, of course I would.
Nevertheless well done the young ref, gets a wee bit too much intimidation I believe, but he stayed the course.
I remained on the line, flagless, but was rewarded with a win on the dominoe card, second week running.
Oh aye and Newcastle hammered Arsenal 1-0 at the Emirates.

Knobs 2 Ware 2

2010-11-01T15:05:00.002Z

Highly competitive, hard fought game with little aggro! An I was referee. Am staggered.
We're playing radically changed teams now on a weekly basis as the sort of vet available for selection each week becomes an endangered species- and we haven't even hit Christmas or Mothering Sunday yet!
Well done all participants yesterday, all played well some exceptionally well. Some of our football was quite pacy and imaginative, Martin was back. The happiest side would have been Ware who were dependent on guts and endeavour. With our approach play and chances we have to be a little disappointed to drop two points. Mind hey, it was a true Vets' match no need for the promise of 'his birth certificate's in the post' on this occasion.
The pitch was slick and greasy and a soft rain fell throughout the proceedings.
Totally against the run of play they took the lead from a route one move. Hoof from goalie, bouncing into our area where the wee black guy got the telling toe in and sent it wide of Mark. We equalised before half time from a nice move which led to Andy lashing in.
Second half much like the first, with us on top providing the footballing moves and them defending stoutly, notably their agile keeper. Even he could not deny puff puff Dave as he snuck in late to head a Bully corner emphatically home. You see, no "puff puff" when he's being sneaky.
Gerry was on playing instead of the injured Tony and with 15 minutes to go- or something like that, the stopwatch stopped twice , it refuses to work beyond 30 mutes 53 seconds, Chris had to go off injured and we played the last part of the game with 10. They came into it doggedly yet hardly looked dangerous until him with the towering, shiny pate guided a dropping ball up and over our defence into the top corner for two all. We might have won at the death when Andy made a scintillating run only to see his angled drive tipped past the post by their outstanding keeper.
Dave played well, he's got the makings of a good vet. Fran Cottontraders corsets two for the price of one.
Us and Ware in the Station, no other customers and no food. Whaes like us?
Whae has a pub like us? Twere like a morgue.
Next week away at OK Corral, bring your hardware.

Therfield 1 Knobs 2

2010-10-25T18:50:00.002+01:00

A balmy morning- nay a barmy morning. I didn't want to do it, but I did.
John and I + Tommy set off to Therfield cross country- the scenic route. I pictured Therfield just beyond Walkern, but approaching it realised I was picturing Weston. Oh well Therfield is somewhere around here, over to the left somewhere. No map, no sat-nav just instinct, helped by the solar position on this glorious morning and we proceeded. Round in a huge, magnificient circle, Clothall, Cottered, Throcking (redundant church), Buntingford, Sandon then Therfield. many phonecalls- where the fuck are you? In my head, it's great in here! Taught Tommy about the validity of the white lie- the tyre went and you and I had to change it with the magic wand. We arrived. Sorry! Alistair wondered why we didna give the kit to someone else. Well there's hindsight for you, if we knew we would take so long we would have- please drop it sorry!
I felt bad. John and I became subs anyway, the practical punishment, well at least for John, yet it wasn't his fault. John was in high spirits, he normally is, it's a great day.
The match commenced with a heavy dew on the surface which slowed ground passes appreciably. Yet we didn't cotton on. How many flicks and fanny passes went astray for the first hour. Those who are guilty know!
Minutes into the game their full back lurched forward, only to collide with an invisible blanket of dark matter which propelled him off his feet- fuck me how I laughed, had to stuff the flag doon me gullet, nae guid, a shat meslf instead. Surreal. This is gonna be some game.
No disrepect to Therfield, they can beat us IF WE LET THEM, but this was a game where if we played properly we'd slaughter them or if came down to their level of athleticism and know how we would achieve a result too close to call. The latter obtained. Players look at an opposition, start doing individual, personal things and before you can say mine's a pint of shite, find themselves struggling to do owt right. Hey a wiz just watching, that's worra saw in that's worra think. Object if you will!
Teamwork gans oot thi winda as people start ti express themselves individually.
This will probably be the worst opposition we face all season, and we won, despite local factors and whinges, 2-1. Last week against Saints, a hugely different proposition, we nearly battered them! Moral? Return game let's play together, play to our strengths and give them a lesson. Winning yesterday was a pyrrhic victory.
The game. The ref was crap, but he was a canny lad.
We hit woodwork or was that aluminium?
They never threatened in the first half, except from a couple of nicely flighted corners, we dealt with competently. How's your head Dave?
We took the lead when Dave made a run and glanced a neat header into the corner- it must have been a Bully cross ? Was it?
Second half they brought on the infant messiah. I'd already emphasised that Therfield are a village team NOT a vets team. In this context we should never bleat about age. But boys will be boys and a certain amount of niggle set in around this precocious youth. I actually liked him cos he knew I used to be a teacher- before becoming a geriatric paper boy and kept calling me Sir. As it happened our youngest vet Chris Wilson was more than his master. An altercation, which I only partly perceived, in Arsene fashion, saw John and the referee practising F-words at each other from 5 paces. Fuck off- no you fuck off- no you fucking fuck off, fucking hell geroff. John was taken off for the safety of Tommy's upbringing. A second goal came after an incredible ping pong session in their six yard box was ended by Gerry lashing home emphatically. 2-0. We were comfortably playing out the game when we gave them one. Well we gave them the ball and dared them to score one. They did.
We never felt or looked like losing but 2-1's a funny old score line Saint!
The showers were freezing. The pub was fine, the St Edmunds Ale was great, why can't the Station get that- it's Green King and we all went yem for Sunday lunch- mine were toast and marmalade- eeh the high life.

Knobs 2 Saints 2

2010-10-18T19:25:00.002+01:00

Wye worra result ind it shoulda been a win fer the bonny lads o Knebwarth.
Frettin aal week as ti who wiz ganna replace the maestro, gone golfin in Teneriffy a neednt ha bothered. Wid thi few available be up ti thi task o tekkin on the Saints, we hanna droppt i point aal season a wondered, speshally efter thi seasins "do" at Ye Ould Station in Friday neet.
Short of personnel a debut woz given ti Chris fron Walkern and he played up front wi Methuselah. Trevor dropped out , groined out, on Saturday, but he turned up and ran thi line bringin alang two Icelandic pals as subs, G and Runni, pronoonced Rooney. Easy one that. John, the mighty Twigg, took the goalies jersey and splendid he looked, splutter, cough, splutter. We welcomed back for an occasional game Dave's mate, Dave Fish, ironic considering we had two Icelanders on the line.
There were nae goalposts up, another chore, and them little white things for the nets are like goaldust these days. Anyway we set up and off under the firm and fair referee,

Gouty Gavin. We kicked up in first half against a fit and tasty team. Despite comments to the contrary, I and others thought we played well. Some good moves, some pleasant holding up of the ball by us and yet for all their firm, silky movements they had hardly a shot on target, we defended so well. Unfortunately a soft bobbly one was deflected past John and a second goal came through a penalty, heavily disputed by the perpetrator of the push, burger man, but by few others. We had some moments in their area, a good move leading to a past the post header by the highly motivated John and a shot that hit the bar and went over from Dave. Their 22 year old goalkeeper was very commanding in his area. I can spot em, these frauds! I went off and brought on Runni, Brendan was spotted limping and I immediately came back on. Brendan's knees are knackered , we will need to bring the gun to his next game.
Second half and after an early sterile quarter of an hour they started to wilt gannin uphill. They divvint like it up em or gannin uphill it seems.. Millsy had gone at half time to play for Ashwell in the noon and the other norseman came on. The last 15 minutes saw only one likely winner. Their second half keeper, a vet!, kept them in the game with a series of saves from point blank range. A couple of very good ones from John piledrivers. At last one went in from new
boy Chris, who persisted throughout. A penalty, screamed for by many, noone more loudly than Richard, was denied us by the very neutral Gavin (bastard).
Chris scored a second from a right wing cross, volleying in neatly. Hey and we almost won it but were denied by the keeper.
I thought, on a hottish morning, with several players not even on first name terms, with a threadbare squad- you could hardly call 11 of us and two of Trevor's mates a squad actually, I thought we did wonderfully, wonderfully, even wonderfully well. As man of last season Mr Griffiths is wont to say, "we stuuffed those wallies"- well almost.
Mind you league rules drawn up by Saints, Andy, the League's organiser, and agreed by all of us, says you cannot play a player under 30 or you forfeit the game. Their angelic keeper first half ? Three points for the Knobs?
A pleasant few pints in the Station where Dave heroically served the cause selling domino cards and we all went happily home. Everyone friends.
Great!!!!!

Harpenden 3 Knobs 0

2010-10-10T20:24:00.002+01:00

The achievement of the day seemed to be getting to the ground- albeit 10 minutes after kick off time. Whenever this happens a team starts in disarray and inevitably gets worse and loses. This time proved no different but we battled hard against a better, more inventive and fitter side so there was a slight positive. If we'd been cued in from the start, if we'd had any luck and if they'd been cursed we might have got something from this game but it wasn't to be.
The referee was a star- a starfucker but a star. He'd announced his credentials pre game by informing us that he'd sent off someone last week for calling him a twat. Old Owens goalie, I think, early in the game. So we were warned. He insisted on delaying the late kick off even further with a performance Ann Widdecombe would have been proud of and we bullied off.
True to his word he picked up every curse going and was a bit of a pain, though fairly competent if a bit of a twat!
They proved dangerous on the break with two fast, skilful forwards proving a handful for Chris and Brendan. Full backs needed to tuck in more for cover yet we got to half time, kicking uphill, only the one goal behind, a good shot, tipped onto the post by Trevor, but slotted home by their man who proved the most alert. They were quite dangerous at sniffing out, contesting and picking up the second balls as we stood back admiring some challenge or the other at the first one. Andy was played through and a rasping drive turned over by a very competent keeper. We had lots of corners, nicely delivered, but proved less than interested in really attacking them. They were fairly committed in the middle at the back. One powerful header clear before half time came after their centre half had clattered through Richard. A definite penalty, not given. They were denied one at the other end shortly afterwards and they hit the bar with the ball probably crossing the line but a combination of no Russian linesman and no goal mouth technology got us off the hook. I think I was embarrassed but only for a minute. An eventful first half.
Full of confidence during the half time chat we immediately conceded a poor second goal when play re started when twice they were hungrier for the loose ball than we were. Lots of people said it was Brendan's fault, I'm not too sure. They were really stretching us now. If we supported in attack we proved too light at the back during their speedy counterattacks, if we didn't support going forwards, what little attacking enterprise we showed was down to individual bursts. Players were outnumbered and isolated. Darren H was played in and was tackled hard and fairly by the centre half. It was an excellent tackle saving an certain goal. Richard was clattered for a penalty but the referee (Mrs Twat) consulted their linesman, a substitute, who surprisingly said the foul was outside the area. Idowu couldn't have launched himself that far man. Anyway we were 3-0 down by that time having earlier conceded a header from a corner.
Well done chaps- we'll beat them at home.
If you have not contributed a few bob towards my anti bear farming campaign- 75 miles walked last week- please take heart and do so.
Cheques to "WSPA" or donate to www.justgiving.com/Ronald-Crennell. Come on I just cannot believe you think this is not a worthy cause!
I will never surrender.
Presentation night next Friday at The Station, Knebworth with Fanny Jordan on barbecue duty.
Next Sunday another tough game v Saints. Ron was linesman for the whole game today, everyone was playing so well. He will be back.

"Flag up his arse most of the time and comforting it was" wrote this dirge.

Goldings 0 Knobs 1 - Report by Davey Wavey

2010-09-27T13:32:00.002+01:00

A great result against a team who still haven’t beaten us in over 6 years. Although the morning started in disarray for both teams. I got lost on route to the ground and when I got there we only had 10 players. We were waiting for Brendan to make an appearance with the shorts and socks which had been split by Alastair the previous week. They only had 6 players and were trying to get reinforcements. This was looking like it would be a friendly game rather than a league one with us taking the 3 points. There was a suggestion of playing 8 a side with me playing for them. (that was my suggestion as the opposition would be easier) We would have to play in our pants and whatever socks we were wearing as Brendan still hadn’t turned up. HOORAH!! Brendan makes his entrance at 10.45 with bedhead and looking like he’s still asleep saying some old bollocks about getting in at 2am from Slovenia. I’ve heard some excuses, but fuck me I’ve never heard one like that before. They scrape 11 together and the games on.
The pitch was in a pretty shit state with lots of ankle breaking pot holes and divots to look out for. Conditions were fair with a greasy top surface which made our first touch and theirs pretty much impossible. Never the less there was some type of football being played. Not much to note in the 1st half apart from giving the ball away a lot. Paul Crosby had a rasping shot which slammed the bar and their right midfielder who Ron should remember because he threw mud in his face a few years ago. (naughty Ron) had a shot come cross which nearly crept in. Even Steven at half time. The new interim manager made a change with Paul making way for Millsy who also turned up late, 20 minutes in to the 1st half to be precise. Lateness of such severity should be punished with a fine or having to wash the kit. (take note Ronald) 2nd half started at a better pace and with more conviction. We slowed the tempo a little and was able to get our foot on the ball and pass with confidence. Our shape was back and it wasn’t long before we carved out a few chances. Richard and Steve combined well in the middle with skill and guile (you choose which is which) Our goal came on 55 minutes aprrox with Millsy getting a through ball from Bully (I think) and slotting home a composed placed shot. From that point they came on to us with more attacking moves mainly down the right which was being cut with the combination of John T and Brendan stifling most of their play. John T made way for Paul who both put in a good effort. Trevor didn’t have a save to make as we were defending high up the pitch. Can someone enlighten me on a new football rule. I was giving the ref a bit of light hearted verbal during the game when all of a sudden he gives a free kick for too much talking! Only a decision Graham Poll and Stuart Atwell would have made. A sterling effort by all and a result that should put us at top of the league. I assume some people went to the pub. I didn’t as I had to get me skates on to get home. I forgot to slam in the lamb (ooh Erh!) Home to Birchanger next week then 2 important league games to follow. Hopefully we should have more players next week and that doesn’t mean Trevor’s bringing his Icelandic illegals. See you on the Blog. If you dare.

Debbie7 (Minister for recruitment and youthful language. Oh, and kit washer, ball holder, motivational guru and interim manager) What a C.V

Shephall 1 Knobs 3

2010-09-21T17:39:00.002+01:00

Howay the lads! Easy-ish. It should never have been so close. Nice to be back - sort of......
First half only one team looked like winning- us. Some of our attacking of the ball from corners left a lot to be desired. Richard and Dave got there easily for unopposed headers but missed. Dave got a bit closer with a more difficult one and a delicious corner from Mark saw noone remotely near the far post, us or opposition. I thought they looked exceptionally poor, though honest and fair. It only would take a few percent increase in workrate by us and a cricket score would ensue. We took the lead, a comfortable shot from Andy ushered into the net by their hapless keeper. Oh this is easy, yet it was not to be. We weren't eager enough to collect the second ball, thinking it would be easy and lo and behold they had a couple of chances. Back four looked strong nevertheless until half time. Second half we seemed to start even better but after ten minutes they equalised. Ball bobbling round the area arrived to the edge where their bloke swung a leg and sent an unstoppable shot into the net via the cross bar. Fuck me 1-1. They then galvanised their youthful energies and a bit of a contest ensued until Andy scored his second and missed a few one on ones before Steve put the game to bed with a lovely free kick over the wall and everyone else to make it 3-1. Not great but it's always nice to win. The pub was fine, most showed, but summat was missing or was it just me? Next week John Boyle takes charge as I am on my ban bear farming walk. The week after am back- I'll referee! Highlight of the game? Darren's "you and you and you move" as he was ushered into touch. Andy and were two of the "yous" who was the other?
Man of the match- Chris Wilson good ooooold Chris.
Love you all- well almost all!
Ron

Knobs 2 Old Owens 1 – Tales from the dressing room

2010-09-15T10:19:00.002+01:00

A lovely warm sunny morning and I was looking forward to my league debut for the Knobs and it was great to get the nod from the manager to start the game. I heard that Old Owens usually struggle to get a team together but for this game they had 4 subs.

It was a fairly evenly matched first half though on the break we were always dangerous especially with the pace of Gavin who setup Richard for the first goal of the game. They equalised soon after when a shot was parried by Trevor and their striker was first to react to slot home.

After the first half I was a little disappointed to be told that I was going to be taken off and so I followed the manager to the dressing room to have my say. Things were working up inside me so I thought it best to go to the toilet first in case things got messy. I finished my business and opened the toilet door to get down to the serious business only to find that the manager was gone, the lights were off and the changing room door was locked.

The second half seemed to go on forever, I turned the lights on and thought about having a shower only to realise that my kit bag was pitch side. A rummage hear and a rummage there produced nothing decent apart from a large black dildo in Debbie’s bag. I put the bin on my head, dildo up my arse and went for a ride on Brendan’s bike. Finished the half with a quick five knuckle into the manager’s sock.

Then finally after what seemed like an eternity I heard a key turn in the lock and the changing room door opened. I shuffled past the manager to get my bag without saying a word. Complete arse or very clever I don’t know but I've learnt a valuable lesson!

I heard later that Chris Wilson got the winner and we won 2-1 so 3 points in the bag.

T

Knobs 1 Garston 4 - Report by Davey Wavey

2010-09-09T16:08:00.001+01:00

A beautiful Sunday morning in early September .The pitch was freshly cut and rolled and has not looked this good for a long while.
After informing everyone that it would be a good idea for us all to park cars at the surgery or in surrounding villages to eliminate any pressure at the Rec. Alistair turns up at 09.45 prompt in his BMW to open the gates and have first dibs at what parking space he desires. As chairman Al was in charge he done his best to over see everyone else erecting the nets and this was before anyone entered the changing rooms.The game started at a pace and both teams were trying their level best to score the first goal. Them more so than us. We were effectively playing 5 at the back with Debbie (left mid) sitting in front of John Twigg as they were using that part of the pitch the most. We were strong and resolute for the majority of the first half until 35 minutes in, they made a break down the right and punished us with a cross which ended up in the net. Can anyone confirm this as i was picking myself up after getting a dead leg prior to the break. Alistair was using the roll on roll off system so i hobbled off and Gerry rolled on. 1 nil at half time which was a great position to be in. If only we all went home then. A constructive team talk from Martin saw us start the half on the attack with bully playing a long bull from the kick off to Gavin who ran him self in to their box and clip the bar with a strong shot. He was then taken off for Matty to come on. They got their 2nd goal with in the first ten minutes then came our moment of glory. A Bully free kick just outside the box on the right was pushed through to the near post where Debbie found himself after breaking their defensive line. One touch control and shot to the far corner where Andy (poacher) Castle was waiting to tap it in. It was a deserved goal for the effort put in by us all. After the kick off they went back to their passing game and it wasn't long before they had their 3rd after a well crafted, one touch approach play out side our box. With in 5 passes the ball was slid across the line. Most of us were watching as they made this game of football look easy. Their 4th was dispatched with shouts of "off side", but the linesman's flag wasn't forthcoming. Even if you think it's off side you should still play to the whistle or flag in this case. In summery we didn't disgrace ourselves against a quality side and i can't see why we won't be challenging in the league this season.The newbies in the team Darren,Gerry and Martin (sorry Martin) played well. Trevor was on form as usual stopping a few one on ones and Chris G was my man of the match. Gavin put a late boot in to the ankle of their Ray Parlour look a like who had an outstanding game (Ray not Gavin) I think Ray wanted to see Gavin after the game. I think the words were "I'm going to fucking get you later" did anyone see Gavin at the pub??
If anyone has comments on how i wrote the blog feel free to express yourselves and i'll feel free to tell you to fuck off!
Here's mud in your eye.
Dave J

Knobs 2 Harpenden 2

2010-05-04T19:47:00.001+01:00

Excellent sporting game- our goalscorers Mike and Gavin.

Litlington 0 Knobs 1

2010-04-26T10:44:00.002+01:00

Superb, same place, Steve penalty divided the sides, but hey this should have been a 14-1 result for us. Why not? I know the answer but will not divulge. Needlees to say the mantra is " enjoy the game"- oh yes I'd forgotten that. Get beat 9-0 but as long as you enjoy the game. As long as you do something you can think back on in the following week and say- I did my individual thing, I shot, I fouled , I told my mates to 'fuck off', I laughed at the futility of existence then it's OK all is forgiven and wonderful. Probably right in this worrying age. Bon chance to you all.
I think I enjoyed the game overall. Cogito ergo sum.
Negative team talk at half time? Hey lads, Av given up being Mr Marvellous on a football field. But several of you haven't. 0-0 at half time was simply disgraceful, I'm sure you will all agree.?
They, man for man, were nothing compared to us, yet it was 0-0. Why? Luck- yes, their goalie got lucky and saved a few genuinely, fair enough, but really it was due to a lack of playing to our strengths that was the downfall. FUCKING HELL we could have passed them into oblivion on that pitch! But we don't and we didn't. But hey if you enjoy that way of playing cos it fulfils some atavistic desire we did well. Personally I was making the point that we should, please, play together. It's a team game, with some players now individually better than others for whatever reasons. I made the point that when I had the ball near me in the first half I passed accurately to a team mate . I mentioned this in the hope that, yes I'm ancient but please in certain contexts give me a pass and I'll endeavour not to give it away. It was not supposed to be a negative 'team talk' in deed if I was to really manage a team I'd be brutally frank, insist on certain patterns of play and if someone was not joining the arrangement, yank them off. (Difficult when there are only 11 on a particular day). But our team and vets football is subtly different or perhaps not that subtly. As long as you enjoy being on the pitch 0-9 or 9-0 that is the crux it seems. Afterwards have a shower and a few pints.... and I love you Fred or Harry and how's life in the jungle last week?
But, if competing and hopefully winning is the be all and end all then a wholly different aproach and attitude is required. We should have slaughtered them but something went wrong and in the end we beat them by a debatable penalty. Look into your inner recesses old men and wonder why.
It's a team game football, illuminated by the occasional person who rises astronomically above others, but only occasionally. You have to trust the ability and honesty of the players you are playing with. Yesterday we didn't and haven't on other occasions. Hence the result.
I am being too harsh , I know. Oh well, I have enjoyed being involved in my dotage in games of this glorious format, fuck golf, but the magic of togetherness on a football field , maximising the team's strengths and minimising their weaknesses and realising true enjoyment is a difficult enterprise and perhaps beyond any mortal, including Sir Alex and the special one.
Next week we play the league champions, probably, and on players available to us this season I know we are better than them so make yourself available, they'll be looking to defeat us in order to put the icing on their cake.
What a save from Twiggy, now clean sheeting in all games he has donned the green this season. Mind you the super glue on the gloves might have helped.
KNEBWORTH VETS has been going for over 20 years now with personnel who are still playing, Brendan and Bill, those who have left the country, Jack, Karlis and Steve and who have retired into oblivion, Kenny, Kevin, Peter, Peter, Jerry, Chris, Alan Watts, Neil, Big Bob, Mark, Big John, Dave S, Peter T, Stuart, Paul, Peter G, Nigel, Kevin, Mike S and loads of others and the Knobs will go on, doubt ye not. Enjoy, but enjoy realising it's a team game- play to strengths and try to minimise weaknesses. Remember your mates their position, their present abilities, their personalities and whether they'll buy you a pint in times of economic stress. (Vote Labour by the way).
Love you all
Unknown Crennell

Walkern 2 knobs 2

2010-04-19T11:19:00.003+01:00

Air flights interfere with a Vets football game- Mike and Phil affected.
I return from me paper rounds to find we are down to 8!!!! Oh bugger! An hour on the phone got us up to 9. Arrival at the school,Thomas Alleyne , saw us in great heart, Gavin was going to slipploacte them. So good so far. They gave us two, which made a contest but took the edge off the game! Especially since Pat was terrific , aged 61, and probably, solid man of the match. Also they gave us the wonderful Butch who played so cannily at the back it made me think that we have a lovely formation for future games. Sign him on. Chris G would love to play with Butch every week.
First half they never threatened- with their playing from the back, slow and ponderous. being negated by our youthful exuberance, intercepting and foraging by such as Gavin and new boy Andy.We didn't, unfortunately, punch our weight. A nice finish from Gavin, amidst several other misses by us, was equalised by a mistake ( mine I believe), 1-1 half time.
Second half we went ahead from a neat move finished by Andy, eat your heart out Mike Lisle, and me. An occasional sporadic move forward saw them equalise from a distance shot- me back was fucked from the off, but subsequent pressure saw me stop goal attempts in apathetic geriatric ways- Am, finished you fuckers- someone else take turn in goal next time.
Dave was involved in boh forward movements tghat led to our goals- let it be recorded.
A sunny drink in the Dun Cow garden followed. Twiggy turned up with his cold, having deigned to play, and everything was honky tonky- I think.
Dave was instrumental in the start of both moves that led to our goals by the way. Also John Boyle hit the post with a rocket.
We simply aren't scoring enough at this level.

Knobs 0 Standon 1

2010-04-15T17:46:00.002+01:00

Computer back up and running- thanks John.
We're hardly scoring goals this year but not conceding many either, however recent results ultimately show we're not fighting our true weight.
Down a goal after 30 seconds, a Dave push, which only he didn't see, and a freekick into the corner past the valiant Paul. What's a goal when there's so much time to go? They played efficiently at times but thereafter hardly threatened our goal, especially second half. Oh they did crash the cross bar in the first half. Fair do's.
Gavin could have scored 7 and should have scored at least 1 but then who else would have had the verve and energy to get into those positions? Look out someone one of these games this boy will be on fire. Perhaps it will be Walkern this Sunday, but not if he is sweeper the old timers' position.
We tired second half.
Hey what about that block by yours headless, in the wall, at a freekick. Saved a certain goal. So I'm only fit to stand in a wall now and be battered by missiles. Head ached all day, still there were some affable sniggers.
A subdued pub gathering, by us, we all trudged homeward early leaving the opposition drinking merrily.

Knobs 2 Old Pretenders 2

2010-03-29T16:12:00.002+01:00

As it happens an evenly matched game, which shouldn't have been , but with us actually hanging on at the end! A draw which felt like a defeat, is that because we all think we're better than we are? Almost probably. almost certainly on the day.
They started and finished with ten and though there were murmurings about certain of their 'young' lads afterwards, John, their central midfielder is 61. looks almost as young as me. Cough, splutter!
In the first minute Matty was slickly put through only to be foiled by a good save by their erstwhile midfielder, now competent keeper. From an accurate ensuing corner Mike glanced a header wide. My 10-0 prediction was on course as I stood nearby fiddling with my flag. Some neat moves followed from us without them even threatening to cross the half way line never mind disturbing Phil's rest in goals. Another corner saw our first goal from the trusty Twigg head.
It must be said at this stage that whoever chose this particular beachball to play with wants their veterans' credentials thrust to the place where the sun never shines. Turned out it was Mary's ball! A far cry from sodden leather, laces and the cock sticking out threatening brain cells right, left and centre.
Second goal arrived, after a cross from the right was sent swirling into the far corner from the head of Mike- Mary's Dad- well practised with that ball!
An inebriated Dave was switched a minute before half time with Ron- the ensuing shite means I'll probably never play again. I don't care now I've done my stint, had my fill. (Untrue actually). What I need is a team like Old Pretenders who are never complete, always short and pleased to have the bare 11 on the field. That's probably not just my problem as time flows by.
An untroubled half hour into the second half, with not a few of our shots, well engineered, but flying perilously close to Bill's windows in Oakfield Avenue, saw the heroic Roy limp off to be replaced by Dave- 45 last week- but not before he had fairly hung, drawn and quartered their young centre forward. Thereafter we conceded two very poor goals - none more so than their first. Terrible, ageing reactions to covering that could easily have been achieved. Nowt to do with age actually, all to do with thinking and hoping someone else will cover this problem- the someone else usually being the hard working Chris Griffiths.
Their equaliser came from a break from our profligacy in attack. Too much casualness. Eventually in our area some kind of bobbly knock carried the ball over the line at 1mph. Goalkeeper could not be faulted however, so what happened there lads?
We thought we were good enough- we weren't. We thought we'd win easily, we should have but didn't. We think we're good but we're not if we don't play to our strengths and minimise our weaknesses. We should have got the ball on the deck far more and passed it. We are good at that, but first time passes and flicks are a risk at any level and we are not at any level. Even if we concede a bit of momentum or risk getting caught in possession we should endeavour to get the ball down first and then maximise our chances of playing it accurately and, vitally, keeping possession. After all the lot squabbling for possession are vets also and are no more the sprightliest!
Thanks to Alistair for reffing. No conteroversies but hey you don't expect any against Old P's.
A good turn out at the Station where they seemed to think we could operate quite nicely on platefuls of crisps better employed to make bio fuel.
Ron hardly made a mistake!

Knobs 1 Goldings 0

2010-03-21T18:46:00.002Z

At last a win and a delightful spring morning in addition- the equinox. A match teeming with bonhomie. Phil reluctantly in goal, untroubled, Ron linesman, non troublesome and John Twigg reffing, saturated in compliments and bon mots throughout. "Thank you referee you are certainly no cheating cunt" and "oh swipe me down with a brolly referee I nearly demurred at your decision til I realised you were oh so right- I'll buy you a sherbet in Ye Jolly Olde Station afterwards."
We started well some nice incisive moves with no finish before becoming bogged down in the heat. I thought we were becoming complacent and feeling it to be a matter of time before we scored a few and won. Alistair assures me it was the heatwave. After all we bystanders have never experienced such stamina sapping condtions before so shurrup Ron. Gavin came on for a drained Darren and immediately slalomed through before setting up a glorious chance, which was missed by one of the M and M's. It was conceivably a poor cross of course! They, Goldings' youngest ever side, rarely threatened and Phil hardly had to make a save worthy of the name. Huffing and puffing continued into the second half until an incisive move started by a class Steve pass went from Gavin to Matt who then unselfishly squared to John B who netted, comfortably or was it other than that? Dave had a terrific game defensively and in attacking support, Roy's final contribution a death defying tackle showed us what we have missed and Chris G had another steady perceptive game. Hopefully all enjoyed the outing, but don't know why St John gave me my whistle back at the end, he'll be number one blower in the future.
A moderate pub turn out and sandwiches late in arrival were neverthelees devoured. Pity the opposition had all departed by then. Next week it's Old Pretenders at home and then a break for Easter Sunday unless anyone fancies the Dads and Coaches?

Knobs 1 Sandy 2

2010-03-10T15:39:00.002Z

E- mail from Andy in the league- what went wrong, in that according to the Sandy sneak it was a game teeming with bonhomie, good nature and played in the right spirit!
Right spirit for who?
I apologise to Richard and John for their needing to hold onto me. Never again.
What happened? Well after constant verbals for 80 odd minutes and having left the field I suppose I took offence to their 'player'-manager calling me a cheat on behalf of my team, repeatedly. So I thought I'd push him and see if his balls were anywhere near his mealy mouthed gob. A duel in the sun to defend my integrity. Oh foolish boy! Don't think he was up for it, pity or perhaps not.
They scored 2 we scored 1, a penalty by Steve. We missed a few and their goalie was up for it also. I thought Knobs were better, though their boy Wayne, up front was a handful.
Was it a penalty? I thought so, soft but a definite penalty. Please comment re your own view of this incident. Didn't their linesmen have good games? Oh well, guess I won't be involved in the grubfest at Blunham for a while.
Anyone for referee from now on- a very rewarding pastime.

Wilbury 2 Knobs 2

2010-02-22T16:14:00.002Z

An afternoon game on a mudheap which steadily became unplayable. A fair result after we were 2-0 up midway through the second half. Nice of Mark to turn up knackered after playing 90 minutes in the morning for Ashwell. I wonder how they got on, Mark couldn't have scored. he would have said so. Still he made a good linesman except, some would say, for overturning the ref's decision of a throw for us from which they broke away and scored!
Anyway chance for the old boy to have 90 minutes., which I enjoyed. Yooz made an ould man very happy- till I got yem it lasted! We started slowly, they hit the bar, then slowly we came to terms with the slurry and created our own chances, one of which was saved point blank range by a very competent keeper from Matt.
First Dave moment had come in the dressing room before the start. Dave recounted his car write off moment when he had shunted up someone's arse at a roundabout. Nothing new there then Dave likes to get tight from behind. (Steve had bashed his car this morning- it was the ice- I know better). Second Dave moment came when he committed an innocuous foul 9rightly given) after which their man chased after him and kicked him from behind. Considering cards had already been brandished I felt a little bit of inconsistency had crept in! The third Dave moment came just before halftime from a corner with Dave clashing heads with their man Tom. Dave emerged cut and Tom bumped. Dave went off and missed a sweet move whuich led to our opener. Ron with space on the edge of the area responded to Phil's INTELLIGENT call and squared to him. His rasping shot put us one up. Dave, the rivers of blood having been staunched- fuck off it were only a scratch- rejoined the fray for the second half.
The second half saw the crowd swell to double figures as both sides swam for their lives. Our second came from a smothered handball in the six yard box. Steve's penalty was well saved but the ball stuck on the goalline and Steve pounced to crash home from an inch. Noone was gonna get in his way for that one. They equalised from a break, thanks Mark! Actually he was right it was their throw but hey don't let him off. Their equaliser from a penalty was dubious if not to say wrong. 'Honest' Chris never touched their surging runner as he collapsed in exhaustion in the area. The referee's retort well I've given you a penalty. So it does work like that. Both sides scrapped to the end with Wilbury territorially on top. Scrapping literally. Their 'hothead' became embroiled with Steve. A tackle, a bit of afters then a flicked mudpie in the face led to a Bull's rage. After throats had been grabbed and pleasantries exchanged the referee enforced a 10 minute sinbin for both players. Steve's ultimate sin being swearing in front of children. I didn't mind, I don't know about the others. Anyway I've often warned Steve about such language! Tee hee! With 15 minutes to go Steve never got back on cos he still had 4 minutes to serve.
15-10= minus 4. Teaching these days. Well done to the young referee he has a long and far from tranquil journey ahead in his chosen hobby.
We adjourned to a quaint old fashioned boozer in Baldock called The Engine. Drink and food were plentiful. They still have large notices displayed about the possession of illegal substances, I suppose they mean tabs and brains.
Toodle pip.

Ware 2 Knobs 1

2010-02-15T10:59:00.002Z

Very, very unlucky but there goeth the league- probably.
We were there for the kick off but they drifted in well after ko time. Then there was the delay for their new kit to arrive from the factory. Their bloke reffed to some effect. He was friggin hopeless, overruling his only linesman, me, a fellow Goerdie at that and then turning down a penalty when Gavin, haring for goal, was assassinated from behind. Gavin didn't even have time to dive, hitting the ground chin first. All their players we spoke to said it was a penalty. What can you do but battle on. After 10 minutes or so I came into the game as linesman for the one and only time. The 'ref' came over and asked me how long had gone. It wasn't that his watch had stopped but that he didn't have a watch! This was a first in football for me. A delay followed until a mobile phone was borrowed!
They hit the bar with a chip and the post with the follow up. Their only chance of the first half and most of the second. We got a game together and were very solid at the back and inventive going forward. Alas, chances were frequently missed.
Second half saw a bit more possession for them but we still carved out chances but were denied by unconvincing shooting and bad luck.
Late in the game Gavin hurtled in from the right and ended a move which had commenced from the hardworking Dave. His low raking sidefoot sweetly found the net.
The influential Chris G went off with a hamstring pull .
They equalised from a woeful passage of play. A corner to far post was headed in by a totally unmarked player. Noone near him, so easy.
They got the winner when Ron got caught out in midfield caught in two minds or was that three. They strode forward to lash in a winner. Sorry chaps and I was only on for five minutes. Perhaps we should have been out of sight by then.
Grub in pub and a few pints then yem.
The chastened one
Next week away, 1pm kick off, in Letchworth against Wibury Wanderers who luckily beat us
2-1 before Christmas.

Saints 2 KNOBS 2 - match report by Gavin

2010-02-09T08:44:00.000Z

‘Should have won’ said Dave, ‘I can’t believe we lost’ thought Chris G but most of were happy that we sneaked a draw in a rather feisty encounter on a cold Sunday morning in St. Albans. After a late withdrawal from Matt, the big decision for stand-in manager Chairman Al was, who should play up front with the people’s champion Dave ‘shimmy, shimmy’ Jordan? Who knows what happened on Friday night but Ron’s team sheet never lies and it was true, Dave was about to have his moment in the sun.

On arriving, confusion over strips meant that we had to wear bibs. Bully wasn’t happy. Not only would the talent scouts not be able to see the Number 4 on his back, Mr Groundsman clearly looked at him when stating that some players might struggle to fit into them. At this point it might be worth noting that if there is an epidemic of young girls collapsing in the changing areas at St. Albans School, the finger should clearly point towards Twiggy and his early morning movements. Strewth!

As for the game? Well…we started off well but after a poor decision by the ref, we soon found ourselves a goal down. John Boyle tracking back, tackled their left midfielder but the ref deemed it a foul. Was this a sign to come? From the free-kick, the Saints took the lead…can’t remember how but it was annoying. We soon stormed back into the game. A marvellous run from Richard (he informs me, he ran from well inside our half, beating 13 players along the way) saw him get to the by-line where he promptly squared it. Our own little ‘fox in the box’ John Boyle tucked it home with aplomb. Where was Dave when this happened? Taking defenders away apparently. He was the pivot point in our well-oiled machine! Soon we were getting to grips with the game, creating a few chances and putting pressure on from corners. Chris Wilson worked tirelessly in the middle and had a great game. It wasn’t long before we took the lead. A nifty turn from Gavin, saw a cheeky nutmeg and then a dive and then the cry – ‘penalty!’ – up stepped Bully to whack it home with his usual efficiency. 2-1. We breezed through the rest of the half with some nice attacking play and some stout defending, with Roy causing complaints, which always warms the cockles of his fellow team mates hearts. Changes were made at half-term. Brendan and Twiggy coming on and Alistair and Gavin going off…these were the start of the rolling substitutions. Did this upset our rhythm or did the Saints just play better in the second half? Probably the latter. It was a siege of corners and crosses fired into the box. Trevor held out superbly, with one fine save coming from a one-on-one opportunity. Finally they broke through from a free-kick that rebounded off Trevor’s chest into the path of their own ‘fox in the box’ who tucked it away quite nicely. 2-2 and that was the way the match would end. We only had two chances in the second half, John blasting over after some good work down the right and Phil had a free-kick hit into a wall. We were living off scraps up front. Poor old Dave – this was to be his moment but alas it turned out he was ‘limited’. They should have won really – Twiggy gave away a clear penalty (although Roy said it wasn’t a foul – the bloke could still stand up!) but their ref decided it was just on the edge of the box. Thank goodness for that.

Food was nice – overcooked pasta and Bolognese. Good turnout and it was interesting to see that Chris W. has a greater presence on the pitch than he does at the bar. Onto Ware – Where? WARE!!! Oh…forget it.

MBDA 1 Knobs 1

2010-02-01T16:19:00.002Z

A frosty morning, an unplayable pitch and Andy Murray getting hammered on TV what more could you want? Will it be 150,000 years before Knobs win again, possibly, before Newcastle win anything again, probably.
Withdrawals of Phil and Darren and crosswires with Roy ( I wouldn't cross anything with Roy)
led to us playing with the bare eleven and me as a grumpy sub. As I say we had the bare eleven.
The pitch was a huge leveller and though we made far more chances, they only threatened from corners or freekicks that Dave concedes to keep us on our toes, unfortunately we missed more chances, far more!
They foraged well but how that bloke avoided the own goal with his swipe that miraculously hit the post..... We scored midway through the second half from a neat move which saw another Gavin square ball lashed high into the net by Matt.
With 20 minutes to go Ron replaced the wounded elk that is Steve and promptly missed a glorious chance from a sweeping move- it were the pitch I got there too early! From another inexplicable miss they booted clear and one of their better players shot home from an angle, the ball bobbling from an iceberg and going over Trevor's outstretched arm. We threatened again but I think the pitch won.
A first for the club, Alistair refusing to play second half with a trainer clad Brendan because he kept slipping and miskicking. Remedy? Brendan changed his footwear. Not for him the retort of kettles calling the pot black or fuck off you cunt- Nancy's traditional greeting to Chris Wil;son.
Dave played well- fouls a lot. Chris G played well, never ever fouls intentionally!
The Mallard was well attended by us not so by them. We slagged off those who weren't there, what a mirthful hour. There was "food".
Dave fouls a lot but rarely in the pub except on special diet.
Friday is my investiture night apparently in the Station I will arrive suitably attired.

Oh yes signed Dick!
PS who wishes to manage next season- must be a Knebworth resident, have broad shoulders and a thick skin, have an innate sense of humour not a tansplant and be able to tyyppefjt.... My vote is for John Boyle that indefatigable worker vbehind the scenes. No fans of clubs outside the Premiership need apply.

Knobs 3 Therfield 4

2010-01-25T16:44:00.002Z

Glad I was ref and not part of this debacle. Steve glad he was watching and not part of this horror show- not that he would necessarily have made much difference. It was crap defending that undid us. Some of our football was good on a heavy, claggy pitch, far superior to theirs who scored from their four 'chances'. Honest!
Our missed chances were legion. We came back from 2-0 down. A defence splitting pass by their influential midfielder was smashed in from an angle, then some robotic defending culminated in Brendan chesting over the line- where was his scissor kick? Or indeed lift his leg and any old kick? After a catalogue of misses Gavin decided to go it alone and finished with a rasper.
Another fine attack saw us with an open goal and even players in support followed by a real fluffer from which they broke away and had the ball in our net within ten seconds! 3-1.
A penalty awarded after a hatchet attempt by their giant redwood on Gavin was converted by Gavin himself, 3-2. They were a little disconcerted claiming it was outside the box. Bill assured me it was a good two yards inside. Confirmation of my dimishing acuity of vision. I actually heard one of their mob say it was inside and then because Gavin didn't dive but tried to continue, chance lost, it was claimed it wasn't a penalty. You can't win, apparently the ref's a "cheat", a "wanker" and a "cheating twat".
Half time 3-2.
All Knobs in the second half and the misses kept on coming until a lovely move saw Gavin square for Matt to exquisitely sidefoot home from 10 yards. The heat, such as it was, went out of the battle and it looked like a crap fought draw until a punt upfield led to a race between our ailing keeper Mark (knickname 'Ping') and their cube sized young centre forward. Youth won out and he belted a helluva rocket in for an angled winner. Credit where credit's due.
John Twigg took over in goal and kept his second clean sheet in succession. Please note.
Steve received his letter from Knebworth Parish and took it in good heart- put yer litter out in Watton Road- starting this week.
A good turn out in the Station where the food was minimalist and tardy.
Who missed the most and the easiest today?

Cheating wanker bastard

Knobs 7 Steeple Morden 1

2010-01-03T18:13:00.002Z

Several visits to the ground led me to believe some form of match could take place- tiddlywinks perhaps the purists might say.
Sir Ron- in new, proper boots, hey that's part of the game, had a blinder- deny him you scrooges! He knows he still has a bit in him but the youngsters keep him out of the fray.
We played on the top pitch and played reasonably well.
Ron missed an early chanc e couldn't lift it over the keeper. But the keeper made amends by not doing anything after that. Hey, they were a very young side by the way- very. Their tactics simply seemed to be their makkem dribbling forward, like the absent Gav, before running out of options. They had a few shots wide in the first half. Matty foraged well before lashing in our first goal. I think Chris Wilson got the second, was that Ron's clever dummy by the way? The third came from another subtle dummy by Ron and was turned in by the coccyx challenged John Boyle- known by his opposition as "dickhead". Another good move saw Chris smashing a shot inside the far post. 4-0 half time.
We started sluggishly in the second half and they got one back was it Mark or was it Brendan or even was it Steve? No, unanimously it was Brendan. He'll deny it. Alistair, reffi ing, can you run the line Bill? "No", but he did. Another goal by Chris against their keeper who couldn't bend it
like Beckham or any fucker. But his fourth a 40 yard half volley into an empty net was a gobsmacker.
A freekick by Bully on target- important this- saw their keeper again challenged in the bending department. We could have scored loads as we carefully played our way round the ice.
Hey the new boots were great, thanks Steve, my 'career' has been elongated to my pension age.
If you can put up with me.
Next week a league game against high flying Harpenden , an unusual team selection conundrum. Picking those who are match fit- let me know if you think you are so categorised!
Goodly turn out in t'Station, just like old times except we win.

Sir Ron

Knobs 1 Dads and Coaches and.... 1

2009-12-27T17:33:00.002Z

Another festive season passes by and on a cloying gluetop a competitve game took place.
We were latish to show and once out were astonished to see the opposition disappear to the dressing rooms for 10 minutes as we froze our nadgers off. They looked strong, well they looked young and that's a form of strength. Pigeons were sent forth to recruit Danny and Tom but whilst Danny soon appeared Tom slept on.
We hardly started as they outfought and outplayed us for 15 minutes. What's happening here?Fortunately their efforts were repelled, kept to long range or were threatening only from some nice corners from Phil. Gavin, once he stopped laughing soon got into some sort of stride. One lung bursting run on the left saw him find Ron two yards out who hoofed over the bar- rustiness obviously (how'd a fuckin miss that?). Ron continued to be pivotal to the game's status hoofing a tame shot off off M. Boyle's toe (he wouldn't have got it anyway) then cleverly heading a goal bound Gavin shot narrowly wide (a foot and anyway the shot was losing steam with every inch). We were competing a bit now. A prolonged philosophical debate between Steve and himself led to the referee getting the hump, then blow me down with a peashooter, as Steve reached the climax of his verbal dissertation the referee lightened the gathering gloom with the brandishing of a red card! Well a sort of orange, luminous card and off Steve went. A subtle introduction of Mark restored numerical parity until half time arrived. Steve went to confession at half time and humbly returned to the field of play for the second half. There seemd to be some 15 minute hiatus at half time when they all disappeared again. Viagra injections I suppose.
Close calls occurred for us at the right end as we bossed the second half. Bill went to make the tea, John went to warm his balls and seemingly Tom slept on. Twenty minutes to go and an accurate freekick beat Trevor's juju spell and nestled in the top corner. If only Dave had been allowed to be on the line. Then a sweet move saw us equalise in a back to front sweeping move. From keeper to John then to Danny who squared from the by line for Gavin to trundle home. Howzat!
Gavin hit the hardest shot of the game only for their keeper to make an excellent save. Chances came and went for us . I enjoyed some comical happenings , Steve's hilarious 'shoulder' charge on the full back, an elephant squashing a fly- Phil's 'shoulder' push on Phil which saw a significant register on the Richter Scale. They nearly scored at the death but were thwarted by a terrific Trevor save, followed by a superbly brave Chris clearance. My man of the match by the way - Chris Griffiths.
Tom didn't show- what they putting in his cocoa?
A goodly turn out at the Station, increasing their custom by 10,000%. Food was slow in coming but it was worth the wait, despite some ignorant chants of "Fox Fox...."
Alistair hobbled by on his way to the Church Of Redemption by the looks of it. Home we all went happy little teddy bears!

Old Owens 2 Knobs 3

2009-12-14T04:59:00.002Z

A return to winning ways- just!
A strong side against a weakish team that only got weaker, as they succumbed to frailties and old age, proved an overall disappointment on the day. A thin line exists between self confidence and complacency. It is important to play the team game on the pitch not the fantasy game in the mind. A tight pitch- it doesn't change- and a gluey surface contributed to difficulties but really we should have been out of sight long before the end. The result was far too close. We made chances, loads, it's a pity Mike wasn't available he'd have revelled in this game.
Ron was asked to referee. "it'll be an honour" he cursed. End of his comeback.
Minutes in, Debby, after an initial piece of overguarding, decided to follow this up by a terrific leg removal job. penalty- comfortably converted. She was playing with energy and verve despite this lapse- pity. Strangely they were playing better for a while whereas we were debating whether or not to start. Some goalmouth scrimmages for us, the usual catalogue of two yard misses, some bad luck, a cute header by Matt, tipped over, then an equaliser. Matt executed a really mesmerising turn, flummoxing his marker before finding the corner easily. Their skilful forward, Del, succumbed to injury after half an hour and by half time rigor mortis had set in. I have to say I've never seen a corpse play better during the rest of the game. He nearly scored in the last minute. Imagine the headlines, "Knobs Stuffed by Stiff's Stump" or summat (Alternative choices on a postcard).
Second half, only one "team" in it. Yet still the floodgates failed to open. A penalty, awarded for a trip on Alistair, he said it was a push, shows you what I see! Disputed by them, "where's your glasses?" Moot point, they were in the dressing room, fat lot of use there. Steve converted, usual spot, normal pace.
A ball was then hoofed out high to beyond their penalty area for Matt to unerringly smash an unstoppable volley high into the net- 3-1. We attacked in hordes but could add no more. They could - with a scramble leading to a tap over the line. He was probably off side, receiving the ball with only one player between him and goal, Trevor being elsewhere upfield. Am I right? Too late I gave a goal- I had to.
Some good individual moments lost in a poor team effort. Humour was high though!
John Boyle, playing like Susan, showed he badly needed a game but bugger me he's away again next week! Gavin made some excellent runs and Richard fizzed around to some good effect.
A merry little scene in the clubhouse. Debby was notably absent no doubt hurtling Knebworthwards to check the off license prices of certain Italian wines. They are two bottles for a fiver! How much did I win D?
Next week away to Ashwell, probably on astroturf, play in rubbers. (Boots that is).
Pity the "B" team couldn't raise themselves for the Standon game, I called it off early to give them a chance to re-arrange something.

If you want the lowdown on sulphites- ask me.

Ron

Knobs 1 Wilbury Wanderers 2

2009-12-07T13:39:00.003Z

Many inspections led to the view the pitch was playable. Wet yes, gluey certainly, up for purists possibly not. Nevertheless a somewhat later kick off led to an absorbing game on a hauntingly empty Rec. A well fought game was only settled 6 minutes from time by their rather bizarre winner. What impressed me about them was that they were fit, hard working and , shiver me timbers, gentlemanly! Both to us and between themselves. You never heard them disparaging each other just encouraging. Well that's one way of playing.
I hope everyone enjoyed the game on such a stamina sapping surface it looked absorbing from my position- off the pace as usual. Hey no, I was knackered afterwards 'sprinting' up and down to keep up with play. Lots of players contributed well, and were awarded high marks for ENDEAVOUR- Chris Wilson was our man of the match by a high street mile (in my opinion).
If you think back they hardly, if at all, created a chance but they did work their socks off all over the field and never gave up trying to play and compete. We, on the other hand, missed at least 7 one on one with the keeper chances and their keeper, a little guy resembling a beardless Ben Gunn, saving several others. Give him the Cheddar. There were distinct culprits who will remain nameless so close to Christmas. Needless to say back in the forties , my forties, I would have worn me burka for a week if I'd had spurned so many! Yet that was so long ago. (When was that by the way?- so long ago I said).
Half time said 0-0 after a hard fought first half of easy chances for us yet pressure by them. Defensively as a team we must take credit.
They took the lead from a looping header in from an indirect free kick in , by the elusive black guy who Alistair and I thought rather crafty and good. (He actually volunteered to put the nets up before the game! Worra gent- picking his spot probably.) At last we equalised when the real Gavin opened his legs and showed his class. Swooping northwards he slalomed past defenders before slamming home a high unstoppable equaliser (so gleeful- he took the kit home).
Noone seemed to congratulate him until he returned to the half way line- probably stupefied by such grace and skill. Many returns Gavin. Probably relieved we were back in it! It was not the end. With 6 minutes to go, or was that 16 or was it minus 6 - I don't know, I was using Maggie's dinky watch, could hardly see it and lost count- she hadn't put it back an hour in October which hardly helped. Also explains why I dared not go to the pub afterwards I was still sailing through summertime! Their equaliser was somewhat weird and yes, lucky, coming from a tricky Gary Owen under the crossbar, semi dealt with by Trevor but hoofed high into the net by the one player following it in. He happened to be theirs! So it ended. Kelvin and Mark Mills singlehandely took down the top nets whilst others were already showered! Dave hid the ground keys and went deaf for half an hour. We lost all three balls, one up a tree and two in cadger's garden and we went home. Hope you enjoyed the rest of your Sunday- I don't think I did. I can't remember. Two games next Sunday- if you have a mate or a wife who fancies a game, contact me. If you have a mate or a wife who fancies............... what am I on about....... climbing up a tree to retrieve a ball....... Bye bye......

Ron

Knobs 4 Ashwell 4

2009-11-30T15:24:00.002Z

Thanks to Mark Mills helping out to arrange a fixture last week, an event he must be glowing over. Just got it in before the cancellation season starts. A good game during which we were under par in terms of energy, interest (it seemed) and desire to mix any effort with a bit of football.
Still that's the story of life and Christmas is so close.
They played with Mark M in midfield and gave a debut to a raucous young filly called Debby Grunt Grunt who on this occasion was strong from the stalls and stayed the distance well. Not one for the National however, she has a split fetlock which may take time to heal if she wants to compete with the big boys and girls once again.
We took the lead within a minute with a superb FOOTBALLING move which I tried to commit to memory but have failed. Sufficient to say it went from midfield to fullback to midfield (Phil?) to wing into middle where Matt assisted the ball to the far post where Chris Wilson met it with a sweeping half volley to register our first of many, I thought.
Things got a bit bogged down till Alistair, making one of several of his mornings forays down the right, hoofed to the far post where an arriving Twigg just failed in his running effort to score, butting just wide and fortunately missing contact with that rusty iron goal post.
They equalised with a comical own goal, where our keeper Mark, disdaining his unintelligible "away away" cry (unintelligible to Brendan that is ) chose the cry " keeper" and was obliged by Steve H, chesting it past him into the goal, noone else closer than planet X!
Closecalls followed until Matt hurtled through robustly, slipped past their dying defender and netted firmly. They equalised from a scrambled goalmouth scrimmage until one of Alstiar's better crosses found the top far corner, 3-2 to us at half time. Matt went to watch Arsenal thus missing the second half during which his anonymity was noted. Did I upset Steve at half time? Didn't intend to. Two points of little consequence I suppose. I expect Steve always to be calling for the ball, he is invariably an excellent out as we seek to build play from defence to attack. Even if marked he is unafraid to receive the ball, control it and find measured passes, long or short. This asset is recognised by many of his teammates who thus seek him out. Great so far!
However there are many occasions, during the course of the game, where Steve is just one option of two or more and it is down to the player on the ball which option he chooses. Often another option is worthy, many times not, particularly some hopeless lump anywhere. And sometimes the player in possession feels the best option is to get rid, fearing their own competence in playing football through the midfield. In whatever event we stick together and regroup that is all I was trying to say. But the emotion of the occasion, cold freezing your voicebox or the translation from Geordie to some form of English perhaps intervenes!
Second half, kicking downhill, we lost 2-1 thus drew 4-4.
They equalised through a pretty, yet unchallenged move up the middle, at the end of which Mark Mills blasted an unstoppable twenty odd yarder high into our net. They continued well. Debby was comfortable, quickly recalling the names of all his teammates, an inbred incestuous family called "Ashwell" it would appear.
Mike returned from USA and from the start demonstrated a fine line in jet lag before finally running clear and putting us 4-3 in front. We hung onto that till late in the game when their lively forward miscentred from wide right and it drifted into the net for an unlikely equaliser.
The return will be on December 20th at either Ashwell (good pubs and Betjeman's favourite village) or Knebworth , noone's favourite village, or perhaps John Boyle's when the Station re-opens. Adjourned to Fox for potatoes, the Irish famine is officially over it seems. I left after two (pints that is) and hope noone had to breathe into the dreaded bag among those that remained.
Newcastle top of league 1 in case you have not noticed and Middlesborough have failed to win under over-hyped under sized Gordon Strachan.

Good luck to Roy with his operation hope he gets a surgeon this time not Mr Trussell.

Ron

Blunham ex-Sandy 5 Knobs 3

2009-11-22T16:58:00.002Z

Would you Adam and Eve it? Yes! Ok you are right, shit happens.
To the credit of both sides of mainly 'vets', to play so well and enthusiastically on a huge claggy pitch in such testing elements- wind, some sun, torrential rain but nae snow was a testament to a life after death mentality. Well done all. Nae games on the computers or Christmas shopping for these ould stalwarts.
Started with Chris Griffiths up front, perhaps a mistake kicking against the wind and sweeping rain in the first half, uphill to boot. Yet by the time I switched it midway through the half we had only conceded one goal from a corner kick scrimmage. They had a couple of distant and close shots and a corner headed off the line by the redoubtable Alistair and that was that.

I warned it wasn't going to be easy against this lot, second half, kicking down but with effort and the wind and rain at our backs we should prevail. The wind dropped, the rain stopped, the sun came out and they battled. They hit a post, semi- Trevor save (Trevor had pulled off two excellent saves from long rangers in the first half) and we fought on.
A long looping centre from the right found Darren beyond the far post and he equalised from an excellent firm header. They went ahead virtually from the kick off. 2-1, not altogether convincing defending eventually torn to bits by a neat finish. Ron on for John T, fucking linesman is a cauld position. Running clear in the box, the erstwhile linesman was found by a good cross from Kelwyn, why he didn't head? I don't know and instead his sidefoot crept wide with the target at his mercy. A compressed effort, shutting down their defence saw a ball wellied skywards out of their defence and it was met distance out by Alistair whose header looped long and teasingly beyond the keeper's reach. 2-2. Come on, now we press. But we didn't press enough, I felt we conceded too much ground backpedalling and allowing them to remain an attacking force.
They scored a third, I don't remember much about it, except pissedoffedness. Who was to blame?
Their fourth was crap. With no real challenge Trevor and Alistair tangled in front of a ball that was ours to clear, the ball trickled to a disinterested forward who tapped it into an open goal.
A pleasurable move saw us bring it back to 4-3. Ali to Ron, Ron to Steve on the right, then an exquisite cross to Matt at the far side of the penalty area, who headed home with some competence. Their 5th with minutes to go was a choker. A cross from the left which wouldn't have happened if we were merely defending and not attacking for an equaliser, arrived in the box where their bloke headed a smasher, albeit unchallenged. 5-3 final score. Well done the ref by the way.
Showers were hot and we adjourned to the usual Blunham pub for an excellent and deserved spread. We outnumbered them there. But luck was out and we even lost the dominoe card.
Home to savour the Stoke- Portsmouth game. Yi must be fookin jokin.
The lads did their best - remember people are always non available throughout the year at this level of football. SO- no excuses please.

R

Knobs 6 MBDA 2

2009-11-18T04:33:00.002Z

Good game- it was the ref that won it!!!! All the usual emotional twaddle, I thought the ref had a good game, up with the play and gave what he saw with his usual blend of honesty and myopia. Howay lads give respect a chance or nae fucka will want to blaa thi whistle. "Mistakes av ad a few", but players want to see the mistakes they make and hear thi shite they talk- the wankers!
Anyway a still think it was an entertaining, enjoyable vets' football match on a good pitch on a lovely day. What more could you want in your dotage.
MBDA proved a much different side from last season, younger than us I would have thought and in the first half seemingly fitter, more energetic and better motivated. Thought they played some really good stuff and were unlucky to be only 1-0 up at the break. They were kicking uphill mind when controlled approach play seems somewhat easier on our pitch. They also had an essential benefit of playing well ie. they were keen to play and were ENJOYING themselves.
Mark pulled off one world class save first half, but could do nothing to prevent their well worked opener. Individually, elsewhere in the first half, execution of passes was not very good and workrate diminished in the general depression. Our back 4 (average age 52- a worked it oot) was under severe pressure.
Second half was ultimately a different story, though still well fought.
Playing better uphill, playing to strengths, with some luck and with great improvement individually, enjoyment returned and 'mares' were banished. Eventually we equalised with the front runners eager to exploit space behind the back 4 and Steve finding his passing range, Gavin raced away and smashed in an unstoppable shot from the right. Enjoyment was shortlived as they scored again direct from a free kick that's only virtue was that it was on target. Was it a free kick or did the boy dive. Well it was Roy who lunged but was the ref fooled? 2-1.
Shortly after came what they might regard the turning point a handball by their centre half leading to a penalty that Steve bobbled into his favourite place. Sorry Peter but my vision said you played the ball in surprise, with a deliberate thrust of your arm as it bounced on you. 2-2.
Still loads of time left for either side to win the game.
Brendan had exited for a golf tournament at half time to be replaced by John Boyle and now after another world class save Mark went off with a 'pinged' calf. John Twigg deputised. Were we up against it? Ye of little faith- John stopped a couple dead with different anatomical parts before producing a genuine save tipping a fierce shot round the post.
More goals came for us, two from 'assister' Matt, the header from a break and instant high cross from Gavin was particularly pleasing. Our best and probably only accurate cross of the season.
Steve banged in a free kick, from some distance, high into the top corner after Gavin , sprinting through was hauled back and Phil scored possibly our best constructed goal from 10 yards after sweet, unselfish play from Mark Mills and Matt. Mark M, on as a sub, played well and foraged hard. Phil hit the post from distance and the game finished. Hacker commits too many unnecessary fouls but he has a reputation to safeguard.
A disappointing turnout at the pub, when none of the opposition showed and we were punished with an extra tray of suasge and potatoes. Is salt free or something by the way?
Next week Blunham aka Sandy away at Moggerhanger - sounds enticing.

Ron- nearly 65

Old Minchendenians 1 Knobs 4 - Report by Dave Jordan

2009-11-09T13:24:00.003Z

Met late at 9.35 on a cold damp morning. Chris G nursing a hangover, Phil looking his evervescent self after his bout of Swine flu and Royston bringing both of his knees! Plenty of time to think about what lay ahead as we travelled over the border in to Londinium. We were met by what looked like some of the characters out of Lock Stock and 2 smoking barrels. The only thing missing were the "SHOOTERS" Bully was in a good mood surprisingly as he was sat next to Chairman Al in the changing room. We were told that we were playing 442 and that chairman Al would be making the changes. The pitch was a bit boggy, but flat which helped our supreme passing game. First 20 minutes we had all the game mentally and physically and our passing was sublime and they were chasing shadows and getting frustrated. Although their midfield was their strenght.They got their first on 30 minutes which was against the run of play. It was a long ranger which "swerved and dipped all over the place" so said Mark. Richard was playing like 2 men attacking at every opportunity and also having time to hold the ball up to make some good lay offs. Definitely my man of the match. He had a little skirmish with one of their defenders which ended up with a swollen eye the size of a golf ball.So they ended up with 10 men for the majority of the game which was their downfall having no subs to call upon. 10 minutes before half time Chris W finds himself in the box with the ball at his feet and calmly picks his spot to slot home the equaliser between two defenders and the goalie. Which was the least we deserved. A good constructive half time talk should have kick started the 2nd half, but they were playing some good football which made Mark work hard on the line. A great 2 legged save saw the ball go over the bar and some brave defending from Royston and Chris G saw off the oppositions attacks. Good contributions from Darren working well with Phil and John B combining well with Alistair saw some good attacking play down the flanks. No goals yet, but it was coming.The stand in manager made a double substitution with Dave and Brendan coming on for Richard and Darren. They found an 11th man from some where to fill in the back 4. We made a great run down the right with Alistair crossing the ball which ended up on the far side for Phil to chip it back for Matt to shoot, their goalie to save and John B to rifle the ball home at short range which gave us the upper hand. Ten minutes later Matty found the strength to nod on a lovely pass which found Dave motoring pass their back line to cooly slot the ball pass the keepers finger tips and off the post. They hadn't given up and were still playing some good football. We were standing as one resolute, concentrated and hungry to finish them off. Again we broke down one of their passing moves for Matty to play a through ball to Dave who bamboozled their defence to find himself on side in front of the keeper with 20 yards between him and the goal only to lob a perfect ball in to the back of the net. HE'S NOT A CENTRE FORWARD YOU KNOW. It was good night Vienna and no way back for the opposition. A long awaited win which puts us back on track for the league title. Everyone enjoyed the banter in the changing rooms as Alistair was threatening to "pull everyone off" not least of all their eleventh man who was towelling his scrotum only inches away!! A beer and some well presented sandwiches were consumed and we all drove back over the border to carry on the day. Dave went home for a wank (well deserved in my book) Then ended up on a drinking session with John B talking about their goals constantly. Next week MBNAZWYQTS. Enjoy your week ahead bonny lads.

Hugs and Kisses

Knobs 0 Ware 2

2009-11-02T14:39:00.002Z

First league defeat, three more games on the trot to define our league season- either we win them and go on to geriatric glory or we play for memories. Howay the lads. Which reminds me of the first goal conceded against Ware after 30 minutes yesterday. Does the cry from the keeper, "Away, away, away," suggest he is a sad Newcastle supporter who has lost his way yem or is it an entreaty to a defender to kick the fucking ball anywhere but somewhere? Answers on the end of your knobs please, the most fertile answer receiving grandstand ticketsto a rousing event of their choice- answers on a postcard please as to what entails a most pleasing arousing event. Dirty answers only- we are lads after all!
All agreed neither side deserved to lose. How satisfying.
It stood 1-0 until their second with 9 minutes to go-a clear shot from a corner that finished the contest. We never got such clear cut chances, despite our superior attacking play. Do we over egg the pudding in the final third. I've always tended to think so. Yet it has to be said that their defence was hard, together and committed so probably that cancels out our attacking flair. A couple of goalline skirmishes defied belief and probably summed up our lack of luck on the day. Perhaps Gavin should have had a penalty late on, I've thought about it a bit and perhaps I'm a little bit too unbiassed. Did he get the ball first before being assassinated by the goalie's attack? Probably. I think the modern law interpretation says penalty! All so quick, sorry Gavin, sorry lads, that would have been 2-1 with time to go but there you are, well played everyone. It was generally a very pacy game on a very slick surface with the rain falling incessantly from start to louse. I froze and am expecting the transplant by the end of the week from a baboon, now we're talking.
Roy was back as if he'd never been away. We played 4-3-3 somewhat successfully but lacked killer instinct in the box. A combination of no luck, poor poaching and often crap crosses after the hard work had been done. As I said their defence was very sound if unspectacular.
Darren had a tete a tete with the winger who is still lurking in Knebworth back streets looking for revenge. " He's been kicking me all game" he mutters to no noticeable effect. Just ignore him if you see him, I think he's harmless if a little deranged.
The margarine crust at The Fox really took the biscuit- pity it wasn't one - a dog biscuit that is, I might have ate it. But it looked better when decorated with litter and a crumpled fag packet.
Howay Fox, rationing's been over for 60 years!
John Boyle- don't be disheartened life is a learning curve. Ask Ledley.

Therfield 3 Knobs 0

2009-10-26T16:01:00.002Z

Lovely day- wind too strong, bare 11 of those signed on available and a bit of a defeat.
Individually many struggled in the wind and numerous filled in rabbit holes. We actually only conceded the second goal with 15 minutes left and then all spirit- such as it was- evaporated.
We could have scored a few but didn't. Hit the bar in first minute (my gammy leg though I caught it too well). One terrific move saw a cross- at last- by John, square to Steve who hit a sweet shot low which was well saved by their keeper. The latter played well. A run of 60 yards by Chris Wilson was a highlight and it ended with a raking shot just wide.
Our crossing was either non existent (over playing with extra touches) or lamentable. That means utter shite.
On the positive side, players who rarely get a sniff of a run out never mind a whole 90 minutes were afforded a chance to graft and craft. I realise that football for all our members is the rationale of the club- so this somewhat abated my disquiet at the performance and the result.
First time I've ever kicked off to the accompaniment of a referee smoking a fag. There's a first. I thought the ref was pleasant but one sided and altogether quite crap. But there you are, Sir Alex would have gone red, peuce and black before spontaneously combusting. "It was only a shove!"
Must remember that rule.
Rumour mill.
One member, unavailable for work reasons, was in Manchester closetly watching something called "Pink"!
One member's family commitments seems to require him to drink all afternoon in The Roebuck, deigning the opportunity to drink a social pint with the oppo after the game.
A poor turn out in Therfield's re-opened pub after the game, but a content if contentious turn out. Realise everyone has a view, must remember that.
Four league games on the trot now, enjoy it may be the end.
Bring back Roy- even Big Bob got a mention yesterday but then Therfield was the scene of his oratorical fame. "Call yourself a camel"!

Aunty Social

Knobs 2 Saints 2

2009-10-21T04:58:00.003+01:00

Good point in the end and on the whole an enjoyable, competitive game played in good spirit.

A little bit of tactics before the game- 4-3-3! (or rather 4-3-1-2- with Steve B the more withdrawn of the front 3 pulling a few strings).

This ultimately means clamping the middle of the field, relinquishing some of the width, so that we defend somewhat narrowly and unfortunately, unless the full backs are charging forward into the vacant wide spaces, attacking by playing through a narrower, somewhat congested middle of the pitch. This was working to an extent in the first half, though feelings develop among defenders that too much space is been given out wide when they attack. Central midfielders start to feel uneasy and want to drift out to combat the threats wide and often get caught half and half. The answer is hold your nerve- give them that space and defend inside of it by sheer energy and extra weight of numbers. Another downside is that things can get a bit cramped through the middle, people getting in each others' way, sometimes an inability to make passes through a crowd, and the frustration of trying to run with the ball in such congestion.

This can be alleviated by practice at the system, having the fullbacks regularly attacking down the wide spaces of the wings (and having the guts and some sort of fitness to get back again quickly if a move breaks down), and having the front two making arcing runs out into the width anticipating occasional balls knocked into spaces there. After we woke up and realised the game had started this is what happened on a few occasions and Matt and Gavin's speed proved hot to handle. I thought we would at least score a sackful with our attacking against their not too robust defence!

We took a 2-0 lead- hey this is easy. First an inadequate goalkeeping clearance was taken up by Gavin who slid across for Matt to coolly slot home from 10 yards. Shortly afterwards a nice move saw the ball arrive to Matt who lashed goalwards, the ball ricocheting to Chris W at the far post, who netted easily. They got in a few times but squandered their chances before pulling one back from a goalmouth melee just before half time.

While I was removing a dog turd from the pitch at half time an active debate was taking place about systems. Please stick with the one we're using and we did. However let's not forget they are a useful, pretty fit side who were unbeaten and up for it. Perhaps it was their play and their fitness that in the end accounted for more than any particular system we adopted (I'm sure it was- please disagree) and they duly achieved an equaliser- an excellent finish and missed a hatful. I don't know what everyone thinks about the way the game unfolded but I reckon there is a general lack of belief in each other as individuals within the system and the fitness of each other leading to people fretting about teammates ability to do a job rather than concentrating on their own performances positively, that was and is the main drawback. Believe young men believe!

One incident of note. We defended and attacked, leaving an opponent "injured" in the wake. We knock ball out. They give us the ball back via one of their blokes (someone called cunt) who hits a rather too hard too wide ball at our goal- Trevor, in goal, is evaded and the ball trickles home for a goal. Their passer throws up his arms in elation- as I said, cunt. I as referee reluctantly blow for their goal. To their credit they refuse it. I don't know- getting too old for this modern morality. OK- we play on and am accosted by their captain , no it's a goal and then we'll let you kick off and run down and score. Is tis an actual rule or some bliddy extra complication devised from this daft etiquette grey area that has developed in the game? I don't know- oh just play on 2-2, and that's how it ended.

Huge turn out by both sides in THE FOX. Them in the pub and us in the 'garden'. Sandwiches were a scuptural masterpiece- how can nutrition be squeezed into something so exquisitively thin? That fat guy from Ipswich would struggle on this diet! The sliced cucumber tasted nice! Congratulations to Bill and Paul- twenty four hours late- I gather Danny Griffiths had announced the event to come under Knebworth 1st teams's 'fact of the week' the day before.

Knobs 'fact of the week'- John Boyle commits to family- misses game to go to Southend to watch a game with brothers, Ray and Rob. AAH there's nice boyo!

Harpenden Rovers 1 Knobs 1

2009-10-13T15:39:00.002+01:00

First the game. A fairly fought innocuous sort of affair, I thought, from my position as linesman throughout. Apart from some blatant hacks on Gavin and a slap in the face by Phil, for which he was booked, it was a torpid affair. Some may see it as a good result in hindsight- I thought, with our personnel we should have wiped them out. There you are- opinions. Their keeper saved five times brilliantly and denied us certain goals. They rarely threatened. With a distinct advantage, second half, downslope and a burgeoning wind behind them their sole tactic seemed to be their own goalkicks. Their fleet footed forward stood 30 yards beyond our back four awaiting a titanic launch which rarely came and when it did Trevor simply teased it from his toecaps in the area. Well I suppose they had a tactic. Did we? Gavin, first half on the left was breathtakingly fast, leading to keeper saves and a hack down for a penalty from which Steve missed- it bobbled with goalie going wrong way and trickled past the post! We made some changes with Dave deputising at centre forward, right back, centre half and left back, the boy was all over the place and hacked noone. Chris Wilson had an outstanding game and John Boyle proved to be an excellent right back when placed there. We took the lead when Matt charged down a goalie's clearance with the ball falling invitingly to Mike- he doesn't miss those- often. They equalised with a soft one- admittedly- but apart from a a couple of saves from Trevor and a head off the line from John they hardly threatened. Man of the match? Their goalkeeper.
We retired for excellent snacks and bottles of beer to their clubhouse where MFI furniture is having a renaissance, then went home. Just as I was approaching my front door I was accosted by John and Phil and we adjourned to the Station for a couple. Same clientele, perhaps a little fatter and it still stinks, more so without the fragrant masking of tobacco fumes.

Tactics. It's vets football so you have try hard but also be aware of the limitations nowadays of your teammates. Like slowing down a bit and not being available. Understood!
In Gavin we have a resource not likely to be matched by oppositions. Agreed? Now Gavin might want to be a bit more involved in footballing build up play of a purist sort but above all else he is a Billy Whizz awaiting the welly up and over or around or anywhere in the last third. I'm sure some will not agree, well they are wrong.
Somehow, even though we are unbeaten in the last five games, we are not playing as well as last season and it's not due to individual foibles. I recognise that Steve is not the Martin, Richard or Phil type of midfielder but who else passes short or long with such zip and accuracy? Noone.
Playing Steve as one of two forwards, on the other hand reduces his effectiveness markedly. So what to be done.
In a 4-4-2 the two wide midfielders have to tuck in far more and support and rule the middle. Give them the space out wide, most teams don't know what to do with it. We want a compact centre and if they progress down the wings we will have enough players in the middle, behind the ball to move over and cover or in the ulikely event of them creating a crossing opportunity wide, we will have numbers in the middle to deal with any threat.
Another method, 4-4-3. Again we would depend on personnel. This would have Steve lurking behind the front two with 3 midfielders behind him. This would be fine if the two fullbacks were fit and eager enough to keep filling the wide spaces up AND back again. See who is available.
Then there is the diamond. Fabio said to me........ perhaps we should forgo this.
The best tactical set up would probably be 1-4-4- 3 but we don't cheat but it's worth a thought when playing underage sides.
Fair wind to your arses.

Ron

Knobs 2 Birchanger 1

2009-10-05T16:20:00.002+01:00

The rain has arrived thus ending dessicated, bouncy pitches the likes of which we played on yesterday- until some other climatic excuse arises!
Four wins in a row, is that right, and we haven't played remotely well as a team yet!
Next week a league tester away to Harpenden Rovers and a number of absentees already announced.
After Friday's team meet and tashin session those that attended emerged fit and rashless.
A couple of lads carrying injuries on the day made subbing a little easier but not much.
The first 15 minutes most of the players were individually poor and 'playing' at walking pace thus as a team we were not there.
Things improved so much so that by the end of the game I noticed players bursting guts with pace and effort and it made you wonder what triggers this effort that wasn't there 'early doors' (don't you hate that phrase).
We were very much in control for a large part of the game and when we did play simple football from front to back, there was so much space and control it looked easy. Steve Bull is there for a reason keep using him or he'll take root and turn into a very pretty tree.
A reasonable move saw the ball present itself to Alistair, a few yards out, he desisted from the first time lash with the right and after a series of contortions in and and around his left foot he let fly and netted comfortably , to his intense pleasure.
The second arrived mid second half when from a Bully corner, Dave 'hacker' Jordan sidefooted home before hobbling back to the half way line, boot in hand!!!!
They scored direct, more or less, perhaps less, from a corner, with 10 minutes left. We were left with the unedifying sight of a handbags exchange between bristling Dave and their non bristling full back. The final whistle went in lieu of the first bell but everyone went home. Pub poorly attended in the last of the summer sun.

Recent games 2009

2009-09-28T19:48:00.002+01:00

Garston 7-1, men and boys. A bit of strategy and some self awareness might have narrowed the gap. Got to mention Brendan's fabulous 25 yard goal. He caught the ball perfectly as he was leaning backwards getting just the right leverage and elevation to lob the keeper.

League v Old Owens- We win 4-1. Comfortable win. Well reffed I thought. JB opened his account, Matty got a couple and our new centre forward Paul scored the other. Glue hands Mark kept goal- find of the season?
Our new centre forward left us with 10 minutes left and will not be returning. I believe Steve Bull is his agent.
Steve was taken off briefly and took it like a man. Cough, cough splutter. He knew it made sense.

Knobs 3 Old Pretenders 0. Was away to the barren north for a funeral. An own goal was one of the scorers. The others?

Computer now fixed, ta JB.
Knobs 2 Goldcheats 0.
Scorers John Boyle, a fine strike from a narrow angle and Martin following up a sweeping move neatly finished off at the far post leaving their youthful midfielders admiring him from the half way line!
The game would have been a forfeit on account of their superfluity of young non-talent and I have learned today that is indeed to count as a forfeit and the result is now 1-0 to us. I believe 4 of the first 6 league fixtures have been forfeits. A fucking parlour game not football. Best forfeit?
Sandy 9 Ware 2 now reads Sandy 0 Ware 1! Who will win this league? Why the one who can spot the under 30 year old in the opposition ranks. We could qualify for Europe? Keep up the old corinthian spirit eh wot!
Alistair got kicked up the bracket, eliciting much sympathy and not a little blood. Yours truly got a shouting at for not having a bottle of water concealed in his jock strap. Alistair helped himself to a bottle from a bag and raised the ire of one Steve B. "It's not water, it's medicine". Alistair sluiced on undeterred. ( heard today that Alistair's face has fallen off but he has one or two working parts left).
Everyone played well. Defence good, particularly Chris G and Simmo. Trevor dislocated a pinkie which Alistair reset and he played on.
All good in the late summer world.
Toodle pip.

Knobs 1 Garston 7

2009-09-17T16:33:00.001+01:00

August 23 Knobs 2 Walkern 0- serious blog for Steve

2009-08-24T21:28:00.003+01:00

No - your eyes do not deceive you, the threadbare Knobs (bare 11) took on the mighty Walkern with their superfluity of on -off subs on a baking hot day and won!
This game had cancellation written all over it until Wednesday, when Steve's assistance helped me make up the numbers. There was a very poor player availability for this attractive, longstanding fixture.
On the day I wished I'd called it off when we were hit by Chris G's withdawal with back spasms- at least he turned up and watched, but his new boots went unused. Steve's no show was my fault I should have emphatically said come but I didn't. Darren didn't show?
So I had to ask their bloke to ref, play meself with the unmended arthritic knee and in Brendan's trainers. We had Andy in goal and Des centre forward, both thanks to Steve and Kel at right back thanks to Brendan.
I felt chosing to kick uphill first half was a clever ploy in damage limitation but fuck me with a nasty big nail we outplayed them and beat them. We had more chances, more shots and ultimately thanks to Des, (Des again in a way- unselfish square ball) and myself two more goals than them at the final whistle.
Andy was very sound, handling with aplomb throughout but the back four were well organised and excellent.
Kel at right back, Roy and Simmo in the centre and Twiggy left back tackled, positioned themselves and cleared their lines all day long. Everyone worked well to cover gaps and pressurise them on the ball so that they were inevitably reduced to mispassing or wellying over a number of hopeful crosses.
Nae danger.
Mark Mills worked like a Trojan as did Brendan, right midfield. Pity after Brendan has made a run into their penalty area he can't do a bit of a Bolt back to our area to defend. Steve would be so happy! Excellent Martin and Steve, in the centre, controlling the game with tackles, interceptions and incisive passing (Steve flattened 3 times by their number 2- I would have said nothing, he looked a real mean Mr Mustardseed). Des and Ron had their share of joy upfront. So pleased to hit the Fox at the finish, where the ham rolls proved altogether..............well proved our catering manager has not had the quiet word yet!!!! Howay Dave!
Next game will be a tough one at home to Garston. Their best team. A selection conundrum?
Don't forget the golf on Friday and the cricket tournament on Sunday- contact Bill.

Ron

PS The goals- number 1- a good move from our keepers' hands, via some passes out to Mark Mills then a lovely diagonal ball drawing a well timed run by Des saw him enter the area and sidefoot home. Never offside- it was their linesman as well who was adamant it was onside.
Number 2- another back to front passing move saw Des running in on goal from the left, a square ball to Ron saw him complicatedly tap home via the goalie's lunging leg. Who the fuck likes simple anyway. You've got to be on the spot though.

Pre Season Training

2009-07-15T08:12:00.009+01:00

Pre season training is taking place at the Knebworth recreation ground every Tuesday evening. Currently training is starting at 7pm and Phil Wells is in charge of the sessions which have so far been very good if lacking a few of the squad!

Ronald is making notes for the new season so come along to these excellent sessions, get fit and impress the manager to book your place in the starting line-up for the first game of the season. As you know certain players always get selected but there are still places up for grabs!

Go safely now, enjoy the summer and remember if worried there is always help available at www.40over40.com. It's never too late to get in shape.

John

Presentation Evening Friday 5th June

2009-06-15T09:33:00.002+01:00

It was raining, the cricket match was called off and Elvis never showed but a fine evening was still had at the cricket club.

The BBQ was still on and Dave who was looking for a fur burger had to make do with a Trussells burger instead!

The following awards were given out –

Most appearances made - Bully (played all 32 games)
Goal of the season - Chris Wilson v Datchworth on 15 March 09
Golden boot - Matt Peacock (27 goals in 29 games)
Managers player of the season - Bully
Players player of the season - John Boyle

Trevor also accepted a knobheads T-shirt on behalf of the team that played at Crawley Green.

So there you have it, ale was consumed and a lot got soaked on the long walk home. Special mention must be given to Paul who finally managed to crawl up the stairs to his bed about 8 hours after getting in!

Colin

Presentation Night on Friday 5th June

2009-05-29T19:44:00.001+01:00

Fellow Knobs,

The team meeting and presentation will now take place at Knebworth Park Cricket Club, Old Knebworth Lane.

The fun, games and drinking will commence at 6.00 with a Twenty Over Knobs vs Knebworth Park Social XI cricket match. Please let me know if you want to play so that I can organise the team. Those not wanting to play can watch and barrack from the veranda and supply the team with refreshments throughout the match.

The presentation will take part after the cricket and there will also be entertainment in the form of a tribute to Elvis and Newcastle and also a BBQ.

If you are going early evening and need help with transport please let John B know and he may be able to assist.

For those who have not been to the park before it is a fantastic setting and (some may not like this) would be safe to bring partners and children.

Other diary dates :-
• 4th July – KNOBS BBQ – Venue Bill’s House
• 7th August – KNOBs vs KPCC Social the rematch

Cheers
Bill – Unsocial Secretary
John – Communications Director

Season Stats

2009-05-21T09:37:00.003+01:00

We played a total of 32 games this season, winning 18, drawing 4 and losing 10. We scored a total of 115 goals and conceded 77.

Players who made 10 appearances (including coming on as sub) or more were as follows:

32 – Steve Bull
29 – Matt Peacock
28 – John Boyle
26 – Brendan Wren
22 – Chris Wilson
21 – Alastair Moye
21 – Chris Griffiths
21 – Roy Oakley
20 – Phil Wells
19 – Gavin Simpson
17 – John Twigg
17 – Trevor Hyatt
16 – Mike Lisle
15 – Martin Byron-Grange
15 – Paul Crosby
14 – Mark Mills
14 – Ron Crennell
13 – Dave Jordan

Other players who made appearances were:

9 – Bill Martin, 8 – Steve Hammond, 7 – Richard Curzon, 6 – Darren Harman, 2 – Kenny Hogg, 2 – Robin Wells, 2 – Tony Evans, 1 –Andy Simpson, 1 –Paul Berry, 1 – Uncle Tom Cobley

Bully was the only ever present player for the second season in a row which is a great feat so well done to him.

The 115 goals were scored by:

27 - Matt Peacock
17 – John Boyle
16 – Steve Bull
15 – Gavin Simpson
13 – Mike Lisle
5 – Chris Wilson
5 – Mark Mills
5 – Ron Crennell
3 – John Twigg
2 – Phil Wells
2 – Martin Byron-Grange
1 – Brendan Wren
1 – Alastair Moye
1 – Dave Jordan
1 – Bill Martin
1 – Darren Harman

Did you know that Bully scored all 6 penalties that he took placing the ball into the same corner of the respective goal each time and giving the keeper no chance?

The Fair Play League

No one yet knows who won the league but I guess it was or will be Sandy. Maybe Ron will have an update.

You may say who cares about the league but one interesting fact is that Gavin scored in every league game that he played – 12 goals in 7 games.

Peace to all.

John

Knobs 5 Potters Bar 2

2009-05-18T17:08:00.002+01:00

The end of a very long season, not many cancellations either. I hope you are all satiated and looking forward to a rest. Next game not until tail end of August by God, if some of us live that long. Where's me tablets?
John Boyle, who has worked tirelessly in the administrative department admitted that he had really enjoyed the season I hope others have been similarly affected.
Yesterday's game against Kevin Patrick's all stars was a success in many ways. They tried , we tried, we all I hope enjoyed, regardless of the result. Sorry I didn't tell David about sandwiches but a cosy group in an uninhabited pub enjoyed two hastily cooked plates of chips and Dave Jordan's sausages from the night before- hope you all got to work this morning.
The game itself was tighter than the score suggests.
I thought we started well and it would be a matter of time before goals started raining in against a side not entirely used to playing together in an 11 a side. I was in goal, not by choice, Dave was referee , certainly not by choice!
A slip let Kevin in and a misjudgement, difficult thing keeping, meant I had to rugby tackle him, the ball fell dead, so almost did I. Dave didn't give the penalty but I did. What have I become, a fair minded Alistair without the humour? Despite loud protests from Knobs the penalty was rightly awarded. I knew I'd save it- I didn't, curiously, but engineeered where it would go and missed it by millimetres, despite all those would be keepers loudly advising me to stand here, over a bit, back a bit, up a bit, adjust your bra a bit etc. I knew we'd come back back and score a few so fairs fair. After a while I wasn't so sure as miss followed miss. I wondered if Darren's encouragement was getting to us a little bit, but I kept my peace smouldering about the iniquities of existence, until suddenly a move led to an outstanding finish from distance by Chris Wilson, a good distance out, top corner. By the way it pissed down all first half, personally I was freezing. Their keeper then miskicked a goalkick at Matt who simply passed it back into an open goal. Not much intricate play there then! Steve then tried one of his longish potshots, he should do it more often, and this one straight at the keeper and not with a lot of fizz bent his hands back and it went in. I always avoid wanking before I take up the gloves.
I missed the half time team talk in order to go and change. All half time team talks should simply say. Attack with width, defend narrowly, when you lose the ball strive to get back behind it immediately. Energy and never say die. Marking men, tactics, strategies, shut yer gob.
Second half saw them rejuvenated and as injuries to our lot seemed to be mounting they started to boss the game. Aye aye I thought aye aye! I didn't think much further than that mind, it hurts yer head.
They scored with a long distance shot pathetically let in. 3-2 and it stayed like that for a while. We gonna struggle here and noone will come to the pub afterwards and noone will want to play next season and the world will end not with a bang but with a whimper.
I took over as ref, brought Dave on and Brendan took over the gloves. Nowt much changed but Phil and I were highly amused at one Brendan 'save'. Falling to the earth and scooping the ball away for a corner. All in slow motion, wonderful, he should have been carrying a shovel.
Dave succumbed to a strain or was it alien amputation of a leg he weren't using? He went off to tend himself, hours later it seemed after unswaddling himself he came back on in goal. Oh in the meanwhile time caught up with the midfield maestro, who succumbed to the whistle with me replacing him. Hope that last sumptious pass before he retired does not prove to be his last.
It was left for us to take some sort of intitiative with people playing all over the shop. Except for Mark who stopped playing, turned out he had severe buttock strain all second half. Not many people know that but now you do. Try laxatives but not on the pitch.
I did a Kevin Nolan, who?, Kevin Nolan, you know the ponderous plodder who strives to cause damage in his opponent's box at Newcastle but can't make it due to the impediment of carrying an iron lung in his jock strap. Anyway I made it. The anticipation I was pleased with, the finish a purposeful toe end from 20 yards into the top corner, well.... I was kinda pleased with also.
This meant pressure off, and in the 135th minute a lashing long distance volley from Matt, from out by the touchline put the icing on the cake.
Steve did offer to punch someone- well he was referee he's allowed to assert his authority. Phil had a bit of handbags and gladrags with Phil- hey Kev what kind of punch was that?
We took down the posts, literally to end another season. God bless you all.
Presentation evening in the Fox, June 5, see you all there.
Has Big Bob been reincarnated? Watch this space..........

CRAWLEY GREEN 12 (lost count) KNEBWORTH 0 (no count) - match report by Mark Mills

2009-05-13T08:17:00.002+01:00

It is difficult to find a starting point on where it all went wrong!
We turned up on time and felt confident and organized in the changing room having beaten them last season. Some of us even warmed up with some dynamic stretching (stretching on the move) and started fairly well although we failed to hold on to the ball and keep possession in the early stages.
The artificial pitch seemed to favour their style and they passed the ball around well and found their players with ease. We created very little around their goal and had to resort to some stout defending until we conceded the first goal. This gave them further impetus to pile on the pressure and score a second from a corner to go two up at half time.

We re-grouped in the afternoon heat and discussed where we were going wrong and came up with plan B.
We went back out thinking we had a trick up our selves and would play a holding game to stifle their play but all we succeeded in doing was to open up and provide an access route to goal which they duly obliged and carved us apart every five minutes!

We huffed and puffed and produced one or two good moves and carved out a couple of half chances but in truth we lacked the application, the innovation and determination to change things around, although it was not down to lack of effort by everyone.
I t was a hot day, it was in the afternoon and it was the penultimate game of a very good season up to then, but in truth they were fitter, more organized, showed greater movement and clearly knew each other’s game. They also had the advantage of playing regularly on the artificial pitch.

What lessons can we learn from this performance? We seemed to drop our heads too early having conceded only two goals and our will to compete evaporated in the afternoon heat. . It did not seem a proper game on this pitch and I feel we did not adjust accordingly or play our usual game of getting down the flanks as we normally do well. They were a good footballing side but perhaps if it had been a league game played on grass and we had a larger squad to keep things fresh, the outcome may have been different?

That game has now gone and we must now focus on the next one against Kevin’s team from Potters Bar.The game on Sunday was never going to have a bearing on our season so we move on and upwards. I sound like a Premiership manager, perhaps I should be on the telly!

Mark

Knobs 2 Welwyn Pegasus 2

2009-05-03T18:38:00.002+01:00

We should have won.
We should have won.
We did not because of lack of nous (self belief) and even so because we missed masses of opportunities which were there. Bad luck? Always a factor but something you can hardly do much about.
They were out of breath before the start. A bare 11 men bleating for 40 minutes each way and even 40 minutes the whole match.
What happens? We start off as slowly as I've seen us in a while. Even then after 20 minutes when we have started to warm up it's still only 0-0 so that's OK. They are, and were, no mugs, some strong players in their midst, supplemented by the return of Adrian a powerful centre back presence. We were tentative, disjointed and out of tune with each other. OK, I thought, familiarity will creep back in and we'll stuff them. Didn't happen and by the end we scraped a draw with a penalty with minutes to go.
Sure we're all friendly, sociable and perfectly together in the pub- we are after all not just a group of oldish guys for whom the football is the be all and the end all of the Sunday outing- but lately I think that as individuals and as a team enterprise we've let things slip a wee tad.
In my opinion we have some terrific vets' players but we really have to expect these players to really play to their worth both in terms of energy and guile.
Otherwise a game like today could go the way of the three previous games- defeat. A rut, difficult to get out of. We drew, but despite having by far the better chances and loads of corners we must consider ourselves very fortunate.
They scored in the first half via a toe poke over the line with several players trying to keenly watch better than each other. We eventually equalise direct from a corner thrillingly diverted into the net by their keeper. ( Steve's goal). Free kick on the half way line (late whistle) gave them a chance to launch the ball forward- tip on by big rangy midfielder to a wholly unattended mate made it 2-1.
Crucially they missed a sitter for 3-1, allowing us to sniff again, when with minutes to go Gavin made a desperate effort to claw a ball back from going out before being hacked down by their robust full back. Immediate penalty- vehement protests, makes you wonder, was I right?
Corse I was, even if Gavin would not have regained the ball, certainly the full back wouldn't
so what was the guy doing carving him down from the back. Well he was actually ensuring that neither of them would get to the ball! Also you can cripple someone from such tackles from behind. After the afternoon had elapsed, with Newcastle slumping to inevitable defeat and Barton slinking to an inevitable early bath, I am sure the decision was right. Steve converted unerringly.
Showers cold again. Nice to see Richard back- a marathon effort.
We must marry team work with a bit more individuality next week- a bit of selfish dribbling, certainly in the final third will not be frowned upon.
BBQ on cup final day discussed. Watch this black hole.
Swine flu? As I thought it's a case of hype and media shite. Mind you Twiggy's pork scatchings were not readily consumed!

Knobs v distant Kempston

2009-04-26T09:27:00.001+01:00

They pulled out on Saturday night.
Steve's unbroken run continues!

Walkern 3 KNOBS 2

2009-04-21T10:07:00.003+01:00

A game played in good spirits on a lovely spring morning in Stevenage. Walkern are a good footballing side and the games against them are always enjoyable.

Ronald was back from his romantic break on Saturday and with a bottle of beer and onion bhaji in hand laid out the team on one of Tommy’s prized drawings. Ronald would not be able to make the start of the game as he had to make breakfast in bed for Maggie, clean the pillow case drawer and go shopping in Waitrose first.

I couldn’t remember the tactics or team talk for the game so informed Chris G he was captain and told everyone to ‘run around a bit’. Run around a bit we did and before long we were 2-0 down.

Walkern went ahead after a cleared corner was played back into the box and their forward scored with a neat touch past Trevor. Their second goal came after another set-piece that somehow dropped nicely and they couldn’t miss from a few yards out. We had started a little slowly as usual but we seemed to have a lot more energy and pace throughout and we also played some nice football.

2-0 it was at half time so we decided to run around a bit more and the half was pretty much one way traffic with more nice football played and a few chances created. The score was soon 2-1 after a super defence splitting pass from Bully picked out yours truly to finish off left footed past the keeper. Not long after and we were level with a bullet header from Gorgeous Gavin from a Bully set-piece delivery.

The winning goal came from a break down their left with the Walkern player racing away to finish past Trevor at the near post. And that was it for the scoring as Walkern dropped deeper, defended well and we could not break them down. In the end if they hadn't scored any goals, we would've won! Ronald finally turned up late in the game but unless I am mistaken he appeared to be watching the MBDA v Saints game.

A cold shower after the game and then we were off to the Fat Cow pub to sit in the sun and eat sausage and chips coated in red vinegar, yum yum. As Brian Clough once said when told that Elton John was waiting to meet him "Tell the fat poof I'll be out in a minute".

John

Dads and coaches5 Knobs 2

2009-04-13T18:34:00.002+01:00

Well beaten in the end. Mark scored then Tom Martin scored. We were outmuscled in the fun game. Missing several regulars against this team. Thank you to Charlie and Tom for standing in at late notice. No subs taken, JB declares it a fun game not official. This is the worst report yet. I have a buggered knee and a split mouth you see and am busy gardening.
Next week big game v Walkern make sure you are available.

Knobs 1 Standon 2

2009-04-06T17:11:00.003+01:00

A glorious day, a pitch bouncy and bumpy, signs of grass growing and we lost.
A competitive game, which was good but disappointing in that we failed to put away the many chances we had. They had hardly any at all yet probably looked to be the more competitive side.
an illusion- they had to my mind the advantage of only having 11 men. We had two subs and therein lies, in my opinion, our weakness on the day. On and off, on and off and disruption.
Starting with Roy on the bench proved a bit of a disaster but he was struggling with injury, but you wouldn't have known it when he came on at 2-0 down. Things were tighter thereafter and it was only a question of clawing our way back into ther game. Chances came and went yet when a lovely header from Mike, at the end of a patient move (Steve Bull cross) brought us to 2-1 we still had time to knacker them but we didn't.
Poor challenging or rather no challenging for both their headed goals was no discredit to Paul who performed solidly in goal.
Gavin just didn't have luck with him on the day, one surge through took him past the keeper for an open goal and he bliddy well slipped. Some cheating homer refs might have given a penalty but not ours.
By the way we started slowly, very slowly, to the point of not starting at all. The first 20 minutes was all theirs on grounds of application, attitude and effort. We were poor. We improved and got better without being totally fluent- they competed to the end, they're not bad. Next game arrive on time, talk to each other before the game, about the game and what you're gonna do on the pitch then gan doon The Fox afterwards and talk as much as you want about anything else.
We shouldn't have to be told.
Matty had new boots. Very nice but they're not hitting the ball as hard as the old ones yet.
Nice to see Martin back and Richard in consecutive weeks.
Happy Easter- next Sunday we play The Dads and Coaches if we can raise 11!?

Knobs 3 Ashwell 0

2009-03-30T16:46:00.002+01:00

Easy game, in other words we weren't trying hard enough. Perhaps it was the pre-match preambles. "This is an easy opposition go easy on them", considering I turned out for them it was a wise strategy. Comfortable win but more than a hint that it wasn't that enjoyable. Well there was a lack of togetherness, teamwork overall methinks. Won on spasms of individuality. OK for this game!
It has to be said that Ashwell were a team of gentlemen, resplendent in their outrageous Sunderland kit. Do I look good in this? Nah I don't think so.
Anyway it was a close first half refereed by a neutral or should that be neutered Dave Jordan. Ashwell failed to score on the opportunities made and presented and Knobs went one up with probably their only salient 'attack'. Ball falls into area to feet of deadly John who nonchalently bobbles it home. The second was a bit iffy. I wasn't the only one to silently wonder about the penalty decision as Matt (another assist) was bundled over by a body that could hardly defy gravity by getting out of his way. Steve, after regaling us on his penalty prowess on Friday night, proved his point by finding the bottom corner, with perhaps even more power than usual.
Half time 2-0.
A carefully re-jigged set up in the second half saw Roy with the flag and Phil 's brother Robin on in his place. To no avail. Ashwell's passing deteriorated in the second half as tiredness set in and they were no match. Though a stupendous blocked save by Gavin prevented embarrassment.
A Gary Owen unchallenged by Mark Mills, playing for them, found its way to the edge of the area where Matt shot home unerringly via a post. A neat finish I thought. That's the way it ended.
What else can one say except next week's opposition will be a different option.
Chris W had risen from his sick bed to get drunk the previous night before turning out and playing well within himself. Steve ambled to good effect- not getting enough of the ball.
Bill the bastard couldn't resist fouling Mark Mills- Dave missed it or was it play on advantage?
John Boyle was so starved of service he declared himself bored. He had to have cheese rolls before going to the Fox- honest. Gavin was faultless in goal, handling so sure. He's up front next week mind. Richard returned- he will be back- he needs to be.
Dave was surprised at the table manners of Ashwell, excuse me was that a foul, please referee surely that's our throw in, shiver me timbers surely no pen!
At this stage of the season no doubt minds will be pondering "man of the season", I know I'm sleepless with the worry. Keep pondering. It's an open race.
Most of the oppo came to the Fox, except don't think Mark was there, no he weren't. He took some ribbing- they wont ask him back in a hurry. Are we or are we not bastards, yes I am- only fun.
Our social arrangements keep collapsing- the French tour, the Stevenage-Wembley trip, the races, the summer cricket team. Thank God for the pub crawl. I like the pub bit, it's the crawl that's a drag. That fire in the Fox was so enticing
The latest is the Quiz- innit?
Where's Dave's tenner?

MBDNAAAAA1 Knobs 4

2009-03-23T16:02:00.002Z

A languid performance on a warm spring day culminating in the only acceptable result. Perhaps it was the mayhem at the start, who's coming, how many do they have, who's reffing, is this the world in an oyster shell? I dunno.
I thought they tried hard and competed with a couple of twenty year olds, perhaps it was the post winter baked, bouncy pitch but they shouldn't have been in the game for so long. Perhaps the pitch was our main opponent, probably. When we did attempt a passing move it resulted in a Steve cross unerringly onto the head of M. Boyle who caressed it with height and loop inside the post. Lovely. 1-1. I came off then with a complicated case of knee-fuckitis. They had led from a corner in a rare 'attack' when in a case of after you Claude politeness, the ball arrived to the the unfortunate Brendan thence into the goal. I blame Trevor and Alistair. Alistair was the one to clear and Trev's call of Alistair was therefore unecessary. That's what it seemed to me from some distance in Never Never Land.
We took a 2-1 lead from a rifled Phil shot from an astute, 'get on the end of that' pass from Steve. Matt smashed a couple more in- he should go for power next time, test those nets make sure they're up properly while he's lacing his boots.
Injuries galore, though most peope stayed the course, groins and hamstrings. I winced each time Roy approached the ball and he retired to give my fucked knee one last try out at centre half.
This was Bill's old school by the way. Why didn't he cry?
We adjourned to the Mallard an old fashioned pub where after many crisps they served us with a platter of cheeses and bits and pieces, very nice too! John Boyle is a gherkin fiend, I only got one.
Season approaching the close, lassitude abounds. A Knobs Friday night cicket team is mooted, over to you Bill.
Next week we are at home to Ashwell, who Mark assures me are a really weak though enthusiastic team. So bear that in mind when invited to partake.
I wonder if Paul has the paint off the new carpet yet? Next time get Tom to do the painting. That Tom! Watch what you say.

Knobs 4 Datchworth 0

2009-03-15T17:09:00.002Z

Funny old game- thank you Greavsie- funny old game.
We had15 and Gavin watching and me reffing. They eventually had 7, we gave them 4, Gav still watched and I still reffed ....just.
Paul surely was their man of the match- in goal- nuff said.
Mark , Dave and Bill started for them - the midfield! They did well- don't you agree? We carved them to bits in the first half but partly due to a couple of smart saves from Paul and mainly due to some rather snatched finishing the half time score stood at 0-0. Can we lose this ? Surely not. Dave and Mark were replaced by two of their late arrivals Rip van Winkle and his mate Dozy the dwarf. Bill continued for 90 minutes for them and easily enough to suggest today was hardly his swan song. He yapped and dissented throughout and will play again.
Eventually in the second half after more alarming misses Mark 'beat' the offside trap and slid home. No linesmen at this moment so play on young bucks.
Paul mishit a goal kick to the half way line onto the swiping volley of Chris W, who found the net from 50 yards- top corner, quite astonishing. 2-0.
A proper goal arrived as Steve picked up a ball beat a man, steadied himself and shot home nicely from distance. One goal remained, a typical Mark cross, possibly creeping in the far post, was bravely headed home by a diving M. Boyle. A brilliant John effort but was Mark denied?
A little bit of handbags between Dave and Olly, came to nowt, expertly reffed, and the game fizzled out in the heat. Chris G tore a muscle, Roy took a bump (and a lump of his opponent, who was stifled by Roy's agonising scream). Roy does distress really well, Hollywood beckons.
Both teams attended the Fox, in the garden and Sunday drizzled to an end..........

Next MBDNABHFGRTYUI or something at Barclay School Stevenage. I play.
John T played target man very well, first half today by the way.

Love you all.